Has a lack of knowing what to do ever made things worse? You can bet I've found that to be true. For instance, when I was a kid, a few close friends and I decided to go cliff jumping in the dark of the night. Our plan was birthed from watching Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. For some strange reason we thought the excitement would be intensified if we leapt off the cliff in the dead of night. Can you imagine the rush from jumping off a 20-foot cliff not knowing when you'd hit the water? Only we failed to consider the ramifications of our night jump; a little education and forethought would have been useful.

Swimming in the Dark

We had yet to learn about the problems associated with swimming underwater in the dark. Hitting the water from 20 feet left me totally disoriented. I couldn't find my way back to the surface. In the dark I had no way of telling if I was swimming up, down, or sideways. I was in a pickle. After about 45 seconds of futility, I began to panic. I had to face the reality that I was in serious trouble. Thankfully, David hadn't jumped. When he didn't hear us he turned his light on, and as the saying goes, I went toward the light.

If infidelity has disrupted your marriage, you're likely familiar with that same disorientation I experienced when swimming in the dark. The shock created by my actions was so painful and disorienting – we had no way of knowing which direction to swim. Like swimming in the dark, often times you can't tell if you're improving, regressing, or stalled after the affair. Without a point of reference, it feels like swimming in the dark.

Someone Turn the Lights On

This weekend Stephanie and I were with our friends, Jeff and Liz. Jeff used another analogy to explain what they experienced after his betrayal. He said, "It was like running through the forest at full tilt in the dark. Every time you hit a tree it knocks you for a loop. Until someone turned the light on, there was no way to avoid smacking into trees."

Like most of you, Stephanie and I were paralyzed. We had no idea where to turn; we had no road map to follow. Even worse, some of the suggestions we received were downright destructive. In years past we posted a bad advice blog. What well-meaning friends and professionals offer as words of wisdom would be humorous, if not so tragic. If not for the blessing of finding another couple who had already traveled this road, I'm not sure we could have made it. Our newfound friends not only provided much needed hope, but answered our questions and gave us direction. Having their journey as an example, we could see where we were and where we needed to go. Before that, we were swimming underwater in the dark not knowing which way to go.

A Source of Light for YOU

For most of us, the complexities of infidelity make finding help for a specific situation difficult. The Affair Analyzer on our website has over 850 possible outcomes and that's a conservative number. There is no "one size fits all." Don't give up if initially you fail to find something that speaks to your situation. If you keep searching, eventually you'll find someone or something who can speak specifically to where you're at in recovery.

Ten years ago, I dreamed of providing an expert-driven, resource library where people could find answers for their specific questions. The difficulty of creating an affordable resource proved far greater than I imagined. However, we now have a way to provide answers to your specific questions. This incredible resource is called the Recovery Library. If you're not already a member, I encourage you to join today. Find the answers to your difficult questions, gain understanding of the healing journey for both you and your mate, and know you're not alone.

If you're the wayward spouse, consider registering for Hope for Healing today at 12:00 PM CST. This course provides a safe place to find healing and insight as you work through expert-created curriculum. Have a difficult question you can't seem to find an answer to in the Recovery Library? Purchasing the course grants you access to submit a question to the Ask Rick Q&A for the duration of the 17 weeks. Click here to learn more: https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing