It's been four years now since D-day.
I am still triggered by so many things, almost daily. After some initial marital counselling my wife became resistant to working on things, and the last relational conversation we had two ago consisted of: "I never really loved you", "stop saying you love me", "I kissed him just the other day", "don't call me honey", "we need to move back to (our home state) or I and the kids will go without you".
We now moved back. Two years now. I have no support system. I go through the motions, trying to make our and my life the best I can. I am otherwise pretty mentally healthy, I think.
Everything is cordial and functional, but I am paralysed in a state of limbo. I don't know how to change the status quo because I am not healthy myself. I hope one day I have the strength and finances to seek help to recover my sanity, before it's too late.

This site has been so valuable. In the journey I have encountered counselors that did not help and actually harmed my/our recovery. It is my hope that this resource will continue me on a path to healing in a journey that is almost impossible to navigate. Also that betrayal trauma is not recognized in the medical community but actually causes so many physical manifestations. These go unrecognized by traditional medical doctors because question are not asked and marital/relationship problems are recognized as "normal'. Thank you for having this resource for direction for so many.

For the past 4 1/2 months, I’ve cried every day. I’m ready to smile again with or without my husband

I had just celebrated our 25th anniversary and I found out 8 months ago that my husband had been in a 3 year affair with one of his employees. He ended it two years ago, but was still working with her. He got a new job and just moved out this week for a second time to give some space and is finding a new counselor to work with, but my kids are really struggling through this. I have felt stuck in the trauma of all this, almost just in a frozen state, paralyzed. I am just now starting to be able to have really feelings and emotions erupt. I need to get the help so I can be strong for my kids and hopefully eventually reconcile if that’s what is meant to happen.

My D-Day was a month ago…I actually had a dream a couple of days prior, a nightmare, I looked down at my wedding ring and it was shattered into pieces. I had “suspected” but never got the whole truth from my husband. He also had a problem of going out drinking and not coming home until 2-3-4 am while I was up praying and worrying about him.

The night before he confessed I had a panic attack, was writing in my journal and had, like many times before this feeling in my gut that he was or had cheated on me but always thought it was the “enemy” trying to break up my marriage. I shared my anguish with my spouse and got a very cold response. The next day, we sat as a family, we have two kids, and talked about our daughter’s birthday. After dinner I sat at the table and that feeling came on again, I confronted him again, but first sharing that I had been reading a book about what to do when you feel like leaving your spouse. He then said it, “i have been unfaithful”. My whole world and my biggest fear had come true. I asked with who, how many, and then he responded with five women…i kept on repeating the number, FIVE, FIVE, and then I lost it. I started grabbing the drink glasses and throwing them on the floor. I took off my wedding ring and handed it to him, saying it was worth nothing now. I left the house, my heart destroyed and broken. I had no one to go to, no where to go but I had to leave the house.

I remembered a wonderful couple that have a marriage course (which we had taken and renewed our vows the year before with) and I called them. They received me in their house and for over a week, I cried, screamed, was in shock…my husband was the only man I had ever been with, and when we got married I was his only partner. That was something I cherished, our intimacy that we shared, that is very rare.

We met very young and he now (a month later) is saying that he needed to have more girlfriends and live more before he married me. That he was pushed into marrying me and that he doesn't even know if he really loved me. I am devastated and at the same time heartbroken as I drive around the city I live…full of strip clubs and hourly paying hotels that people can drive into to hide their cars.

I would like to join the harboring hope program because I want to heal my wounds and have wholeness in my heart. I know that the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and he is trying very hard to break up our marriage… I will not let him take my hope for my healing and restoration and I do sincerely hope that my husband can find and accept help, and fully repent of his sin before God. I was not a perfect wife, and I am also a sinner, I feel ashamed at even wanting to try to restore my marriage, but something inside of me, and God continues to speak restoration over me and my family. I will believe His word and what he paid for on the cross. This is so hard.

