Welcome

As past participants, we want our walks through infidelity to bring hope, inspiration, and courage to your own journey.
, 1 day 8 hours ago
Hate keeps us in the place we didn't want to be in the first place

There I was having to answer my own question, why is my jaw hurting again? Not only have I been grinding my teeth like before, but hate has a hold on me, again. It's been some years, but not long enough. A familiar pain revealed itself, as if getting punched dead in the face.

If you've ever been hit or had an accident where your head is involved, it's a startling flash of light, temporary blindness, confusion, and undeniably searing yet numbing pain. You come to, and realize you have...

, 5 days 9 hours ago

After infidelity or addiction is revealed in a relationship, business travel can sometimes be an unavoidable trigger, especially when the one traveling was also the unfaithful. Professionals such as airline pilots, for example, cannot avoid travel as part of their job, leaving the betrayed partner behind to worry and wonder what their mate is doing on the road. If you have been unfaithful but are now committed to recovery,...

, 6 days 10 hours ago

Today, we at AffairRecovery.com are excited to share with you an interview with the esteemed Dr. Robert Weiss PhD, LCSW. Dr. Weiss is the Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, offering clinical programs that provide online education and residential treatment for sex, porn, and substance/sex-addicted men and their families. A psychotherapist and addiction specialist, he has created six intimacy and addiction treatment programs in the US, Southeast Asia and for the US military. Dr. Weiss is...

, 1 week 1 day ago
Healing is not a gentle journey. We are raw and the fire burns. Because everything is new. And that's healing.

How Do You Know if You're Healing? Part 1
How Do You Know if You're Healing? Part 2

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

—Hebrews 11:1

I guess when I first heard someone talking about the process of "healing" I envisioned a...

, 1 week 6 days ago

Have you ever reached a point in your own recovery, or in your relationship, where you thought to yourself: is this really as good as it's going to get? Maybe you've found yourself reasonably happy, but just not fulfilled with the repair work you've done? Like many, you may have also felt like you or your relationship were making great strides, showing ongoing momentum and promise, and now you feel stuck...

, 2 weeks 1 day ago
There Is Hope

One thing is certain no matter which side of the infidelity you are on - after D-Day, anniversaries take on a whole new meaning. On our first anniversary post D-Day, we just wanted to crawl into a hole and forget it was happening.

A million questions swirl around in your mind. Are we supposed to celebrate our anniversary? What should I do? How do I act? Is this all fake? If you were "getting by" before, there's certainly no room for that with what feels like this giant elephant looming in the background. Everything is...

, 2 weeks 5 days ago

If you have been impacted by infidelity, whether it happened recently or even years ago, your emotions can be all over the place. When you decide to commit to heal yourself, no matter what your spouse decides to do, there are some things you'll need to change in order to get to a healthier place mentally. Some betrayed partners feel the overwhelming need to control everything about the unfaithful, including their schedules, email or social media activity...

, 2 weeks 6 days ago

How many times have we experienced ups and downs in trying to save our relationship after infidelity? What about in our own personal repair work? The truth is, we typically will move two steps forward, three steps back as we try to heal from either our own destruction, or our partner's. Today Samuel brings a refreshing approach to accomplishing long-term, sustainable transformation, in both our own...

, 3 weeks 1 day ago
It can be the small, incremental, things that feel like nothing, that are actually tiny steps toward healing

For that matter, what is "healed" anyway? What does it mean? What does it actually look like? I will explore this further in a future blog, as this question has perplexed and frustrated me since I learned of my husband's infidelity. More to come on that.

In the meantime, the process of healing is hard to measure. You can't take out a yardstick or step on the scale to track the progress. It's subtle and murky. Healing is slow and...

, 3 weeks 6 days ago

Do you or your partner shut down out of self protection in the middle of a discussion? If they do, or you do, there’s probably a reason behind it. It’s not always to punish the other partner, but may be due to a concept called ‘self-protecting.’ Oftentimes, when we’re in a discussion that we feel threatened by the tone, content, or expression of our partner, we can self protect and shut down, seemingly walling off the threat -...

