, 2 weeks 18 hours ago
affair-recovery_surviviors-blog_elizabeth_amends-are-ways-start-process-understanding-what-done-beginning-change-course

What do the words 'I'm sorry' really mean? They are used so frequently that they don't seem to carry much weight. If you are like me, however, they are the first thing we mutter when we realize we have made a mistake or done something wrong. When it comes to the pain of infidelity, the words 'I'm...

, 4 weeks 16 hours ago
Car Washes in the Dark

My husband and I have two teenagers in our house, and we are trying our best to raise them into responsible and caring adults. For those of you that have already been there and done that, I'm hoping you can look back on that time with a smile. You survived it. Teenagers, after all, can be quite fun, and they can add a lot of energy to the house.

For those of you that haven't or might not ever get a chance to raise these...

, 1 month 1 week ago
Affair-Recovery_Survivors-Blog_Elizabeth_What-to-do-when-betrayed-shuts-down

Unfaithful Spouses,

You have been working really hard. Since discovery, you have received a chance at a new life, and you are determined to change your behavior. You want to see crumbs of hope in your marital relationship, but all you see is pain. What is likely underneath that pain is a violation so deep...

, 2 months 3 days ago
affair-recovery_survivors-blogs_elizabeth_when-the-pain-seems-too-great

Today, my heart is reminded of the pain that once was, the pain that so many of you find yourselves in today. For me, it is a distant, tender scar. It is healing, but if I stare at it long enough or touch it in just the right ways, the pain can all come rushing back.

If you are in the middle of this kind of suffering, you are likely desperate for relief of any kind. Violently painful memories have carved your heart into pieces, and maybe you can't even remember what life...

, 3 months 1 week ago
affair recovery-survivors blog-elizabeth-love yourself as you would love others

Self-Love.

Self-Worth.

Self-Compassion.

These are words that I have had to unlearn and relearn—words that I thought I knew, but now realize I misunderstood for most of my life. Now, they actually mean something to me.

Growing up, I would attend church with my mom and siblings. I had just enough of a smattering...

, 3 months 2 weeks ago
affair-recovery_survivors-blog_elizabeth-how-could-you_i-just-choose-to-be-honest-above-all-else-in-small-things-and-big-things

This is a question that almost all of us have asked or heard at some point during recovery from infidelity. It might have been screamed in anger, or muttered in a barely audible cry of exasperation. And it is a question we often hear over and over again, "How could you?" It is a good question, and it lies at the heart and sum of all...

, 3 months 3 weeks ago
affair recovery-survivors blog-elizabeth-the biggest stumbling block to my own forgiveness has been pride

To forgive somebody is to say one way or another "You have done something unspeakable, and by all rights I should call it quits between us. Both my pride and my principles demand no less. However, although I make no...

, 4 months 1 week ago
originally posted on thatericalper.com by unnamed source

Today I am sharing with you something that someone sent to me after my dad died years ago. I have never forgotten it, and I share it with you today for encouragement wherever you are within the waves and wreckage of infidelity.

...
, 5 months 3 weeks ago
affair recovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Learning-How-To-Be-Alone-i had no idea that there was a difference between being alone and being abandoned

I stink at being alone. I have never been alone; not even my time in my mother's womb was in solitude—I am a twin. I have always shared birthdays, rooms, busses, spotlights, cookies, bathrooms, etc.

When I first arrived at college, I remember sitting in my new dorm room by myself. My soon-to-be...

, 6 months 1 week ago
affair-recovery_survivors-blog_elizabeth_I-needed-to-change-ultimately-for-me

When we entered into recovery from infidelity, there was a long season of disbelief—even though I was telling the truth. Granted, after what I had done to my marriage, I didn't deserve to be believed; nevertheless, it is a very disheartening and discouraging time.

After discovery, I knew I had hit what many would call "rock...

, 6 months 2 weeks ago
affair recovery-survivors blog-elizabeth-the other woman

Dear Betrayed Wife,

I am the other woman.

By admitting that, I know I am the one person that truly and most easily deserves your hatred and your spite. I know I am a source of your anger and contempt. I am a huge source of your pain. Essentially, I am the person that is largely responsible for the ache in your heart that seems...

, 7 months 2 weeks ago
affair recovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Ruins-monuments like this have to exist to protect us from further devastation

This past month, I had the opportunity to take a two-week trip traveling through Germany, Poland, Austria, the Alps, and the Czech Republic with my oldest daughter. Although I have journeyed to three of the other continents, I had never been to Europe. It was an educational trip, full of history about Jewish culture, the Nazi regime, and World War II. Growing up, I had...

, 8 months 1 week ago
affair recovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Grief-in-Recovery-my hope is that we can all find a way to be more tender in our grief

For the unfaithful spouse, there will come a point in your recovery where you will begin your grief process. It will likely not happen at the same time or in the same way as your spouse, and it should not come as a surprise to us.

Grief is the vehicle in which we carry our pain. For betrayed spouses, grief begins immediately; they are bombarded and...

, 8 months 2 weeks ago
affair recovery-survivors blog-elizabeth-when it seems like everything has changed

When it comes to God, one of the most beautiful things about Him is also what I find most fascinating about Him --- He simply won't change. He doesn't budge and He is who He says He is. Yesterday, today, forever.

God does not keep office hours or change His mind on a matter. He won't get bored and He...

, 8 months 3 weeks ago
affairrecovery-survivors blog-elizabeth-why it is imperative to reach full disclosure

Today I am going to share the biggest mistake that I made since my last affair, and how it almost cost me everything. It was, in my opinion, even worse than my infidelity. That mistake was my inability to reach full disclosure the first time. For six weeks, I held on to secrets about my behavior and I continued to lie about what I had done...

