Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

I would like to take the Harboring Hope course because my life and marriage have been deeply shaken by my husband’s two emotional affairs and 16 months of lies. The betrayal has devastated me in ways I am still trying to understand. The person I trusted most and believed I was building my life with became the source of so much pain, confusion, and heartbreak. The discovery of the affairs and the realization that I had been living with so many lies have left me struggling to make sense of my reality, my marriage, and the future I once believed in.

I am carrying grief, hurt, anger, fear, and a loss of trust that I never imagined I would experience. I am trying to navigate the pain of betrayal while also figuring out who I am now and what healing might look like. There are days when the weight of it all feels overwhelming, and I long for peace, clarity, and a sense of safety in my own life again.

I want to take Harboring Hope because I need a place where I can feel understood, supported, and less alone in this journey. I want to learn how to process the trauma of betrayal, work through the emotions that come with it, and begin rebuilding my sense of self-worth and confidence. I want to understand that my husband’s choices and dishonesty do not define my value or determine my future.

I also hope to gain tools to help me navigate the uncertainty of my marriage, establish healthy boundaries, and make decisions from a place of strength rather than fear or devastation. I want to find hope again, even if I cannot yet see what the future will look like. I know healing will take time, and I am willing to do the work, but I also know I do not have to do it alone.

More than anything, I want to move beyond simply surviving this heartbreak. I want to find my footing again, rediscover peace, and believe that a meaningful and joyful life is still possible for me. I hope Harboring Hope will help me begin that journey, one step at a time, with compassion for myself and hope for the future.

I am still navigating the recovery of my life being blown up by my husband. There are no words to describe the devastation that I experienced 10 months ago. We are currently in counseling but it does not seem to be helping our relationship very much. At this point I am losing hope that our marriage will last or recover. He says he will do anything to fix it but when it comes to a time that I need validation or reassurance he becomes defensive. Not over the affair but he tries to explain why he doesn’t do the things that I’ve told him I need in order to move forward. At this point it all seems just like more lies to get whatever he wants at the expense of me. I found hope-now and I am working on my own healing. I have been told until I am able to heal than the marriage doesn’t have much of a chance. The biggest obstacle I currently face is the triggers and the lack of action by my husband. Before this I was on no medications. Now I am on 3 different ones to try and manage my depression, the anxiety, and
the panic attacks. All of it seems so extremely unfair. I heard it being compared to being pushed out of a plane by someone you love and it breaking every bone in your body. Trying to stay in the marriage is like if that same person then asked you to go back up in the same plane everyday. They want you to trust they won’t do it again and you’re still lying there not able to move without everything being in excruciating pain. I am an extremely loyal person and it has only gotten me hurt by extremely selfish people. I can’t fathom being able to hurt a person I truly love like this. I have had opportunities while being married to flirt and develop relationships with people but I never put myself in that position. Not only because I loved my husband but also because of respect for him but also myself. I think you have to lack self respect in order to let things go that far. You don’t just fall into a full blown affair. I want to know how to heal from the betrayal and be able to function again whether that’s with my husband or ultimately without. While I know I am not alone in this, it still has been very isolating. Knowing that there are other people that have gone through this as well and survived does help me to be able to know I can too.
Right now all I can do is try to make it one hour at a time when I’m having a rather bad day but i am so emotionally tired that I know I need additional help. What I want is to be able to be on the other side of this and possibly be able to help others as they try and make it through one of the most difficult things you can ever go through. I am hoping that by going through one of the hope-now courses I can one day be in that situation. Anything would be better than the way I feel now

After 32 years of marriage, I find myself faced with the unthinkable, my husband betrayed me. I never knew all this time and only found out Sept 2025.
My husband and I were supposed to be looking forward to retirement soon, winding down our lives, and enjoying our memories of old. Now, well, no words can describe it, the dream has vanished, just like that, it's gone.
The aftermath:
I have faithfully been watching the videos from Affair Recovery, and I truly look forward to them in my inbox. These videos hold me upright and I feel secure while trying to navigate the fog.
God is always with me, but with the discovery of my husband's betrayal, I feel even the hand of God slipping away. This spiritual crisis is more frightening than any betrayal could ever be.
Watching these videos and discovering the AR family of caring individuals who know just what I am going through has been a lifeline of hope.
I feel as though I need this group to connect with women who are going through the same thing.
Videos are wonderful, but having an actual voice at the other end of the phone is my road for healing and somehow finding my way home. I harbor hope because I feel like I am sitting in a rowboat on a lake, late at night, dense fog, all alone, and I dare not move for fear the boat will tip. I know AR is there, I hear them speak, they are somewhere, and I want to try to reach the shore to be with my family.
What I want more than anything is to sit with others and experience patience and humility as I try to navigate this mess and be kind to myself even in the most difficult moments, there are many. Mostly, though, I know that I will, no doubt, come across someone in my life who will say I went through the same thing, and it is then, I will know the words to say. Until then, healing. Who knows what the future holds, but I know it will be filled with God's work, His direction and His blessing.
CherylM

