Newsletter
Do You Know the Truth?
What’s the truth? How do you know what’s real? What do we want to believe? Confusion and disorientation are synonyms for infidelity. Finding the “truth” is the primary means of regaining a sense of reality, but how do we do that? See if you can find the truth in this situation…
In 1977, I set out on my motorcycle in search of adventure. A good friend joined in and off we went. The goal was to make a two week trip traveling from Lubbock, TX, to Los Angeles, then up US 101 to Portland, OR, and back again on $150. Bikes don't use much gas and we were young enough that cheap food didn’t bother us, nor did sleeping under the stars.
Therapist Mistakes- The Seven Most Common
Not a week goes by that I don't come across a couple that has had a bad experience in therapy. I'd like to start off by apologizing for my profession. We mean well, but few therapists train in the treatment of infidelity and that's a problem. Hopefully, you were fortunate and found a therapist who was knowledgeable in infidelity treatment.
Pain and How to Respond, Part 2
My back went out on Sunday, and it sure was inconvenient. I had all kinds of plans for Memorial Day, but I could hardly function. There was a constant low-grade pain, but that was nothing compared to the spasms I experienced when I moved the wrong way. I began to notice how my fear of those spasms kept me ever aware of the problem, and how intentional my movements became as I attempted to avoid triggering that pain.
Pain and How to Respond, Part 1
Last week our forums went nuts. I knew something had to be going on because of the complaints I began getting regarding the number of notifications. I was in the middle of an EMS weekend, so I didn't have time to check it out. As soon as the last person drove away, Steph and I left to help our son move home from his house at Baylor. This means it was Tuesday before I had a chance to see what was going on.
What I found was pain. People were hurting from what others had done to them. Hurting from betrayal, hurting from a lack of caring, hurting from what they believed to be true, hurting from a lie or a lack of responsiveness. People trying, as best as they knew how, to deal with their pain.
Infidelity Counseling- How Effective Is It?
Have you ever done something that just didn't work? When I was nine, I dared my six-year-old brother to kiss a snapping turtle. Somehow, neither of us anticipated the outcome. That turtle grabbed Jay's lip, and what followed is the stuff of legends..... He was running around screaming with the turtle hanging from his bottom lip, and I was working like crazy to get the darn thing off before mom discovered my dastardly deed. As you might imagine, it cost me a pretty penny to keep Jay quiet about my failed experiment.
Bad Advice for Hurt Spouses
I just read ANOTHER article about infidelity among our public figures. I feel bad for the hurt spouse. In the wake of these public betrayals, everybody seems to know what the hurt spouse ought to do or what he/she's going to do, but if you've paid attention, most of the hurt spouses are strangely quiet. I find that's the case for most people after a betrayal. The shock that sets in after a betrayal does that to folks. Rollercoasters and life suddenly take on a strange similarity.
Hurt Spouse's Story and EMS Weekend
The following is a letter I received from a recent participant at EMS. Read it all the way to the end and I think you'll see the hope and encouragement I found in it. - Rick
"Jan. 6th, 2010, my world, as I knew it, was about to be completely annihilated, destroyed, and evaporated. I just didn't know it yet. You see, this is the day that I suspected my wife, Jenn, was having an affair, and the day that I called her and questioned both her and her then affair partner about their relationship.
Addicts- How Do We Respond?
Have you ever had an addict in your life? Few things are more painful. I know because of all the pain I caused my wife. Here is the story of one man's path to reconciliation with his sister. I hope it can provide you with a vision of what is possible. Luke is a family friend and the editor of the Burleson Star in Burleson TX. I'm sure you'll be blessed. - Rick
It is a dog eat dog world out there, but every once in a while, you need a dog to show you what really matters in life.
Recovery Timeline
How long does this take?
When the pain is intense and life is undone, the process of recovery seems as slow as pouring thick molasses on a cold winter day. Actions can be taken that help facilitate healing, but it still takes time. At the risk of writing a boring article, I think it could be helpful to lay out the healing timeline. Let me stress that this timeline is hypothetical. Each couple travels through this process at their own pace, but this will give a general rule of thumb. Also, as you look at the timeline, don’t get discouraged. The intensity of the pain and the frequency of the intrusive thoughts should subside over time. The following diagram reflects the stages of the recovery process.
Fear and How to Address It
Do you know the most significant obstacle to recovery?...
I’ll tell you in a moment, but first I want to tell you about my dad. He was a strong man who worked hard at providing for and taking care of his family, but now, after two strokes, things have changed and I now take care of him. Today, if I ask dad what he’s been up to, he tells me he’s worrying. According to him, that’s about all that’s left for him to do. But that’s not always been the case.