, 9 months 3 days ago
affair recovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-One-of-the-Biggest-Myths-About-Unfaithful-Wives-i cannot say i had an affair because i wanted to leave our marriage the truth is i was unfaithful because i am broke and sinful i am selfish

Research shows that there is a growing number of unfaithful women. Exact numbers are hard to come by, and I expect that will always be the case. If unfaithful spouses are lying, why would they be...

, 9 months 2 weeks ago
affairrecovery-survivors-blog-elizabeth-i hope that where ever you find yourself today, you are working towards acceptance

Last night we were attending church. If you are not a church goer, no judgement here. The number of times I set foot inside a church before I turned 25 was few and far between. Church can be such a healing place for many, yet such a triggering place for others. Throughout my own life I have seen so many good things done by the church. I have also...

, 10 months 4 days ago
affairrecovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Roots-Part-2-the stories that remain untold are the ones that remain a stronghold

The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
A puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,...

, 10 months 2 weeks ago
affairrecovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Roots-Pt-1-keep pursuing the endeavors that will deepen your roots

But blessed is the one who trusts in Me alone;
the Eternal will be his confidence.
He is like a tree planted by water,
sending out its roots beside the stream.
It does not fear the heat or even drought.
Its leaves stay green and its fruit is dependable,...

, 10 months 3 weeks ago
affairrecovery -survivors blog-elizabeth-be careful not to judge someones character by the pain they are in--Why-the-Unfaithful-Fears-the-Betrayed

To betrayed spouses everywhere: other than the obvious apology that is owed to you for the injustice thrown upon you due to infidelity, I have yet another confession to offer to you.

I am embarrassed to say how deep my fears, insecurities and shame have reached. For much of my recovery (for...

, 11 months 1 week ago
survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Thoughts-on-Marriage-what i actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered

Today I wanted to share something that happened in my office that was incredibly moving to me. At work, we get to see people of all ages and ailments. Whatever your profession is, have you ever had a moment when someone walks in your door and you quickly realize (even though you are the so called professional) that you are the one about to learn?...

, 11 months 3 weeks ago

When I hear the words liar or cheater, I get a yucky and icky feeling in my stomach. I do not have the strength to face the realization that all of us are broken, without also knowing all people are able to choose humility and redemption. If I don't accept the possibility for change and repentance, I will drown in a spiral of shame.

It is hard to look back on my life and admit or pinpoint when I started telling lies instead of the truth. Like water is to a fish, it is something I have always lived with. That might sound strange to some, but perhaps a better way to explain would be to say that I have...

, 11 months 3 weeks ago
waiting involves that we participate and engage-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Waiting

Chances are if you are reading this, you are waiting for something. I remember early on in our recovery from my infidelity, it seemed that I was waiting mostly for some sort of relief from the circumstances I had created. I was lost in a complete shame spiral, and I wanted relief! I wanted the pain to go away. I have to admit now, I also was so ready for my husband to not be in pain anymore. I...

, 12 months 4 days ago
dear unfaithful keep working hard - survivors blog - elizabeth - letter to the unfaithful

If you are reading this and your affair has been discovered, chances are you don't know where to turn, where to go, or have any idea what will come of your life.

You might feel like your life is over. Humiliation probably doesn't begin to scratch the surface of what you are feeling. You are now exposed for who you really are. You are a cheater. You are a liar....

, 1 year 3 days ago
i hope you know that you arent alone in your story-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Rebuilding-and-Remorse-from-a-Plane

I am writing this as I sit on a flight to a sunny destination with my husband; the same man who has courageously fought to give our marriage another chance.

I am so grateful.

So much has changed in...

, 1 year 1 week ago
can an Blog-Elizabeth-Can-an-Unfaithful-Wife-Ever-Have-Male-Friends-survivors blog-elizabeth

When you begin sorting out the mess of infidelity, life gets complicated. As an unfaithful female, I started to question all interaction I had with the opposite sex following D day. I honestly considered at one point, that it might be easiest to just convert myself into a nun so I could avoid men for the rest...

, 1 year 2 weeks ago
whatever you are doing to try to care for your injured spouse keep doing it-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-How-do-I-Show-my-Betrayed-Spouse-that-I-Really-Care

I was reading through many of my journal entries during the first year after discovery. I have several journals that are stuffed with scribbles, thoughts, and pages of raw and bloodied emotion. As I thumb through the hundreds of pages, I can see...

, 1 year 3 weeks ago
facing my feelings has led me to look at the truth-survivors blog-elizabeth-off the chart emotions

If there was a scale of emotions, I think it's safe to say we all prefer to be somewhere right in the middle; somewhere between 65 and 75 degrees. . . not too hot, not too cold.

If your story and recovery has looked anything like ours, then you've probably realized that you and your mate's emotions can go way off the charts. We have been on roller coasters...

, 1 year 1 month ago
we cannot undo our past but it doesnt take a lot of light to pierce through the darkness-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Can-People-Change

If you find yourself in the first few months of discovery, chances are you are enduring many mornings that you don't see the point of getting out of bed. Your world and life as you knew it are gone. Life can seem empty and cold. Looking back on our first six months after discovery, there were days it seemed like an eternity of pure hell....

, 1 year 1 month ago
prodigals-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Prodigals

Prodigals....

In the Bible, one of the most beloved, well known, and controversial stories is one that Jesus told of the Prodigal son.

...

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