I need help, I’m really struggling

I sit here struggling to write a comment about the most painful circumstance I’m walking through in my life. Betrayal that continues over 9 years is devastating and life shattering. I’m thankful for a God that loves me through this valley, but even with my faith I’m still deeply struggling to let go and surrender my marriage to the Lord. I’m wanting for my husband to be healed and take full responsibility, be fully empathetic, and do what it takes to rebuild trust, but he isn’t there and with recently finding out about more cheating and a porn addiction, I’m giving up hope and looking for a new path to find healing in. Having a three year old and an 8 month old has added a layer to this complicated situation that makes me not always value me because I’m more worried for them and having a future I envisioned. Knowing my future is now going to look different, I’m hoping to find healing one day to move forward in strength and not let the enemy continue to steal more than he already has. Praying for God to reveal my next steps to me day by day.

Hi my name is Heather. I am very interested in trying Harboring Hope as I am finding that I'm not getting anywhere on my own. We are 7 months post D-day. My husband and I have been reconciled for about 3 months. We were separated and living apart for a time while he was in a relationship with his AP. After months of him begging and pleading, I have decided to stay in the marriage. Mostly for the sake of my child. My husband has been doing 'everything right' in a sense but I just can't shake the feeling that I no longer have a place in my family. The feelings of rejection and abandonment and the Rollercoaster of feeling rage and sadness are taking over my life. I don't feel like I have any agency over myself anymore and its such a gross feeling. I just want to relax into my life again and feel at home in my home and family.

It is hard to even put this into words. I have been married for 12 years and just discovered my husband has been having an affair. It started when I was pregnant and has continued while I survived the newborn trenches alone. This has been the hardest season I've ever had to endure. My husband will not let his affair partner go. I grieve for my baby. This is not the life I wanted for him. It is so painful. I want to leave but also don't want to tear our family apart.

I would love to be chosen for the HH program. It is 3 months to the day since discovery. My husband of almost 33 years has been hiding a 20+ year pornography problem. I have begged him for connection, therapy, courses, quizzes, dates, etc. I'm wounded so deeply that I feel like I can't find any steady ground to walk on. Everyone says, "heal yourself".....I don't know how to do that when so much of my identity and "self" was wrapped around a relationship that has suddenly been shattered and everything I thought it was now seems fraudulent. I am in personal therapy, as is my husband. We are starting couples therapy next week, but I feel like I need specialized, intensive, acute care for my heart that is on life support at the moment.

I have been married for almost 32 years and discovered my husband’s affair 10 months ago. Many hurtful things have been said and exposed. My life is full of blessings, but the past months have been the darkest of my life. I feel like I have lost my best friend and a big part of my identity. I need support and strategies to help me get unstuck and would greatly appreciate the opportunity to be involved in a women’s small group.

I never imagined I would find myself in a place where I would even consider a course like Harboring Hope…

But a few months ago, my world completely collapsed after discovering my partner’s affair. I’ve since then, gone through shock, anger, grief, confusion, numbness, non stop hypervigilance, and moments where I honestly wondered if I would ever feel safe in a relationship again. Some days I feel okay for a few hours, and then something small pulls me right back into this deep feeling of loss, of confusion...

Having my trust abused and broken at this level, changed how you see everything — my memories, my relationship, myself, my whole future… I now question my own judgment and whether I was/am living in reality at all.

My partner started Hope for Healing after discovery/ disclosure, and I’ll admit that at first I didn’t believe much in any of it. Part of me still struggles with the idea that people can truly change after causing this kind of damage. But over time, I’ve seen consistency, accountability, difficult self-reflection, and a willingness to stop avoiding uncomfortable truths. Not perfection. Not quick fixes, far from it. Just steady work.

