It was just two weeks after I had come home and broken the news of my affair to Jodi.   Our youngest of three, Zachary, was but a few weeks old, and Jodi and I were barely on speaking terms.  Things couldn’t have been worse, in my opinion, and she had decided she was going to take all the kids and go see a friend in Austin.  As I put her on the plane in Los Angeles, I was completely overwhelmed with confusion and desperation.  I literally had no idea what to do.   

As I would normally do when I was lost and overwhelmed, I went right to the beach just a few minutes away from LAX.  As I parked and walked on the beach, I was so hopeless, and so alone.  I had no one to call, no one to talk with, and (I thought) no one to trust in.  The worst part about it was, I created this scenario.

I wept.  I cried.  I screamed.  I got on my knees and repented over and over again.  I yelled in grief and agony for my kids and for my marriage, and for the sea of people I had let down, abandoned and emotionally scarred by my affair.  Besides sitting by my father when he died in my arms, I have never known a more lonely, more surreal moment in my entire life. 

But as I quieted myself before the Lord, and began to ask (even beg) him to speak to me, once again, He was there.  Though I had lost almost everything, and sat before him a liar, a failure, and colossal disappointment, He still came near and remained a very present help in time of need.  (Ps 46)  He didn’t say much to me at all.  His hand was soft, His voice clear and concise, and His love for me was truly unfailing.  I’ll never forget what I heard him say to me that day.  It was as comforting and loving as I have ever heard the Holy Spirit speak in my entire life.  He said “My son I always shine brightest when it is darkest in your life.”  All I knew to do was thank Him and love him, and trust him.  That is literally the only thing I heard him speak to me the whole time I walked the beach that day.    

I share this with you today, as I know so many of us are facing down some very dark situations.  But my friends, when it is darkest around us, and when our hope seems so lost and so futile, this is when His love, power, and glory shine the brightest.  This is when He will get His greatest Glory from our circumstances.  This is when He will begin to craft our lives (if we obey) for He and He alone to be our Savior and our Hero, and to shine like we cannot imagine, through our lives. 

I pray you cling to Him today like never before.  I pray you have your own beach moment, and quiet yourself before Him.  If I had known the Lord would do what He has done for us during that moment on the beach, I would have thanked him and worshiped him like never before.  I had no idea the pain that was on its way, nor the glory that would one day shine so brightly upon our little family.     

Psalm 18:28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

Psalm 107:14 He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains.

Psalm 112:4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man

Micah 7:8Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.