, 2 weeks 4 days ago
affair recovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Learning-How-To-Be-Alone-i had no idea that there was a difference between being alone and being abandoned

I stink at being alone. I have never been alone; not even my time in my mother's womb was in solitude—I am a twin. I have always shared birthdays, rooms, busses, spotlights, cookies, bathrooms, etc.

When I first arrived at college, I remember sitting in my new dorm room by myself. My soon-to-be...

, 1 month 2 days ago
affair-recovery_survivors-blog_elizabeth_I-needed-to-change-ultimately-for-me

When we entered into recovery from infidelity, there was a long season of disbelief—even though I was telling the truth. Granted, after what I had done to my marriage, I didn't deserve to be believed; nevertheless, it is a very disheartening and discouraging time.

After discovery, I knew I had hit what many would call "rock...

, 1 month 1 week ago
affair recovery-survivors blog-elizabeth-the other woman

Dear Betrayed Wife,

I am the other woman.

By admitting that, I know I am the one person that truly and most easily deserves your hatred and your spite. I know I am a source of your anger and contempt. I am a huge source of your pain. Essentially, I am the person that is largely responsible for the ache in your heart that seems...

, 2 months 1 week ago
affair recovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Ruins-monuments like this have to exist to protect us from further devastation

This past month, I had the opportunity to take a two-week trip traveling through Germany, Poland, Austria, the Alps, and the Czech Republic with my oldest daughter. Although I have journeyed to three of the other continents, I had never been to Europe. It was an educational trip, full of history about Jewish culture, the Nazi regime, and World War II. Growing up, I had...

, 3 months 5 days ago
affair recovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Grief-in-Recovery-my hope is that we can all find a way to be more tender in our grief

For the unfaithful spouse, there will come a point in your recovery where you will begin your grief process. It will likely not happen at the same time or in the same way as your spouse, and it should not come as a surprise to us.

Grief is the vehicle in which we carry our pain. For betrayed spouses, grief begins immediately; they are bombarded and...

, 3 months 1 week ago
affair recovery-survivors blog-elizabeth-when it seems like everything has changed

When it comes to God, one of the most beautiful things about Him is also what I find most fascinating about Him --- He simply won't change. He doesn't budge and He is who He says He is. Yesterday, today, forever.

God does not keep office hours or change His mind on a matter. He won't get bored and He...

, 3 months 2 weeks ago
affairrecovery-survivors blog-elizabeth-why it is imperative to reach full disclosure

Today I am going to share the biggest mistake that I made since my last affair, and how it almost cost me everything. It was, in my opinion, even worse than my infidelity. That mistake was my inability to reach full disclosure the first time. For six weeks, I held on to secrets about my behavior and I continued to lie about what I had done...

, 3 months 3 weeks ago
affair recovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-One-of-the-Biggest-Myths-About-Unfaithful-Wives-i cannot say i had an affair because i wanted to leave our marriage the truth is i was unfaithful because i am broke and sinful i am selfish

Research shows that there is a growing number of unfaithful women. Exact numbers are hard to come by, and I expect that will always be the case. If unfaithful spouses are lying, why would they be...

, 4 months 1 week ago
affairrecovery-survivors-blog-elizabeth-i hope that where ever you find yourself today, you are working towards acceptance

Last night we were attending church. If you are not a church goer, no judgement here. The number of times I set foot inside a church before I turned 25 was few and far between. Church can be such a healing place for many, yet such a triggering place for others. Throughout my own life I have seen so many good things done by the church. I have also...

, 4 months 3 weeks ago
affairrecovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Roots-Part-2-the stories that remain untold are the ones that remain a stronghold

The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
A puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,...

, 5 months 1 week ago
affairrecovery-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Roots-Pt-1-keep pursuing the endeavors that will deepen your roots

But blessed is the one who trusts in Me alone;
the Eternal will be his confidence.
He is like a tree planted by water,
sending out its roots beside the stream.
It does not fear the heat or even drought.
Its leaves stay green and its fruit is dependable,...

, 5 months 2 weeks ago
affairrecovery -survivors blog-elizabeth-be careful not to judge someones character by the pain they are in--Why-the-Unfaithful-Fears-the-Betrayed

To betrayed spouses everywhere: other than the obvious apology that is owed to you for the injustice thrown upon you due to infidelity, I have yet another confession to offer to you.

I am embarrassed to say how deep my fears, insecurities and shame have reached. For much of my recovery (for...

, 6 months 2 days ago
survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Thoughts-on-Marriage-what i actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered

Today I wanted to share something that happened in my office that was incredibly moving to me. At work, we get to see people of all ages and ailments. Whatever your profession is, have you ever had a moment when someone walks in your door and you quickly realize (even though you are the so called professional) that you are the one about to learn?...

, 6 months 2 weeks ago

When I hear the words liar or cheater, I get a yucky and icky feeling in my stomach. I do not have the strength to face the realization that all of us are broken, without also knowing all people are able to choose humility and redemption. If I don't accept the possibility for change and repentance, I will drown in a spiral of shame.

It is hard to look back on my life and admit or pinpoint when I started telling lies instead of the truth. Like water is to a fish, it is something I have always lived with. That might sound strange to some, but perhaps a better way to explain would be to say that I have...

, 6 months 2 weeks ago
waiting involves that we participate and engage-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Waiting

Chances are if you are reading this, you are waiting for something. I remember early on in our recovery from my infidelity, it seemed that I was waiting mostly for some sort of relief from the circumstances I had created. I was lost in a complete shame spiral, and I wanted relief! I wanted the pain to go away. I have to admit now, I also was so ready for my husband to not be in pain anymore. I...

