Welcome

As past participants, we want our walks through infidelity to bring hope, inspiration, and courage to your own journey.
, 6 months 1 week ago

Intimacy avoidance remains one of the most challenging aspects of both short-term and long-term recovery from an affair. Whether four months into repair work or four years in, the couple that remains impinged by intimacy avoidance struggles to gain any lasting momentum at all. Without a strategic,...

, 6 months 1 week ago
Despair, Self-harm, and Hopelessness in the Pit of Betrayal Trauma

Part 1: The Darkness that Nearly Swallowed Me Up
Part 2: Finding My Way Out Of The Dark

Warning - this post is about self-harm and suicidal...

, 6 months 2 weeks ago

"Will my marriage or relationship ever be the same again?" This is one of the most common questions when a couple enters a therapist's office, wondering if they can actually survive infidelity. There are no easy answers, but there is tangible hope when the right guidance and pathways are provided to couples in crisis. While infidelity is extremely traumatic for a marriage, it doesn't have to be the end, or figuratively cremate the relationship while the couple makes mistake after mistake wondering why...

, 6 months 2 weeks ago
Despair, Self-harm, and Hopelessness in the Pit of Betrayal Trauma

Part 1: The Darkness that Nearly Swallowed Me Up
Part 2: Finding My Way Out Of The Dark

Warning - this post is about self-harm and suicidal thoughts and may be intense...

, 6 months 3 weeks ago

"Can a marriage recover from an affair" is one of the most popular questions we are asked at affairrecovery.com. The answer is a resounding YES, if both parties are willing to do the work and commit to the process. Today, Alumnus Samuel shares practical and refreshing insight into answering that question, and how to do it. Rebuilding a marriage that has been ransacked by infidelity or addiction is no easy task, but it IS possible, when both parties have a proven blueprint for their own individual work...

, 7 months 1 day ago

Finding the courage to keep going after your own world has been rocked by infidelity or addiction is one of the most excruciating processes an adult can find themselves in. Discovering there are not only survivors of infidelity, but those who have come out on the other side healed, forgiven, and restored, can bring hope and courage to others forging through the challenging seasons of...

, 7 months 1 week ago
The Insidiousness of Shame

Shame: A Pervasive Cancer of the Soul
Shame: Beginning to Break Free

Facing my shame that has plagued me my whole life has been eye-opening for me. I am learning that past trauma that I had left unattended to created a...

, 7 months 1 week ago

Have you ever wondered if you or your partner is a narcissist? Or a sex addict? This may surprise you, but being labeled a narcissist or sex addict are two of the most over-diagnosed labels that ...

, 7 months 1 week ago
The Insidiousness of Shame

Shame: A Pervasive Cancer of the Soul
Part 2: Coming Soon, October 15!

This past March, about 13 months after our D-Day, my husband suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm that landed him in the ER for emergency surgery. After his surgery, he spent 14 days in the ICU fighting for his life. Brain aneurysms usually have no symptoms until they rupture, and when they do, the survival rate is less than 50%. Needless to say,...

, 7 months 2 weeks ago

Every safe and healthy formerly unfaithful spouse eventually comes to the realization that mere "I'm sorries" just aren't enough. Restoration takes time, gut-wrenching effort, and expert help. Without any of those variables, the repair process can seem absolutely impossible. The good news is, there is a way to heal and survive cheating of any kind in...

, 7 months 2 weeks ago

There are so many painful words that flood our minds following betrayal: Hurt. Stupid. Angry. Deceived. Heartbroken. Lost. Humiliated. Duped. Blindsided. Gullible. Used. Tricked. Embarrassed. Shattered. Disgraced. Ashamed. Crushed. Afraid. Numb.

All of those words are so painful, but there are two words that cut me to the core - not enough.

People compare themselves to others for a variety of reasons across many areas of life. The reasons for comparison may sound different on the surface, but mostly they are all pointing toward determining how...

, 7 months 3 weeks ago

Some of the worst battles I've found myself in have been with my ego and self-shaming tendencies. I've learned, after countless sleepless nights and awful bouts of depression, that we cannot 'self-shame' our way into healing, restoration or wellness. Hating ourselves will never move us to a healthier place. We may lose weight. We may develop a healthy new habit or excel in the gym, but in terms of finding our more mentally and emotionally balanced selves, we will fail miserably. Believe me; I've tried...

, 7 months 4 weeks ago

The foundations of any healthy, life-giving marriage or long-lasting relationship are built in humility, compassion and self-sacrifice, (just to name a few). The antithesis of these is something called “destructive entitlement.” Believe it or not, after the disclosure of infidelity or addiction, one or both spouses can feel destructively entitled to various ways of handling the pain, trauma, and of course, perceived abandonment and rejection. The truth is, most marriages can be saved after this life-altering...

, 8 months 6 days ago

“Somewhere along the way in my own journey, I realized I was abandoning myself. With help from a few infidelity experts, I came to a realization that me sacrificing myself was not going to save the marriage.”

The above quote is from a woman I spoke with recently, who wept at the realization that she had abandoned herself in an attempt to save her marriage. While she was constantly...

, 8 months 1 week ago

The affair happens. Maybe the betrayed spouse knows something about it, maybe they don't. In my case, I was very much aware. I asked him about it. Pointedly. Directly. Repeatedly. He lied. He told me I was "crazy," "paranoid," being "ridiculous." He would not tell me the truth. I knew it. He knew it. He knew that I knew it. But, no truth was to be had and we were at an impasse. Maybe you can relate.

Time passed. After an excruciating season, the affair eventually ended. Life went on. We both pretended all was 'normal,' but the secret remained between us, a wall that could...

