Strength for the Journey with Tony Fetchel

The Great Sadness

Tony Fetchel — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 23:49:50 -0600

Currently I'm reading a book entitled “The Shack.” It seems to be everywhere. Last week I was on a plane and someone was reading it and was so riveted by it, she seemed not to be interested in discussing it much at all. Just today I went to lunch and a woman saw I was reading it, ran over, and said “Whatya think??” Humorously I replied “I really don't know, I'm only on chapter 4,” to which she replied “Just keep an open mind, it will change your life...”

Openness seems to certainly encapsulate where I am at with the Lord right now. More specifically, I'm open, yet at some point Ive said out loud “Gee God, I'm open...but is there anything specific you'd like to clue me in on for all this openness??” ((forgive the frankness if it offends you...but this is me.))

Chapter four's title is “The Great Sadness.” Don't worry, I wont ruin the plot for you. It mentions this Great Sadness as something the main character has walked in, lived in, and experienced since the incident. Immediately I was touched by this chapter and over the last few days I have began to ponder more and more the concept of my own Great Sadness. ((let the reader understand that my wife Jodi has her great sadness she can tap into at any moment and I'll reference that another time). But for me, there is a great sadness that comes over me quite often. I can hide it and mask it, and even medicate it, but it ruthlessly remains.

I've tried to run from it, and even disown it, however I am more convinced than ever that it is there for my own good. It's a sizable sadness indeed, as it reminds me of all I have lost, all Jodi has lost, and all that so many others have lost due to my own hellacious fall. Recently I was in a tough place and filled with anger, confusion, and enticement to all kinds of shame and hopelessness and condemnation. As I was driving and calling out to God for love and some sort of clarity, I began to feel the Great Sadness come over me. Not come over me to make me feel like I'm such a screw up and so doomed to never do anything again (don't worry.....that particular sadness would come a few hours later.....) This Great Sadness reminds me of how much pain I had caused so many, and that I never wanted to repeat any of it again and that if I had anything at all to live for now it would be my family; and if that is the extent of my impact, so be it!!!

You see I used to resent “The Great Sadness” and when it would come upon me, it would propel me into a downward spiral of shame and hopelessness. Now however, it propels me to stay clean, and resist the enemy's plan to lead me astray in a variety of ways both internally and externally. It continues to fuel the fire to be the best husband, father, friend, and child of God I can possibly be. That's about all I've found faith for right now, and even that has taken great work and ministry. I am more fulfilled and rewarded than ever before, but I (like maybe many of you) are never without “The Great Sadness.”

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? If you are suffering the pain of infidelity or addiction in any way whatsoever, I'm quite sure you have your own Great Sadness. Part of me is so sorry you and I have to deal with such pain. Another part of me is so very glad that sadness is there, to remind us, keep us, visit us, and teach us. Pain and sadness teach us friends. Not only do they teach us, they remind us and warn us. Such sadness that comes from the actions of self, or another, is there to stay. It's to be tapped into at any time. I'm convinced it will never leave us. It will always be there for us to reflect upon and remember how much our sin affected both us, and those around us. As I was driving down the freeway, I remember calling out to God saying “I'm sorry I'm not a better Christian and I'm sorry I'm not living a more powerful and prosperous life....But I am yours, sadness and all!!!" He won't ever leave us friends. He is there, though sadness may trail you. Trust in His love for you, and trust in his ability to keep you.

Jude 1:24.......Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen

Transition

Tony Fetchel — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:36:45 -0600

Now that the holidays are over, I'm not sure about you, but for me, normal, everyday life has managed to sneak back in. From family responsibilities, to financial concerns both old and new, to adaptive marketing, to new challenges and new debt, life as usual is back stronger than ever.

As I've been thinking all day, I've been trying to find a name for the place I feel I am truly in. As the house was finally quiet tonight, I was able to spend some in-depth time in prayer and what I heard from the Lord was the ever descriptive and somewhat painful word, transition.

Websters defines such transition as movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, to another; change

It can also be an event that results in transformation. ((one can only hope for such a reality))

If you know me, you would know I communicate best when I'm simply upfront, honest and blunt (with Christian discretion). Truth be told, I have no idea WHAT God is doing with my life; right now, much less in the near and/or distant future. Just in the past few months I have finally found a desire to minister in some sort of way, but every door has seemingly not shut, but rather ended in disorientation and disillusionment. To subscribe to an opinion that God is not up to anything would be sheer deception, rooted in nothing but a selfish pity party. Yet once again I am reminded, God is definitely not on my time table.

Tonight, as I went to prayer, He offered me great solace and hope in a few scriptures of Hebrews 6:

11And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope until the end, 12so that you will not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. 13For when God made the promise to Abraham, since He could swear by no one greater, He swore by Himself, 14saying, "I WILL SURELY BLESS YOU AND I WILL SURELY MULTIPLY YOU." 15And so, having patiently waited, he obtained the promise. 16For men swear by one greater than themselves, and with them an oath given as confirmation is an end of every dispute. 17In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, interposed with an oath, 18so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us. 19This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast...

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? Do you find yourself in transition today as well? One thing I have noticed about myself during this process is I am given to immense frustration, and hopelessness, because sadly, I am not in control. I've even grown sluggish in my faith and approach to God more due to disappointment (than the holiday factor), and I know that with the power and grace of Christ, I must discipline myself for His ultimate Godly purposes.(1 Tim 4:7) Transition can do enormous amounts of work in us, and even through us, but most importantly it can reveal a whole lot about us as well. In the above scriptures, God swore by himself to Abraham, about His ultimate and unchangeable purposes for he and his family. Somewhere in between what was promised, and what was accomplished, there was an interval involved. Such an interval is common to us in recovery, and if there is one thing I have learned about it, it is a time to desperately seek him, and love him, and draw near to him. I also know it is NOT, absolutely NOT a time to take matters into my own hands and try to make my (possible) future, my self-induced present. He knows the end from the beginning, and He (unlike most of us) truly is faithful!! May you take courage today in finding rest for your soul, knowing His hope for you is alive and well despite the pain you may be in right now.

Processing Through It

Tony Fetchel — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 22:44:39 -0600

Continuing in the theme of reconciliation, there is one issue I have yet to resolve. You could say I'm “processing” through it and it's less than easy or light hearted. For now I've seemed to compartmentalize it to some readily available section of my mind, only to revisit it when time permits. It's easily tapped into, and regretfully fresh in my emotions. So fresh in fact, that any little touching situation seems to tap into it, creating a fragility about me and my emotions that I really am not fond of.

In short, the hurt of reconciliation, is what I'm dealing with. When I sat with so many people, you could see the hurt in their eyes, and the pain in their soul. I had let them down. I had disappointed them, angered them, disillusioned them, but most of all, hurt them. Though their pain was and is immense, I feel a similar pain in my own heart for having to acknowledge, and recognize I was the instrument of most of their current hurt in their lives.

Now mind you, the way things came down, and way information was delivered to them, I had zero power over. Due to threats and ultimatums, I had no way to contact them or relay the truth (even though the truth was hurtful enough), or my side, in my words, at all. One young man came to me and wouldn't leave me alone. He came to my house, wept with me, hugged me, said he didn't care what I had done and said he loved me regardless. Two days later, after hearing the rumors, the lies, and the cover up, he then sent me several text messages accusing me of this that and the other, and vowing to never have anything to do with me ever again.
I don't blame him. If I had heard what he heard, and had no way of siphoning through it all for the truth, I would have done the same.

I feel like I'm on a teeter totter. Floating from the fresh pain in my own heart at how I hurt so many, and how I disappointed them, to teetering to the other side of hating myself for what I did, and having to realize just how much I altered their lives by my sin. One hurts more, the other hurts worse. Honestly, I don't know which one hurts more, or longer. There certainly doesn't seem to be much refuge just yet. And I don't think there is to be much refuge from the gravity of the choices I made. I genuinely think the Lord wants me to feel this pain, and acknowledge this hurt, and realize our choices have consequences. It's a hurt to be processed through and utilized to remind me of not only God's heart, but God's ways. This scripture screams at me as I type away.....

Deuteronomy 30:15-20
15"See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, and death and adversity;16in that I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His judgments, that you may live and multiply, and that the LORD your God may bless you in the land where you are entering to possess it. 17"But if your heart turns away and you will not obey, but are drawn away and worship other gods and serve them, 18I declare to you today that you shall surely perish.... 19"I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the R938 blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, 20by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days, that you may live in the land which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them."

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? it's a painful thing to know you have hurt someone, much worse, multitudes of people. It's another painful thing to realize YOU were the very author. We must never forget, our choices have consequences. Other loved one's, and even those we do not know, will forever be altered by our choices. I am reminded of a movie where I cannot remember the title, but in it a coach screams at his players something to the effect of “Taste your tears boys. Feel that pain. Realize and embrace what's going on inside of you. Pain is the greatest teacher you'll ever know. And if you don't learn from this pain, it will only get worse.” May all of us learn from our pain, regardless of what side we may be on. May we embrace our pain, and use it as a tutor to live clean, holy, and ultimately choose (His) life for us!!!

The Fear of Reconciliation

Tony Fetchel — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 23:21:46 -0600

((the following is a follow up to the most recent piece entitled Reconciliation))

The day before I left to go to California to reconcile, a best friend of mine here in Texas asked me “aren't you a bit afraid of going to meet with these people?” To his question I replied...“Not merely afraid; more like scared out of my mind.”
But I knew that God was in this, and I had to at the very least, try to reconcile with whomever would care to meet with me.