Alumnus. Unfaithful- Its been 2 years and a long road. However, through every trial, we have made it through. It has not been an easy journey and it is far from over. I am blessed with an amazing partner and she is my rock.
The best advice I can give anyone is this:
1. Be absolutely truthful during the disclosure portion of your journey. I was not and thought it would just "go away". Hint: it didn't and she found out. This caused us to start from square one. It was absolutely horrible.
2. Please utilize the resources this program provides. Everyone has been amazing and really helpful. Their caring is genuine.
3. Choose your words carefully and be respectful. NEVER say, "Can't we just move on?!" Note: I have never uttered these words. But remind myself everyday. Forgiveness and trust is wonderful however, it must be earned. I know what I'm capable of and never want to be that person again.
Trust in the journey. Believe me when I say, "There is a light on the horizon. There will never be an end of the tunnel but my journey is with my best friend. My wife. Through this process, we have made life-long friends. God has truly blessed us. Thank you Rick and team!

My life has crumbled!
I can’t function I can only do bare minimum to breathe through the day.
I’m CPTSD and on medications to keep from panic attacks.
It started with one trauma after another, I couldn’t even get up before I was knocked down again. I’ve lost myself!
It started with my 3 year old son dying in my arms, taking him off life support for his last heartbeat in my arms due to Covid-19 causing brain death. Then my only aunt my second mom dying, then my husband’s father dying and going out of state for my father in law funeral with my husband and three kids. My husband went into psychosis during the trip and it was crazy in a car with my 3 children trying to drive back up the east coast with my husband in delusions and throwing stuff out the window, talking to himself, all with kids right there stuck in a car out of state. All I could do was drive to my moms to get my kids to grandma’s house. So I could try to get my husband to the mental ward. I got my kids to grandmas house and safe and my husband did not because of being delusional want to willing go in, he started getting mean and dangerous. Sitting in the hospital parking lot with he decides to tell me of 3 affairs and a porn addiction through our 15 year marriage and not using condoms. He told me in this exact way. “ yea, I hit that, and I fucked the bitch at Walgreens in the break room twice and I fucked the bitch a capital one, I was bored and wanted to have fun, it’s not all about you Samantha”. He had been flirting with women at every job he had sending messages and emails through company computers and in face. Sleeping with coworkers, gaslighting me, lying, putting my life at risk with no condoms and now I have incurable STD because of it. I didn’t even know I had, blood work confirmed it!!! I full of so much pain and rage!!! My son is gone and my whole marriage was an illusion and I have a disease too!!! WTF… I can’t breathe,,, I can’t clean my house, I can’t make dinner. I’m dying inside and alone… this all started 8 months ago may 2023… I need help for my children to have a mom back and for me to get myself back.. so I can make my beautiful son who has passed on proud of his mom!! I want to make him proud..

3 years ago this month, I discovered 9000 minutes of cell phone calls made on my husband's account to one particular number. When I questioned it, the lies began. I was told I was wrong, led to believe I was crazy, and made to feel unworthy of my husband's love and affection. Not long after that, "the other woman" left her husband and fled to our area. Things unfolded, loved blossomed between her and my husband, and they began to explore sexuality with each other via phone, messenger, text, email, etc. I kept questioning, and kept getting gaslighted. Eventually, with enough hard evidence, my husband confessed to being in love with this MUCH YOUNGER woman. Our Christian marriage and his 25 years of ministry seemed like a complete sham. We are trying to put the pieces back together and rebuild trust, but I am also so broken, so confused, so hurt...just completely devastated. So, I'm looking for hope and begging God to answer my prayers.

I would love to win a space at Harbouring Hope as I am in absolute turmoil after finding out my husband has had an affair for the past 7 years (we’ve been married 12 years). My instinct told me all along something was going on but my heart didn’t want to see it. The AP bought it to my door and has been relentless since. She thought I’d kick him out and they’d skip off in to the sunset. He says he wants to make it work with me but how do I move from knowing they went on holiday together while I was having a mental health crisis back home with 3 kids? Or that they have slept together? Or that they have shared such an intimate secret? I have 3 beautiful kids including 1 disabled and I am struggling to show up as a good mother as I am plagued with intrusive thoughts which I struggle to not act upon. I am so desperate to move from this place for myself and in turn my marriage and my family.

