It was a strange name that pricked my curiosity, but I questioned the thought. Why was I so interested about her name? I was out to eat with my wife and our waitress had just stopped by the table to introduce herself. My normal routine would've been to ask how she came by her unusual and beautifully unique name. This was the first time I stopped to ponder, why would I do that?

A quick glance told me the restaurant was short staffed, and the waitress was responsible for too many tables. How will my asking her about her name benefit her? It would only cost her time which would not only make her job more difficult, but it would negatively impact how quickly other customers were served. How would it make Stephanie feel if I began chatting with our cute waitress about the origin of her name? Thankfully, after 45 years of marriage, Steph would still be hurt, which means she still cares. That's when this adolescent part of me (the part of me that wants what it wants when it wants it) spoke up and said, But if she wasn't busy and Steph wasn't here, it'd be okay. There's nothing wrong with asking someone about their name.

But is it possible that my justification was an excuse for me wanting to be entertained or wanting the thrill of flirting just a little bit?

I've grown up, thankfully, so I could reason through this.

The current me said to the adolescent that lingered inside of me:

The difference between a teen and a mature adult is the adult's ability to think beyond the moment and consider what the downside to an action might be. But longtime habits are hard to break, and we don't always see this so clearly. To you, it's satisfying to make someone else feel good about themselves, and in the process, it makes you feel good about yourself too.

Maybe you don't struggle with this exact issue, but there is something in your life you can relate this to. Think about it objectively. Is it wise? Is it considerate? Is it beneficial? Is it hurtful to someone I love?

Then the adolescent me continued the conversation with the current me:

I was suddenly jerked back to present by an old familiar voice, my wife. "Rick. Rick. What in the world are you thinking about?"

"Curiosity, I was thinking about curiosity," I replied. I'll tell you more about it later once I figure it out.

Our goal at Affair Recovery isn't just to empower those impacted by infidelity to construct new lives of meaning and purpose, we would also like to help prevent the crises and destruction created by infidelity. For those rebuilding their lives, we'd like to enable you to avoid more suffering. Rarely do I meet individuals who were "planning to cheat." The majority of the time, old ways of being are applied to a new season of life. How we interact with others, what we perceive our boundaries to be, what we believe is appropriate (right or wrong).

Through the years, I've learned you can't 100% affair proof your marriage, but you can affair proof yourself! Time spent identifying and eliminating old habits that place your commitment to your partner at risk is worth every ounce of will power and effort. One of the goals of EMS Online and Hope for Healing is to help people identify patterns that put them risk. Monogamy is not a given, rather, it is a state that both partners must protect.