It's one of the biggest regrets people have in recovery: how they handled telling their kids, family and friends about the affair. Carrying the secret and shame can feel like a toxic weight, but telling the wrong person can create more trauma for all parties involved. In Episode 3, our expert therapists guide you through this complex question: Who should I talk to about the affair? We help you discern...
When infidelity strikes, the question becomes: Can my marriage survive? And if so, how do we save it? In Episode 2, our experts discuss the incredible strength and resilience it takes to fight for a marriage after betrayal. We tackle cultural assumptions like, "once a cheater, always a cheater?" and "If you stay, are you just weak?" Are kids enough of a motivator to stay? Finally, we answer a...
Are you hurting, confused, and angry after infidelity, feeling like your world has flipped upside down? You are not crazy—you may be suffering from betrayal trauma, a very real and excruciating pain. In the very first episode of The Affair Recovery Podcast, our expert therapists help you finally understand what betrayal trauma is and isn't. Hear real stories from listeners asking if recovery is truly...
After the discovery of my wife’s infidelity, I felt shackled by the negative emotion that I carried. And the more I thought about it, the more intense it seemed to get. I’m not naturally one to explode emotionally, but I did one day when my failed attempts to forgive were too much to bear. Let me tell you how a puppy, a therapist, and a really good book helped me find my way to the freedom and peace forgiveness can bring.
In infidelity recovery, how do you handle fear? For the betrayed mate, being deceived or hurt again can cause crippling fears. For the wayward mate, these fears are much the same. They fear causing their mate more pain, but they also fear sabotaging their personal recovery. The pain of betrayal is heart-wrenching, so it's understandable to fear re-experiencing this pain. But living in fear is no way to live. You've worked incredibly hard to get to this point, and you deserve to be able to breathe. You deserve to have good days without constantly worrying that the other shoe will drop.
To start living without fear, I recommend this technique. While these affair recovery steps may not work for every situation, they've personally helped me find hope, healing, and a path through the darkness after...
Matt Monteverde's struggle with infidelity was rooted in deep, unaddressed personal issues. The PTSD from his time in the military and law enforcement led him down a path of becoming an emotionally abusive alcoholic who placed the blame on his wife. When his wife stood firm, Matt believed a lie and pursued an unfaithful act for validation, creating catastrophic wreckage in his marriage and inflicting profound betrayal trauma.
At his lowest, however, a spiritual awakening spurred a vital decision: he had to stop making excuses and commit to showing up differently.
Showing up differently is choosing not to allow...
“You don’t need trust.”, I read.
“The hell I don’t!?!”, I scoffed out of disbelief for what I was reading.
I was sitting in the lobby of a polygrapher’s office, waiting for my husband to come out with his “report card” in hand. That’s when I saw the article about trust.
As a betrayed spouse, I know how it feels to have your entire life feel like a cruel joke. Trust? What trust? I get it. I struggle even today to find strong enough words to depict the distrust and pure animosity I felt toward my husband, my marriage, and my life after D-Day (Discovery Day).
Today...
I went to an end-of-the-year bash with a bunch of friends during my junior year in high school. We had a great time grilling burgers and listening to music, but two of my friends wanted a bit more excitement and decided to put a cup of ice down my pants. I, on the other hand, wasn't interested in this type of fun and the chase began.
I was faster than my friends, but also lazy. I didn't want to expend too much energy, so I made the brilliant decision to escape by climbing a tree. I miscalculated the speed with which I could get beyond their reach and they caught my leg. Needless to say, it was only a matter of time until they pinned me down and dumped ice down my pants.
It was really cold, and I wanted to get it out ASAP, but this was a...
"Rick, don't you want to help your mate move beyond the pain of betrayal after your affair?"
It was certainly important to me, but, initially, my responses to Stephanie's pain only made things worse. Eventually I was able to realize when Stephanie was emotionally flooded, and quickly learned that in those moments I couldn't necessarily make things better, but I could certainly make things worse.
Dealing with intrusive thoughts and painful triggers is critical in surviving infidelity.
I'd like to encourage you today to consider attending our EMS Weekend (in-person or virtual) for further help in understanding how to help your mate heal. Our weekend addresses the pain in an expert driven way for all three parties: the betrayed spouse, the unfaithful spouse, and the...
Do you feel like you're in a battle? You feel weary, run down, and defeated. Is it hard to open your eyes in the morning to face the day? Does the thought of getting up and having to go through the motions of another day feel like more than you can bear? Is the highlight of your day when you can finally bury yourself under the blankets, or a bottle of wine, or [fill in your own blank]?
I understand that well. But, I'd like to share with you today a story of an epic battle and a hard-won victory.
For years, reading aloud was a daily habit for me. My five children and I would get cozy in the living room, the little ones would get a quiet activity like Legos or coloring—and we'd settle in for a good hour or so.
We had started The Chronicles of Narnia. If you're familiar with it, you know it is quite lengthy, filled with epic battles and...
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