If you are new to this blog, then you probably don't know my story. I was a pastor, and in the middle of my rise to the top, my ongoing infidelity was exposed and my ministry crumbled in my hands. To say many were hurt and caught in the cross hairs of my embarrassing fall, would be an understatement. I had many leaders that I was in charge of pastoring and mentoring, and only one of them is now a friend, almost 3 years later.

In the middle of the day today, one of them called. We had about 40 minutes of conversation and it was purely fantastic. This was a man that I truly cared for and genuinely loved like a brother. I know he emulated me and looked up to me in so many ways, and when I fell, I knew I broke his heart and caused him to stumble in his own walk with God. As we were talking, he began to share about his present discouragement and how he always could count on me back then to encourage him. As I was touched by his honesty, I began to tell him a story of a humbling moment that confronted my pride, yet ultimately changed me forever.

You see I was pretty important. (emphasis mine...haha) From traveling across the country preaching, to over-seeing ministries including several staff, TV appearances, and add to that the fact that I was on my way to even more fame than I had already accomplished. So when I was exposed, and then threatened and blackmailed out of the ministry, I was humiliated, shamed, and completely ruined. All I managed to care about was trying to salvage my marriage and family. Due to threats of violence and continual harassment, we felt we had no choice but to relocate, and start life completely over. We wanted to find a church here where we could camp out and just be with God and go slow. So the first Sunday we went to church, we were late of course. We checked our children in and then walked into a sanctuary of literally about 4000 people. We had no choice but to make our way to the highest point in the church where only a few empty seats remained. As we made our way up there, it all just kinda hit me. Lonely, depressed, and isolated were the only titles I now owned, and here I was, being directed to the very back row, at the top of the church. The whole experience would be the catalyst to my first prescription of heavy anti-depressants.

I couldn't tell you what the pastor preached. I was listening to my own mental message of "I'll never be anything ever again," to "I put myself here and I deserve it, so shut up, and get used to this..," to "how could I have ever let this happen." At this moment, it began to hit me of just how far I had fallen and just how far from God I felt in that moment. I had worked so hard, and spent so much effort at being known, and being important, and being influential, and being used by God, and being a spiritual father to so many, that I had genuinely forgotten how to just BE His son. I was so engulfed in this sense of having to accomplish and perform, that I truly lost sight of God's unconditional love for me, AND for His people.

As I was retelling my story, this now re-acquired friend and ex-staff member couldn't help but laugh at how humbling it truly was. As I continued on, I shared that despite the pain and suffering that we as a family went through because of my sin, things were now entirely different. Here we are, 3 years later, living life in such a way that I've never been more happier or secure. I have preached not one message, led none to Christ, oversee no one but myself (and that's even a challenge), only traveled away from my family one time, and I'm more secure and at peace than ever before. We have a small group of friends we've made since that lonely Sunday, and life as we know it in restoration and redemption, is really quite magnificent. Jodi and I are more fulfilled and understand each other better than ever before. Currently in my life, I probably accomplish and perform less than I have ever done since childhood. Yet I feel more at peace and closer to Jesus than I've ever felt since first coming to know Him. My family is doing better than we've ever been, and my life is the most open its been in over 20 years.

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY? Perhaps like me, you are now in your own chair of confusion, hopelessness, and abandonment. Despite how you feel right now, be at peace in one thing: God has not forsaken you nor given up on you. Know that God knows where you are right this moment. He also knows with incredible wisdom, how to love you, reach you, and restore you. That chair might just be exactly where God wants you, in order for Him to work IN you, and ON you. More important than what's going on around you, is what's going on IN you, and in your spouse. If you are in your own moment of despair at what you have lost or what you have lost due to a spouse's actions, I invite you to go a step further and itemize what you have lost. Write down what your or your spouses moral failure has cost you and your loved ones. That way, when you do allow God to love you, heal you, and restore you, you'll realize just what it cost you to be the man or woman of love and restoration you will then be!! There are huge prices to be paid by all parties involved in moral failure. But all hope does not have to be lost. If we will let God heal us, and work in us, we will give him every chance to restore us and bring us to a place where we'll tell stories about our past humiliation, and use it to inspire others in their own journey to healing. It will be all in an effort to encourage and uplift others to pursue God and give their lives completely and totally to Him.

Romans 8:28 -And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purposes.......

WE'RE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU!