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As past participants, we want our walks through infidelity to bring hope, inspiration, and courage to your own journey.
, 6 months 2 weeks ago

November 2021

On a road trip across Texas over Thanksgiving I was listening to the song Come Alive (Dry Bones) by Lauren Daigle, which reminded me of one of my favorite stories in the Bible. Some of you may know the story of Ezekiel and the valley of dry bones...

For me, road trips are notorious for bringing up old thoughts, on the long stretch of quiet highway miles. Some good thoughts - worth dwelling on - that give me time of praise with God; some not so good - where God will bring things to light that need to be given up and surrendered, and thus healed.

...

, 6 months 3 weeks ago

New here? Check out Episode 1!

Here's a quick link to the audio version of the song: "When You Are Triggered"

For today's episode, we will sing a song we wrote to help with triggers. Because triggers can be so volatile; we understand it may or may not work for everyone in every situation. But even if not, the message of the song is still so very potent because it includes lessons we learn from the EMS curriculum.

Following the earthquake of...

, 6 months 3 weeks ago

Transforming our betrayal and relationship trauma is no easy task. It can feel impossible to keep our heads above water at times, not to mention the fact that life happening around you never stops to make your healing easier. Quite frankly, we don't always feel like doing the hard work of recovery, and we'd rather just shut down and hide from everyone and everything. Today, Samuel shares four game-changing solutions to provide a framework to healing our own betrayal and relationship trauma. In a world...

, 6 months 3 weeks ago

Beloved reader,

I wanted to continue my story and provide an update on our lives since the last blog entry, which was written about 3.5 years after D-day.

It's now been another 6 months (so 4 years after D-day) and so many thoughts of praise are coming to my mind I'm not sure where to begin. Though there is so much suffering around right now with the pandemic, I can't help but be thankful for God's provision during this time. Quarantine time (Spring 2020) - was well, chaotic and loud and crazy, and proved very hard to work; however, it...

, 6 months 4 weeks ago

New here? Check out Episode 1!

Life is a battlefield, and we are at war against an enemy that seeks to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). But Christ came so that we may have life and have it more abundantly! Today we sing about our weapons of warfare - Christ, through Community and Counseling. We call them the "3 Cs." That's how we continue to win the battle, the battle that has already been won in the heavenly realm through Christ, our deliverer. Through Community, as His army. Through...

, 7 months 1 day ago

When a couple feels stuck, both parties are exhausted, frustrated, and often wondering if there is any hope that things will ever get better. It's as if even mere communication about everyday life can be triggering, and any conversation ends up with a fight about tone, intent, and who hurt who more. The good news is, while this type of paralysis is normal, couples and individuals don't have to remain stuck. There are proven tools that can help one or both spouses care for themselves and their partner...

, 7 months 4 days ago

God knows that the mended heart will be much more stunning and substantially stronger than the unscathed soul.

Sharon Jaynes, author

I have never put much stock in New Year’s resolutions, and have even rolled my eyes at people claiming “words” for the upcoming year. It seemed artificial to me. However, now that I find myself in a reality that I really want to change, it seems perhaps assigning a word may provide a targeted reminder of...

, 7 months 4 days ago

New here? Check out Episode 1!

Our message in this episode is really best stated in Lamentations 3:22-24. It says:

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him!'"

We simply want to sing over you today and...

, 7 months 1 week ago

How we repattern our lives after infidelity can make or break the relationship, in both the short and the long term. Without a plan to develop new habits, new patterns and new routines, the relationship can feel stuck, overwhelmed with drudgery, and filled with disappointment. The goal after an affair or addiction is never getting back to what the couple had, but discovering something new - new energy and new patterns that the relationship is going to need to survive and yes, even flourish, moving...

, 7 months 1 week ago

Recently, I started to view my infidelity through the lens of entitlement. Coming to the WHY of my affair has taken a lot of reflection that seemed right at the time, as I uncovered layer after layer of my numerous character flaws. Nothing ever sat well with me as to truly why I did what I did, though until one morning a thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I cheated on my husband not because I was broken, but because I felt I had the right to. I felt entitled to it.

