Trigger Vision When was the last time you got up from your favorite chair after watching TV with that ‘I could take on the world’ feeling? You know what I mean - the feeling you get after watching Rudy or Braveheart. Now go back a little further in your memory… remember the first time you watched Sleeping Beauty? The prince who bravely fought the evil witch just so he could rescue the girl whom he had danced with ‘once upon a dream?’ Try to put aside any jaded feelings you may have for a moment so you can remember that feeling of pure joy you felt as you watched them dance into the credits. Now I ask you, what in the world has gone wrong with television these days? Why must so much of it step on wounded hearts? I remember during the first year after discovery my mind would swirl into a storm of questions every time the show’s plot twisted into one of my triggers. “Is that what it was like for him?” I wondered, “Is watching this with me making him want it again? Is he going to go back to that secret life?” I may have sat down with the intention of relaxing, but instead it left me feeling worn out and upset. TV didn’t always affect me this way. Before I discovered the secret life my husband Wayne was living I just shrugged it off as ridiculous or strange or even on occasions mildly sad, but as soon as I got up to turn it off it was over, leaving no lasting effect on me whatsoever. After discovery, TV had an ability to make me feel like I was standing at a firing wall as my triggers literally shot their toxic bullets into my heart. I learned early on to stay away from certain shows that ran themes which were especially dangerous for me. After a while though, I found that one of my biggest triggers is considered to be politically correct, so it has a tendency to randomly pop its ugly little head up on just about any show I may choose to watch. Because of this I began to see the flat screen in my living room as ‘Trigger-Vision.’ There was many nights Wayne and I watched about 15 minutes of a show and then had to turn it to ‘This Old House’ re-runs because an unexpected trigger had danced across the screen. I am now three years out from discovery. When we dive deep into the healing process a lot can happen in three years. My heart has healed to the point that I no longer get nauseous when I am confronted with one of my old triggers on the flat screen. My mind no longer resembles the perfect storm of ‘what if’ questions. Triggers that used to send me into a period of fear and sadness now serve to remind me of where we were and how far we have come, so in a way they have become triggers of gratitude for my Healer. Having said that, I still tend to stay away from shows that had previously been so toxic to my heart. At the end of the day when I am ready to turn on the TV and relax, I generally have used up most of my energy. Whatever I turn on is either going to breathe life back into me, or else suck what little I have left out. Personally, I would rather go to bed feeling full of life, not depleted of it. Sometimes that means choosing music or a good book over sitcoms. I would love to hear from you. How does TV affect you? Is it ‘Trigger Vision’ for you as well? How do you handle it? Have you found ways to fill your heart with life rather than continuing to allow the TV to rob you of it? Leave a comment and let me know…
