One of my favorite authors, Richard Rhor, states over and over again in his writings that we can choose to 'transmit our pain... or transform our pain.' I've seen me at my worst, and I can be an expert at transmitting my pain to friends, family, innocent bystanders, umpires, you name it. I've also experienced the rich and lasting feeling when I have been able to see my own inner pain transformed into a vessel to...
It's quite easy for couples to address life, marriage, and even recovery after infidelity or addiction with a transactional approach - "let's just fix this and move on.” Yet, this transactional approach to repair work never leads to a transformative experience, typically resulting in a 'go along to get along' mentality. When couples hit this point, restoration is extremely difficult, and true healing...
When first starting out on the road to recovery from an affair or sexual addiction, many people want a quick fix - a book, a video, a weekend retreat to cure them, so their lives can get back to normal as soon as possible. However, the best approach to truly heal is to view recovery as a lifelong process. For true transformation to take place, you need to examine the root causes of behaviors and thoughts, and it is vital to assemble a program to help you stay successful...
Rick Reynolds, the founder and lead therapist at AffairRecovery.com, oftentimes says we learn far more from failure than we can ever learn in success. It's a principle that can be applied in everyday life, and specifically, in recovery from infidelity or addiction. How we handle failure can determine our next phase of life, and our next phase in maturity. After an affair, the last thing we need to do is cause more...
I have tailored the truth to my audience for as long as I can remember.
And it started with peanuts. I attended a non-denominational Christian elementary school. One day when I was in the fourth grade, I had to stay in from recess for a reason I don't recall. To ease my pain and disappointment of missing out on the best part of the school day, my friend told me that I could have some of the peanuts she had in her lunch box. So, while the class was outside, I helped...
Today you'll hear five key factors that can either stall your recovery or actually speed it up. That's right; you did read that correctly: your healing can be accelerated if you utilize these five key principles and tools. Alternatively, if you choose to ignore these tools, your own repair work will most likely be stalled out. Surviving infidelity is not impossible, but it does require proven strategy from those who have...
The point of discovery of infidelity in a marriage is arguably the worst moment in both the unfaithful and the betrayed partner's lives. Emotions on both sides are high and often irrational, and fear and uncertainty about the future are drivers of many high-intensity interactions in the early days following disclosure. While these initial responses are natural, the unfaithful partner has an opportunity to take charge of their own response to kick-start a healthy...
Emotional boundaries are essential if a couple is going to survive the upheaval of infidelity or addiction. A boundaryless recovery will exacerbate all parties, including children, extended family, and even mental health professionals attempting to help. Utilizing emotional boundaries in everyday life can be hard enough, and to expect that the use of these boundaries will be easy in dealing with infidelity would not only be unrealistic, but inconsiderate of the pain and trauma we encounter early in...
For decades, mental health professionals have stressed the need to have a healthy self-image in life. From self-love, to self-actualization, how we see ourselves is a true game changer, not only in our primary relationships, but also in life. How much more should our self-image be repaired after the disclosure of infidelity? After betrayal trauma enters the picture, our lives seem to completely unravel, and we find ourselves looking for any handle to hold onto in order...
Strong winds are blowing outside and the cold is hard to deny. We're in the cusp of springtime, and just a few days ago it was nice and in the 70s. A familiar heaviness burdens me, and it's hard to shake off. I pray and am tired. I know I want to get up and go and do things. I have things to do, but I refuse to write this off as lazy. It's my day off; however, I just seem a little weak or unmotivated, which is...
Today you'll hear from our newest video blogger, Mickey. Have you ever considered that there may be benefits to addiction recovery work? Maybe you're wondering 'can anything good ever come of my addiction?' Today you'll hear not only a few positives that have come out of Mickey's journey, but you'll also gain a palatable understanding of how to move through addiction into wholeness and personal restoration.
In the journey of healing, it's vital that we...
On the path of beginning to heal a relationship after infidelity, oftentimes in the middle of a fight, a spouse or partner may not know what they need in that moment. They don’t know if they need answers, comfort, direction, or to have their hand held. Science says it takes 1/200th of a second for the betrayed spouse to flood emotionally. The triggers and onslaught of emotions can come on so quickly,...
Part I: What is Forgiveness Anyway? Part II: The Journey of a Lifetime
Last time we talked about the reality of forgiveness - what it is and what it isn't - and how forgiveness plays a vital role in recovery and potential reconciliation. So why don't people forgive? Lots of reasons. Fear, pride, anger, resentment,...
New here? Check out Episode 1!