When I told my therapist about my revelation, she was hesitant to accept it. And I get why. In my...

, 7 months 1 week ago

New here? Check out Episode 1 for our debut and introduction!

When we began our healing journey, when all the wounds were fresh and all bets were off, we had no clue how we would make it out of the deep pit of despair we found ourselves sinking into. But somehow, God used Christ, through community and counseling, to lift us up and out and make a way for healing, hope, and health.

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV says:

"No temptation has...

, 7 months 2 weeks ago

Caring for ourselves after we've either betrayed our spouse, or been betrayed, is essential. However, due to the sheer panic and trauma of it all, we often will put ourselves last and look after the well-being of our partner, IF they will allow us to. While it may seem counterintuitive, for long-term healing, both individually and in our relationship, caring for ourselves must be a top priority. It's normal to think our lives will never be the same again after trauma of this magnitude. While our...

, 7 months 2 weeks ago

Hello,

I wish we weren't meeting this way. I am sorry and I want to (spiritually) meet you right where you are.

I want to encourage you today. I want to tell you who I was before my affair and I want to tell you who I am now. The person I am today, the one writing you this letter, was revealed to me during the darkest time of my life, through lots of prayer, daily trials and deep healing through healthy relationships.

I am writing this at the request of one of the amazing women in my AR group, who shaped many of my prayers and thoughts and...

, 7 months 2 weeks ago

New here? Check out Episode 1!

I remember reading Psalm 51 on D-Day, before I disclosed to my wife what I knew would break her heart into a million pieces that I couldn't repair. I read, "The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God." In this episode, I share a song that reflects my process of brokenness, and the spiritual open heart surgery that it would take to repair the damage resulting from my infidelity. At the time, I didn't...

, 7 months 3 weeks ago

After an affair, we can feel left for dead. It's like we're lepers, and the outside world seemingly refuses to be associated with us. It can happen to the unfaithful, but oddly enough, it can happen to the betrayed as well. Outside observers have no idea what to say to us, so rather than try, they typically will leave us alone out of discomfort, or be instructed to leave us alone by clergy, leadership or even family members. The truth is, those whose lives have been shattered by infidelity need more support after disclosure...

, 7 months 3 weeks ago
The Slow Crawl Back to Life: A Two Part Series

Part 1
Part 2

It is both difficult and precarious to measure growth related to something so deeply painful and personal. Even acknowledging progress produces a reflexive twinge, like somehow that diminishes the devastation I experienced. That is definitely not the case, but I think, at least for me, making sure I don't forget how bad it was is a defense mechanism to ensure I don't get hurt this way again. Also, growth is not linear and sometimes is...

, 7 months 3 weeks ago

New Here? Check out Episode 1!

I've always been known by my smile. Well, after D-Day we weren't sure when, or even if, I would ever smile again. So, it was fitting that the verse of hope that God gave me was from Proverbs 31:25 "she shall rejoice in time to come" - another translation says "she laughs without fear of the future." In this episode, I'll share a devotion I wrote about how everything is falling apart, "but God..." filling in the blanks of my uncertainty with God's...

, 8 months 1 hour ago

After the disclosure of infidelity or addiction, our futures feel incredibly uncertain. If there is one universal, common emotion or feeling after disclosure, it’s probably raw terror. Both partners experience it, but how do you work through it? How do you process it? Today, Samuel shares his own traumatic event that was filled with not only uncertainty and confusion, but raw panic and terror. In the halls of ‘healing from infidelity’ the word trauma has become somewhat of a buzzword. Trauma isn’t...

, 8 months 1 day ago

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A note from Rick Reynolds:
In August of 2015, I was invited to Gateway Church for a reunion with past participants of the EMS program. To my delight, a married couple was leading worship together. My...

, 8 months 3 days ago
The Slow Crawl Back to Life: A Two Part Series

Part 1
Part 2

You will either step forward into growth, or you will step backward into safety.

~ Abraham Maslow

I don't know if I have said this yet, but when I talk to you about hope and recovery, I am also talking to myself. I am still on this journey too and I get discouraged, frustrated,...

