Welcome

As past participants, we want our walks through infidelity to bring hope, inspiration, and courage to your own journey.
, 11 months 2 weeks ago

Recently, I started to view my infidelity through the lens of entitlement. Coming to the WHY of my affair has taken a lot of reflection that seemed right at the time, as I uncovered layer after layer of my numerous character flaws. Nothing ever sat well with me as to truly why I did what I did, though until one morning a thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I cheated on my husband not because I was broken, but because I felt I had the right to. I felt entitled to it.

When I told my therapist about my revelation, she was hesitant to accept it. And I get why. In my...

, 11 months 2 weeks ago

New here? Check out Episode 1 for our debut and introduction!

When we began our healing journey, when all the wounds were fresh and all bets were off, we had no clue how we would make it out of the deep pit of despair we found ourselves sinking into. But somehow, God used Christ, through community and counseling, to lift us up and out and make a way for healing, hope, and health.

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV says:

"No temptation has...

, 11 months 3 weeks ago

Caring for ourselves after we've either betrayed our spouse, or been betrayed, is essential. However, due to the sheer panic and trauma of it all, we often will put ourselves last and look after the well-being of our partner, IF they will allow us to. While it may seem counterintuitive, for long-term healing, both individually and in our relationship, caring for ourselves must be a top priority. It's normal to think our lives will never be the same again after trauma of this magnitude. While our...

, 11 months 3 weeks ago

Hello,

I wish we weren't meeting this way. I am sorry and I want to (spiritually) meet you right where you are.

I want to encourage you today. I want to tell you who I was before my affair and I want to tell you who I am now. The person I am today, the one writing you this letter, was revealed to me during the darkest time of my life, through lots of prayer, daily trials and deep healing through healthy relationships.

I am writing this at the request of one of the amazing women in my AR group, who shaped many of my prayers and thoughts and...

, 11 months 3 weeks ago

New here? Check out Episode 1!

I remember reading Psalm 51 on D-Day, before I disclosed to my wife what I knew would break her heart into a million pieces that I couldn't repair. I read, "The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God." In this episode, I share a song that reflects my process of brokenness, and the spiritual open heart surgery that it would take to repair the damage resulting from my infidelity. At the time, I didn't...

, 12 months 1 day ago

After an affair, we can feel left for dead. It's like we're lepers, and the outside world seemingly refuses to be associated with us. It can happen to the unfaithful, but oddly enough, it can happen to the betrayed as well. Outside observers have no idea what to say to us, so rather than try, they typically will leave us alone out of discomfort, or be instructed to leave us alone by clergy, leadership or even family members. The truth is, those whose lives have been shattered by infidelity need more support after disclosure...

, 12 months 3 days ago
The Slow Crawl Back to Life: A Two Part Series

Part 1
Part 2

It is both difficult and precarious to measure growth related to something so deeply painful and personal. Even acknowledging progress produces a reflexive twinge, like somehow that diminishes the devastation I experienced. That is definitely not the case, but I think, at least for me, making sure I don't forget how bad it was is a defense mechanism to ensure I don't get hurt this way again. Also, growth is not linear and sometimes is...

, 12 months 4 days ago

New Here? Check out Episode 1!

I've always been known by my smile. Well, after D-Day we weren't sure when, or even if, I would ever smile again. So, it was fitting that the verse of hope that God gave me was from Proverbs 31:25 "she shall rejoice in time to come" - another translation says "she laughs without fear of the future." In this episode, I'll share a devotion I wrote about how everything is falling apart, "but God..." filling in the blanks of my uncertainty with God's...

, 1 year 3 days ago

After the disclosure of infidelity or addiction, our futures feel incredibly uncertain. If there is one universal, common emotion or feeling after disclosure, it’s probably raw terror. Both partners experience it, but how do you work through it? How do you process it? Today, Samuel shares his own traumatic event that was filled with not only uncertainty and confusion, but raw panic and terror. In the halls of ‘healing from infidelity’ the word trauma has become somewhat of a buzzword. Trauma isn’t...

