Welcome

As past participants, we want our walks through infidelity to bring hope, inspiration, and courage to your own journey.
, 4 days 14 hours ago

Hi. I’m Karen Baker supervised by Rick Reynolds. In this video, I'll lead you through a short, guided meditation on compassion. Opening our hearts and practicing self-compassion and compassion for others can help us accept and give space to our anxieties.

Sometimes, focused and kind attention is all we need to feel more at peace and ease....

, 6 days 12 hours ago

I’m Karen Baker, a graduate counseling intern for Crossroad Counseling Associate, supervised by Rick Reynolds.

In this video, I'll lead you through a short, guided meditation on compassion specifically for anxiety. Opening our hearts by practicing self-compassion and compassion for others can help us accept and give space to...

, 1 week 4 days ago

Hello. I am Candace. Should you stay, or should you go post D-Day? I'll tell you who tends to have the instant answer to that question- everyone who has never been sucker punched by infidelity firsthand. Whether you are the betrayed or the wayward partner, we know that decision is not as easy as people make it out to be.

There are so many things to consider...

, 1 week 6 days ago

My name is Karen Baker, and I'm the graduate counseling intern at Crossroad Counseling and Associates, where I am supervised by Rick Reynolds.

In this video, I will lead you through a short, guided meditation. Experiencing a betrayal is a profoundly traumatic experience. Your whole self can become completely...

, 2 weeks 4 days ago

One of the hardest lessons to grasp in the journey towards healing from betrayal is realizing your inability to control the path your wayward mate takes. This is particularly counterintuitive for those of us who have dedicated our lives to growing relationships and a family. We have invested our time and energy in paving the way for our loved ones to succeed and be happy. We have cared as deeply for our partner and family as we have for ourselves. Our life has revolved around their safety and growth.

We must be careful not to burn out or overextend ourselves in the service of others and to take good care of ourselves. This is a reality we may not like. However, denial of that reality will not change it, no matter how ardently we wish things to be...

, 2 weeks 6 days ago

To Tell or Not to Tell…Our Friends and Family

People struggle with the decision of whether to tell friends and family and, particularly their children, about the infidelity that occurred in their marriage. For some, the ugly truth comes out before they consider it. Sometimes, kids are collateral damage in the ensuing chaos, overhearing or directly witnessing the arguments and drama by parents overwhelmed with their emotions.

I’ve heard both sides of this dilemma declare with certainty that their perspective is the only right choice for one reason or another, but I’ve also heard people regret how they handled it and wish they could go back and do it differently. Some feel it is inherently wrong and deceptive to keep a secret like this within a...

, 3 weeks 4 days ago

Freedom begins in a community of “me too” people, people committed to helping you carry your burden. ~ Sheila Walsh

When a person experiences a loss or tragedy, those around them often offer support differently. People say things like, “Let me know if you need anything,” or “I’m here for you.” This can be genuine and well-meaning, but to the person amid crisis or grief, they’re not especially helpful. That is passive support, meaning if the grieving person comes to me and asks for something specific, I will provide it.

Active support looks like this: “I have two hours free on Tuesday evening. I’d like to bring you dinner and babysit your kids....

, 3 weeks 6 days ago

As I first ventured into the world of betrayal recovery, I listened to several experts advise against asking too many questions and getting too many details about their spouse’s betrayal. They cautioned that the details can be damaging and cause lingering intrusive thoughts. The predominant advice is to stick to the basic information of timeframe and generic summary of events but otherwise to steer clear of anything that could be considered a question related to comparison, like physical appearance, body type, specific sexual experiences, etc. The advice was that these things don’t serve to promote healing, and it is better to keep them unknown. (A list of suggested questions to consider asking instead can be found here.)

Not asking for details is very...