Driving to these various meetings, I was completely overcome with a variety of emotions; most of them rooted in fear, uncertainty and horrible shame. Would they simply hear me out, then turn and run? Would they listen to me, not believe me, or care what I had to say at all; then go about their own way, happily without me ever in their lives again? Would they scream and yell, belittle, shame, and leave me for dead? Or, would they hear me out, and then just see what God would do in the meeting with us?

Every single one heard me out and listened to what I had to say, and the outcomes were nothing short of miraculous.

As I would shake hands with each of them, or with some even share a hug, I was sick to my stomach with fear. I haven't felt that way since “D-Day!” ((for those of you new to this blog, that's the day I told Jodi everything about my affair and came clean)) For each and every meeting, I was on edge, and felt so vulnerable and insecure it was completely ridiculous. In one meeting I shook the whole time. In another I bounced my leg unendingly. But like few times in my life, I felt the hand of God leading me and directing me, most of all, keeping me; even though I felt completely and entirely out of control.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? Though I felt out of control and at a loss for the right words in every single meeting, it was as if the Lord met me in my deepest hour of need. Amazingly, out of such weakness and shame, I felt the grace of God rise up in me, both to face the people and the moment. Sure I was ashamed and so afraid of their reaction. I was even wondering if they would still show up after having time to think about it. But throughout the entire process, I wanted to be pleasing to the Lord, and follow through upon what I knew he wanted to see happen. After all, if I felt such weakness, insecurity, and overall intense emotion, I knew that God had to be right in the middle of it, wanting to use it for His Glory. Recovery is far from easy, and certainly not for the faint of heart. But in these moments of uncertainty and vulnerability, God remains close, intimate, and available for us to call upon.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses,with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Reconciliation

Tony Fetchel — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 20:58:04 -0600

Matthew 5:23

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

To remind you or maybe even bring you up to speed, when my family and I left California, there was a sea of shrapnel left by my fall, as well as by the actions of other public figures. For safety reasons, we left California and have never been back. I have not attempted to reconcile with many former staff or church members as #1. the opportunity has never been there without massive conflict even surrounding the very idea of it and #2. I have not had the confirmation from the Lord, that it was the right time.

But last week was in fact, the right time. For over 3 years, a friend in California and I have been praying about reconciling with those that would be open to it. If you read the scripture above rightly, the onus is on me to at the very least, attempt to reconcile, with those who truly have something against me. The bible also says

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Romans 12:18

Finally, I journeyed to California. We had only a few appointments lined up, but as I arrived more and more seem to fall out of the sky.

I wish I had the exact words to describe how painful it was for all of us, yet most of the pain lived in those I was pursuing. The trauma that many communicated to me, was pure unadulterated hurt.
And I needed to hear all of it.
From the disappointment, to the anger, to the overall confusion at how it all happened, was overwhelming both for them and for me. The raw hurt which still lived in so many of them was staggering for them to describe, and for me to digest. Knowing that it was all my responsibility was painstaking to say the least.

Don't misunderstand the point; I never intended to hurt or disappoint so many. And I never intended for their lives to be altered so negatively either.

But friends, I did what I did, and their lives have been forever affected by my sin.
If ever there was a time in my life to accept responsibility for my actions, it would be now.

Sure, there was a regime that I was a part of. Yes, I even learned how to minister to people by the regime's tutelage. However, I still must bear the weight and responsibility for not being healthy enough, or discerning enough, to see that our methods were flawed and completely man centered, rather than Christ centered. But again, I was the one who preached, communicated, and pastored out of great error and control. I was the one who was culpable for my own actions both now, and then.

Humbling does not quite describe the feeling I was overcome with, after several meetings.

It's amazing to see how deeply I affected people both for the good, and for the worse. I am continually stunned by how hurt and confused so many were (and still are) due to my actions and the actions of others involved. I'm so grateful for each and every one of them who made an effort to meet with me.

And I'd do it all over again. In fact, when the time presents itself, there were so many interested in meeting, I'm going to do it again.

Hu? Again?
YES...AGAIN. O yah, it hurts. It hurts bad. Its difficult and trying and most of all REMINDING of a chapter in my life that simply won't go away.

But I'm convinced the reminding pain if you will, is not supposed to go away; but to remind me of my potential to wander astray, and fall.

Our decisions never affect just US...there are always others who are affected by our choices and will forever be helped, harmed, or hindered by them.

Advent

Tony Fetchel — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:55:05 -0600

In a Christmas sermon given December 2, 1928, Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “The celebration of Advent is possible only to those who are troubled in soul, who know themselves to be poor and imperfect, who look forward to something greater to come. For these, it is enough to wait in humble fear until the Holy One himself comes down to us, God in the child in the manger. God comes. The Lord Jesus comes. Christmas comes. Christians rejoice!”

I especially love the part about “Looking forward to something greater to come.”

Christmas has always had significant meaning in my life, yet hardly as much as this years. Call it my age, or call it experience, yet this year Christmas has so much more meaning and hope to it. The hope of something greater, and the expectancy of a new season for all of us. The fruition of the promise of hope to a lost, broken, and dying culture preoccupied with materialism, and void of true peace. The idea, concept, and person of Jesus arriving in greater measure, with greater hope and peace than ever before in my life. It all has began to minister to me in a way that I have never quite felt heretofore.

For the marriage suffering the effects of moral failure, holidays can be quite excruciating. They can be filled with confusion for children, along with hopelessness and despair for each person who is wounded in their own painful and arbitrary way. Each of our Christmas's have been symbolic for a variety of reasons, but this one is filled with great marital fulfillment for us; at least right now it is. hahah Yet I know that this is not the case for so many who are genuinely working through so much pain right now.

Born in an obscure manger, void of fanfare, paparazzi, or parade-like surroundings, Jesus was an answer to our hopelessness and desperation for redemption, both then and now.

For those of us who are trying to make sense out of our lives, and valiantly put the pieces of our families back together again, I believe this season of advent brings with it great potential, hope, and promise. However, as long as we look to ourselves, I believe we are doomed for disappointment and frustration. As a small group of seemingly obscure people looked to the birth of Christ for hope, deliverance, and reconciliation, so we too look to this season as a reminder of the hope and promise that continually remain for us in Christ alone.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? In his sermon on Advent, Dietrich Bonhoeffer offered a prayer worth praying in December and year round. “Lord Jesus, come yourself, and dwell with us, be human as we are, and overcome what overwhelms us. Come into the midst of my evil, come close to my unfaithfulness. Share my sin, which I hate and which I cannot leave. Be my brother, Thou Holy God. Be my brother in the kingdom of evil and suffering and death. Come with me in my death, come with me in my suffering, come with me as I struggle with evil. And make me holy and pure, despite my sin and death.”
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU!!!

A Fog of Frustration

Tony Fetchel — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:36:44 -0600

Lately Ive been in a cloud, better yet, a fog. I've found myself dangerously cold and numb, but not out of disregard, but more out of complete disappointment. I've found myself hating this fog, yet tolerating all the same. If I'm being honest, with the exception of my relationship with my wife Jodi, most everything that I've put my hand to lately has disintegrated; or at the very least been marred by my own efforts. It may seem like I'm whining (and I think I probably am), but as I've contemplated more and more of what I'm feeling, I think I have hit a place where I am tired of trying. I'm just sick of things ending in disappointment and apparent ruin.

As I was engulfed in this sort of numbness on Friday, I arrived at a scripture that I have committed to memory....(yet obviously not committed enough, as it took a while for my mind to finally get there...)

Philippians 3:1,3
1 Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things again is no trouble to me, and it is a safeguard for you....3 for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh

Though rich with meaning and theology, this is really not the place to go into all that surrounds this text. However, I will focus on just one critical aspect of it which I find to be liberating.

As this is certainly an interesting time in all of our lives, as well as our country's financial and economic history, we have to ask ourselves what we are truly “glorying” in? Is it our finances? Is it our materialistic possessions? Is it our passionate pursuit and effort to be all WE can be? Perhaps it's in some humanistic approach that things will just work themselves out.

Or are we “glorying” in Christ and his presence and his purpose?

The answer becomes glaringly obvious, by how we live our lives and who and what we trust in, during difficult times like these.

Lately it seems as though the harder I try, and more I work at “fixing” things around me, the more they seem to crumble. I've spoken of divine frustration before in these posts, but I'm now on to “not-so-divine-angry frustration,” as I have found myself becoming more and more angry that I don't seem to have all the answers or resources to change things.

Suddenly though, during this thanksgiving weekend, I remembered the above verse. I began to find great peace and rest in the fact that I don't want to glory in anything other than Christ and his sovereign purpose and plan for this moment in my life. It was as if I felt what I call a “breathe-out moment” where I could finally feel a peace that was not because things were OK, or better on the surface, but rather that I knew I could rest in and glory in God's love and care for me and my family. It was as if I felt him strategically frustrating my efforts to glory in finances, or materialistic success, or even my own passionate efforts to make it happen.

I certainly don't have all the answers. My own history has proven such reality.

In my own strength and wisdom, I am an enormous human wrecking ball (as Rick Reynolds so aptly puts it).