, 8 months 1 week ago

When a spouse or partner has an affair, their next response is essential. Are they willing to do repair work? Are they willing to own what they need to own? Are they open to getting outside, expert help in an effort to see what they cannot see? It can be like walking a tightrope for either partner who is wanting to save the relationship, but isn't sure where the lines should be drawn to protect themselves, but also humble themselves and win back their partner. Unfaithful spouses can feel as though...

, 8 months 1 week ago

"Did they make those horrible choices because their addiction or mental illness clouded their judgment?"

"Was I too busy trying to help and support them to notice they'd stepped out of our marriage?"

"Was their emotional detachment due to childhood abandonment issues or are they just unhappy in this relationship?"

Does any of this sound familiar to you? When the wayward spouse has diagnosed or suspected mental health/addiction issues, the betrayed partner can find themselves...

, 8 months 2 weeks ago

Infidelity is life-changing, life-altering trauma for ourselves, our partners, and even our kids. We can feel “left for dead” immediately following disclosure, and it would seem almost no one truly knows how to support those of us in crisis due to infidelity or addiction. What’s vital is that we are there for ourselves. While it may seem like a hollow suggestion or a cheesy Hallmark card, it is key that we are able to understand the principle of caring for ourselves, despite the temptation to wallow...

, 8 months 3 weeks ago

While not everyone who has an affair or acts out is a sex addict, there ARE moments we as unfaithful partners attempt to stay in denial to help mitigate our own shame and feelings of discomfort. If we’re not in denial about what we’ve done, maybe we’re in denial about the impact of our choices upon our significant other, or family as a whole? One thing you can count on today: what never brings healing is hiding from the impact of our choices on everyone around us. In fact, a critical piece of the...

, 8 months 4 weeks ago

Trying to win back a betrayed partner's heart after shattering them with your infidelity is not an easy task. It's a challenge, but a worthwhile pursuit. While some betrayeds are not willing to allow their hearts to be pursued or won back after infidelity, many are willing and even aching for that reconnection. The struggle is how to do so, when the betrayed barely understands their own pain, trauma and confusing reactions. The unfaithful can misread their cues and find themselves growing more and...

, 9 months 1 week ago

Ambivalence - am·biv·a·lence /amˈbivələns/ (noun).

The state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone, simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (such as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action, continual fluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite), or uncertainty as to which approach to follow.

The word ambivalence is often misused to mean apathy or indifference, when in fact, it actually means strong feelings in opposition to each other,...

, 9 months 1 week ago

When a relationship has been devastated by infidelity or addiction, we need answers. We want help, we want solace, and we want our broken hearts to heal. But, not everyone is as eager as we think they should be to seek healing. But why? Is it because of a past wound from a professional? Is it because the unfaithful has new information to share that they refuse to give up? Whatever the reason, refusing to get help after you've cheated or your spouse has cheated causes even more suspicion and...

, 9 months 2 weeks ago

Healing from infidelity is not for the faint of heart. After the disclosure of an affair, both spouses find themselves traumatized, looking for answers, direction and hope. As society has evolved and infidelity has become its own epidemic, there seems to be a wealth of advice being thrown out across the globe. Finding experienced, compassionate survivors and healers has become a necessary component to those who are courageously trying to heal from infidelity or addiction. While lists upon lists of...

, 9 months 3 weeks ago

A winning hand of victim cards would include a royal flush of blame, powerlessness, self-deception, self-pity, and fear. Hanging onto these victim cards has been a key reason that my husband and I have struggled during recovery. In fact, an Affair Recovery video I listened to recently said that the unfaithful playing the victim is the single most intolerable thing we can do in the healing process. But being a victim is an easy way for me to avoid responsibility for my actions. Being accountable is hard, uncomfortable and requires courage and vulnerability. Since I have...

, 9 months 3 weeks ago

The journey of the unfaithful spouse eventually reveals a need to confront shame. Those who feel ashamed often continue to do shameful things, and we know infidelity can be incredibly shameful for all parties involved, even for peripheral family members and close friends. Without a plan to confront and heal shame in the life of the unfaithful, both parties in the relationship or marriage can feel behind schedule, if not altogether stuck. The good news is, shame doesn’t have to be the taskmaster in the...

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