Thank you for speaking directly to me today. The last month has been a time of extreme turmoil. I am 16 months past the original "D Day". I had actually known if many of my wife's indiscretions over the last 19 years, but she never would admit, even shen she caught an STD 4 years ago this month. When confronted with lab work proving i didn't give it to her, she finally admitted to infidelity. Problem was, she started her confession with another lie. Over several months she trickle fed me more information. A total of 4 affair partners came out, then she stopped. She said it was all in the past, she had made her peace with God and was a different person now, and i needed to just accept and move past it. She has refused to discuss the matter any further.
Immediately post D Day we began seeing an excellent Christian counselor, but after a month she said the counselor was focusing on her and stopped going. I continued to see him for a couple of months until my EAP visits ran out. My insurance would not pay for him because he was a Christian based counselor, so i had to stop going.
In the interim we have sought treatment for my wife. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD secondary to abuse as a youth. She is making progress in her treatment, but we are still in turmoil. Her counselor recommended we see a marriage counselor in her office and we did, with the same results. 5 weeks in my wife stopped, even before we even touched on infidelity.
I have been reading and praying and following the blogs at Affair Recovery for months now. I am aware we need help. I have been processing many aspects of our life, but she still refuses to discuss anything. I'm in turmoil to the point i have a hard time functioning.
Your post today spoke directly to me. Regardless of what she does, i must get help. Finances and lack of time have held me back. Today God led me to open my email and watch your blog. I wil follow your advice.
Thank you!

We are 14 months from the original D day and 6 months from the D Day of full truth. I am the unfaithful. My husband does not want to seek any counseling, books, videos for himself. He also only wants us (We share finances.) to pay for counseling through insurance, and he knows I have purchased several books. I have suggested EMS, and he refuses.
I have read, listened, attended counseling and am continuing. He has said he is "trying". I am unsure what work I need and how else to help US and ME. Can I help him? I believe we are both committed to the marriage, and I know he is very unhappy. He still has multi hour anger sessions about once a week.
How do I help him? What can I do to help him? Me? Us? Please share the timeline for recovery article. Also, is there any order/suggestion for watching the videos? Thank you so much for all your help! I really do appreciate everything.

That it is almost MORE important to the betrayed to see the unfaithful taking charge of their recovery full force. True initiative in wanting to heal; seeking out every resource available. We don’t need them to find recovery for us; they already damaged us. Give us space to heal. But, trusting and having faith in the unfaithful as a partner in a marriage is next to impossible until they actually show real tangible initiative in their own help. Personally, I don’t need a broken man to rescue me, and I don’t want to have to rescue him. I want a partner; a real partner in our marriage. It’s all I ever wanted. Instead, he fell for exactly the person who treated him like a victim and perpetuated the triangle with him trading places of rescuer and victim, making everyone else a perpetrator.
I won’t do that for him. I expect, truth, honesty, and a partner. Simple.