If we are going to see our marriages redeemed and restored after moral failure, we cannot glory in our own strength and wisdom. We must run to, cling to, and ultimately cry out to, Christ and his provision for our recovery, redemption, and overall victory.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? Christ's provision for us is not modeled by us merely doing nothing, and calling it “grace.” It is also not found in us eternally or emotionally surrendering and withdrawing from the conflicts we are presently engaged in, should they be righteous efforts and pursuits. Nor is it modeled in an approach of “whatever will be will be,” whereby we run for the hills to find ultimate peace and euphoria, when the stability of our families depends upon it. As many of us know, it's certainly not found in the arms of an affair partner or addiction. No, the provision of Christ is found in obedience to his word, his will, his spirit, and his methods. It's not enough to do the bare minimum of merely existing if we are going to find his ultimate destiny for our lives. We must continue to do all we can do in our own efforts, while maintaining an understanding that without his leading and his guiding, we are ships across a hellacious and unpredictable sea of uncertainty. His word never fails in the long run. His will is ultimately for our good, no matter what it may look like on the surface right now. His spirit guides us, leads us, and accompanies us on the road to our recovery and our destiny. But his methods are often times modeled by well equipped professionals and survivors, (found here) sent by him (albeit by trial and error sometimes) to guide us and lead us to a place of great victory and triumph. We commit great error, and open ourselves up to destined disappointment, when we allow ourselves to “glory” in or trust in, anything other than HIM and his provision! He wants to be our strength. He wants to be our redeemer. He wants to be our main focus, and what we truly hope in, and glory in. But he will not share this glory with any thing else, or any one else. If we are glorying in anything other than Him, and we call Him our Father, he is obligated to resist it and frustrate it... as he and he alone wants to be what we glory in! I pray you run to him today. Read his word. Obey his will to your fullest. Listen to his spirit. But apply his methods.
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU!!!

A Voice of Thanksgiving

Tony Fetchel — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 11:12:25 -0600

Jonah Chapter 3
1 Then Jonah prayed to the LORD his God from the stomach of the fish, 2 and he said, "I called out of my distress to the LORD, And He answered me. I cried for help from the depth of Sheol; You heard my voice. 3 "For You had cast me into the deep, Into the heart of the seas, And the current engulfed me. All Your breakers and billows passed over me. 4 "So I said, 'I have been expelled from Your sight. Nevertheless I will look again toward Your holy temple.' 5 Water encompassed me to the point of death. The great deep engulfed me, Weeds were wrapped around my head. 6"I descended to the roots of the mountains. The earth with its bars {was} around me forever, But You have brought up my life from the pit, O LORD my God. 7"While I was fainting away, I remembered the LORD, And my prayer came to You, Into Your holy temple. 8"Those who regard vain idols Forsake their faithfulness, 9But I will sacrifice to You With the voice of thanksgiving. That which I have vowed I will pay. Salvation is from the LORD."
10 Then the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah up onto the dry land.

As if straight from the 21st century, the story of Jonah being swallowed by a whale is quite relevant to today. From racism, to pride and rebellion, to running exactly FROM the call of God rather than TO it. It's relevance is a stark reminder of what happens when we disobey, run from God, and reason in our hearts to do things our way.

As an unfaithful spouse, I know the consequences of doing things my way very well.

But on this thanksgiving, it's vital for us to remember that Jonah, who is in many ways an iconic figure of our own pride, was swallowed up in a sea of darkness, loneliness and isolation, as long as he did things his way. As long as he ran from the security of God's will and plan, he was forced to fight a sea of resistance and harassment, all due to his own refusal to humble himself and obey.

If you read chapter one, you will hear that the “The word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai saying, arise go to Ninevah the great city, and cry against it, for their wickedness has come up before me.”(v.1) No promise of a great revival or success. No guarantee of the methods working. No promise that if he failed, he would be restored.

Notice in the very next verse to follow, what Jonah did in response to the call of God....

”But Jonah rose up to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. So he went down to Joppa, found a ship which was going to Tarshish, paid the fare, and went down into it to go with them to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. (v.3)

It was a calculated decision to flee from the Lord. There is no question of intent, as it's clear there was intent to run from God. Jonah also was willing to “pay the fare,” which is a prophetic picture of Jonah knowing what he was doing, and being more than willing to accept the consequences.

When we are angry, offended, or rejected, we are more than willing to accept the consequences of our choices. What we don't realize is just how much pain is coming our way, due to our own actions, ignorance, or deception.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? Well into Jonah's swallowed up ordeal, consequences found him; and quickly. If you read his account you can feel the emotional pain he was facing in the belly of the mess HE HAD MADE by his own undoing. It was only after he “Remembered the Lord” and offered up a “Voice of Thanksgiving” that the Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah up onto the dry land.(v.9-10) I'm sure it wasn't pretty. I'm sure it was a nasty experience. Most moral failures and affairs are. But it was then that the Lord was able to move in His life and alleviate the pain and agony he was facing. It is when we will accept our current situations, and cry out to God in a voice of Thanksgiving and humble dependence, that we will find God more than ready and more than able to heal us, save us, restore us, and eventually even use us again, just like Jonah. If you read the account, God more than used Jonah, and revival hit the city in unparalleled ways. Jonah's effectiveness was so significant, that he is one of the only minor prophets of the old testament to be quoted by Jesus Himself.
May your Thanksgiving be filled with humility, Godly dependence, and most of all: Thankfulness!
WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU AND WE'RE HERE FOR YOU!!!

His Comfort and His Voice

Tony Fetchel — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:40:31 -0600

C.S. Lewis said....
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

I came across the above quote the other day and was stunned by its relevance. I must say I have seen God meet me, and speak to me, during some of the most painful moments and seasons, of my life.

I, like most if not all of you, have been through some incredible pain in life. From the embarrassment of being exposed and shamed due to moral failure, to losing several loved ones (including all of my father figures) to death, to the guilt and condemnation of letting so many people down by my fall. As I think back about God's intimacy during those times of agony, it was then that I remember Him speaking to me, and comforting me the most.

Just this morning, I was sharing with some of my co workers, a very painful story from my childhood. It rolled off my tongue with incredible ease and flare. I was amazed that I was telling it with such freedom and liberty, since the story of abandonment has marked my life so significantly. I was completely thrown off by how my coworkers sat stunned, wide eyed and speechless by what I was saying. Looking back it was truly painful, but is much easier to digest and understand now. I was internally dumbfounded by how I was so quickly able to return to that moment emotionally, and immediately feel and know that God had that whole situation in the palm of His hand then.

Recently, I was reading through the harboring hope comments (http://www.HarboringHope.com/freecourse) and was so profoundly touched by literally all of them. There are so many of us who are right in the middle of great pain and heartache, and truly need the love, grace, and precious intimacy of Christ and His Holy Spirit. Continually we hear the Lord throughout the bible declaring “I, even I, am he that comforteth you.” (Isaiah 51:12)

Yet mysteriously, though we wish to be comforted, we can many times be so without comfort that we end up hopeless. To speak to this, I have taken a small chunk out of “The God of all Comfort” by Hannah Whitall Smith, that we may all learn about true Godly comfort: “If we want to be comforted we must make up our minds to believe every single solitary word of comfort God has ever spoken; and we must refuse utterly to listen to any words of discomfort spoken by our own hearts, or by our circumstances, or our own conscience. We must set our faces like a flint to believe, under each and every sorrow and trial, in the divine Comforter, and to accept and rejoice in His all embracing comfort. I say, set our faces like a flint: because, when everything around us seems out of sorts, it is not always easy to believe God's words of comfort. We must put our will in to this matter of being comforted, just as we have to put our wills into all other matters in our spiritual life. We must choose to be comforted.“

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? This choice to be comforted, is not some spiritual warfare, dig down deep, painstaking choice. It is truly a choice to let down our guard, admit our frailty, and invite the Holy Spirit to come into our lives and comfort us. If we will pursue God's word, and put ourselves in a place to receive comfort, we can take great solace and courage in the fact that God will not disappoint us nor our broken, needy and troubled hearts. It is He who comforts us, and He will find a way to bring comfort to us in a way where we are sure it was His hands and His message that spoke so profoundly to us in our painful moments. I pray you invite Jesus into your situation and choose to allow Him to comfort you!

Buy That Field!!

Tony Fetchel — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 13:05:13 -0600

Matthew 13:44.....The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has, and buys that field.

Whether we care to admit it or not, the truth is, for almost every marriage there was as time of great elation and joy. More than likely it was in the early stages of the marriage, or quite possibly before the arrival of children, financial pressure, or some other stress factor. Most troubled marriages are defibrillated along by moderate amounts of energy and zeal, yet bankrupt for any sustaining joy to keep the marriage thriving. However, after moral failure, there is great doubt as to whether the marriage can ever be that way again, or at the very least even be saved at all. But in the above parable Jesus delivered, he speaks of not only the joy of finding a treasure, but of buying the field that houses the very treasure we so desperately want, and if I may be so direct....even that we need.

After now 12 years of marriage, I can honestly say how much of a treasure my wife Jodi is. I have always known her to be a treasure peripherally speaking, but I certainly have not treasured her for the entire 12 years. For two of them, she was far from treasured at all. For a variety of reasons (enough to make anyone's head spin) I had an affair and went from treasuring her, to overlooking her and devaluing her. It was wrong then, wrong now, and will forever be wrong.

Though the past cannot be changed, it can be redeemed. I have given everything to see that Jesus takes our past, and redeems it for His glory.

Along the way though, I have learned a great truth to my marriage, and/or any situation that I realize carries a spiritual, emotional, or even physical treasure for me. It is this truth that has helped me along the way: that wherever there is treasure for me or my family, it will be surrounded by a field, and usually a difficult one at that! AND, in every field, there are less than treasured or perfect circumstances, designed by the adversary to frustrate us, and enrage us enough to give up on the worth or value of the field. We therefore in our selfishness, begin to look for greener fields and grass. Whether it be monetary, emotional, spiritual, or even physical treasure, count on it being surrounded by a field of responsibility, and humility (just to name a few characteristics of most fields).

Everyone's field is different, yet within each others fields, there are several mutual issues we all must deal with. The same is true for the marriage attempting recovery. I must tell you emphatically, that even though it has been a mere 3 years, I have come to treasure our whole experience, both past, present AND future. I have come to truly treasure my wife; not just because of how I have totally failed her and blown it and she has forgiven me. But genuinely treasure her for who she is, and what she is, and how she has developed into a woman of incredible character, beauty, and passion. The treasure that my marriage is right now, has been shrouded in field-like settings, of struggle, trial, and even agony for both of us. It has not come easily....yet it has arrived at a place of pure joy and daily triumph.