, 1 month 2 days ago

Today Rodney and Angela will share with you an original song written from Psalm 23. Find a quiet place, close your eyes and listen as they testify of the Shepherd’s provision, peace, protection, presence, prosperity, and promises. In spite of the pain and trauma of infidelity, we can find solace in the arms of our mighty God as He holds us in...

, 1 month 4 days ago

Hi. My name is Rachel. Infidelity not only impacts our relationship with our partners, but it also affects the relationship we have with ourselves, as we're grappling with a new reality that we didn't expect or ask for.

We may also notice some negative messages, words, thoughts, and beliefs about ourselves. This inner bullying voice...

, 1 month 1 week ago

Hello. My name is Candace. I have something to share with you today that was submitted to Affair Recovery by an EMS Online participant just about one year ago. It’s a piece about the secret life and timely death of her husband’s cell phone.

In this post I am going to read what she wrote and then I am going to share some pro tips to help create...

, 1 month 2 weeks ago

Hi. My name's Karen Baker, and I'm the graduate counseling intern at Crossroad Counseling Associates, being supervised by Rick Reynolds. Experiencing betrayal trauma is incredibly jarring. Your whole system becomes dysregulated and flooded at a moment's notice. In this video, I'm going to lead you through a short, guided meditation to help you come back to...

, 1 month 3 weeks ago

Hi, my name is Karen Baker. I’m the graduate counseling intern for Crossroad Counseling Associates, supervised by Rick Reynolds. In this video, I will teach you several different diaphragmatic breathing exercises that you can use to emotionally regulate and tone your Vagus Nerve.

Your breath is the first place to connect with your body,...

, 1 month 3 weeks ago

Welcome to Affair Recovery's Harboring Hope Monthly Drawing. We want to know you. We want to serve you. This means we want to hear from you!

The first step is telling us what we can do for you. Please tell us why you’d like to take Harboring Hope. If you made a comment prior to a previous registration period, that comment is still good for your entry.

Remember, submit a comment of 500 words or less about why you'd like to take the Harboring Hope course. Remember, it's a random drawing so your entry won't be based on merit or on your situation. Comments will be moderated...

, 1 month 3 weeks ago

Hi. My name is Karen Baker, and I'm the graduate counseling intern for Crossroad Counseling Associates, being supervised by Rick Reynolds. Experiencing infertility is an incredibly jarring experience, and that's why we call it betrayal trauma. In a previous video, I discussed why and how we become dysregulated, as well as the importance of...

, 2 months 13 hours ago

In this episode Rodney and Angela share the profound change they experienced following his D-Day on March 8th, 2014. Amidst the death of the old, a new marriage and new hearts emerged. They share how they navigated this journey with gratitude and grace. Through transparency and healing, they discovered the power of God's promise to restore and uplift...

, 2 months 2 days ago

Hello, Kristin S. here. If you're watching this video, it means that you've experienced infidelity in some way in your life. You've either discovered that your partner has cheated on you, or maybe you have been unfaithful to your partner.

No matter which side of this equation that you're on, it's likely that you can appreciate how entirely lonely this...

, 2 months 1 week ago
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“If I get pregnant, I’ll just have an abortion.” When asked if she was safe

Threatening to have me arrested for child abuse

Using kids’ social media accounts to contact and stalk men

Sleeping with a man she met two hours earlier on Facebook….. unprotected

Setting up dating apps while in the parking lot waiting for our therapy appointment

Wearing different clothes and hairstyles

Sneaking off to the bathroom to text APs while at Disneyland with the family...

, 2 months 1 week ago

Hello. This is Kristin. As an unfaithful spouse, one may argue that the shame I experienced post affair was expected, while unhelpful to my healing. One would expect that I would be feeling shame, guilt after what happened. I had betrayed the trust of my spouse, of my family, my friends, and maybe most importantly, myself. This type...

, 2 months 2 weeks ago
Transformative Love and Respect After Betrayal Part 1

Steve just filed for divorce from his wife Stacey. The reason listed on the decree was “adultery”. They had been married for 7 years and recently Steve had discovered that Stacey had secretly been seeing an old boyfriend. His life was shattered. The pain was overwhelming. He only wanted to forget and move on with his life.

