When It Seems Like Everything has Changed...

affair recovery-survivors blog-elizabeth-when it seems like everything has changed

When it comes to God, one of the most beautiful things about Him is also what I find most fascinating about Him --- He simply won't change. He doesn't budge and He is who He says He is. Yesterday, today, forever.

God does not keep office hours or change His mind on a matter. He won't get bored and He sure isn't fickle. His compassion will never end. He will never tire of hearing or listening to our broken hearts.

For all of us trying to sort out the mess of our lives created by infidelity, change is perhaps the most difficult thing to absorb and comprehend. None of our lives will ever be the same. I don't know about you, but it has been really painful to accept that the landscape of each of our lives is forever altered. Our marriages no longer look or feel the same. If your spouse is still with you, you know what I am talking about. "It" seems to always be there, underneath the surface. The awful memories that never fade away. "It" really happened. The one thing you promised you would never do, you did. And the nightmare you never wanted became your reality.

To say that the change can be exhausting and overwhelming is an understatement.

There is no eraser, rewind button, or control-alt-delete option.

This is where I definitely need something and Someone bigger than me.

How can God see us all the same? How can He offer the same mercy and forgiveness for what I've done and be willing to love me just the same?

He says He loves us. He always has. God is not some power hungry puppet master that is staring down on us, waiting to send lightning bolts to condemn us. He seems to give an awful lot of chances before His patience runs out. I know God is a loving Dad who says, "Hey, you need to stop living like that. I gave you the command that going outside your marriage was going to hurt you and you didn't listen. But now you are starting to see why I said that. It was a pain too great for you. It was too much for you to handle and you really hurt your spouse by disobeying Me. But I love you, so I will always give you a second chance. And I will be enough to mend your spouse's heart too. Because I don't change and I am always enough for you."

And for those of you whose hearts are broken, God is the One who will never forsake you even when your spouse has. He sees you. If anyone understands what it is like to be rejected and cast aside, He does.

To know that God is enough for both sides of infidelity is incredible. Today I find myself in awe of all the ways He is never changing and always loving. The perfect balance of justice and mercy.

In humility,

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Beautifully Said

Thank you for this beautiful reminder.



Change is hard..he will

Change is hard..he will always love me but I'm scared of who the new me will become will not be loved by my spouse..this has been a concern if mine for quite some time..she dies seen to be trying and giving me grace to still be here and trying to mend .. thank you for this blog. Tears and hurt is all I have it seems over what I have done...

Thanks for commenting. Tears

Thanks for commenting. Tears and hurt are a good place, I think? Hard place, but a good one. Keep healing.

Change is hard..he will

Change is hard..he will always love me but I'm scared of who the new me will become will not be loved by my spouse..this has been a concern if mine for quite some time..she dies seen to be trying and giving me grace to still be here and trying to mend .. thank you for this blog. Tears and hurt is all I have it seems over what I have done...

When it seems like everything has changed

Thank you for another Honest but yet encouraging post. God is about the only thing that gives me strength and hope when i feel the shame, deep sadness and sometimes despair over what i have done . I am trying to focus on all the ways he is making me new and better. Thanks be to God that he is the-one who loves us unconditionally. I relate to your posts very much. Thanks for sharing.

He is good and He is enough.

He is good and He is enough. Nice to hear from you.

change is hard, how can God

change is hard, how can God be so merciful and yet my mate keeps doing the same behaviors. I keep trying to look to God and give a chance that the vow we took were meant to keep my family together, but maybe I am only seeing what I want to see and not Gods message. Harsh reality to know the behaviors that need to change are not changing.

God is merciful, but I know

God is merciful, but I know the truth that I needed to discover and hear after my own infidelity is that God will never bless a person in their sin. I hope you are finding good counsel. I don’t know if you’ve ever read any of Leslie Vernicks books or checked out her website, but they are very good and perhaps will give you some wisdom.

Faith v. faith

I came to AR in August of 2018, needing more healing and understanding of the choices I made to dishonor my vows, my husband and my core beliefs. Through marriage counseling and making some large life choices, my husband forgave me and decided to stay, saying he was committed to our "new" marriage.

This didn't last long because at the end of this past October, he told me he wanted out of our marriage. This has devasted me and every day is a battle to want to keep going. But we have two young girls and I want to show them that a strong woman can overcome heartbreak and handle this with dignity and self-respect. I miss my husband, but I don't know anymore if it is a marriage worth saving anymore because his beliefs have come out clearly that he makes a joke out Christianity and denounces God while showing signs of belief in much darker things, maybe slightly demonic.

Truly, up until today I wanted reconciliation. I wanted our relationship to be restored and the chance to keep moving in the direction of the future together we had signed up for when we got married. For the miracles of healing be a testimony to God's power and bring more glory to Him. But today I don't know. I want peace for my life, my daughter's and him too. I want him to come to Christ and turn away from the dark. And frankly, if it means him having a relationship with another woman who brings him to that, then so be it. I was the one who was unfaithful first, but he turned around and had an emotional affair of his own just before he told me he wanted to split. My heart is so bruised and yet I have felt God's power in forgiveness. How can someone who doesn't know God truly be able to forgive?

Thank you for your comments;

Thank you for your comments; I am saddened to hear of the places you fear your husband may be headed. I wish I had a good answer to your question, but I don't. I do, however, believe that prayer works. I am even praying now that God continues to reveal himself to your husband, and to all of us. That we all be protected and continue to walk humbly and in the way of the wise. That our lives become less about "us" and more about "Him". I hope you can keep seeking truth.

Your posts give me hope

I am a betrayed, but your posts give me hope. God never changes. Thank you, Elizabeth.

You are welcome. So true.

You are welcome. So true. Thankful for that as well.

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