insightful

So helpful and insightful. I recall at some point thinking that I guess I could only get away with this because NO one would EVER think I could or would do something like this. I never cheated on any boyfriend, EVER. I simply was NOT that person. I recall saying to friends years prior, who in the world has the time or energy for an "affair?!" I was above reproach. It was flat out something that I would NEVER do. While my my marital relationship was sinking, and I couldn't name my mild depression around my husband, therefore i saw ZERO warning signs when i ran into an ex-boyfriend all the way back from HS & college. So, although suddenly flying high, I didn't think much of exchanging numbers, having a meal. having a drink, talking on the phone, I mean, we're not living near each other, so what's the problem here?. No alarm bells, AT ALL. Someone turned on the happiness light again. This was, well, a good thing. Not even any real concern that I seemed to be living, waiting for a text or call. Distancing myself further and further from my husband. Like they all say, it was a drug. Even when plans were made to see each other, i justified it. We're old friends and he listens and makes me laugh, we'll just enjoy each other's company, no big deal. I think with most women, it always starts as an emotional affair. We are wired differently and that "connection" as i used to say, is what opens the door to doing something I never thought I could do. Unfortunately, the marriage did not survive, but neither did the AP. I wish I could have seen more warning signs. Maybe it would not have saved the marriage, but it would have saved me years of torturing myself with guilt and profound regret.