Of course, no one would fault Steve for his choice. Even the Bible would justify his decision. He was free to go and marry again.

...
, 2 months 2 weeks ago

Hello. My name is Candace. Let's spend some time talking today about answering questions. Post D-Day. I know some of you just broke out into a cold sweat. In this post, I will address both the unfaithful and the betrayed when it comes to answering questions. I'll be discussing a few key rules to follow to keep things constructive versus leading to greater...

, 2 months 3 weeks ago
20 Most Common Mistakes of the Betrayed Spouse

In my years of being a part of Affair Recovery I have had the privilege of mentoring numerous groups of Men through the Harboring Hope program. One of the best parts of this program discusses the 20 Most Common Mistakes of the Betrayed Spouse. Within the groups I lead, and going through this section I have learned that I currently still hold the record for committing the highest amount of the 20 mistakes in my own recovery process. In my case I committed 18 of the 20 mistakes noted.

In this 2-Part...

, 2 months 3 weeks ago

Hi, my name is Rachel, and I want to talk about why letting others down and disappointing others is a necessary part of your recovery. Now, listen, I know that this seems like a silly topic, and it's not going to be relevant to all of you, but I really wanted to reach out to my sisters and my brothers who do struggle with...

, 2 months 4 weeks ago

The Triggers Song. Triggers - They can be anything and come from anywhere. Triggers rob us of our time, peace, and sometimes sanity. They are real and a very big deal when navigating the recovery journey of cheating/infidelity/affairs.

In this episode Rodney and Angela start by discussing triggers, how they felt them, how they managed them, how they replaced them,...

, 3 months 13 hours ago
Can We Believe Again? Part 3: Maintaining Status Quo

During his affair, when faced with hard questions about his relationship with the AP, my husband lied. Every. Single. Time. After D-day when I asked him about that, he acknowledged he feared if he ever admitted the truth he would lose me, so he resigned to take the truth to his grave. When I asked how he could lie to my face during all those years even after the affair ended, his explanation was pretty simple. He said he knew if he played dumb and consistently denied everything, the...

, 3 months 1 week ago
Taking down those walls is hard and this is where I am now.

My emotional walls went up when his affair began, and had been reinforced from all the deception and mistrust. There was no easy way to sandblast them down; instead, they were chipped away as trust was built - trust in him and trust in myself. I didn’t trust myself anymore after having “allowed” everything that happened. I felt stupid and weak for not having done more to catch him in his lies, stop the affair, and protect myself. His repeated false reassurances (more on those later) only...

, 3 months 1 week ago

View Part 1 here.

Hi, I'm Rachel, and this is part two of my series around caring for your body during your recovery from infidelity/cheating, which is an essential but often overlooked part of this journey. In the last video, I talked about the impact of stress and trauma on our bodies and how it can throw...

, 3 months 2 weeks ago

Imagine you walk in the door to your house. You hear a noise coming from upstairs… sounds like chewing and tearing. You go to investigate and discover the source of the sound is your dog eating your brand-new shoes! You give your dog the appropriate scolding and send him on his way while you survey the damage to your kicks. Your dog gives you the saddest puppy eyes...

, 3 months 2 weeks ago

Let’s talk today about recovery work, what it looks like, and why it’s so darn important.

I’m going to give it to you straight…I’m going to assume if you’re reading this article or watching this video, that either you, or your partner, pulled a pin, and tossed a grenade into your life. You’re standing in the rubble, assessing the damage, wishing, hoping, praying, this...

, 3 months 3 weeks ago

Because the body is (at least in part) the location of our trauma—the body must also be a location of healing.

~Aundi Kolber

About a year after discovering my husband's affair, my body started to capsize under relentless waves of sickness. An illness would hit. I'd recover...

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