“Why should I tell?” is one of the questions most frequently asked by the unfaithful mate and, for them, this question presents a frightening dilemma. The arguments are universal: Why should my mate be hurt because of my bad behavior? What they don’t know won’t hurt them. They’ll never be able to handle the truth. It would be the end of my marriage. How could I do that to the other party and their marriage? Why should I dump my stuff on them just to get rid of my guilt? And the list goes on. At first glance, these arguments seem logical but they fail to address the larger issues.

Infidelity isn't the problem. The problem lies in our inability to know what to do about the infidelity and how to respond to infidelity.

A couple of years ago Steph and I went canoeing with friends on the Guadalupe River. This was the perfect spring day. Wildflowers streaked the banks in a kaleidoscope of colors and spring showers had the river running high. We stopped for lunch on a grassy bank and soaked in the beauty. All agreed it didn't get any better than this. Or so we thought.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really getting tired of all the Tiger news, although probably not for the same reason as most…

When Missy came to my office she was undone. Her husband had been involved in a torrid email encounter with an old girlfriend. She had stumbled upon the emails and had read each of the hundreds of exchanges between her husband and the other woman. If that hadn’t been bad enough, she also had been horrified by the way her husband had addressed the other woman and the desires he had expressed. The language had been vulgar and unlike anything she had ever known from her husband. She couldn’t believe this was the same man she had been married to for over 10 years.

About ten years ago I had a client who I deemed “the king of relapse”. Week after week he’d faithfully come to his session, and week after week he would tell me how he’d screwed up. About eight weeks into the process I finally asked, “Do you really believe this behavior’s not optional?” “Absolutely,” he replied. “Then I’m confused.

A while back a woman sat in my office complaining about her mate. (That’s not unusual; men and women are forever in my office complaining about their mate.) Her complaint was about never feeling chosen. She gave example after example where her husband had chosen something besides her.

I went to an end of the year bash with a bunch of friends during my junior year in high school. We had a great time grilling burgers and listening to music. But two of my friends wanted a bit more excitement and decided to put a cup of ice down my pants. I, on the other hand, wasn’t interested in this type of fun and the chase began.

Much is written on the topic of boundaries so I’ve never weighed in on the topic. But after a discussion in the 911 Marriage question and answer session today, I think it’s time to speak up.

If you’ve ever read one of my emails, (I’m not trying to put any pressure on you), you may have noticed that my closing remark is always “To healing”. Recently someone asked what that means to me? What is healing?

About 15 years ago Stephanie and I decided it would be an adventure to experience real country life. So we bought some land and abandoned our city roots for the thrills and excitement of country living. 4-H, livestock, and chores replaced the hustle and bustle of city life; now we experience the agrarian life of our ancestors.