Would you be interested in expediting your recovery?

Imagine that you have a heavy chair to carry up three flights of stairs. Did you know your brain's going to estimate how much energy that's going to take and begin to divert blood flow from different organs and put hormones in your body such as adrenaline, to ensure you have sufficient energy to complete that task? Now, imagine as you're picking up that chair, a friend comes along and offers to help. Can you sense the relief you'd feel knowing you don't have to do it by yourself? Think about how much lighter that load's going to be.

Now, imagine that there's a plane crash, and you survive, but you're over a hundred miles away from civilization in a dangerous wilderness. What do you think your chances of survival are?

Now, see yourself in that same situation, but instead of being alone, there are six other survivors to travel with you back on that trek to civilization. Does it seem more doable? Do you have an increased sense of hope? Do you think now that you could survive?

Finally, imagine you have to fly a small plan from point A to point B, and you've never flown before. You are reading manuals and watching videos, trying to figure out what to do. How are you feeling? Are you anxious? Is there fear?

Now imagine there is a group of you being taught by an instructor, and they are with you, showing you how to fly. Does that seem more doable?

That imagined relief comes from a concept called "load sharing" and is explained by Dr. James Coen's Social Baseline Theory. That particular concept is built into the DNA of every one of the Affair Recovery courses, and it helps expedite the recovery of our participants.

Through the centuries, the survival of humanity has been accomplished by being a part of groups in a safe community. Literally, our brains have evolved to expect the benefit of load sharing, to have others to help, to look for safety. One person can look out for danger while another person works. Which explains why loneliness and isolation in the 21st century have become such an issue.

Do you know that there is a 29% increased risk of heart attack as a result of loneliness and isolation and a 32% greater risk of stroke as a result of that condition? If there is anything that causes us to isolate and withdraw, it's infidelity. Infidelity ruptures the attachment system that facilitates our connection with families, friends, and community. It leaves us feeling cut off, isolated, and weighed down: having to carry that heavy chair up three flights of stairs alone. Even worse, your safe place, home, the primary person you once turned to for safety is now the one who feels the least safe.

Healing attachment wounds and learning to connect again is best accomplished through a safe, supportive community designed just for that, where you can take the risk of letting people in slowly. There is no pressure, just a safe place to heal.

Imagine the relief you'd experience if you weren't alone and there were others here to help you with the journey. There is safety in numbers, but it has to be the right people. You need to feel understood and accepted. You need others who are just like you, who really can understand, because they're going through the same thing.

Another aspect of load sharing is that it helps with emotional regulation, because the group carries that emotion and allows for rational conversations. It's load sharing that provides a safe environment. It's load sharing that facilitates the natural healing of your attachment wounds. It is load sharing that allows couples to take a destructive relationship and begin to transform it into an effective tool for healing.

Experience load sharing in action. Join one of our courses. It's going to lighten your load, but even more, it's going to give you hope.

• Harboring Hope (HH) for betrayed spouses
• Hope for Healing (HFH) for wayward spouses
• EMSW or EMSO for couples

Click to discover what each course has to offer: https://www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses

- Harboring Hope participant, MI, USA

 

Always good, I love having this systematic approach to looking at the affair and recovery. I felt stuck before, unsure how to deal with it, but knowing it wasn't going away: and the material is helping so much with the processing of all of it. Thank you.

 

- Hope for Healing participant, AB, Canada

 

This group, and the leaders, allow me the opportunity to let out my emotions in a safe and non judgemental space.

 

- Hope for Healing participant

 

I found this week's curriculum really helpful. It unearthed some really deep truth in me which had been locked away, a perspective which has been so helpful for understanding and being able to explain my wrong choices in the past. Thank you.