Betrayal in any form is a deeply traumatic experience, one that cuts to the core of trust and security in relationships. When that betrayal comes from within the sanctity of marriage and involves individuals closely intertwined in one's personal and professional life, the impact can be devastating, reverberating through every aspect of one's existence. As someone who has weathered the storm of a 19-year marriage only to discover a profound breach of trust through a four-year affair between my husband and a friend and coworker, I find myself drawn to the Harboring Hope program as a beacon of hope and healing in the aftermath of such profound betrayal.

The nature of the betrayal I have endured is multifaceted, intertwining personal, spiritual and professional spheres in ways I could have never imagined. Our shared involvement in a local church, where both my husband and I, along with the other woman, held positions of leadership and responsibility, adds layers of complexity to the pain. Not only did this betrayal shatter the foundation of trust within my marriage, but it also tainted the communal trust and integrity of the religious community we served. The fact that both the woman involved and her husband, a fellow pastor and friend, were deeply entrenched in our social and professional circles only exacerbates the feelings of betrayal and disillusionment.

The Harboring Hope program offers a unique opportunity for betrayed partners like myself to navigate the tumultuous waters of healing and recovery in a supportive and understanding environment. One of the program's key strengths lies in its acknowledgment of the multifaceted nature of betrayal trauma, recognizing that it extends beyond the boundaries of the marital relationship to impact every facet of one's life. By providing a structured framework for processing emotions, rebuilding self-esteem, and reestablishing boundaries, Harboring Hope equips participants with the tools they need to navigate the complex landscape of post-betrayal healing.

Furthermore, the program's emphasis on understanding the root causes of betrayal and trauma speaks directly to my own experiences. As someone who has witnessed firsthand the devastating impact of unresolved trauma and enmeshment in my husband's upbringing, I am acutely aware of the interconnectedness of personal history and relational dynamics. Harboring Hope's holistic approach to healing acknowledges the importance of addressing these underlying issues in order to break the cycle of betrayal and forge a path toward genuine reconciliation and healing for myself, my marriage, and the health of our two children.

Moreover, the sense of community and solidarity fostered within the Harboring Hope program is invaluable in my journey toward healing with the disenfranchisement of my spiritual family. Finding oneself among a group of individuals who have walked a similar path of pain and betrayal can be incredibly validating and empowering. The opportunity to share experiences, offer support, and receive guidance from others who truly understand the depth of one's pain is a source of strength and comfort that cannot be overstated.

In conclusion, the decision to embark on the Harboring Hope program represents a profound step toward reclaiming agency and autonomy in the wake of profound betrayal. By providing a structured framework for healing, addressing underlying trauma, and fostering a sense of community and solidarity, Harboring Hope offers a beacon of hope in the darkness of betrayal, guiding betrayed partners toward a future defined by resilience, healing, and ultimately, renewed hope for the possibility of genuine reconciliation and redemption.

I’m glad to have found this resource and hope to be able to take part in the Harboring Hope.

Winning the opportunity to participate in the Harbouring Hope course is paramount to my healing journey, as the trauma of my husband's affair in 2022 continues to haunt me. Despite the passage of time, I find myself unable to move forward, hindered by his reluctance to seek professional help and his avoidant attachment style.

The affair, lasting six agonizing months, struck a devastating blow, further exacerbated by the fact that it was with a close friend of mine. The pain is magnified by her presence in our neighborhood, where our children attend the same school, and our mutual friends often discuss her. Her lack of remorse or apology serves as a constant reminder of the betrayal I endured.

What's particularly distressing is my husband's inability to express genuine remorse. While he claims to feel sorry, his words lack sincerity, and his body language fails to reflect any true regret. Even a year after the affair came to light, his attempt to contact her under the guise of seeking closure only added to my anguish. His actions betray his professed commitment to our family, leaving me grappling with intense emotions and PTSD.

