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The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.
--A, Florida

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Hot Off the Press

Forgiveness: How Does 70 Times 7 Work? : Recently, one of my friends named John shared a follow-up story of his friend who had struggled with forgiveness.
The Power of ONE - How Could You? Part VII : What role do love and compassion play?
Dehumanization and Blame: How Could You? Part VI : Ever done something you’re really ashamed of? Not just a mistake, but also something that when you look back on it you can’t believe you did it? I have.
The Secrecy Factor-How Could You? Part V : Secrecy plays a huge factor in the absence of guilt when violating commitments or morals. No blood no foul, right?
Doublespeak and Distorted Comparisons: How Could You? Part IV : Friday morning while driving to work Stephanie called and asked if I’d talked to our son, Bryson. “No,” I replied. “I can’t get a hold of him,” she told me.
Why Did My Spouse Cheat? : Our current "How Could You?" series has stirred up a lot of questions for many of you.
Moral Justification - How Could You? Part 3 : When it comes to cheating, the mental gymnastics that must first be employed before the deed is done are significant.
How Could You? Part 2 : Stephanie and I spent this past weekend at Terlingua with some of our oldest friends enjoying the beauty of Big Bend National Forest.
How Could You……?????? : Two weeks ago a woman screamed at her mate, “How could you?” I remember, as the tears ran down her face and he hung his head in shame, asking myself “Why would you?” From all reports he was a decen
Is a Marriage Retreat Worth It? Interview with a Pioneer in the Field : “You can only have two of the three,” a friend once told me. We were discussing three critical decisions which drive any process. They are speed, price, and quality.
Why Breaking Up Is Hard To Do : As a young boy, watching my grandmother colorize old black and white photos fascinated me.
Nine Signs of an Emotional Affair : If 82% of affairs happen with someone who at first was “just a friend” as Shirley P. Glass’ research suggests, then maybe there’s benefit in exploring how these friendships begin.
Is an Emotional Affair More Destructive Than a Physical Affair? : If you think an emotional affair is less destructive than a physical affair, you might be mistaken. At least that’s what 77.76% of the 590 respondents said in our survey last week.
Which is Worse? Emotional Affair or Physical Affair : In your opinion, which is worse an emotional affair or physical affair? In the midst of my affair I believed it to be the physical aspect of the affair, but in retrospect my opinion has changed.
Monotonous Monogamy and the Emotional Affair : In the beginning my relationship with Stephanie was anything but monotonous. I first saw her on a church retreat she attended with her boyfriend of three years.
Mastering Marriage: Part 2 : Years ago in my sabbatical from marriage counselling, after my affair, I found employment with the State of Texas.
Mastering Marriage : This week we discuss three different characters as they relate to infidelity and its restoration.
Rekindling Desire After An Affair : Physical intimacy after an affair is challenging under the best of circumstances. But how do you rebuild intimacy if you don’t know what you’re doing?
Coping with Infidelity: The 2 Stages of Pain : I went to an end of the year bash with a bunch of friends during my junior year in high school.
Recovering from infidelity: Difficulties with Intimacy : In recent years, one of the hottest topics in sexology has been female sexual desire disorders. For the past four decades, women have been pathologized for not being like men.
Achieving Real Change, part 4 : There's an old joke I've always enjoyed due to the truth it reveals: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb’s got to want to change really badly.
Surviving the Holidays: 5 tips : Even though it was twenty-five years ago when I received my training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family Therapy, I still remember my mentor Dr.
How to Change, Part Three : The third step in changing our response patterns (habits) is experimenting with the rewards. Most habits are developed and carried on with little or no thought as to their effectiveness.
Is Change Really Possible, Part Two : Now I know why I never did New Year’s resolutions. I can never decide what I want. My goals are still in a state of flux, but I’m making progress.
Is Change Really Possible? : Can I really change? I'll be 59 this month and just looking at that number makes me feel older than dirt. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks; but can you?
Advice for Holly Petraeus : Recently I asked our betrayed spouse bloggers if they had any advice to offer Holly Petraeus.
Infidelity's Trifecta - Why Even the Strongest Can Fall : There is an elixir so powerful that exposure can cause even the strongest of men to fall.
Coping with Infidelity: 6 Barriers to Recovery : Talk about stuck! When Randall and Suzie showed up at EMS this past weekend they were really stuck.
Healing from Infidelity: Going it alone : Years ago my daughter had to go it alone. A random set of circumstances created the need. Her class had been left with no adult supervision.
Understanding Infidelity: Helping the Unfaithful Start Recovery : As a young man of 5, I made a choice that proved to be quite painful. It happened while visiting my Grandmom in Snyder, Texas.
Understanding Infidelity: “Didn’t you even think of me?” : “What were you thinking? Did you ever consider the consequences? How could you?” Candy’s eyes burned like lasers. Monty, her unfaithful spouse, hung his head, avoiding her gaze.
Dealing with Reminders : Back in the mid-eighties, I had a business fail. I guess that’s not unusual in the world of business, but it was new to me. In fact when I went down, I did it up right.
Forgiving Infidelity: Practical Suggestions to Move Toward Forgiveness : Sunday evening as Stephanie read though last week’s newsletter on the challenges of forgiving infidelity, she said, "You've got to give some practical suggestions." My first thought was forgiveness
What Are The Challenges of Forgiving Infidelity? : Last week when I wrote on the pain of forgiveness I didn’t anticipate the outpouring of heartfelt comments.
Ever associated forgiveness with a big price tag? : What is the cost of forgiveness? What does this have to do with forgiving infidelity? We’ll talk about that in a moment, but first let me tell a story.
What are the 5 simple and proven steps that will protect your marriage? : What’s the value of your marriage? I have a friend who says you can always determine what’s important to people by looking at their check register. How do they spend their money?
Opps I Did It Again: Replase Prevention & How to Recover from an Affair : To err is human, to forgive divine. Last week while speaking to a group of past participants and others wanting to learn how to recover from an affair, I brought up the topic of relapse.
Ever wonder why men cheat and why women cheat? : Why did my spouse cheat? Why men cheat and why women cheat may be the most sought after question we hear.
Why People Cheat, Part 3: Flawed Thinking about Having an Affair : “When we first met, my affair partner asked if I’d ever considered modeling?” “Are you kidding?” I asked.
How do you deal with anger after infidelity? : "How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it." -Marcus Aurelius
Why People Cheat Part 2: Predisposed to Cheat? : Just today someone posted a question on the EMSO Question and Answer forum asking “Why?” his unwillingness to agree with her on his motivations as a cheating spouse left her feeling unsettled and h
Should I Get a Divorce? Am I Being Naive? : I love premarital counseling. It’s so easy. I don’t mean to be sarcastic or condescending here, but I’m sure you’ll get my drift as I continue on.
Why do people Cheat? : A while back, a couple from another state attended our Emergency Marital Seminar weekend (EMSW).
Forgiving Infidelity: What Forgiveness Is NOT : Defining forgiveness is difficult at best, especially when forgiving infidelity.
6 Steps To Confronting Your Mate About Betrayal : Do you think your mate has been unfaithful?