, 8 months 1 week ago

Choosing to move forward after infidelity stretches any strong man or woman to their very core. Today, Samuel shares from his many failures and successes on how he has been able to find hope, healing, and courage to go forward, despite many disappointments and frustrations.

Harboring Hope registration opens monthly....

, 8 months 2 weeks ago

Lisa Arends frequently shares her compelling story of her ex-husband divorcing her through a mere text message. What unfolded next was a story fit for the cinema screen. Several years later, Lisa is remarried, pursuing a vibrant career in data science, and impacting the lives of thousands of hurting, betrayed spouses who are looking for the courage to keep going after divorce. Lisa has a knack for encouraging those who are trying to heal, not only in practical ways, but also through expert insight into the mind of the betrayed spouse.

Though...

, 8 months 3 weeks ago

If you have a heart attack or are diagnosed with cancer, it is treated with seriousness and urgency. No one says "try not to think about it," "focus on good things" or "just let it go." No. The doctor sits you down and refers you to a team of helpful, trained professionals who are lined up to draft a plan with realistic expectations, answer your questions, and assist and support you until you are healed.

The recovery plan is laid out for you. You are given step-by-step instructions and a contact person, or a team of experts, to guide you through it to the end. No one would expect you to know...

, 8 months 3 weeks ago
Attunement: A 2 Part Series

Part 1: Bridging the Gap Between the Unfaithful and Betrayed Spouse
Part 2: When Both Spouses Feel Abandoned

During healing from infidelity, attunement is a couple’s...

, 9 months 4 days ago
Attunement: A 2 Part Series

Part 1: Bridging the Gap Between the Unfaithful and Betrayed Spouse
Part 2: When Both Spouses Feel Abandoned

When we allow our inner world to resonate with our partner’s inner world, we can discover a new level of...

, 9 months 1 week ago

Today, I’m thrilled to share my most recent interview with best-selling author Thomas Gagliano. He specializes in family-focused therapy, and is also an expert in childhood trauma, family dynamics and addiction — including the crisis of infidelity.

Last time we met, he discussed self-sabotage, infidelity and resistance to obtaining professional help. Today, Tom will be exploring the mind of the unfaithful,...

, 9 months 2 weeks ago

When you are walking through a difficult chapter after infidelity, addiction or another significant crisis, you are likely looking for a few things: healing, peace of mind, clarity, understanding, personal restoration and perhaps even relational restoration. Ultimately, what we really want is transformation. We want this agony to be transformed into healing and joy.

We have a choice: We can either transmit our pain or we can transform it. We can do the...

, 9 months 3 weeks ago

Part 1: You Are Not Stupid for Having Been Deceived
Part 2: After Betrayal: Don’t Second-Guess Yourself Using 20/20 Hindsight

Last time, we talked about how stupid we can feel after betrayal is discovered or disclosed. It is a universal feeling that only adds insult to the injury of betrayal. It leaves us wondering: If we had been savvier, would everything have somehow been different and our spouses would not have betrayed us? There is nothing like marital betrayal to make you question everything about yourself, your reality and even...

, 10 months 2 days ago

When devastation hits, we embark upon this journey of survival. We begin to wonder, “How do I survive this enormous amount of pain and trauma I’m in? How do I make it through to the other side?” Sometimes, we may even wonder, “How do I make it through today?” What I have found in my own healing from and surviving infidelity efforts is that I’m doing two things simultaneously: learning and unlearning.

As the amazing author Richard Rohr says, when we are in...

, 10 months 1 week ago

Registration for EMS Online Opens Soon. Don't Miss Out!

Spots fill up quickly, so you won’t want to wait to register for our Emergency Marital Seminar Online. Better known as EMSO, this 13-week infidelity recovery course has helped thousands of couples rebuild their relationships and restore their lives. Click the button below to be notified when registration opens back up.

...
, 10 months 2 weeks ago

Part 1: You Are Not Stupid for Having Been Deceived
Part 2: After Betrayal: Don’t Second-Guess Yourself Using 20/20 Hindsight

"How could I have been so stupid?" Anyone who's been betrayed has thought this, felt this and owned this at some point in time. But take it from me: You are not stupid.

Adding salt to the wound of betrayal is a series of self-doubt about who we are, what we are and how we are. After betrayal, we can doubt our value as a spouse and as a person,...

, 10 months 3 weeks ago

EMS Weekend Is Back in Person!

Everyone has been asking and the time has come: EMS Weekend is finally back in person! Spots are selling out fast for this life-changing retreat, so make your in-person or virtual reservation today.

Register For EMS Weekend!

Today, I'm going to discuss something that's at the cornerstone of recovery for couples: How to rebuild...

, 11 months 10 hours ago

Join Us at the Virtual Hope Rising Conference on October 2!

Tickets are now available for our 4th annual Hope Rising Conference for betrayed spouses. Space is limited. Learn more and purchase tickets using the button below.

Get Tickets For Hope Rising 2021!

I think anybody who's gone through infidelity comes to the point where they ask themselves:

...
, 11 months 1 week ago

Not too long ago, someone pulled me aside and asked, “Seriously, how long is it going to be like this?” At our EMS Weekends in person, the conversations inevitably take a turn to these sorts of questions. Often, participants want to know:

  • “How long are we going to have to do this work?”
  • “Is it always going to be this...
, 11 months 2 weeks ago

Registration for EMS Online Opens Soon!

Spots fill up quickly, so you won't want to wait to register for our Emergency Marital Seminar Online. Better known as EMSO, this 13-week course has helped thousands of couples rebuild their relationships and restore their lives after infidelity.

...

Pages