His failure to share his feelings or show emotions further compounds the struggle. As I navigate this emotional minefield alone, I find myself desperately seeking help to survive the overwhelming turmoil that engulfs me.

Participating in the Harbouring Hope course offers a glimmer of hope in the darkness. It promises a supportive community and invaluable resources to aid in my journey toward healing. Through the course, I hope to gain insights into managing my emotions, overcoming trauma, and rebuilding trust in myself and others.

More than just a chance to heal, winning this opportunity represents a lifeline—a chance to reclaim my sense of self and rebuild a future free from the shadows of betrayal. With the support and guidance offered by Harbouring Hope, I believe that I can emerge from this ordeal stronger and more resilient than ever before.

In the face of immense pain and uncertainty, winning this draw would not only be a blessing but a crucial step toward reclaiming my life and finding peace amidst the chaos.

I've been married for nearly 29 years, anniversary in May, and in December I realized my husband has had an attraction or emotional affair with his coworker. For months I had a suspicion as he would talk about her often and point out things she ate while at the store. He has denied it repeatedly and now gets upset when I bring it up or ask for more clarification. We saw a marriage counselor once but since our insurance doesn't cover it we were concerned about the price and my husband didn't like the counselor even though he chose him. I am now getting my own counseling but I can't move forward. I did ask my husband to quit the job since it was only a part time post retirement gig and that has helped but since he quit he is no longer able to have intercourse. He now loses erections. Part of my initial red flags that he was attracted to her was his sudden interest in sex, he normally initiated a few times a month, now he was initiating a few times a week and mid day when he came home from work and now he longer needed medication to obtain an erection.We had not had mid day sex or sex without his medication for nearly all of 2023. I'm feeling betrayed,lost and confused. The more questions I ask or the more clarification I seek he gets defensive. Not sure where to go from here...

Unfortunately, my story is a familiar one. I’m currently in a second marriage and have experienced infidelity again. My first marriage of 14 years, I had two beautiful children. My spouse was unfaithful several times which I forgave until the final time when he had an affair with a teacher at my children’s school, running buddy of ours and friend. I was crushed. We tried marriage counseling but nothing could repair the hurt and brokenness. He would not give her up. I tried to heal, moved on. I was hopeful, found new love, married again and we had a beautiful daughter, my third child, his first. The blended family was a challenge. This time I was determined to do it right. We’ve been married for nearly 16 years. On our 15 year anniversary he was having an affair. Things started to fall apart. I recognize every marriage has its struggles. We both had very demanding jobs and experienced life challenges of caring for parents that were sick. When he didn’t come home one night, we immediately began counseling. When the truth came out, the blaming started that I had done everything wrong, and how he had been trying to tell me all along. I thought I always took care of the family, the bills, the home, and trusted him but was now feeling I did it wrong again. I’m left, confused and hurt and feeling like a failure. I feel like I’ve let down two families. My struggle is healing and understanding. He has moved out and said he needs time to fix himself before he can work on the marriage. My family and friends told me he will never come back or change and tell me he is dishonest, manipulative and controlling but still support the marriage if they see it becoming healthy. I filed for divorce because he can’t look at me and is completely shutting down. I feel alone. I am ready to let him go but he continues to pull me back in. I am stuck on an emotional rollercoaster. I recently was laid off from a job of nearly 18 years years. I turned down a transfer at his request because the move would have put distance between him and my daughter and he said put a strain in their relationship. I am searching for strength, understanding, healing how to navigate and pick up the pieces to move forward with grace. I have my faith and family but struggle with forgiving myself.