The fields of hidden treasure, have some not so pleasant, down right ugly and stinky ingredients. There are thorns in any field, and when they get into your socks, watch out...every step hurts. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that in most, if not all fields, there are droppings from several animals, both large and small. What I hate most about fields is the grass is usually overgrown, helping to hide the "land mines" of droppings that have been planted perfectly in your trail. Not to be too crude but rather descriptive, once you get that stuff on you, it's hard to get it off.

There can also be snakes in the field of our marriage. And don't forget the less than level terrain of it all....

But in that field, lies an incredible treasure. And when you have found that treasure, you will sell all that you have, work as hard as you can, take any responsibility you can, accept any condition, requirement, or counseling session you must attend; all to purchase that field.

No field, No treasure.

Until we buy the fields of our marriages, we can never expect to find the treasure God has for us in our spouse. When we buy the field and allow the Lord to lead us through the field, we will find that buried treasure awaits us, along with a joy that is so overwhelming, we care not the price to buy the field.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY? do you find yourself in a field today? Are you having to navigate around piles, snakes and thorns??? For some of us, we may not have found the treasure just yet. We still may be wondering around the field, despising it, unknowingly sluffing it off as a field that has no treasure and is ultimately barren. Perhaps you have found yourself wanting another field, ready and willing to burn the one you are in. I implore you, don't do it. There is treasure for you right in your own field. For those of you who truly know the treasure which was once there, don't give up; its' still there, even better than it was before. If you'll give it all to the Lord and ask him to help you blaze a new trail, His way, you will end up with a treasure that you cannot go JOYFULLY without having, owning and cherishing. Within your field is a treasure just waiting to be re-discovered, re-embraced, and re-valued. It won't let you down, and wont leave you empty handed. But you must buy it. It cannot be rented, leased, borrowed, or purchased by another, for you. You have to own it friend! Own your failure...own their mishaps struggles and issues....own the situation and own the recovery process. Own it, no matter how shameful you may feel, and no matter how much it may cost you. The reward will far outweigh the cost. Refuse to let yourself get lost and distracted by the weeds, snakes, thorns, land mines, or rough terrain. Within that very field is a treasure you'll be amazed you almost lost!
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU.

Refinement....

Tony Fetchel — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:58:42 -0600

As I was praying late last night, I found myself feeling incredibly frustrated. I abruptly stopped for a minute and asked God to speak to me. There has been so much chaos and confusion surrounding my life right now, I just needed to hear SOMETHING from Him. ANYTHING. I needed him to encourage me, rebuke me, challenge me, correct me; whatever! I was just plain hungry and desperate to hear from Him. True to His nature, He immediately broke through the silence and began to lead me to one passage of scripture found in the old testament book of Malachi, chapter 3.

For he will be like a refiner's fire or a launderer's soap. 3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver.
Malachi 3

Careful when you ask for clarity. God loves to bring it, but it's not always great news.

I can tell you this: it is hot in my life right now. Without getting too far into it all, the fact is, I'm being pressed, refined, and yes, even laundered. I really have no idea how it came upon me so fast, and it seems like a bit of a whirlwind to look back upon. I really have no idea as to even why it has happened either.

But this recovery process, and journey back to the pure truth of the Gospel, has taught me that I'm over the "whys," and I'm now on to the "hows" in life. How do I handle this? How do I react the way you, Heavenly Father, want me to react? How do I process bits and bits of negative information and how do I become the man you want me to be, right now, in this period of my life?

This is precisely why it's so easy as an unfaithful spouse, to feel pressed in on when our spouse asks questions that seem a bit intrusive or out of place. From our where abouts, to unaccounted for time, to text messages, emails, explanations.....to you name it. It can be refining and purifying to say the least. Regardless of the questions posed, it really is about refinement and purification from The Father above, as He is on assignment to make us the best we can be.

Why the pressure? Purification and Refinement.

Why the struggle and intensity of it all? Again, purification and refinement.

I'm not talking about some humanistic sort of worldly refinement, predicated upon difficult or trying circumstances that we overcome in our own strength and will power. But a refinement that comes from the Father's hand, who loves us and cares for us, and wants to use us for His purpose and glory. A refinement that is necessary if we are to become the vessels fit for the Master's use, both now, and in the future. If we want the marriage, family and ultimate quality of life that He has for us, we would do well to expect seasons of painstaking refinement and purification from time to time. If there is a time and a season for everything, we must humble ourselves and bow before the Father, as He continues to refine, purify and ultimately launder our life and character.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY???? during seasons of refinement and purification, it's so easy to get frustrated and angry. It's even easier to react insensitively, angrily, and (if I can be this blunt), just plain stupidly. From an angry word here, to a disrespectful attitude there to venting or needing to vent ....((and that's just for me, as I have no clue how you handle things when you are being refined)). It's certainly not easy, or simple. But if refinement proves one thing, it is this: He is not done with us no matter how bad we have screwed up. He has not given up on us and still has plans for us, despite what others, as well as what WE ourselves, may think. The truth of the matter is, if He didn't have something for us to do and destiny to still be a part of, then why would He go through all the trouble to refine us? Why would he orchestrate all these situations and continue to prove Himself faithful, if He was washing His hands of us due to our failures? Purification implies that something better and something more awaits us, and if we remain the same, refusing to allow Him to work deeper in our lives, we will not be able to handle the weight of His purpose in our lives. It truly encourages me to know He still has work for me to do, and something for me to be a part of. The prophet Isaiah wrote about such destiny and purpose when he said...in verse 1 of chapter 25, O LORD, You are my God; I will exalt You, I will give thanks to Your name; For You have worked wonders, Plans {formed} long ago, with perfect faithfulness.

When I got....She Got It!

Tony Fetchel — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 21:38:15 -0600

If recovery and restoration are going to be an attainable reality, the hurt spouse will have to "GET IT," that is for sure. As I eluded to in my previous entry, the actions of the unfaithful spouse in large part, will eventually enable the marriage to either thrive, survive, or inevitably dive. There are very little other options, as much depends upon how we, the unfaithful, handle ourselves post-fall. In no way do I mean to overlook or minimize the feelings or power of choice the hurt spouse has, when moral failure has been uncovered. However, if we the unfaithful, react with genuine humility, brokenness and godly sorrow, I (as well as many others on this site) are confident that in most cases, the hurt spouse can find a point of restoration through great ministry, grace and effort.

It's certainly not easy, nor a mere walk in the park, but it is more than possible. Just ask Jodi, my wife.

Anyone who has been involved in redemption and triumph over infidelity, will attest that it is never a one sided issue. There are always mutual issues that need to be discovered and resolved with compassionate precision. There is always a need to see ministry and change on both sides of the marriage, if redemption is to find wings. A professionally wielded scalpel is my best suggestion.

What I found amazing is, when I "Got it," my wife Jodi began to "Get it" as well.

I had always wondered (in the inner recesses of my own heart), "When will we begin to address issues in Jodi's life that have affected ME???" That's not blame. That's reality and effective healing if we are going to do this right!!! She does not deserve what happened to her. She is not the blame for what I did. But I, nor she, is perfect, and there were very real issues that needed to be addressed if we were/are going to stay together and believe God to flourish in our marriage.

Take courage, they have been addressed both strategically and lovingly, and even now we are both more rewarded and fulfilled than ever before.

When I handled my sin, and arrogance, and insecurity, she eventually felt free enough and safe enough to handle her issues. My humility served as an impetus to dissect the affair and ask herself, "What did I do that may have contributed to it's existence..??? What was/is in my life that prohibited growth or intimacy between us?"

Amazing indeed.

It didn't come by me berating her. And it certainly didn't come by me blaming her. It came slowly but surely, as I allowed myself to often times be the focal point. It also came by her pressing in to the Lord and opening up her heart to hear from God. It came by an incredible amount of prayer and dedication by both of us.

Don't read between the lines too much; she didn't throw my sin in my face. She didn't continually remind me of it, nor did she ever throw out comments that were daggers in my heart. She took up her issues with God and would take it day by day with dedicated effort to see us be saved.

There were horrendously tough times, that seemed like there was no end in sight. There were moments where I wondered if it was all worth it. But as difficult as it was in various moments, it's been indescribably wonderful as well. There have been moments (lots of them) where I have thought to myself "I never knew it could be this good."

Even our therapist Rick Reynolds testifies to Jodi's amazing ability to forgive, love and reconcile. When it became public knowledge a few years ago, that she wanted to save our marriage and be reconciled, our past ministry leaders actually challenged the notion of whether or not she was "off" in the head.

Can you believe the audacity? "Off in the head" for wanting restoration.......

Truly unbelievable, the ignorance and shame by which they treated my wife; that she be considered "OFF in the head" for trying to preserve her family and stay married to me. From them, she would have been both rewarded and applauded, should she have decided to leave me.

