We are almost at the two year mark from Dday.
We've struggled with it ALL... therapy, communication, understanding, empathy... infidelity can truly turn human beings inside out.
The first 'therapy' we encountered was not good for us, and afterward I struggled with even wanting to continental in (insert noun here... therapy, counseling, marriage, life). It was horrendous. The counselors, a husband and wife team, we're so focused on forgiveness on my part (the faithful) to release him of his shame (multiple affairs of every level for two years) that it left me full of guilt and confusion and my unfaithful spouse full of inflated pride and a sense of entitlement. I can't express enough to couples trying to wade these waters, please, for the love of God, be careful who you entrust with your mental health. Good intentions are nor enough... you need real help.
I can only speak of myself... post Dday I was so engulfed in every emotion possible that looking back I was not even capable of finding real help. And if like me you live in a more rural area, your options are few. Unfortunately, it took another 15 months (12 months after the initial therapists) before I sought further help. First it came from my medical doctor, who diagnosed me with complex PTSD, trauma related depression and anxiety. I lost sixty pounds in a year. My hair started to fall out. 8 was suicidal, i was so sick of living in the darkness of my mind. And my husband... could not help me.
Your spouse cant FIX you. Spouses, you can NOT fix your messed up, confused, hurt to the core wife/husband. You can support, you can become safe as a quiet harbor, but you can't do it for them. Stress will KILL you... so please, seek help.

It took (is taking) God, a therapist, a doctor, two pills a day, meditation, lots of self awareness, and a million prayers by every friend, family, and even some strangers to put me together after my husband's infidelities. And this is just the starting point. My point is not to depress or scare anyone, just debunk the myth that you can wade these waters on your own. You can't, but more than that, you don't want to. I thought prayer, my own stubbornness, and time could do it. It's simply not true. God can heal it all, but I was not (mentally or physically) in a place to receive it. I needed to get well, I needed guidance... I needed help.
Also... unfaithful... pay attention. What you're doing (have done) is WHY your spouse is off their hinges. They can TRUST you to fix them, your opinions, nor your intentions. Get creative in your way of loving the ones that you have literally destroyed. Have patience. Pray. Get healthy yourself. Pray for them. Pray with them, even if they turn away. Your faithful spouse won't admit it, but they are ALWAYS afraid, and it's paralyzing. Stop expecting normal responses from someone that feels anything but normal. And accept... you hurt them. Bad. Forgive yourself, but don't excuse yourself. Don't live in shame, but don't shame them for their pain and unforgiveness. Time is only your friend in healing if you make good use of it.

By the way, we're still together. Moving to a new house. I'm excelling in my career. My children are healing now that Mom is. We're forever changed though... I guess we'll see what the next chapter holds.
Best of luck and my prayers to all of you.