i do see there is a place for it with the right people/help.  i would say for us it was 70% individual work and personal confrontation with self, and about 30% with marriage work.  i'm so glad you've done some trauma work as that will make a ton of difference for sure.  it's so hard to find safety and objectivity on your own, so finding that safe third party who is an expert and infidelity specific will help immensely as well.

if i were you, i'd really consider getting expert help and doing something like the ems weekend.  you may be missing each other and simply not hearing or seeing how each other is trying to care for one another.  i could be wrong, but it sounds like no one is done yet right?  no divorce yet?  he's not going to hear your opinion of the choices he made as he can easliy dismiss it with 'you're just mad/offended/angry' or 'you don't see my heart' or 'you're overreacting' etc, and an expert, safe environment for both spouses can create safety and compassion on both sides of the equation.  you just can't work trhought his kinda stuff on your own ya know?  

hi trace.  there is much you can do.  for starters, he needs to be engaged in the process of doing recovery work.  is he?  you can start with the bootcamp found here:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp  also would he do something like the ems weekend with you?  it's found here:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend  here's a video I did about the weekend too:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/will-i-just-be-embarrassed-and-humiliated-ems-weekend  both those resources will help you both  heal as well as individually heal.  would he do a course on the site, like the hope for healing course:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing   it's a delicate but more than possible balance to do individual work, while also addressing the marital needs you both have.  what do you think?  how open is he to doing work?