This was a very helpful video. My husbands AP and husband are on this site as well, so I won’t elaborate on details. I have run into my husbands AP several times and I want to say I feel indifferent, but I just don’t. The feelings definitely evolve over time. I still look in disbelief that it’s all real. Seeing her makes it all so tangible. Now it just brings me to a place for a day or so, of being so angry at my husband. I have to relive knowing what horrible things he is capable of. He went into another mans home, brought her into ours. Introduced me to this woman. It’s hard to stay in the “present” at those times and see a new man. at one of the run-ins she said she was so sorry and how she had been so “manipulated”. I don’t know if this is a coping mechanism for her own sake or if this is how many unfaithful women feel, but it’s hard for me not to want to lash out. I keep reminding myself I’m not dealing with someone who thinks like I do and to treat her as such. I read months of messages and she was not victim and trying to draw pity from me is ridiculous. I want to strive to do as you suggest and forgive. I know there is nothing to gain from anything to do with the AP. I also hope that if my husband ever runs into her husband and there is an exchange of words that he won’t say anything stupid, since he is an AP as well.

This was a very helpful video. My husbands AP and husband are on this site as well, so I won’t elaborate on details. I have run into my husbands AP several times and I want to say I feel indifferent, but I just don’t. The feelings definitely evolve over time. I still look in disbelief that it’s all real. Seeing her makes it all so tangible. Now it just brings me to a place for a day or so, of being so angry at my husband. I have to relive knowing what horrible things he is capable of. He went into another mans home, brought her into ours. Introduced me to this woman. It’s hard to stay in the “present” at those times and see a new man. at one of the run-ins she said she was so sorry and how she had been so “manipulated”. I don’t know if this is a coping mechanism for her own sake or if this is how many unfaithful women feel, but it’s hard for me not to want to lash out. I keep reminding myself I’m not dealing with someone who thinks like I do and to treat her as such. I read months of messages and she was not victim and trying to draw pity from me is ridiculous. I want to strive to do as you suggest and forgive. I know there is nothing to gain from anything to do with the AP. I also hope that if my husband ever runs into her husband and there is an exchange of words that he won’t say anything stupid, since he is an AP as well.

It's has been a year since finding out about my husband's emotional affair with his childhood family friend. I am awaiting my Harboring Hope course to begin. Listening to Samuel say forgiveness is needed for both my husband and his affair partner. I believe she is a very broken person. She has just been divorced for the second time. Having children from both marriages. Turning to my husband for emotional support turned emotional affair. She begging him to leave me. He has told me he has told her it's over that there is nothing more to say. But... She keeps trying to communicate. Currently I have blocked every way to not reach my husband. She doesn't want him to shut her out. I have been in therapy and have forgiven my husband. I wrote her a letter telling her I forgive her and believe it's time to close the door. And I made it clear that my husband said it's over. My question is is it wrong for me to mail it. I feel I will have closure, but will it just open up a whole new problem for me?
-Elizabeth