, 1 year 4 days ago

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A note from Rick Reynolds:
In August of 2015, I was invited to Gateway Church for a reunion with past participants of the EMS program. To my delight, a married couple was leading worship together. My...

, 1 year 6 days ago
The Slow Crawl Back to Life: A Two Part Series

Part 1
Part 2

You will either step forward into growth, or you will step backward into safety.

~ Abraham Maslow

I don't know if I have said this yet, but when I talk to you about hope and recovery, I am also talking to myself. I am still on this journey too and I get discouraged, frustrated,...

, 1 year 1 week ago

When a spouse or partner has an affair, their next response is essential. Are they willing to do repair work? Are they willing to own what they need to own? Are they open to getting outside, expert help in an effort to see what they cannot see? It can be like walking a tightrope for either partner who is wanting to save the relationship, but isn't sure where the lines should be drawn to protect themselves, but also humble themselves and win back their partner. Unfaithful spouses can feel as though...

, 1 year 1 week ago

"Did they make those horrible choices because their addiction or mental illness clouded their judgment?"

"Was I too busy trying to help and support them to notice they'd stepped out of our marriage?"

"Was their emotional detachment due to childhood abandonment issues or are they just unhappy in this relationship?"

Does any of this sound familiar to you? When the wayward spouse has diagnosed or suspected mental health/addiction issues, the betrayed partner can find themselves...

, 1 year 2 weeks ago

Infidelity is life-changing, life-altering trauma for ourselves, our partners, and even our kids. We can feel “left for dead” immediately following disclosure, and it would seem almost no one truly knows how to support those of us in crisis due to infidelity or addiction. What’s vital is that we are there for ourselves. While it may seem like a hollow suggestion or a cheesy Hallmark card, it is key that we are able to understand the principle of caring for ourselves, despite the temptation to wallow...

, 1 year 3 weeks ago

While not everyone who has an affair or acts out is a sex addict, there ARE moments we as unfaithful partners attempt to stay in denial to help mitigate our own shame and feelings of discomfort. If we’re not in denial about what we’ve done, maybe we’re in denial about the impact of our choices upon our significant other, or family as a whole? One thing you can count on today: what never brings healing is hiding from the impact of our choices on everyone around us. In fact, a critical piece of the...

, 1 year 1 month ago

Trying to win back a betrayed partner's heart after shattering them with your infidelity is not an easy task. It's a challenge, but a worthwhile pursuit. While some betrayeds are not willing to allow their hearts to be pursued or won back after infidelity, many are willing and even aching for that reconnection. The struggle is how to do so, when the betrayed barely understands their own pain, trauma and confusing reactions. The unfaithful can misread their cues and find themselves growing more and...

, 1 year 1 month ago

Ambivalence - am·biv·a·lence /amˈbivələns/ (noun).

The state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone, simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (such as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action, continual fluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite), or uncertainty as to which approach to follow.

The word ambivalence is often misused to mean apathy or indifference, when in fact, it actually means strong feelings in opposition to each other,...

, 1 year 1 month ago

When a relationship has been devastated by infidelity or addiction, we need answers. We want help, we want solace, and we want our broken hearts to heal. But, not everyone is as eager as we think they should be to seek healing. But why? Is it because of a past wound from a professional? Is it because the unfaithful has new information to share that they refuse to give up? Whatever the reason, refusing to get help after you've cheated or your spouse has cheated causes even more suspicion and...

, 1 year 1 month ago

Healing from infidelity is not for the faint of heart. After the disclosure of an affair, both spouses find themselves traumatized, looking for answers, direction and hope. As society has evolved and infidelity has become its own epidemic, there seems to be a wealth of advice being thrown out across the globe. Finding experienced, compassionate survivors and healers has become a necessary component to those who are courageously trying to heal from infidelity or addiction. While lists upon lists of...

, 1 year 1 month ago

A winning hand of victim cards would include a royal flush of blame, powerlessness, self-deception, self-pity, and fear. Hanging onto these victim cards has been a key reason that my husband and I have struggled during recovery. In fact, an Affair Recovery video I listened to recently said that the unfaithful playing the victim is the single most intolerable thing we can do in the healing process. But being a victim is an easy way for me to avoid responsibility for my actions. Being accountable is hard, uncomfortable and requires courage and vulnerability. Since I have...

