Samantha Answers Questions: Part 3

Submitted by Samuel Tue, 05/30/2017 - 10:51

Samantha joins Samuel again today for the third and final installment of a 3 part series. She shares her side of their journey after infidelity and Samuel's affair from her perspective as the betrayed spouse.

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Thank you for all the help

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on

Thank you for all the help you your wife and everyone involved to make affair recovery. It has helped us in so many ways. Thank You

Thank you Samantha, for

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on

Thank you Samantha, for answering these questions and please come back. My husband was able to hear from you what he couldn't hear from me. I could say to him...that's how I have been feeling, or that is what I would've like, or that would have been so healing for me had you...without him thinking it was just me being difficult or trying to punish him in some way.

Thanks so much!

Submitted by Susan_NLTR on

Samantha I watched all three videos and especially the first one and the second one are pointing at what would help me to heal and what my husband seems to have trouble giving to me. I forwarded the videos to our therapist and my husband today. We have an appointment tomorrow and I hope he will have time to watch them...

Seperation

Submitted by mamad on

Thank you Samantha for sharing. Seeing you so healthy gives me hope. At some point can you come back and talk about what you did for yourself while you were separated? Were you able to even handle talking to Samual or seeing him during this time? I understand you had young children. Mine are at home but college age. I am 5 months from D Day and he has not lived home since then.

Thanks so much for sharing!

I have watched all of Samuel

Submitted by HopefulandHealing on

I have watched all of Samuel's vlogs and have always wondered what your side of this healing was. I love it. I can relate a lot to you and I have gained a great deal of comfort...especially when answering the question about how to handle people who are the "mama bears" and want to protect you. I've struggled so much with that and now I feel ok in how I've handled it. Thank you, Samantha.

Hi....I have tried to find a

Submitted by Ann Holly (not verified) on

Hi....I have tried to find a post about Samuels story as far as the adultery happened...is there one?

I hope I don't mess up any of

Submitted by Oak on

I hope I don't mess up any of the details. (Samuel, please jump in and make any corrections/clarifications if needed! ) I haven't specifically looked, but I've never heard it all in one go. From various blogs and vlogs and comments, I gained a general understanding. Samuel was in leadership of a larger church when he had an affair over a period of time. I believe he made short, frequent trips for work and somehow his AP worked into that scenario. Somehow, it came to light in a very public way, and they lost their entire support community and income. At the time, they had a 5 year old, a 4 year old, and a 6 week old infant. It was brutal in many, many ways. They moved out of town, I think out of state actually, not too long afterward, I believe. I don't know if that was for work or a fresh start. Again, I hope I haven't mixed up anyone's stories. I tried to just give you some overview facts about it. I hope that helps you.

Thank You

Submitted by dmjones on

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you having the courage to do this. I feel like you speak my heart. It has helped me to hear your words and I believe it has helped my husband also. I hope you continue to do more videos. I think the voice of the betrayed has been missing from the video blogs and its long overdue. Thank you again.

Thank you

Submitted by lizzy0831 on

Thank you Samantha for sharing your story. It is so helpful hearing from the betrayed. Both for myself (betrayed) and my husband.
These video blogs have been so helpful in our recovery.

Thank you for all the videos

Submitted by S. (not verified) on

Thank you for all the videos Samuel you have been posting and all the advice and the hope you are giving to couples going through this heart wrenching nightmare. It has been 7 months since D day for us. Ever since that day, my husband has been showing me and making me feel that I am who he wants and I too only want him, he has been truly there for me and is willing to do anything to help me get through the process of healing, but I still feel lost, and I don't know how to mend my broken heart. I wondered if it was something that could even be possible, but listening to the two of you talking of your own experience together, and seeing how strong in the end you've come out was so comforting. Especially listening to Samantha's experience in the three videos, I really needed to hear the side of the betrayed, and I would like to hear more from her. She gave me hope that there can be light at the end of the tunnel and that what I am feeling is normal and part of the process and one day this will all be a glimpse in our past of our amazing future that is to come. Thank you for everything!

s.

Submitted by Samuel on

it's possible my friend.  7 months isn't much time at all to be honest, unless you've really done a ton of work.  so keep going, one day at a time, pushing through.  it gets better and it gets wonderful, slowly but surely.  believing that she is who i truly wanted was a huge challenge for samantha and i so i'm glad you are at a point where you believe that and have confidence in that fact.  it took a while to arrive there, and if you're there now, that's so great for you both.  it's a rich place to be emotionally and mentally.

thank you again for your kind words and huge encouragement. 

