Category 6 - Someday My Prince (or Princess) Will Come

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Love addiction is characterized by a repetitive pattern of moving from one relationship to the next, falling into a love that doesn’t last. Although their patterns have an addictive quality to them, they are not about sexual relationships. They also do not fall under the category of people who have become emotionally involved in one inappropriate friendship. There is a compulsive pattern to their behavior. It is about “falling in love” with that “one right person,” whom they can never find. This never ending search for the “right one” prevents full commitment to a marriage. Having discovered that their mate isn’t “Mr. or Mrs. Right”, these people compulsively pursue the search for their soul mate

M. Scott Peck, in his book, A Road Less Traveled, talks about love in some ways that help differentiate true love from the false love (he would call it romantic love) that we believe the love addict keeps looking for. Throughout his book’s section on love, he discusses the difference between the two. He explains that “falling in love” is not love at all. It is not even about the other person. It is how the other person makes one feel about oneself. Peck would even surmise that anyone who has “fallen in love” will eventually fall “out of love” and then must choose love. True love is about knowing the other person and letting the other person know you. This is healthy intimacy, not the false intimacy the love addict has mistaken for love, clung to, and obsessively pursued.

Characteristics:

  • Tends to occur more frequently with females.
  • Will tend to be ambivalent about their marriage.
  • Tend to overvalue the person they are infatuated with. Are incapable of judging the negative characteristics of their partner. While they may see the defects, they won’t give these defects any weight. Rather, they’ll see them as unique or special.
  • There may or may not be an actual relationship with the person they are “infatuated” with. It can be more like an obsession that is not reciprocated.
  • Frequently complain about the lack of romantic love in the marital relationship. May feel they’ve married the wrong person.
  • Experience intrusive thoughts about their romantic partner. May spend as much as 80% of awake time thinking about this person, trying to determine how the other person feels about them.
  • The obsessive nature of the relationship creates unrealistic expectations of the “love object” in regards to how they want to be shown love in return