, 4 weeks 1 day ago
True brokenness can be a catalyst for total transformation

Preface: In Hope for Healing lesson 5, as a participant, I was asked to examine the difference between a prideful spirit and a broken spirit. At first, I thought maybe I had come up with the "wrong" answer because the other women in my group saw brokenness as a bad thing and a place to be ashamed of. I see brokenness as a catalyst for total transformation. Looking back on my journey through failure, disaster, and gut-wrenching pain, I came up with this definition of brokenness....

, 4 weeks 1 day ago

Welcome to Affair Recovery's Harboring Hope Monthly Drawing. We want to know you. We want to serve you. This means we want to hear from you!

The first step is telling us what we can do for you. Please tell us why you’d like to take Harboring Hope. If you made a comment prior to a previous registration period, that comment is still good for your entry.

Remember, submit a comment of 500 words or less about why you'd like to take the Harboring Hope course. Remember, it's a random drawing so your entry won't be based on merit or on your situation. Comments will be moderated...

, 1 month 3 days ago

When you decide to face your addiction and commit to recovery, it is vital that you surround yourself with others who are in a similar position. As Mickey likes to say, "there are no lone rangers in recovery." Even if this is foreign or uncomfortable for you, being humble and asking for support from other people on the same path is going to help you stay accountable and healthy in your relationships...

, 1 month 4 days ago

It's a typical scenario: the betrayed wants or needs to talk, and the unfaithful just doesn't have it in them at the moment. Enter the phrase that appears to diffuse the situation, yet only exacerbates the entire process of healing: 'let's just talk about it later.' I'm sure you know the rest; the truth is, "later" very seldom ever comes. The unfaithful struggles to find their words and hold on to themselves, and not circle the drain in shame....

, 1 month 1 week ago

Previously, Samuel interviewed Michael Webb to discuss a scenario between an unfaithful male and a betrayed female, and how developmental trauma affects both inner and outward conversations with our spouse. Today, Samuel follows up with Michael with the roles reversed: an unfaithful female with a betrayed male partner. Without an understanding of our wounded inner selves, we end up transmitting our pain, instead of transforming...

, 1 month 2 weeks ago

After discovery or disclosure of an affair or sexual addiction, the betrayed partner is often overwhelmed with painful reminders, triggers, and insecurities. Re-engaging emotionally with the former unfaithful is difficult enough, but even the thought of resuming sexual activity with their mate can send hurt spouses into a panic spiral. As healthy as connection is, it is also terrifying to be vulnerable again, and both the betrayed and the unfaithful...

, 1 month 2 weeks ago

For couples who are attempting to heal after an affair, it's a common struggle that one partner feels the need to manage the other's recovery or repair work. Maybe this sounds familiar: "Are you reading? Did you go to therapy? Did you see that article I sent you? Did you talk to your accountability partner today? Did you watch that new video?" While a normal temptation, the result is typically immense frustration...

, 1 month 3 weeks ago

For those recovering from infidelity or sexual addiction, establishing regular routines for self-care is key. Finding ways to eat well, exercise, connect with others, and get enough sleep is crucial for continued success in recovery. When you are healthy and balanced mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you’re going to feel good and be more likely to stay on track in your program.

One acronym that we use often at Affair...

, 1 month 3 weeks ago

Rejection is an awful thing to deal with, whether it be from adolescence, high school, or years later from our significant other or spouse. Enter infidelity or addiction, and the rejection monster seemingly sprouts seven other heads. If we are going to move beyond the initial devastation of infidelity, it’s vital that we understand our need for a game plan to process through the painful litany of emotions and...

, 2 months 2 days ago

I can't count how many times I've said to myself "If I knew then, what I know now... healing would have been so much easier." If there is a missing link to the process of healing from infidelity or addiction, I'm certain that one of the top candidates is developmental trauma. But how do you discover what is and was developmental trauma versus what was just being a child and going through stuff? We'...