In the spirit of this Easter and Resurrection season, today Rodney and Angela share an old hymn that celebrates the good news of the Gospel - Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection - "Jesus Paid It All." For the believer, His payment on the cross changes everything. Imagine owing a debt so large, you could never pay it off. Even the sum total of life's wages and possessions would leave you drastically...
It's no secret that infidelity is traumatizing. But what about childhood trauma? What about neglect and/or abuse as a child? The hard truth is, healing from all levels of trauma is difficult, and infidelity trauma doesn't help. When trying to heal from this type of pain, it's vital we have practical tools that we can use to find solace and ultimately, learn to self-soothe. Today, Samuel shares four tools he has used in his own journey of healing, from...
When discussing forgiveness of marital betrayal, other words that often spring to mind include impossible, unfair, and undeserved. Some of you may have even cringed at the mention of forgiveness. I definitely understand that. I think this...
Today we share what is probably known as the most popular and well-loved hymn of our time, "Amazing Grace." Simply put, grace is God's unmerited, unearned favor. GRACE could also be an acronym for God's Riches At Christ's Expense. It's Him doing for us what we could never do for ourselves. What makes grace so amazing is that as fallen, sinful people, God still loves us unconditionally. Whether you...
I can remember how heavy my brow would get, yet not realize how angry and scary I looked storming through the house... more than likely unpleasant to just be around, let alone speak to. I can imagine my whole family just mirroring how unhappy I was. And that they did.
I was too busy in my misery to even notice that my kids were sliding into a downward spiral along with me. Where was their nurturing mom now? And when I was my loving self and happy, fun, and laughing mom, it was short lived and I was almost unrecognizable, or I was not fooling...
Here is a quick audio version of the song: The Angry GIFTS Song
Today we will present a fun one-minute original song to help pull back the curtain of anger to uncover the primary emotions beneath. Using the GIFTS acronym from the EMS Curriculum, we're able to practice self-awareness, self-expression, and self-management. Ephesians 4:26a instructs us to, "Be angry but do not sin." Anger, as with...
Healing from infidelity requires expert care in every facet of both personal and marital restoration. However, a nebulous area of healing can be found in addressing childhood wounds like neglect, abuse, and abandonment. Without an understanding of what wounds and pain we've experienced as children, we can find that the timeline for us is not only confusing, but also longer and more erratic. When we tap into the help of true trauma experts who have been through their own timeline of infidelity and...
Today, eight years after disclosure and discovery (D-Day), in celebration of completing ten episodes, totalling over 10,000 views - Rodney and Angela present to us a raw, uncut, unplugged, and unleashed ‘Songs for the Soul’ experience! From start to finish, there’s no telling what will happen between these two. God’s grace has taken them from lamenting to laughter, and from turmoil to triumph. He has given them beauty for...
Have you ever had your unfaithful spouse blame you for their infidelity or addiction? Perhaps they've rattled off statements like "if you would have done your job, I wouldn't have had to go find love elsewhere?" Or, "if you didn't neglect me, I wouldn't have had to go somewhere else for attention, love, and sex." It's a coping mechanism the unfaithful uses to justify their actions, and one of the main problems with this thinking is that we, the unfaithful, think it's absolute truth. What's more...
Today, I came across a picture that was posted on our group's GroupMe wall a while back. A depiction of hope, a moment captured by a camera, a view of grace, healing, and growth, revealing a glimmer of rescue and new life. You've probably seen something like it, or the one I'm referring to, where determined little white flowers are growing out of a crack in an otherwise lifeless slab of concrete sidewalk.
At the time this was shared with me, and when I wrote this journal entry, feelings of hope finally started to emerge, much like the ray of light and the new life,...
Many of the old hymns have a special place in our hearts. Today's song, "It Is Well," is no exception to that. The lyrics were penned by Horatio Spafford after tragedy suddenly struck his family. As you hear the story recounted along with the melodious tunes, may your burden be lifted and your load lighter. The trauma and weight of infidelity doesn't have to continue to suffocate you. As we sing over you, we're praying for supernatural peace - even in the...
Finding survivors of either their own infidelity or their spouse's, who are also willing to publicly talk about their story, is no easy task. From the public shame, to the fear of being known for such painful life choices, to the uneasiness of telling your story in public, it's just not easy. Today you'll get to know Stephanie, a fearless survivor of her husband's infidelity, addiction, and child out of wedlock. As we talk, you'll hear a down to earth, "I'm not superwoman; I'm just someone who did the...