Matthew 19:26

And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? Any marriage, whether affected by infidelity or not, is a two way street beloved. There is no way we can ever justify infidelity, or addiction. We can however, understand it, treat it, overcome it, and annihilate it. If we are "off in the head" enough to endeavor to save our marriages and rebuild them to be better than ever before, we must explore why our affairs or addictions have been allowed to exist and grow. Our own personal issues must be addressed as primary, and our spouses a far far second. We the betrayers, can never hope to see real, healthy or God inspired change in our spouses, until we first examine, consecrate and deal with ourselves. Until we first discover what truly allowed for and abetted our infidelity within our own dysfunction, our spouses issues are a distant second. The proof of our recovery and contrition will be manifested by our hurt spouses feeling safe enough, and healthy enough, to look internally and explore issues that may have aided the fall. We will forever be the one's who went outside the marriage. Sorry, but that's the truth of it all, and for me, the cold hard truth that I must forever deal with. Redemption is only available truly, when I (the betrayer) take responsibility for that, and trust Jesus enough to redeem that fact and use it for good! (Romans 8) But rest assured, we do not have to forever be the tombstone of a failed marriage. We can be the impetus to a redeemed and restored marriage that is everything we ever wanted it to be and truly more. The choice is ours: how will we handle our failure? AND do we think God bigger than our failures and strong enough to redeem them? I pray you get it, keep it, and overcome it.
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU.

Getting It!!

Tony Fetchel — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 12:30:14 -0600

As a marriage attempts to rebound from the effects of infidelity, it's inevitable that the hurt spouse will be watching to see if the unfaithful spouse actually "Gets It" and understands truly, what they have done. Much discussion goes on in the world of the hurt spouse, both internal and external, wondering if unfaithful "gets" how significantly they have affected others by their actions.

Let me first define "Getting it" before we go any further. "Getting it" is one of those things that can be tough to describe, yet you know it when you see it. Better said, the hurt spouse knows it when they see it. It is when the betrayer or unfaithful spouse, actually understands what they have done. They finally (as it usually takes time) understand and digests How (to the best of their God given ability) they actually hurt their spouse, and family. They are able to realize just how devastating their infidelity was and is to their spouse. The betrayer, once sobriety sets in, is able to see through their hurt spouses eyes, just how much pain and trauma they have caused every party caught up in their web of lies, deception, and selfishness. They truly begin to realize how their hurt spouse feels, thinks, and wonders about, all day long. They know that despite the fact that things were not perfect in the marriage, AND that there are always two sides to every story, AND that there are more than likely legitimate issues that need to be dealt with; they GET THE FACT (with incredible sobriety and contrition) that despite what was going on, and what the issues were/are, THEY went outside the marriage. That fact alone, removes excuses, quenches any and all blaming, and creates an opportunity for godly sorrow and honest repentance. (2 Cor 7)

This "getting it," is always marked by contrition, brokenness, a willingness to answer any and all questions, genuine heartfelt humility. They are no longer explaining away things as if to rationalize them. They are willing to focus on their sin, and their fall, and their infidelity, without defensiveness or resistance to you or professional help involved.

When this happens, wow, the hurt spouse sees hope. The hurt spouse begins to feel safe. Hurt spouse, doesn't then just magically get over it, but begins to sense that unfaithful spouse is understanding just what they have done and committed. In turn though, hurt spouse begins to go through their own metamorphosis and realization of the sin. It's really quite amazing to watch it happen, and unfold, as I have seen it first hand in my own life. I've also seen it's progress in the lives of many that Jodi and I have helped walk through it.

Don't for a moment unfaithful spouse, think that once you get it, the battle is over and you are on the road to recovery. Sometimes, once you've gotten it, there will be times where the hurt spouse will make sure you got it, and that you quite literally understand what you have done and said and committed. It took me a while to comprehend, but that sort of "testing the waters" is not driving the nail in deeper, it's merely testing the waters to see if you are safe and if you are truly aware of what you have done. It's somewhat of a tuning fork for the hurt spouse, to see if you are merely sorry you got caught, or genuinely sorry for what you have done to your spouse. If we for a moment expect our hurt spouses to react with precision accuracy or perfection, we are sadly deceived due to our own pride and self righteousness.

It is then, and only then, the hurt spouse will possibly begin to show signs of her/his true greatness and ability to potentially move past this hurt. Without this awareness and this "Getting It," it's as if the restoration is forever crippled, as the hurt spouse will truly hope for this brokenness and understanding.

Caveat--brokenness is not being a doormat, and not lying down to be run over time and time again, nor have your sin and transgression thrown in your face repetitively. ((though, for some of US, even if that did happen, we truly deserve it for what we have done and what we have committed)) Brokenness shows the hurt spouse you are safe and are no longer trying to rationalize away what you have done.

As long as we blame, we are not safe to the hurt spouse.

As long as we accuse and shift the focus, we are not safe.

As long as it is someone else's fault, we are not safe.

When we take the blame, and allow the focus and allow the animosity even, we are then safe to be around and safe to possibly consider restoration with. Without this, hurt spouse wonders if we are ever going to be worth trusting again.

Take courage unfaithful spouse.....Once I got it, Jodi in her own way began to get it too.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY?? Unless we, the unfaithful spouse get it, we will forever put our hurt spouse on the offensive. It's weird, but it's as if we started this whole mess by our unfaithfulness, and only we can create an environment of restoration as we again, must "get it" if we are going to be a safe place or person. If not, we will be shouting from the emotional rooftops "we are not safe...someone else was and is to blame and it's not our fault or sin." We will constantly put ourselves up for prodding and testing to see if we get it, and eventually either the hurt spouse, or the unfaithful spouse, will tire and give up. One never knows how long our hurt spouse will stick around to see if we get it. As time waits for no one, some times a hurt spouse will run out of time and patience, and due to our own selfishness and stubbornness, we will have missed a monumental window of time to save our marriage and preserve our family. If you are not getting it yet, I pray you do. I pray you ask God to show you what in fact, you did. For me, getting it came through professional help. I was not open enough or sensitive enough to hear it from the Lord in my own awareness or conscience. I played the blame game for a while. I shifted the blame and focus for a while. I was defensive as all get out, not because I was justifying my actions, but because I didn't understand that Jodi needed to talk about it, in order to heal from it and move past the hurt. It was through professional help and counseling that I was truly able to arrive at awareness and ownership of what i did. I'll never forget a time that was just one of many that helped me. I was having lunch with a pastor friend I made during this beginning time of healing. Jodi and I were at a troubled crossroads of whether or not we were going to make it. AS I was venting to this gentleman...he heard me out, then paused and absolutely told me the truth. He said "Tony, sometimes I don't think you quite understand just WHAT you have actually done. Have you any idea what you have truly done to your wife?" This man truly cares for me, and was so honest and so up front, it saved my life and marriage. That was just one of many times that the Lord used another man or woman to help me sober up.

I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God

2 Corinthians 7:9

Running From The Hour....

Tony Fetchel — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 23:54:25 -0600

Anyone under the weight of recent infidelity or addiction can relate to the words of Jesus, when He uttered in John 12, ......" 27 "My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, `Father, save Me from this hour'? But for this purpose I came to this hour. 28 "Father, glorify Your name."

Infidelity will do more than just trouble our families, and our souls. Yet the word 'troubled' here is more aptly translated "exceedingly sorrowful."

Personally, my infidelity has caused me (and so many others) more sorrow than anything I have ever experienced in my entire life. My father died a gruesome death to cancer, and my step dad was lost to leukemia. But the paralyzing sorrow associated with the struggle to preserve my family, has been unimaginable to describe to anyone other than those who have personally been through the same thing.

Since my own fall, I have certainly seen a few 'hours' that Jesus is describing, and definitely asked to be saved from them.

These hours of crisis are usually followed with questions like "why" and "how" and "how could this have been prevented" and "what went wrong," just to name a few. Even Jesus himself experienced incredible sorrow and pain at what He was encountering and what suffering lay before Him. I love the below scripture as it gives me strength to keep going in life, especially when I feel like a total failure and hopeless mess.

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. 16 Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:15

The intriguing and completely liberating point of John 12, is the apparent relentlessness of Jesus, to realize the hour that was upon Him, yet courageously face it head on and not quit. I find such solace here, as in my situation, the hour was chosen for me, certainly not by me. I didn't choose to come forward on my own, but God used the whole situation to bring me into the light by His own design! And thank God for it!

I'm quite certain we all have our own hour that is upon each and every one of us, right now. It's so easy to find ourselves hating the particular 'hour' we are in, or at the very least, wanting to be saved from it prematurely. There are a variety of personal situations right now in which I know God has both allowed and designed for me to face head on. I hate almost every one of them. Yet I know they represent so much more than just my selfish anger at being inconvenienced by them. They are there for me to grow, develop and even embrace. The more that I run from them, the more power they have over me and the more they will ultimately lead me, rather than me leading them.

I firmly believe Jesus led His moment, and utilized it to bring about His Father's ultimate purpose for Him, and for us. Without this moment, so much would have been lost and so much would have been sacrificed, all for the sake of Jesus's own personal comfort. Yet He continued on; obeying the Father, and allowing Himself to be tortured, and crucified for you, and for me. Had He ran from the hour that was upon Him, all of history would have been changed.