My husband had an affair 30 years ago. Yes, 30 years ago. It lasted, supposedly, for 3 weeks. He ended it and came back home. He told me very little about the affair. But, because I wanted him to come back to me so badly, I didn’t say too much or ask much about it. When I did ask questions, I was given very little information, only a first name and where she worked.
We fought about it for a few years and then I litterally blocked it from my mind and went about our lives as normal. We raised two daughters together and stayed mostly happily married.
Recently, a picture of her surfaced on my Facebook newsfeed. When I saw the name attached to the picture, and a mutual friend had reposted this pic, I immediately thought, could this be her? I showed the picture to my husband, and he said “possibly”. I knew it was her and it is. For the last six month, since I have seen her picture and went down rabbit hole and found out all I could, I have been extremely angry. It feels like it just happened and it has been 30 years. I am commented by images and thoughts and my anxiety is so high most of the time. I am miserable and I am making my husband miserable.
We don’t know what to do. I am stuck in this crazy weird feeling of jealousy, anger, and comparison mode. I need help before I drive my husband completely away or I drive myself crazy with these thoughts and feelings.

I have come to a place in my life in which I recognize I need something like Harboring Hope. Life no longer holds any meaning or hope for me. After a few short years after marriage I found myself betrayed by my wife whom I thought I knew. She had found AP's at her work place and pursued her new life while I labored to love and provide her with everything I thought she was desiring in life.

It is so difficult to write about this - I still feel numb and the pain in my mind and heart overcome my ability to even think rationally and convey my thoughts and feelings.

Something caused her to stray and she relished the attention of her co-workers and others and found them more desirable than I. After a years time she confessed to our pastors and then, with them, came to tell me. At the time, I somehow forgave her because I realized how much God had forgiven me and I was to do the same for others. It was difficult for a time but I became busy with life and tried not to let it bother me for the next 30 years.

After three children and 30 years of family memories something happened in my life and all the events leading up the affairs came rushing back into my life. In addition, I found out she had remained "friends" with these AP's via social media and texting. I completely broke down this time and lost everything I had known as life. I sought numerous professional therapy/counselors and Pastoral counsel with no help whatsoever - they didn't have a clue as to how to help. I did recognize I (we) had never grieved or worked through the events 30 years before.

When I found AR and Harboring for Hope, I realized this might be what I need to help me. The pain of infidelity is like nothing I have ever known and I don't know where else to turn. It's been almost two years now, trying to work through this, but nothing has gotten better. The intrusive thoughts plague me daily. My personal faith has been severely damaged and I struggle with it now instead of turning to my faith in God. I have come to the place that either divorce or dying is my ticket out. I don't think divorce would even help since the memories and thoughts are still there.

I grieve and weep with those who have to walk through this. I don't know how some have been able to come out onto the other side of this.

In my heart and my mind I have doubts to ever be free from this, but maybe Harboring Hope is the key........

I would like to take Harboring Hope because I think I am lacking just that ...hope.

It feels like an impossible situation - even though in my head I know nothing is impossible with God.

In our situation I prayed for my husband for two years to encounter the love of Father God to step more fully into being a son which would help him lead our family (my greatest heart desire). All the whole the Lord was working on me - He was asking me to submit and surrender my last name which I never did at our wedding 11 years prior because I was rejected by my husband's father and it just wasn't a huge deal to my husband. The Lord revealed the pain and fear that caused me to make that decision and He healed that and I changed my last name to my husband's. My husband laughed at first saying he never saw that coming but later said he did feel a shift unexpectedly. And actually I did too - it's like we finally became one.

Within a month my husband went on a backpacking trip with a ministry that brought people into Creation to encounter God. I knew this was going to be an answered prayer moment andy husband was going to be marked by God.

He was, and he did encounter the Father like never before, but he also met a woman on this trip who reminded him of me 10 years prior (a familiar spirit) and a snare was laid in front of my husband that he fell into. This woman never felt safe with a man before because of her trauma, and my husband loved the feeling of a savior role.

He came home immediately talking about her, including the fact that she had cheated on her husband before "because of her trauma" . All the red flags went up obviously and I said that he needed to stop talking to her in private - but he could talk to her on a group text with the other people on the trip. Well that set him off and he chose rebellion and he went into hidden texts, calls, etc.