 

Adding my thanks

Submitted by kmc on

We are almost 2 years past D-day and your vlogs have been a lifeline for me, the betrayed. Samuel, the insightful, hopeful and sustaining truth you have spoken has helped me through many dark places - and has helped me to communicate to my husband and therapist things I either couldn't put into words or didn't even know that I was thinking/feeling. What I have found most helpful is how you not only communicate the unfaithful's heart but you have been able to convey the betrayed's point of view through what you understood through Samantha's struggles. To hear it directly from Samantha is a gift of honesty and caring that I, for one, am extremely grateful for. It has been almost 2 years since our D-day and I still find myself struggling, not as painfully as in the earlier days, but it is still a struggle for forgiveness, happiness, finding normal. I find comfort in being able to turn to you - and Samantha - for words of insight, comfort, consolation...and occasionally a kick in the a**.

such great feedback...

Submitted by Samuel on

kmc, i wish i could describe how much your comment encourages me.  to hear and read your thoughts gives me hope and fuel to keep going.  we try to do the best we can to produce videos that do just what your described.  both point of views and hearts and provide a safe place for people to heal.  it's so encouraging to have you share exactly what we're going for.  thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feedback.  

i'll share this with the team as well.  ((helps them have patient with me when we film. hahahahaha) 

Samantha on the Vlog

Submitted by Brokenheartedwife2 (not verified) on

I really appreciate the vlog's you do Samuel, but hearing from Samantha has been so helpful, I truly hope she does more vlogs in the future. It is a real struggle, I am both a betrayed child and a betrayed spouse and they were both Long Term Adultery and rocked my world. The dbl betrayal as an Adult by a supposed friend of over 30 years has really rocked my world and brought up much of what I never dealt with as a betrayed child. These vlogs are doing much good. Thank you both.

working on taht for sure brokenhearted...

Submitted by Samuel on

yes, i would agree.  the numbers and feedback have been off the chart after samantha's showing.  which i figured would happen.  hahaha.  i'm so grateful she has come in and working on getting her in again.  it's a tightrope to talk with her other 'paying' job.  hahahaha.  but we're strategizing on how to do it and she's definitely open to it which is half the battle for sure.  thanks for the kind words and wonderful feedback.

 

Thank you

Submitted by lucimarie2 on

I am so happy to finally hear Samantha's thoughts. I am 8 months from Dday. The betrayed. Although there are more good days now the triggers are always present. I have hope when I heard that Samantha doesn't think about it everyday anymore. We are still early in our healing but know we want US in the end. Your story inspires us that it can be done. Please continue to be part of Samuel's blog!

Thank you Samantha for

Submitted by Lawgal (not verified) on

Thank you Samantha for sharing your insight, your courage in sharing is very much appreciated.

Boundaries and safeguards

Submitted by Crystall on

Dear Samantha,

Being only 7 months from dday, listening to you provides me with such comfort, as I can fully relate. My husband, while watching your blog with me, even commented: "That is so you! That is so us!".

We are getting to a point where we are starting the discussion about "why" and also boundaries and safeguards we think should be put in place to prevent this from happening again.

Did you ever insist on certain boundaries or safeguards and if you have, could you please share those with us?

Thank you,
Crystall,
Johannesburg, South Africa

Samantha

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on

Thank you for giving your side of the story it helps to hear from you that we the betrayed are normal and that the feelings we are having are ok. I always thought of myself as a strong person but when I walked into my bedroom and found my spouse with another it was heartbreaking, heart wrenching, and made me feel like a failure as a wife. I never thought in a million years this would ever happen to me especially since this was my second husband and he knew and promised that he would never hurt me like my last husband hurt me made it hurt even worse. This brought me to the lowest and weakest I had ever been. I want to thank you Samantha for your encouraging words that I am going to be ok one day even if my husband will not take classes and wants to recover his way. I still do not trust him and do not know when I will but the vision of that day is ever before me and I pray that one day this pain and visional will not be so painful and frequent. I feel like I will never trust another human ever. I pray that one day God will show him that he has to do recovery somewhere with someone to help us and me recover. Thank you again.

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What to read next

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Surviving the Early Stages of Infidelity: Part 1
What Kind of Person Will Infidelity Make You Into? Part 2
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Infidelity Trauma: An Interview with a Specialist Part 1