If recovery and restoration are going to be an attainable reality, the hurt spouse will have to "GET IT," that is for sure. As I eluded to in my previous entry, the actions of the unfaithful spouse in large part, will eventually enable the marriage to either thrive, survive, or inevitably dive. There are very little other options, as much depends upon how we, the unfaithful, handle ourselves post-fall. In no way do I mean to overlook or minimize the feelings or power of choice the hurt spouse has, when moral failure has been uncovered. However, if we the unfaithful, react with genuine humility, brokenness and godly sorrow, I (as well as many others on this site) are confident that in most cases, the hurt spouse can find a point of restoration through great ministry, grace and effort.

It's certainly not easy, nor a mere walk in the park, but it is more than possible. Just ask Jodi, my wife.

Anyone who has been involved in redemption and triumph over infidelity, will attest that it is never a one sided issue. There are always mutual issues that need to be discovered and resolved with compassionate precision. There is always a need to see ministry and change on both sides of the marriage, if redemption is to find wings. A professionally wielded scalpel is my best suggestion.

What I found amazing is, when I "Got it," my wife Jodi began to "Get it" as well.

I had always wondered (in the inner recesses of my own heart), "When will we begin to address issues in Jodi's life that have affected ME???" That's not blame. That's reality and effective healing if we are going to do this right!!! She does not deserve what happened to her. She is not the blame for what I did. But I, nor she, is perfect, and there were very real issues that needed to be addressed if we were/are going to stay together and believe God to flourish in our marriage.

Take courage, they have been addressed both strategically and lovingly, and even now we are both more rewarded and fulfilled than ever before.

When I handled my sin, and arrogance, and insecurity, she eventually felt free enough and safe enough to handle her issues. My humility served as an impetus to dissect the affair and ask herself, "What did I do that may have contributed to it's existence..??? What was/is in my life that prohibited growth or intimacy between us?"

Amazing indeed.

It didn't come by me berating her. And it certainly didn't come by me blaming her. It came slowly but surely, as I allowed myself to often times be the focal point. It also came by her pressing in to the Lord and opening up her heart to hear from God. It came by an incredible amount of prayer and dedication by both of us.

Don't read between the lines too much; she didn't throw my sin in my face. She didn't continually remind me of it, nor did she ever throw out comments that were daggers in my heart. She took up her issues with God and would take it day by day with dedicated effort to see us be saved.

There were horrendously tough times, that seemed like there was no end in sight. There were moments where I wondered if it was all worth it. But as difficult as it was in various moments, it's been indescribably wonderful as well. There have been moments (lots of them) where I have thought to myself "I never knew it could be this good."

Even our therapist Rick Reynolds testifies to Jodi's amazing ability to forgive, love and reconcile. When it became public knowledge a few years ago, that she wanted to save our marriage and be reconciled, our past ministry leaders actually challenged the notion of whether or not she was "off" in the head.

Can you believe the audacity? "Off in the head" for wanting restoration.......

Truly unbelievable, the ignorance and shame by which they treated my wife; that she be considered "OFF in the head" for trying to preserve her family and stay married to me. From them, she would have been both rewarded and applauded, should she have decided to leave me.

Matthew 19:26

And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

WHAT IS GOD SAYING TO YOU TODAY??? Any marriage, whether affected by infidelity or not, is a two way street beloved. There is no way we can ever justify infidelity, or addiction. We can however, understand it, treat it, overcome it, and annihilate it. If we are "off in the head" enough to endeavor to save our marriages and rebuild them to be better than ever before, we must explore why our affairs or addictions have been allowed to exist and grow. Our own personal issues must be addressed as primary, and our spouses a far far second. We the betrayers, can never hope to see real, healthy or God inspired change in our spouses, until we first examine, consecrate and deal with ourselves. Until we first discover what truly allowed for and abetted our infidelity within our own dysfunction, our spouses issues are a distant second. The proof of our recovery and contrition will be manifested by our hurt spouses feeling safe enough, and healthy enough, to look internally and explore issues that may have aided the fall. We will forever be the one's who went outside the marriage. Sorry, but that's the truth of it all, and for me, the cold hard truth that I must forever deal with. Redemption is only available truly, when I (the betrayer) take responsibility for that, and trust Jesus enough to redeem that fact and use it for good! (Romans 8) But rest assured, we do not have to forever be the tombstone of a failed marriage. We can be the impetus to a redeemed and restored marriage that is everything we ever wanted it to be and truly more. The choice is ours: how will we handle our failure? AND do we think God bigger than our failures and strong enough to redeem them? I pray you get it, keep it, and overcome it.
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU.