Steve just filed for divorce from his wife Stacey. The reason listed on the decree was “adultery”. They had been married for 7 years and recently Steve had discovered that Stacey had secretly been seeing an old boyfriend. His life was shattered. The pain was overwhelming. He only wanted to forget and move on with his life.

Of course, no one would fault Steve for his choice. Even the Bible would justify his decision. He was free to go and marry again.

Today I’d like to offer a different perspective on love and respect. During my own experience with betrayal, I had to reconcile the world's view of love and respect versus what God has revealed in His Word. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to punish my wife for her actions. I had the power to ruin her life like she ruined mine. The world told me she deserved it. God gave me the right to divorce her.

One day at church soon after D-Day I was listening to a sermon on Ephesians 5. Some of the words struck me hard and influenced me to dig deeper.

Eph 5:25 “husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”.

Eph 5:33 “…wives must respect her husband”.

Notice there are no “because(s)”. “I love my wife because she deserves it”. “I respect my husband because he deserves it”.

There are no conditions. “I love my wife as long as she stays thin and attractive”. “I respect my husband as long as he is an elder at church”.

God instructs us to love and respect “anyway”. Love her even if she is an alcoholic. Respect him even if he is addicted to pornography. Love her when she doesn’t deserve to be loved. Respect him when he doesn’t deserve to be respected. Wow. A lot different than what the world tells us about love and respect. The world tells us love and respect is conditional, that we include “because”, “if”, “when”, “only” and other conditional words in our statements. How often do we include conditional words about our spouse or even our kids?

In fact for husbands it goes even further. “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. God asks us to love our wives even when she is the one crucifying us. Jesus did not have to die for us. He had the power to stop it. He chose not to. He chose to love those who were crucifying him and He asks us to do the same.

At the time these words really impacted my view of my circumstances. I didn’t have to rush to divorce my wife. I wasn’t weak for giving her the opportunity to recover.

I chose to love my wife even when she didn’t deserve it. I hope husbands here can make the same decision. My wife chose to respect me when I didn’t deserve it. I hope wives here can make the same decision.