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Just my thoughts on infidelity, recovery, and life in general.
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Rick's Blog - Why I'm blogging?
This is my first blog entry. Being 54 has advantages and disadvantages. I know a lot about affairs, but there is still a lot for me to learn about the Web. For that reason I hope those of you associated with us will be patient. I promise I will work at being a good student.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Rick and I’m a marriage and family therapist who specializes in the field of infidelity. That subject became my passion after I cheated on my wife 23 years ago and we were able to recover. But that wasn’t the most impressive part, the true miracle of our recovery was finding the type of relationship we had always wanted as a result of my failure. I’ve spent the last 23 years trying to find a way to help couples find an alternate path when a betrayal occurs.
What excites me about blogging is the opportunity to connect a community of like minded individuals who believe in the institution of marriage and who want to see marriages survive.
What amazes me about our culture is how we are for more tolerant of divorce than we are of infidelity. When I think about which one has the larger impact in the long run it’s divorce. Children’s lives are devastated, loyalty bonds are destroyed, friendships are lost, family relationships are destroyed and the standard of living is halved.What’s tragic is infidelity can be cured and couples have the opportunity to experience an amazing renewal of their relationship. Please understand that I’m not saying “infidelity” is a good thing, but there are more positive ways to respond to a relational failure than divorce. If you could recover from infidelity and have the relationship you always wanted why wouldn’t you? If you could avoid losing a huge chunk of your standard of living why would you sentence yourself to an empty lonely room? Working as a marriage and family therapist for over 25 years one thing I’ve learned is divorce sucks and divorce doesn’t have to be the end result of an affair.
I hope those of you who find this will be interested in having an open dialogue about infidelity and how to move on. I’m interested in your feedback and hope you can also teach me.
Comments
Curosity
Lets see where do I begin with this.
My wife had a affair on me 6 years ago. I find it difficult to believe someone who has never experienced the chaos of a unfaitful spose (note my wife has a totally diffrent view of some things than I do ) to be able to provide answers in such a situation. I found it hard while going through this (note occassionally I still struggle with some aspects of it) to listen to the advice from several people including marriage councilors. My first question is always has your spose cheated on you? Then how can you know what is in my mind and the struggles I am facing? If I had listened to the advice that was given to me I doubt I would still be married. I would probably be the homeless today if I was still alive. I felt in all respects to your profession the best advice is to be found in me and not from outside source. I do know it wasn't easy especially the first two years. Even these days occassionally I still have problems. But like most in my situation they will not or can not explain all the emotional issues that last for years. How would you answer a question as such from a client? Personally I do not believe the effects of a spose who was unfaitful is ever totally healed you basically restructure everything about your relationship.
Feb audio Q & A
I was not able to download the audio from either website... please advise!