I recall the moment I reached what seemed like my moment of ultimate surrender. It wasn't when I was in jail for 4 months but it came after that. Here I was a professional and my addictive behavior had caused me to lose my professional license and to end up in jail. I get out of jail and am spared a felony charge and I enter inhouse rehab for 1 month. At the end of the month the therapists trust us to go out unsupervised for the last evenings and I offend again by having sex with a female that had been in the terapy center. I return home and am living with this new lie which I know will need to be exposed to pass the polygraph. I share the offense to my wife and she kicks me out of the house. In therapy there is a man who is admitting he's lied all along to the other group members. I see his pain and shame and I witness the therapist tell him "It's not about doing what you want to do, or not doing what you don't want to do...It's about desiring Christ". He went on to say "Quit fighting to be adequate". That is when I had the revelation that I had not fully surrendered and I had been fighting to be adequate and to keep my glory. I began to confess as fully as I could and I started realizing that I couldn't trust my own thinking. I felt safer by confessing, admitting my weaknesses and distrusting my own thinking. Now I desire to know the Christ within me and what he wants for me and for what he wants me to do.