Being loved is a hard concept to grasp when our dreams lie shattered around us, and the God whom we thought loved us, has let them shatter.
Vaneetha Risner
If the title of this blog gave the impression that I have the answer to this question, I want to let you know up front that I don't. I am still in the trenches and I wrestle with this often. I wondered if someone else might too, so I decided to talk about...
Here is a quick audio version of the song: A Husband's Prayer
As husbands, we have the unique privilege of covering our wives in prayer. Whether they are the hurt spouse, the unfaithful one, or even both - they need someone fighting for the good of their heart, soul, and mind. And make no mistake about it, all wives need prayer, including yours. Today we offer up a prayer in song petitioning God for their blessing and healing. We also pray for God...
Trying to heal from your partner's affair, or your own, can seem like an impossible task. But what about when there is a child from an affair? What if they are a sex addict? What if you don't feel like you even love your partner now? While all hard-hitting, complicated questions, I am happy to tell you there are answers. Oftentimes, we believe people who have actually healed from seemingly impossible pain and trauma are better answers than mere words. Today you'll meet heroes of ours at affairrecovery...
November 2021
On a road trip across Texas over Thanksgiving I was listening to the song Come Alive (Dry Bones) by Lauren Daigle, which reminded me of one of my favorite stories in the Bible. Some of you may know the story of Ezekiel and the valley of dry bones...
For me, road trips are notorious for bringing up old thoughts, on the long stretch of quiet highway miles. Some good thoughts - worth dwelling on - that give me time of praise with God; some not so good - where God will bring things to light that need to be given up and surrendered, and thus healed.
...
Here's a quick link to the audio version of the song: "When You Are Triggered"
For today's episode, we will sing a song we wrote to help with triggers. Because triggers can be so volatile; we understand it may or may not work for everyone in every situation. But even if not, the message of the song is still so very potent because it includes lessons we learn from the EMS curriculum.
Following the earthquake of...
Alumnus, Unfaithful. Providing hope, encouragement and infidelity-specific insight to anyone in recovery from betrayal.
Alumni. Rodney and Angela. Channeling hope and healing through music after experiencing God's healing power from the tsunami of infidelity.
Alumna, navigating recovery from both sides of infidelity. Bringing hope to those enduring their darkest moments.
Alumna. Betrayed. Seeking to inspire hope in those recovering from the devastating effects of infidelity or addiction.
Alumnus. Unfaithful. Encouraging those walking the road of addiction recovery by sharing his own journey of healing and restoration.
Alumna, Betrayed. Seeking God's grace to find meaning and purpose in the pain. Hoping to share my life raft with others drowning in the despair of infidelity.
Alumna. Betrayed. Sharing her testimony of God's miraculous healing from betrayal trauma to inspire hope in others.
Alumna. Unfaithful. Sharing hope with others struggling from the shame and destruction of their bad choices. Restoring the broken pieces by the healing power of God’s unfailing love.
Alumna. Unfaithful. Striving to become a woman of integrity. Together, we can find light in the darkness of infidelity.
Alumna. Betrayed. Striving to recover and thrive after betrayal. I believe gratitude is the antidote to grief. If I can help you in your healing, therein lies my own.
Alumna. Member, EMS Weekend Retreat Team. Hope and healing are possible for anyone willing to work through the pain.
Alumnus. Betrayed. Trying to find his way back.
Alumna. Unfaithful. A broken and undeserving mess who is learning what real love looks like.
Alumna. Betrayed. Determined to be positive as I navigate the quagmire of recovery.
Alumna. Betrayed. A soul restored. Encouraging others to keep walking because there is a way through. Author of Keep Walking: 40 Days to Hope and Freedom After Betrayal
Alumna. Betrayed. Grateful for God's love and grace. Recognizing that with God as my priority, I will be okay no matter what.
Alumnus. Betrayed. No matter how long it takes or how hard it is, my wife is always worth it!
Alumna. Betrayed. Learning to love recklessly while I cross the monkey bars of recovery. "You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." - C.S. Lewis
Alumna. Betrayed. Walking in obedience to God's direction and experiencing a richer life and Renewed marriage.
Alumnus. Unfaithful. Living life differently, enjoying my wife and family, and grateful for God’s love.
Alumna. Betrayed. Experiencing God's love after divorce. Celebrating the healing of myself and my identity.
Alumna. Betrayed. Continuing to fight for my marriage and my children.
Alumnus. Unfaithful. Living proof that seeking truth offers both incredible pain and amazing freedom.
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