Help for the Betrayed

Forgiving Infidelity: The Gift of Forgiveness : Long ago when I was a child, I had a friend who abused and misused me. The circumstance was simple (as is most of what happens in childhood).

Help for the Unfaithful

Pimping Tenderness : Years ago John entered my office requesting help for his dilemma: “Women are always coming on to me” he began “and my wife is really upset about it”. “What can I do”?
After An Affair - To Tell or Not to Tell : “Why should I tell?” is one of the questions most frequently asked by the betrayer after an affair, and for them, this question presents a frightening dilemma.

Understanding the Affair

Why Couples Fail After An Affair, Part 3: Unfaithful Spouse Not Getting It : A few years ago I threw my back out. In my wife’s defense, this was the first time and both of us were unaware of the seriousness.
Dealing With Infidelity: How to Get Your Mate to Cooperate (Without Being Controlling) : Love will always act in the best interest of another.
The Definition of Freedom- Before and After An Affair : “None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free.”  Goethe
Telling Your Children After the Affair: Part 2 : Last week I began exploring the topic of telling your children after an affair.
Telling Your Children After the Affair: Part 1 : I well remember my oldest daughter bringing home her first boyfriend for me to meet. It was a day I had long dreaded. Was someone trying to take my little girl away?
The Problem with Forgiveness : If you’re looking for specific information on how to reconcile, you’ll need to look elsewhere.
Do you know the truth? … : Do you know the truth? …
Why Couples Fail After an Affair Part 2 : Lack of Safety in the Relationship
Why Couples Fail After an Affair, Part 1 : Knowing What Happened
Six Types of Affairs : Category 1 The Low Rent RendezvousCategory 2 Lonely Hearts Club