, 6 months 3 weeks ago
dear unfaithful keep working hard - survivors blog - elizabeth - letter to the unfaithful

If you are reading this and your affair has been discovered, chances are you don't know where to turn, where to go, or have any idea what will come of your life.

You might feel like your life is over. Humiliation probably doesn't begin to scratch the surface of what you are feeling. You are now exposed for who you really are. You are a cheater. You are a liar....

, 7 months 23 hours ago
i hope you know that you arent alone in your story-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Rebuilding-and-Remorse-from-a-Plane

I am writing this as I sit on a flight to a sunny destination with my husband; the same man who has courageously fought to give our marriage another chance.

I am so grateful.

So much has changed in...

, 7 months 1 week ago
can an Blog-Elizabeth-Can-an-Unfaithful-Wife-Ever-Have-Male-Friends-survivors blog-elizabeth

When you begin sorting out the mess of infidelity, life gets complicated. As an unfaithful female, I started to question all interaction I had with the opposite sex following D day. I honestly considered at one point, that it might be easiest to just convert myself into a nun so I could avoid men for the rest...

, 7 months 2 weeks ago
whatever you are doing to try to care for your injured spouse keep doing it-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-How-do-I-Show-my-Betrayed-Spouse-that-I-Really-Care

I was reading through many of my journal entries during the first year after discovery. I have several journals that are stuffed with scribbles, thoughts, and pages of raw and bloodied emotion. As I thumb through the hundreds of pages, I can see...

, 7 months 3 weeks ago
facing my feelings has led me to look at the truth-survivors blog-elizabeth-off the chart emotions

If there was a scale of emotions, I think it's safe to say we all prefer to be somewhere right in the middle; somewhere between 65 and 75 degrees. . . not too hot, not too cold.

If your story and recovery has looked anything like ours, then you've probably realized that you and your mate's emotions can go way off the charts. We have been on roller coasters...

, 8 months 2 days ago
we cannot undo our past but it doesnt take a lot of light to pierce through the darkness-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Can-People-Change

If you find yourself in the first few months of discovery, chances are you are enduring many mornings that you don't see the point of getting out of bed. Your world and life as you knew it are gone. Life can seem empty and cold. Looking back on our first six months after discovery, there were days it seemed like an eternity of pure hell....

, 8 months 1 week ago
prodigals-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Prodigals

Prodigals....

In the Bible, one of the most beloved, well known, and controversial stories is one that Jesus told of the Prodigal son.

...
, 8 months 2 weeks ago
looking at the roots of our shame enables us to find healing-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-Do-I-Have-a-Love-Addiction

Early on in recovery, I was so angry at my husband for suggesting I have a love addiction. I am so ashamed to think of how prideful I can be. In my mind, a woman with a so-called love addiction had serious issues. I had a stereotype in my head that this would be a woman constantly on dating sites, wearing clothing from Victoria's Secret, or someone completely...

, 8 months 3 weeks ago
the pain is horrible but if you stay the course it will end-survivors blog-elizabeth-driving-in-fog

Have you ever driven in really thick fog? We live near the Mississippi river, where a lot of tributaries feed into the waterway. I didn't grow up in this region (I'm a native Texan), but what I find is that certain mornings of the year, the hills and valleys surrounding our home become blanketed in a thick fog. It becomes so heavy over the roadways that in order to drive, you have...

, 9 months 2 hours ago
the ugly truth about codependency-survivors Blog-Elizabeth-The-Ugly-Truth-About-Codependency

Today I am journaling about codependency because I truly hate the word. I wish someone decades ago could have come up with a nicer sounding word to fit the definition.

When I began some honest soul searching of my character flaws that led me to cheat on my husband, I began to realize that I am a poster...

, 9 months 2 weeks ago
survivors blog-Elizabeth-is infidelity hereditary-we can change our story

Is Infidelity Hereditary?

I ask myself this question a lot. I guess it's more of a fear of mine than a question. In a rational state of mind I can answer this easily: of course not. Infidelity is a choice. No one put a gun to my head and made me cross the line. No one forced me to be unfaithful. And like the source for eye color or...

, 9 months 3 weeks ago
Be Bold-Survivors Blog-Elizabeth-What-I-Need-From-You

Today my words come from a very insecure and needy place. Insecure because I'm trying hard to use words instead of behaviors to show how I feel and what I need. This "voice" seems childlike and continues to grow because it is still somewhat unfamiliar to me. My words might sound crazy but I promise I'm not a lunatic! My psychologist refers to me in "parts" like this, so I am going to do the same here today.

The needy...

, 10 months 1 week ago
be humble about past and present - survivors blog - elizabeth

We are more than a year out from discovery. Some of the days have been very slow making me wonder if progress has been made. And although we now have more good days than bad, a small internal voice still occasionally asks, am I really changing?

While you, the betrayed, are trying to heal from what we, the unfaithful, have done to you, I also know you are ultimately waiting for redemption.

There are days my husband's anxiety seems to come out of nowhere. Of course I understand the root of the...

, 10 months 3 weeks ago
what does change look like - Elizabeth

Today I was reminded of a story by Portia Nelson I heard long ago:

Autobiography in Five Chapters

by Portia Nelson

Chapter One:

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two:...

, 11 months 2 weeks ago
you are not alone. when shame has the last word - elizabeth - affair recovery survivors blog

Shame.

I hate the word. I hate the feeling. I am guessing for most of you reading this, you have more than a vague idea of what this word does to a human being and how it can be one of the most destructive forces on the planet.

I am so tired of shame.

Sure, I can sit here and look back on my life and the things that happened before I had a choice in the matter. Reflect on the things that helped shape my heart into a giant...

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