Far be it from us to equate how poignant Jesus' moment was, with ours. But don't disregard the fact that our own 'hours' upon us now, are vital for the development, and ultimate restoration of our marriages and families. In our own significant way, the hour that is upon each and every one of us (and our spouses) will quite certainly define us for months, years, and possibly generations to come.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? In recovery, I have found that we always have choices in how we respond and deal with our 'hours.' From revealing hidden details, to sharing our fears and insecurities, to choosing to live a completely and totally open life to our spouses; we have power in this process. Power to choose and follow through, or power to run and refuse to answer the call, or the questions. For those of you hurt spouses, it may be that you actually allow yourself to feel what you truly feel, and say (or even yell) what you feel and not worry about how your spouse will react to any of it. Know for certain though, there is a divine purpose to the hour that is upon you and your family. It may not seem like it with all the potential chaos surrounding your life, but God is always at work in His children. If we will respond in a manner that allows the Holy Spirit (along with professional assistance) to dig down deep into our lives, restoration is on its way. I can speak from personal experience, that I have asked to be saved from several 'hours,' only to find they were never mystically removed from my life. Somehow I knew that if I genuinely wanted to see my marriage restored, I had (and still have to) face them. I, like you, have had to allow the Lord to plumb the depths of my (and Jodi's) soul, all in attempt at saving our precious family and recreating a marriage that not only works, but flourishes. I believe Jesus models how we should handle these incredibly sorrowful and potentially crushing moments in life. If we will momentarily stop, take a breathe, and realize the significant of the moment we are in, we can then find strength and grace to make right decisions and move forward. It wasn't easy for Jesus, and it won't be easy for us. I can guarantee you that you won't do everything right. But we are not expected to. This moment was so poignant for Christ, we truly owe salvation to the it. I have realized that if it was truly easy, we wouldn't cry out to Him as much as we are forced to, and we would not value both the process and reward of a saved and redeemed relationship with God and with our spouses. As we owe salvation and so much more to this moment Jesus experienced, one day our children will owe so very much to our own moments of pain and sorrow; if we will gracefully face them head on, and handled them appropriately.

WE'RE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU!!!

Sitting In The Rafters...

Tony Fetchel — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 11:12:25 -0600

If you are new to this blog, then you probably don't know my story. I was a pastor, and in the middle of my rise to the top, my ongoing infidelity was exposed and my ministry crumbled in my hands. To say many were hurt and caught in the cross hairs of my embarrassing fall, would be an understatement. I had many leaders that I was in charge of pastoring and mentoring, and only one of them is now a friend, almost 3 years later.

In the middle of the day today, one of them called. We had about 40 minutes of conversation and it was purely fantastic. This was a man that I truly cared for and genuinely loved like a brother. I know he emulated me and looked up to me in so many ways, and when I fell, I knew I broke his heart and caused him to stumble in his own walk with God. As we were talking, he began to share about his present discouragement and how he always could count on me back then to encourage him. As I was touched by his honesty, I began to tell him a story of a humbling moment that confronted my pride, yet ultimately changed me forever.

You see I was pretty important. (emphasis mine...haha) From traveling across the country preaching, to over-seeing ministries including several staff, TV appearances, and add to that the fact that I was on my way to even more fame than I had already accomplished. So when I was exposed, and then threatened and blackmailed out of the ministry, I was humiliated, shamed, and completely ruined. All I managed to care about was trying to salvage my marriage and family. Due to threats of violence and continual harassment, we felt we had no choice but to relocate, and start life completely over. We wanted to find a church here where we could camp out and just be with God and go slow. So the first Sunday we went to church, we were late of course. We checked our children in and then walked into a sanctuary of literally about 4000 people. We had no choice but to make our way to the highest point in the church where only a few empty seats remained. As we made our way up there, it all just kinda hit me. Lonely, depressed, and isolated were the only titles I now owned, and here I was, being directed to the very back row, at the top of the church. The whole experience would be the catalyst to my first prescription of heavy anti-depressants.

I couldn't tell you what the pastor preached. I was listening to my own mental message of "I'll never be anything ever again," to "I put myself here and I deserve it, so shut up, and get used to this..," to "how could I have ever let this happen." At this moment, it began to hit me of just how far I had fallen and just how far from God I felt in that moment. I had worked so hard, and spent so much effort at being known, and being important, and being influential, and being used by God, and being a spiritual father to so many, that I had genuinely forgotten how to just BE His son. I was so engulfed in this sense of having to accomplish and perform, that I truly lost sight of God's unconditional love for me, AND for His people.

As I was retelling my story, this now re-acquired friend and ex-staff member couldn't help but laugh at how humbling it truly was. As I continued on, I shared that despite the pain and suffering that we as a family went through because of my sin, things were now entirely different. Here we are, 3 years later, living life in such a way that I've never been more happier or secure. I have preached not one message, led none to Christ, oversee no one but myself (and that's even a challenge), only traveled away from my family one time, and I'm more secure and at peace than ever before. We have a small group of friends we've made since that lonely Sunday, and life as we know it in restoration and redemption, is really quite magnificent. Jodi and I are more fulfilled and understand each other better than ever before. Currently in my life, I probably accomplish and perform less than I have ever done since childhood. Yet I feel more at peace and closer to Jesus than I've ever felt since first coming to know Him. My family is doing better than we've ever been, and my life is the most open its been in over 20 years.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY? Perhaps like me, you are now in your own chair of confusion, hopelessness, and abandonment. Despite how you feel right now, be at peace in one thing: God has not forsaken you nor given up on you. Know that God knows where you are right this moment. He also knows with incredible wisdom, how to love you, reach you, and restore you. That chair might just be exactly where God wants you, in order for Him to work IN you, and ON you. More important than what's going on around you, is what's going on IN you, and in your spouse. If you are in your own moment of despair at what you have lost or what you have lost due to a spouse's actions, I invite you to go a step further and itemize what you have lost. Write down what your or your spouses moral failure has cost you and your loved ones. That way, when you do allow God to love you, heal you, and restore you, you'll realize just what it cost you to be the man or woman of love and restoration you will then be!! There are huge prices to be paid by all parties involved in moral failure. But all hope does not have to be lost. If we will let God heal us, and work in us, we will give him every chance to restore us and bring us to a place where we'll tell stories about our past humiliation, and use it to inspire others in their own journey to healing. It will be all in an effort to encourage and uplift others to pursue God and give their lives completely and totally to Him.

Romans 8:28 -And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purposes.......

WE'RE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU!

Why Kill Lazarus???

Tony Fetchel — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 10:28:59 -0500

I was reading another blog yesterday, and as I was reading the story, a revelation absolutely jumped out at me. I invite you, read the account below of Jesus in John chapter 12, and see if anything jumps out at you?? (don't worry, no tests will follow)

John 12: 1,2,9-11

1 Jesus, therefore, six days before the Passover, came to Bethany where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2 So they made Him a supper there, and Martha was serving; but Lazarus was one of those reclining at the table with Him.... 9 The large crowd of the Jews then learned that He (Jesus) was there; and they came, not for Jesus' sake only, but that they might also see Lazarus, whom He raised from the dead. 10 But the chief priests planned to put Lazarus to death also; 11 because on account of him many of the Jews were going away and were believing in Jesus.

Did it jump out at you? Read v.10 again.....But the chief priests planned to put Lazarus to death also; because on account of him many of the Jews were going away and were believing in Jesus!!!!

What the heck did Lazarus do? What was it that was so criminal that would warrant his murder, especially by the chief priests? We have no record of him going on the offensive to evangelize the world. He's never mentioned as an author, actor, director, or pundit of his time. He would never write one book that we are aware of.

The simple truth is, He WAS a miracle. He was a reason to believe. He was a reason to put their (and our) faith in a loving, compassionate, caring, and miracle working God; both then and now. They (the chief priests) knew that if his story got out, he would inspire the masses to believe in and follow, the living Christ. They knew that his story was one that could not be refuted theologically, spiritually, emotionally, or mentally. He simply was a walking, talking, living, breathing, unable to be explained away-miracle.

Everyone who Jodi and I have had the painful pleasure of telling our marital story to, has been amazed at how we have seen our marriage restored. Sure, unlike Lazarus, we had to DO a few things. A whole lot of things, actually. We continually have to make decisions appropriately, and stay faithful to a restoration program. We did and do, have a part to play in this miracle, but it was orchestrated by Jesus and His power, surely not our own.

Much like Lazarus, our restored marriages and stories of redemption are miracles. Miracles for other troubled souls to look at, be amazed by, and find faith to continue on in their own journey. Miracles for other hurting spouses to find faith, courage, and most of all hope, that they can truly overcome the seemingly insurmountable effects of infidelity.

Thank God for Mary and Martha, who both wanted Lazarus to live. Often times, but not always, there is at least one who wants to save the marriage. Not always, but many times one spouse wants to make the marriage work and see it live again. Sometimes the relentless faith of one, can be a launching pad for God to do impossible things.

If you read John chapter 11, you'll find that Jesus wept right along side Mary and Martha, before He actually healed Lazarus. I am quite sure Jesus has been incredibly grieved by my sin, and the effect it has had on so many. It's a safe assumption He too has wept over my fall. Over the course of my healing, I have had several moments where the weight of my sin and deception has gripped me in indescribable measure. It seems by design, I am perpetually unable to escape the reality of my sin and fall. I am reminded of it almost every day, and I too, weep quite often at my painful demise.

Though Jesus was heartbroken and grieved at the appearance of death, it didn't stop Him from continuing on in His plan for a resurrection. He too, like any marriage seeking restoration, must "walk by faith, and not mere sight.(2 Cor 5:7)" The appearance of certain death and impossibility didn't stop Him then, and doesn't stop Him now. In fact, He does His best work in the face of impossibility.