, 1 year 1 month ago

The journey of the unfaithful spouse eventually reveals a need to confront shame. Those who feel ashamed often continue to do shameful things, and we know infidelity can be incredibly shameful for all parties involved, even for peripheral family members and close friends. Without a plan to confront and heal shame in the life of the unfaithful, both parties in the relationship or marriage can feel behind schedule, if not altogether stuck. The good news is, shame doesn’t have to be the taskmaster in the...

, 1 year 2 months ago

For most of us, whether we are betrayed or unfaithful, thinking back to D-day conjures vivid images of shock and horror, feelings of shame and disbelief, and a period of suspended animation. We recall falling off the edge of the world as we knew it and into a pit of numbness and despair. I remember too. It took the breath right out of me.

As painful as that experience was, looking back I have a different perspective on D-day. I see it as the day my husband finally let me in. Despite shattering my world, he finally gave us a chance to truly know each other and the...

, 1 year 2 months ago

4th Annual Hope Rising Conference Watch On Demand!

All Hope Rising Conferences On Demand...
, 1 year 2 months ago

The absolute last thing anyone needs after the personal discovery or experience of infidelity is more shame and isolation. However, two of the most commonly experienced emotions after infidelity has been discovered are both paralyzing shame and decimating isolation. At affairrecovery.com, we use this phrase quite often: “everyone says what they will do when infidelity happens... until it actually happens.” It’s just not that easy to make a decision. After all, you could be giving your unfaithful...

, 1 year 2 months ago

Intimacy avoidance remains one of the most challenging aspects of both short-term and long-term recovery from an affair. Whether four months into repair work or four years in, the couple that remains impinged by intimacy avoidance struggles to gain any lasting momentum at all. Without a strategic, infidelity-specific plan to address both the infidelity and the intimacy avoidance, ultimate failure remains a potential and quite tangible outcome for the relationship. The good news is, intimacy avoidance...

, 1 year 2 months ago
Despair, Self-harm, and Hopelessness in the Pit of Betrayal Trauma

Part 1: The Darkness that Nearly Swallowed Me Up
Part 2: Finding My Way Out Of The Dark

Warning - this post is about self-harm and suicidal thoughts and may be intense or triggering. If you need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, available 24 hours, at 800-273-8255 or https://...

, 1 year 2 months ago

"Will my marriage or relationship ever be the same again?" This is one of the most common questions when a couple enters a therapist's office, wondering if they can actually survive infidelity. There are no easy answers, but there is tangible hope when the right guidance and pathways are provided to couples in crisis. While infidelity is extremely traumatic for a marriage, it doesn't have to be the end, or figuratively cremate the relationship while the couple makes mistake after mistake wondering why...

, 1 year 2 months ago
Despair, Self-harm, and Hopelessness in the Pit of Betrayal Trauma

Part 1: The Darkness that Nearly Swallowed Me Up
Part 2: Finding My Way Out Of The Dark

Warning - this post is about self-harm and suicidal thoughts and may be intense or triggering. If you need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, available 24 hours, at 800-273-8255 or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org...

, 1 year 3 months ago

"Can a marriage recover from an affair" is one of the most popular questions we are asked at affairrecovery.com. The answer is a resounding YES, if both parties are willing to do the work and commit to the process. Today, Alumnus Samuel shares practical and refreshing insight into answering that question, and how to do it. Rebuilding a marriage that has been ransacked by infidelity or addiction is no easy task, but it IS possible, when both parties have a proven blueprint for their own individual work...

, 1 year 3 months ago

Finding the courage to keep going after your own world has been rocked by infidelity or addiction is one of the most excruciating processes an adult can find themselves in. Discovering there are not only survivors of infidelity, but those who have come out on the other side healed, forgiven, and restored, can bring hope and courage to others forging through the challenging seasons of early recovery. While not impossible to heal, our feelings often betray us and leave us feeling defeated against what...

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