Rick did not answer the question being asked: Did the unfaithful use the betrayed over the seven years of adultery?
For someone to make a serious, life long commitment to their spouse to love them forsaking all others and then break that commitment and find physical and emotional love with another person/persons, all the while betraying and lying to to keep the spouse where they want them, because they are still receiving some fulfillment from the spouse also is the very definition of using someone. Lying to someone, betraying someone is taking away their liberty to choose the life they want to live, and imposing on them the life that you want them to live for you. You are the dictator and are forcing them to be married to a liar, betrayer and adulterer. Rick says that this spouse was not "loving his wife well", and though he was committed to stay, he was not committed not to stray. I disagree. Love is an action, not a mere feeling. It is honoring the promise that you made to another, sacrificing and desiring to put their needs above your own. Having feelings of love for your spouse and "making love" to them when you're with them, while simultaneously having feelings of love for and "making love" to another woman when you're with them is not love. It is the very essence of using both women to fulfill your needs, while never having to really love either one. And this husband, being a Christ follower, makes him even more aware of the definition of love according to God's Word. It's interesting that he didn't bring God's perspective into this question, and neither did Rick. I believe God would say that the reason why adultery is a sin, is because it makes a mockery of what he intended to be a model of His love for His bride, sacrificial and unconditional. It destroys the lives of all who are involved, and in it there is no love, no sacrifice, no commitment. There is only self love and self fulfillment. It is the love that Satan preaches. It is death.

When you are betraying your wife with another woman, making your wife believe by your words and actions that you are being true to your vows to her and to God, you are using her. Yes, you may have "feelings" of love for her while you are with her, but if those feelings conveniently disappear when you are with your adultery partner, and you indulge your "feelings" of love for the adultery partner, then you do not have the kind of love that you promised to your wife. You have a love that "loves the one you're with", and though that may psychologically be a legitimate form of love, that's not the form what your wife and you committed to when you made your vows. Rick's idea that the husband kept part of his commitment, in that he chose to stay, but not to stray, undermines the entire institution of marriage as God intended. Vows do not include the idea that we may may stay but not stray. I think it would be helpful if Rick would dispel the idea that marriage can include any form of love other than the one that those who marry commit, which is self- sacrifing, action based, and never includes any form of romantic love for another. True, no one can tell this husband what his feelings were, but they also cannot tell his wife that because she could not do what he did, she cannot understand that he did have feelings of love for her. What he can be told that the love he "felt" for his wife, was not the love that he promised his wife nor the love that he was receiving from his wife. His love was couched in lies me betrayel and manipulation to keep her where he wanted her to be for his needs. He was cake eating with the bride of his youth and other women. Though he may have had some cheap fly by night love, because he was feigning the exclusive love that he promised his wife, and that he was receiving from his wife in her ignorance of his double-life, he was using her. It shows an inability to put the shoe of the other foot to know the wife's side and truly understand the extreme level of using that adultery defines. Why does Rick not address this issue, but instead justifies the husbands "feelings" of love?