I caught him and he was beyond upset and just called me a crazy triggered wife. He said he didn't want someone telling him what he could and couldn't do. Eventually a counseling friend got him to understand my heart, and the protection of our marriage. He begrudgingly agreed to end contact.

I immediately forgave him, trusted him, and we moved forward.

I thought we were doing well, we had picked up some new habits together of reading the Word together and discussing it as well as dreaming about the future. We celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary where I catered everything to him to show him I honored and valued him and wanted to help him pursue his dreams.

Within two weeks he started treating me horribly seemingly out of the blue. He started saying crazy things to me he never had before that degraded me. He started looking at me like I was nothing to him. I would cry and he would just stand there looking at me angry. When I knew he had went back to talking to her and I brought it up he gaslighted me and called me crazy. He turned into a man I never knew prior.

After a month of this a male leader in the church called him out . He immediately denied it then went into defending it. Then it turned into him telling me he was never going to tell me, and that I ruined everything. When he was guided to end it again, he said he needed another month . When I requested to have his phone and other accesses he blew up and told me this was all my fault.

He ended it within a few days but he would only do it privately. He said it was none of my business. And he proceeded to treat me as if it was all my fault for the next two months.

It's been 5 months since then. We have tried a counselor and while it has helped in some ways it has not helped in my healing as I'm told things like, "he can't make you feel anything - you have a choice to feel angry - but that's about you not him ". I haven't been able to process many emotions and it's led to ambivalence.

I could use some hope ....

Never in a million years. It’s a term that swirls daily in my mind. I hear it frequently from my husband. The past 22 years of my life and best friend now just a memory. All because he and a good friend of mine decided them having fun, had more value than my happiness. I am trying to work on it. I’d say we are, but I believe it was a “love addiction” affair, so he can’t seem to pull his mind away from it. It’s not been sexual since D day, but neither can seem to stop the contact. I cannot wrap my head around how two people can’t understand the emotional impact on another human being because of their actions. He chose to come home and yet his head lives in another world. It’s gut wrenching to say the least. Our poor children although I’ve protected them as much as possible from this small town nonsense have lost their happy mother who lived her life adoring their every move. Now just a shell of a human just trying to get up everyday. I dream of a day feeling respected and worth something again. Countless hours now researching the how’s, whys, what to do’s, but with no specialized services in our area to help work on my healing. It’s such a sad, lonely position to be in. My heart and world shattered. To all others out there in my position, I am so sorry for you all. This pain is excruciating. My heart goes out to you all.

I have lived for so long with being betrayed multiple times that I don’t even know where to start. I was his affair in his first marriage, but little did I know I wasn’t the only one at that time. In all honesty I am glad his first wife got out in time to recover her life, because their marriage lasted only 2 years and I hope she is happy now! I have no idea why I am still in this marriage to be honest. I want myself back! I need to find a way to gain my confidence back and to understand why all of this is happening.

Hi to the amazing staff at affair recovery. I discovered my husband's infidelity 15 years in our marriage. It was his first full blown affair, although he had tried (subconsciously) over the years to make something happen w the various female runners he hangs with.
Anyway, I discovered what I thought was a 2 week long emotional affair, friend of a friend who has a history of poaching spouses, and it turns out it went on from Oct 2023 to the middle of Feb 2024, when I discovered it. And they texted all day every day, had sex 3 times, "fell in love," and so on. Supposedly we had a good marriage and we have a 9 yo son. I am devastated, ruined, a shell of a person. I finally found out the full extent of it a month ago, after about 5 D-Days brought about because of my intensive, newly found computer skills. He was never coming clean until I figured it all out. Sk here we are, watching your life saving videos daily for hours and in counseling. It is gut wrenching, hard work. I can't believe my husband of so many years told someone he loved them daily for 5 months, let alone fucked them and put me down to justify their behavior. Such a trainwreck of a million mistakes, for nothing but a fantasy fake relationship. Anyway, I love your site, it has literally saved my life and maybe my marriage, and we will take all the help we can get.