Jesus knew how to get the most out of this miracle. He waited, for just the right time, after just the right circumstances unfolded, to resurrect life into a dead soul. No matter what your marriage may look like now, He is not intimidated by it, and He certainly hasn't given up....even if you have. Sometimes death, is a preclude to a resurrection that will inspire multitudes to one day believe.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY? Many times we will encounter hateful and venemous resistance like Lazarus did, all because we are a miracle orchestrated by the very hands of Jesus. I believe the enemy knows just how much impact our redeemed marriages will bring, if they are allowed to succeed. Often times we encounter the rage of some, and the strategic attack of others, all because it's part of the plan to destroy any message of hope for troubled marriages attempting to put the pieces back together. I think we sell ourselves short if we do not wake up to the fact that often times in our recovery, we will encounter incredible spiritual resistance. Simply because of the hope that we can be used to bring to other marriages where suffering this same havoc. If we are so naive to think that the enemy, satan himself and all his dark kingdom, is going to sit back and let us be restored, and let our families be preserved, we are incredibly mistaken and naive. If the enemy wanted to kill Lazarus, why won't he want to kill our marriages? Please don't misunderstand me, it's not our power that will bring hope to other marriages suffering from this cancer. It was the power of Christ that resurrected Lazarus, and it's only the power of Christ that will save, redeem, and restore other troubled marriages and families. We are simply the broken and fragile vessels, chosen to be the carriers of such hope for a mass of wounded people who really want to see marital resurrection. Should we continue to allow the grace of God to heal us, we will have endless opportunity to let God use our redeemed marriages to help inspire others, and help them not quit, AT ANYTHING! I want to encourage you today, to know that sometimes the battles you are facing and fighting, are not just about you. They are about a sea of people who need your testimony of endurance, victory, and triumph, all to continue on in their own battle. Know for certain today, that with Christ's power and grace, you can win this fight. You can overcome this war you are facing, and the resistance you are encountering is not just about you; it's about who you will reach and inspire, by your own testimony of a resurrected marriage and family.
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU!!!

Divine Failure

Tony Fetchel — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 08:26:36 -0500

More than ever in society, the will, is heralded as our most prized possessions. In a time where the self-help industry thrives on such a mentality, we are led to believe we can and should "Make It Happen..." Our wills are looked upon with great pride and prowess, both as a means of survival and overall betterment of life. I can remember a great example of a friend of mine who was on my staff several years ago. When he would be praying for a certain situation or issue in his life, and when asked how it was going, he would always respond by saying "I'm willing it into being!" While a humorous example indeed, I'm not quite sure more people of faith don't believe they are doing exactly that; making it happen by their own will, passion, and rigorous efforts. I too, once subscribed to such error filled theology.

As I was reading Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray the other day, I was reminded of just how morally weak our wills are. Though even reborn and trained with precise doctrinal understanding, our wills are not enough to ward off the schemes of the enemy. Murray eludes to a great mistake many Christians make: they think that when there is a spiritually renewed will, it alone is enough to strive against sin, and withstand the enormously powerful temptations of this life.

While I adamantly subscribe to a high degree of faith based living in my own life, and while I also support the ability to pursue a goal with almost incomprehensible dedication, I do not believe that such soulish dedication is enough to win over moral failure of any sorts. In fact I think our will alone, miserably pales in attempts at overcoming our own propensity for evil and destruction.

As we look to the scriptures, I have found the book of Romans to be wonderfully illustrative of the helplessness of man to live holy and pure, simply by his passionate intent and will to do so. In no way do I mean to minimize our intentionality at living undefiled by this world and its opportunity for selfish and fleshy pleasure. However, our mind set and overall mental health in how we attempt to live so morally strong, is vital.

For example, in Romans 7:6-25, you will find the Apostle Paul speaking of his desire to want to overcome sin and his old nature, yet he declares his frustration at his inability to do so. It is in the course of this struggle that there comes to be, both to Paul and to us, a sense of sober awareness to his utter sinfulness and frailty. It is God's way of dealing with our humanistic pride, and us. He allows man to strive to fulfill a law that is totally apart from the beauty and glory of Christ, in order to produce a very God inspired frustration and brokenness, that cries out for a Savior. As man strives and wrestles, he ultimately ends at this conclusion: I am a regenerate child of God, yet I am utterly helpless to obey and fulfill His law through my own power. Paul goes on to use loaded and descriptive words such as "I am carnal, sold under sin"; "I see another law in my members bringing them into captivity"; "but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members." Last of all, "O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?"

You'll also notice in the 7th chapter of Romans, the Holy Spirit does not receive mention once. Nor does the name of Christ even occur except in the end, as the final solution to being set free and delivered. This is not doctrinal error on the part of the Apostle Paul, but a display of the inadequacy of man's ability to live holy and pure, unstained by evil, without the indwelling power of Christ and His Holy Spirit. Though it may show a strong belief in doing his very best to obey the law of God with his regenerate will's best effort, you can hear the frustration which bellows out through his quintessential statement "Wretched man that I am....who will set me free...."

Look deeper and you will find the words, "I," "me," and "my," occur more than forty times. It is purely the result of a man's fleshly and voracious attempt at moral victory. Even after conversion a man begins to do his best, yet strategically fails; but if we are brought into the full light of Christ, we need to fail. (Please note, I do not in any way mean to justify adultery, addiction, or moral failure of any sorts. Simply put, I mean we must be brought to the end of ourselves before we realize our desperate need for a savior and redeemer in our fight against our own sinful nature) God allows that failure to teach a man true contrition and brokenness, in order to produce a need and compelling desire for constant dependency upon Christ for hope, meaning and strength.

After our moral failures and tragedies of all sorts, we will find ourselves crying out for the power of Christ to eventually get back up, choosing to believe once again.

But believe in precisely what you may ask?

The belief in God's ability to completely forgive us, heal us, love us, and restore us.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY? have you recently found yourself like Paul, crying out "Wretched man that I am...who will set me free?" If so, take courage today. You are right where you need to be, morally, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. You are on the precipice of the great and necessary revelation that it is only through Christ and His power, that all things are indeed possible. Matthew Henry coined it this way: "Our wills are not weaponry enough to stand against the enemy!" Without the continual indwelling power of Christ and His grace, we will find ourselves frustrated, fatigued, and ultimately susceptible to arriving at a dangerous mentality. A mentality which screams "why even fight it, it's too powerful for me, I can't win." If this is true, Jesus never won victory for us at Calvary. If such a mentality is true, there is no hope to living victoriously in this Darwinian world at all. Therefore, we should simply give in and get all we can get, live how WE want to live, forgetting about the consequences and casualties of family after family, marriage after marriage, all while we pursue our sordid desires and wants. Keep in mind, as many of us have learned by experience, we will be the very wrecking ball used to destroy all that Christ finds holy, pure, precious and vital in His Kingdom. I have found great solace in the reality that I am nothing in myself, but I am everything (that I, they, my wife, my children and everyone else needs) in Christ. I invite you today... acknowledge your weakness and wretchedness. It's a relief to finally fall upon the altar of Christ and admit your brokenness and YOUR utter inability to fix, save, redeem or restore yourself or your family. Invite Christ into your situation and struggle. Invite Him to take over and then give it all to Him. As the war against our marriages, families and souls wages on like never before, the power and grace to overcome is greater than ever before; but it is only attainable when you surrender your will for His, and choose to live in Christ's power!

WE'RE HERE FOR YOU, AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU!!

Phillipians 2:13
For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for HIS good pleasure.

Finding Genuine Comfort In All Of This Chaos

Tony Fetchel — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 23:28:14 -0500

As you may have realized by now, I'm re-reading one of my all time favorite books: The God of All Comfort. Tonight's entry is right from a chapter that has helped me time and time again, both in recovery and in my overall life. I sincerely hope you find this available "Comfort" mentioned here. Most of what is below, is taken directly from the book.

2 Corinthians 1:3-6

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.

I'm not sure where any of you are right now, yet I know quite clearly where I am. I know not all of you who read these pieces are dealing with current or even past, infidelity. But as you and I continue to gaze upon life, I don't see many places of true comfort, solace, and peace. In fact, if there is anything God has been doing these past few years, it's uprooting old belief systems of painful discomfort. I have learned so much about dysfunction and misery, masquerading itself as Christianity. Not all, but some of my old belief systems have been crucified, due to my fall. My journey into recovery has brought to light so much dysfunction and deception. I blame no one. If anyone is to blame, it is purely myself.

Yet, regardless of how these destructive beliefs got there, the truth of the matter is, instead of making us genuinely comfortable, religion has made us thoroughly and painfully uncomfortable. Who could help being so uncomfortable in the presence of such a cold, hard, controlling, and ever measuring Judge, called Christ?

Over and over again Christ (not religion) declares "I, even I, am He that comforteth you."

Get this, despite what many of us have grown up thinking (that God is ultimately mad at us and keeping record of just how badly and perpetually we screw things up) is actually the God who in fact, so loved the world, He sent His only Son, not to judge the world, but to save it!! He is also the God who "anointed" the Lord Jesus Christ to bind up the brokenhearted, and to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison gates to them that are bound, and to comfort ALL that mourn.

Did you catch the "ALL" mentioned there? Thank God for the audacity of God, to include that 'all.' Not the perfect ones. Not the one's who never sin. Every captive of sin, every addict, every adulterer, every betrayed and hurt spouse, every hopeless and discouraged child of God.

Yes, even adulterers and addicts must fit into such an 'all.'

Even when His disciples asked Him to call down fire from heaven to consume some people who refused to receive him, He turned and rebuked them and said "Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of. The Son of Man has not come to destroy men's lives but to SAVE them."

Don't for a moment suspect God to be some senile old grandfather figure who fails to live in reality and marginalizes all of our sins, overlooking them, laughing at them, and excusing them as mere "errors in judgment." My life, and quite possibly some of yours, is the antithesis of such theology. One may ask whether this "Comforter" does not sometimes reprove us for our sin, and whether we can get any comfort out of this? But this is exactly one of the places where such comfort takes flight and flourishes, while religion throws its hands up and has no real answer of divine substance. What sort of children should we be if we had no divine teacher always at hand to show us our faults and awaken in us a desire to get rid of them, shake them, hate them, and flee from them? What loving and comforting God, would fail to reveal to us that which is ultimately aimed at destroying our lives? What true Father, Heavenly to boot, would forsake their child in their greatest hour of need and pain?