, 2 months 4 days ago
I wasted so much time trying to talk myself out of validating my own experience, that I lost the opportunity to face it head on and deal with it.

You may be familiar with the life analogy of the contrast between the way cows and buffaloes face an impending storm. As a storm approaches, cows sense it coming and move in the opposite direction, away from the storm. Unfortunately for the cows, they aren't very fast and as a result of this decision, they actually remain in the storm longer as they run alongside it, prolonging the unpleasantness.

...
, 2 months 1 week ago

The famous mantra "Progress Not Perfection" is a well-known but sometimes misunderstood phrase when it comes to recovery from addiction. Perfectionism in recovery is not a positive thing; since no one is perfect, when you fall short of being perfect in your recovery journey, shame and discouragement enter in. This spiral of negative feelings can often make recovering addicts fall right back into their unhealthy patterns again. However, when you shift the mindset to...

, 2 months 1 week ago

It seems like it would be a no-brainer, that after disclosure, the unfaithful spouse would display significant empathy and compassion for the betrayed spouse in their pain. While understandable and reasonable, it's simply not always the case. But why is that? After a spouse has been unfaithful, betrayed their partner, and broken their heart, why would they further traumatize the betrayed partner, with blaming,...

, 2 months 2 weeks ago

One of my favorite authors, Richard Rhor, states over and over again in his writings that we can choose to 'transmit our pain... or transform our pain.' I've seen me at my worst, and I can be an expert at transmitting my pain to friends, family, innocent bystanders, umpires, you name it. I've also experienced the rich and lasting feeling when I have been able to see my own inner pain transformed into a vessel to...

, 2 months 3 weeks ago

It's quite easy for couples to address life, marriage, and even recovery after infidelity or addiction with a transactional approach - "let's just fix this and move on.” Yet, this transactional approach to repair work never leads to a transformative experience, typically resulting in a 'go along to get along' mentality. When couples hit this point, restoration is extremely difficult, and true healing...

, 2 months 4 weeks ago

When first starting out on the road to recovery from an affair or sexual addiction, many people want a quick fix - a book, a video, a weekend retreat to cure them, so their lives can get back to normal as soon as possible. However, the best approach to truly heal is to view recovery as a lifelong process. For true transformation to take place, you need to examine the root causes of behaviors and thoughts, and it is vital to assemble a program to help you stay successful...

, 3 months 9 hours ago

Rick Reynolds, the founder and lead therapist at AffairRecovery.com, oftentimes says we learn far more from failure than we can ever learn in success. It's a principle that can be applied in everyday life, and specifically, in recovery from infidelity or addiction. How we handle failure can determine our next phase of life, and our next phase in maturity. After an affair, the last thing we need to do is cause more...

, 3 months 2 days ago
I have learned that if I want to be true ot myself, I must start by telling the truth to my husband

I have tailored the truth to my audience for as long as I can remember.

And it started with peanuts. I attended a non-denominational Christian elementary school. One day when I was in the fourth grade, I had to stay in from recess for a reason I don't recall. To ease my pain and disappointment of missing out on the best part of the school day, my friend told me that I could have some of the peanuts she had in her lunch box. So, while the class was outside, I helped...

, 3 months 1 week ago

Today you'll hear five key factors that can either stall your recovery or actually speed it up. That's right; you did read that correctly: your healing can be accelerated if you utilize these five key principles and tools. Alternatively, if you choose to ignore these tools, your own repair work will most likely be stalled out. Surviving infidelity is not impossible, but it does require proven strategy from those who have...

, 3 months 1 week ago

The point of discovery of infidelity in a marriage is arguably the worst moment in both the unfaithful and the betrayed partner's lives. Emotions on both sides are high and often irrational, and fear and uncertainty about the future are drivers of many high-intensity interactions in the early days following disclosure. While these initial responses are natural, the unfaithful partner has an opportunity to take charge of their own response to kick-start a healthy...

Pages