Ever lost something that's really important to you? I'm not talking about a phone or even a job. I'm talking about something really important, like a child or a marriage. I've lost something like that. What's worse, my most passionate and sincere efforts to keep it from happening totally failed. I didn't...
Emotional flooding (or dysregulation) is natural in the aftermath of infidelity. Judith Herman says relational trauma, such as infidelity, is "a violation of human connection."1 The attachment rupture that occurs is likely the most painful event the betrayed spouse has ever experienced. They've lost all sense of...
Has infidelity left you feeling irrelevant or expendable? Candace understands that pain. Now an invaluable member of our Affair Recovery team, she speaks with people weekly to help them take a first step toward healing through our courses. Candace is involved in group leadership, alongside her husband, drawing from their...
Love is a funny thing.
To the couple in crisis due to infidelity or addiction, it can also be a very confusing thing.
In our culture, love is most frequently portrayed as an overwhelming feeling of attraction and desire. In the land of make believe, love is a magical force that propels the couple to "happily ever after." Our souls resonate with this theme, and we long for our chance to experience that kind of true love and never-ending passion. This universal desire reveals...
Ever catch yourself staring over that fence, thinking the grass is so much greener on the other side?
I did, and it nearly cost me my marriage. This experience ultimately led me to start programs at Affair Recovery, like Hope For Healing, that help people understand why we tend to look for greener grass in...
A while back, a woman named, Sue, sat in my office complaining about her husband, Joe. (That's not unusual; both men and women are forever in my office complaining about their mate.) Sue's complaint was about never feeling chosen. She gave example after example of Joe choosing something (or someone) besides her.
After about twenty minutes, Sue stopped, took a breath, and asked, "Am I the problem?"
Without a second's hesitation,...
On the day I married Stephanie, I...
When responding to an affair, two wrongs never make a right. It's tempting, but by doing this, a betrayed spouse will wound themselves even further.
As C.S. Lewis says in The Four Loves:
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an...
Emotional affairs are devastating. The collateral damage from one sharing their heart and life with another person outside the marriage devastates the betrayed spouse and upends all of life for the couple and family. Trying to piece things together post-affair is not only challenging, it can be one of the most discouraging and frustrating things a couple will ever go through.
What is an emotional affair? What qualifies it as such? Perhaps your spouse is resisting the idea that what...
This week we hear from Marie, a wayward spouse who shares her personal experience of infidelity before, during, and after her affairs. I hope her story brings hope, courage, and understanding to those of you on both sides of this difficult circumstance.
My husband, John, and I were an old married couple before we ever exchanged vows. We lived together, had a dog, and sat around in sweats doing nothing. We loved each other...
What Type of Affair Was It?
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