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY? if we want to be comforted, we must make up our minds to believe every single word of such comfort God has ever spoken; and we must indignantly refuse to listen to any words of discomfort spoken by our own hearts, souls, so called friends or circumstances. We must set our faces like flint to believe, under each and every sorrow and trial, in the Divine Comforter, and to accept and rejoice in His all embracing comfort. We must go as far as to say 'set our faces like flint' because, when everything around us seems antagonistic of this loving and forgiving God, it is not always easy to believe God's words, or nature of comfort. We must put our wills into this matter of being comforted, just as we have to put our wills into all other matters in our spiritual life. Oddly enough, we must choose to be comforted. We must choose to allow this Great Comforter to reach down into our life, possibly through the hand of painful and traumatic consequences, and allow Him to do His finest work: which is saving and redeeming messes like me, and maybe even you. I haven't quite figured it out, but I do know that I have learned so much about running TO God, instead of running FROM God. I pray you run To Him today! I pray you choose to be comforted, and welcome Him into your life to rule and reign as He sees fit.

'Exhausted with ME'

Tony Fetchel — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 22:12:30 -0500

This past weekend was filled with an intense fluctuation of raw emotion. As the events unfolded, it was obvious the Lord was doing something (although I have not found out what exactly He was or is doing). It was almost as if I was on the great "teeter-totter" or roller coaster of emotions. I found myself incredibly tempted to sway from despair to hope, back and forth-back and forth, to the point of great emotional and mental fatigue. From an incredibly redeeming message at our church, to 6 voice mails from individuals from my past, intoxicated screaming obscenities at my voice mail. (yes, this is 3 years post-affair and post-fall, yet here we are again, more antagonism, anger, hatred and venom.) Finally capping the whole weekend off with an appearance of some pastors of the old movement Jodi and I were involved in. They were less than stoked to see me that is for sure.

Even though the temptation was there to what I call "circle the drain" in despair and shame, I had been reading "The God of All Comfort" by Hannah Whitall Smith for about the 7th time. It's a fabulous read for any of us who have fallen, or been a part of someone's life who has fallen. In the book is a chapter completely dedicated what Smith calls the "morbid sense of self examination and introspection." It describes how easily we can be trapped into the encompassing mentality of I, and Me, and My, rather than Him, and He, and His. So easily are we entrapped into the preoccupation with self and have we prayed enough? And have we repented enough? Or have we gone deep enough? Or have we been earnest enough in our prayers? Along with a myriad of other introspective thoughts, we can fall suspect to such a misery of self analysis, we allow ourselves to be rendered useless and exhausted for any true work of God. More times than not, we "circle the drain" of ever increasing hopelessness and shame, never finding a sense of true peace and comfort.

It's when we become so preoccupied with our own interior state of being, that we cannot experience the greatness of God's love, mercy, and incredible hope for us...(even the fallen.)

I've found great comfort when I remember Hebrews 12:1-2

1 ....let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

In recovery, if we live by OUR OWN progress and OUR OWN performance, we will live up and down, round and around, looking for some sort of stability while battling the shame we perpetually feel for not measuring up and being able to perform.

As I began to digest the events of the weekend, I immediately ran to God and did my best to forget self, and focus my thoughts on Him, His great love, and His hope, and His redemption. I have had more business transactions fall apart, and more weird encounters this week than I have had in several months. But as I have taken my eyes off myself and focused them on Jesus, I have experienced more peace than ever before. This due in large part to no longer focusing on my own self and my own feelings and my own miserable failures and my own falling and my own sin. For me, after all the shame and self hatred I have experienced, it's taken great emotional courage to intentionally focus on His grace, and His love, and His mercy and His restoration, and most importantly, His Word.

An exercise I took right from "The God of All Comfort" is as follows....
One of the most effectual ways of conquering the habit (of self examination) is to make a rule that, whenever we are tempted to examine ourselves, we will always at once begin to examine the Lord instead, and will let thoughts of His love and His all-sufficiency sweep out all thoughts of our own unworthiness or our own helplessness.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY???? Recovery, so many times can be about us, when really its about the Lord's work in our lives. It's about His presence and purpose ruling and reigning in our lives, continually bringing us to His best plan of restoration and redemption for our lives, families and even marriages. The more we live focusing on ourselves, our own failures, our struggles, and our horrible and shameful pasts, we will lose. And not just lose, but lose miserably. I'm quite sure, many will say "Well, this sounds like some form of easy believism, aren't we supposed to be mindful of our selves and our sin?" Yes we are...For the sake of time and space, I'll take another quote from Smith... It seems too much to believe that we can be forgiven without first going through a season of self-reproach. But what is the bible teaching? John tells us that if we confess our sins (not bewail them, nor yet try to excuse them, yet experience true conviction), and simply confess them, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. All that God wants is that we should turn to Him at once, acknowledge our sin, and believe in His forgiveness: and every minute that we delay doing this, in order to spend the time in self-examination and self-reproach, is only adding further sin to that which we have already committed.

Psalms 25:15-22

15 My eyes are continually toward the LORD, For He will pluck my feet out of the net.

The Lord Was In THAT Place......

Tony Fetchel — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 22:43:23 -0500

In life, transition can be commonplace. For the normal people (whoever THEY are), transition is much more tolerable, even exciting, as it is many times a preclude for advancement. For the marriage or spouse interrupted by infidelity though, transition can be depleting of all strength and hope. Early on, it can be filled with such discouragement and despair, we can find ourselves wondering if God even hears our prayers.

Despite the intensity of the pain involved for all parties, God is not intimidated, nor afraid to interrupt these transitory times. Even for the marriage or family in chaos, it's as if the Lord waits for just the right time to bring hope, comfort, and vision. This is precisely the case with God's own family, as it too, was invaded by deception and dysfunction.

In Genesis chapter 28, Jacob has just deceived his father, in hopes of obtaining the blessing that was rightfully his older brother, Esau's. Prior to Esau's imminent return to camp, Isaac's wife Rebekah, sends Jacob away to her brother Laban's land. Jacob is essentially sent out, into exile, both for refuge and restoration. Early on, as his journey begins to unfold, exhausted, and alone, shamed and confused, he retires for the night. On a bed of desert and a pillow of literal stone, this bed of consequence, sets the stage for God's finest work. Jacob goes to bed, having no idea of what is about to transpire.

Masterfully, and contrary to many people's view of how God operates, God pursues Jacob.

Interrupting hopelessness and uncertainty at just the right time, is His specialty.

In Jacob's dream the Lord speaks directly to him. (remember, this is just after he has deceived his father, infuriated and provoked his brother, sent into exile to find Laban, (who would later reciprocate the same type of deception to Jacob) and he is in the middle of a desert; a wanted man indeed, with no family, friends, or confidant to turn to)

........11 He came to a certain place and spent the night there, because the sun had set; and he took one of the stones of the place and put it under his head, and lay down in that place. 12 He had a dream, and behold, a ladder was set on the earth with its top reaching to heaven; and behold, the angels of God were ascending and descending on it. 13 And behold, the LORD stood above it and said, "I am the LORD, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac; the land on which you lie, I will give it to you and to your descendants. 14 "Your descendants will also be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east and to the north and to the south; and in you and in your descendants shall all the families of the earth be blessed. 15 "Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

In the middle of his own consequential reality, God chooses an incredible moment to speak to him. Not just speak to him, but encourage him, define him, and instill in him a vision for the rest of his life. He reaches down into Jacob's guilt ridden uncertainty, and brings relief and confidence to know he can go on. God Himself communicates that all hope is not lost, despite his sin and deception.

But it gets better......

Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, " Surely the LORD is in this place, and I knew it not." 17 He was afraid and said, " How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God......"

Can you relate? From sleeping on a stone, to the vulnerability of the elements, (the greatest of which was named 'Esau the hunter' who never came back empty handed, to the loneliness and isolation of living with our consequences...).

There was no tempurpedic mattress here. Just Jacob and his heavy conscience.

He was not alone in his pain though. The Father of all fathers was there too, waiting for just the right moment to minister to Jacob.

He is there for you too; right in the middle of your own bitterness and anger. In the middle of your pain and uncertainty. For the betrayer and betrayed alike, He is there.

I can look back now, and know that the Lord was in 'our place' and we too, knew it not. I knew He was there, shall we say, 'omnipotently speaking.' I just didn't know how 'there' he truly was, till I look back now. In reverse, I can see he was more 'there' than we ever knew, and was working out issues that needed to be addressed. Through all the drama, (and believe me, there was enough drama to occupy a stage on Broadway for months), to the betrayal of friends, to the sickness, confusion, and pure misery we faced, he was there and we KNEW it not.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? are you in that kind of place right now? Cold, hard, uncomfortable and painful? Right in the middle of your horror, do you really experientially know, that he is 'there' with you? Take it from me.....He does some of his finest work 'there.' The true greatness of Jacob, was that he was aware of God's presence, attended to it, and took solace in the fact that God was speaking to him. He listened, he believed, and he obeyed. He went as far as to even build a pillar to the occasion, and poured oil upon it as an indication that he would one day return to it. I believe he would turn to it emotionally and mentally several times over the next decade. This was his defining and redemptive moment for both the present, and the future. Jacob had no idea the pain and agony that was ahead of him. He had no clue of Laban's soon to come treachery and deceit, that would alter Jacob's life forever. God would never let him get away from what he had done, yet continued to provide for him and illustrate God's character of love, justice, and redemption. In his own moment of redemption, Jacob got what he needed, not what he deserved. I pray you too get what you need, and find faith to draw near to God and know that despite the hurt and pain you are feeling, he is there for you. Draw near to him. Build an altar to remember His redemptive purpose and restoration for your life. Perhaps you'll pour your own tears over it in dedication and worship, but it will be your altar none the less. God never gave up on Jacob, and he'll never give up on you!

WE'RE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU.