Dealing with this for 5 days now. My husband and I have been married for almost 34 years. Since 1987. Earlier this year my mother died and our family has fallen apart. It has come to light that my husband and my sister have had a relationship for 27 of our 34 years of marriage. (From 1991-2018). They never had sexual intercourse but she did once perform a sexual act on him. He was mesmerized by her breasts. She is a very trashy, nasty, mean, spiteful, hateful person. She is a chain smoker, her teeth have rotted out, and she is hooked on prescription painkillers. She has served time in jail for forgery, been visited by the FBI for blackmail, has had sex with married men, receives disability, has alias names and ssn’s, and her “job” is “phone sex.”
I am the opposite. I am a college educated professional who has spent my entire life supporting my husband and 2 children.
My sister would ask my husband to come to her home to repair things from time to time, and my husband would ask to see her breasts. She says she would show them to him he would ask to suck them, and she let him once. She said over the course of 27 years he asked 50 or more times.
He admits that she performed a sexual act on him. He said she called him over and had in a see through nightgown and he got an erection and exposed himself and asked her ….
(He admits to asking to see her breasts over the years but insists the time frame was shorter - maybe 5 - 10 years and insists he asked no more than 3 or four times.)
The only reason anything came to light is that over the years my sister has been jealous of me and would always make comments that she could “rock my perfect little world.” After my mother’s death in early 2021, my husband felt that my sister was about to tell me and he told me about the sex act ONLY. He swore that’s all that happened and that it happened only once.
2 1/2 months later my sister and I got into an argument about our elderly father who was ailing in health. During the argument I brought up the sex act, and that’s when she informed me about everything with the breasts.
I am reeling. I had no idea. I thought we were perfect. We have ALWAYS been by each other’s side. We have NEVER spent time apart (other than very very few work related conferences over the years.). We raised 2 beautiful children, attended all athletic events from tee ball all the way through COLLEGE ball together. (Yes - both children received college athletic scholarships .)
We didn’t HAVE PROBLEMS! we went to church, went in family vacations, and were ALWAYS there for each other.)
My sister told me that he always told her, “I love my wife.”
He never told her he loved her. He convinced himself that he wasn’t cheating because they weren’t “having sex.”
I asked him then why didn’t he tel me about it since he didn’t consider it cheating. I asked my sister why didn’t she tell me about it since “it made her feel so abused.”
I told them both that they have robbed me of 30 years of my life because I realize now everything was a lie.
He wants me to stay. He says he loves me. That we’ve worked hard to build a life together (which we did.)
He went to the altar at church.
Advice ???