At the same time, I’ve realized that while she’s doing work on herself/ on her side, I also need support for what her betrayal has done to me. I reckon a lot of betrayed partners end up carrying immense pain while trying to survive day by day without really knowing where to… put it?! Friends and family mean well fir the most part, but unless someone has been through this hell, it’s hard for them to understand the mental exhaustion, the triggers, the obsessive thoughts, the emotional swings, and the deep grief that come with it…

That’s why Harboring Hope interests me, even if part of me is still reluctant and guarded. I don’t know yet what the future of my relationship will be. I honestly still struggle with whether forgiveness or trust are even possible for me... But I do know I don’t want to stay stuck in constant survival mode forever.

What I hope to find here is not pressure to “move on,” but a place where betrayed partners are allowed to process slowly, fully, honestly, regain some stability, and learn how to navigate this kind of hurt with people who truly understand it…

I have experienced multiple D days, each progressively worse than the last. My husband kept doing worse and worse things over time. I want to feel hopeful and I want to be healed, but it is so difficult. At times I feel like I can’t trust my own intuition and also feel like I may never be able to trust my husband again. He has been making some progress and so have I but I feel so stuck and exhausted. I feel like I have been struggling for so long now. I have waves of hope followed by waves of despair. I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster, month after month. I want to go through Harboring Hope to work on myself, to have a community, and ultimately to be able to heal.

I am entering this drawing because I am in the middle of walking through deep betrayal trauma within my marriage. For years, I have experienced patterns of dishonesty, emotional disconnection, and behavior that has broken trust at a foundational level. There have been repeated cycles of hurt followed by apologies, but without lasting change, leaving me feeling unsafe, confused, and emotionally worn down.

One of the most difficult aspects has been the way my reality has often been minimized or turned back on me. When I ask for clarity or express concerns, it is sometimes met with defensiveness, anger, or blame. This has made me question my own instincts at times, even though deep down I know something isn’t right. I am learning that this internal conflict is part of trauma, not a reflection of my worth or perception.

I am currently in a season of making very hard decisions, including pursuing divorce. At the same time, I am working to rebuild a sense of stability, truth, and peace in my life. I’ve started setting boundaries, honoring rest (including observing a full Sabbath day), and reconnecting with my faith as a source of grounding and clarity. These steps are helping, but I still feel the weight of everything I’ve been through.

What I am longing for most right now is healing—true healing that reaches both my heart and my mind. I want to understand the effects of betrayal trauma more deeply so I can process what I’ve experienced without carrying shame or confusion. I want to rebuild trust in myself, learn how to feel safe again, and move forward with strength and clarity.

This class feels like a meaningful opportunity to do that. I am ready to face the reality of what I’ve been through, but I don’t want to do it alone or without guidance. I believe Harboring Hope could give me the tools, language, and support I need to continue healing in a healthy and sustainable way.

My wayward spouse did the hope for healing course and it brought out his best self. We have also done EMS couples online. Unfortunately whenever he is not reading AR materials, I feel hopeless. I’m hoping to get some agency for om this course.

Long story short, my husband of 10 years (together for 17) cheated with a younger coworker who he swore was just a friend. First time was a couple months and the again a couple months later for a couple weeks. To say I’m heartbroken is an understatement. I was completely blindsided. I love this man with my whole heart and completely trusted him. I’ve really struggled these last 6 months and could really use this course.

Two years ago my life split into two parts: the life before I knew, and the life after.

Before that day, I believed I had the kind of marriage people spend their whole lives hoping to find. I loved my wife deeply. We built a home together and raised three children together. I worked hard to provide and tried to be the steady man my family could rely on. Life wasn’t perfect—we were busy, sometimes tired, sometimes disconnected—but I believed in us completely.

Then the truth began to surface.

My wife had been having an affair. Not just a mistake or a moment of weakness. It lasted for about a year.

The person she chose wasn’t a stranger. It was someone from my past—a childhood friend. During the affair he lived right across the street from us.

He wasn’t just a neighbor. He was someone I trusted.

We helped each other with projects. We shared tools. We talked about life. Our kids played together. From the outside it looked like two families just living normal lives across the street from each other.

That’s part of what makes the discovery so hard to explain.

I didn’t find out all at once.

What started everything was a message I happened to see from him. It was small, but something about it didn’t sit right with me. My gut told me something was off.

That feeling stayed with me.

For two days I kept digging, trying to make sense of things that didn’t add up. Every step uncovered something else that hurt more than the last. Messages. Phone records. Pieces of a reality I didn’t know existed.

The moment it truly hit me was when I saw how much they had been talking on the phone. It wasn’t occasional or random. It was every day. Multiple times a day. Sometimes for hours. Seeing that laid out in front of me was the moment my stomach dropped and I knew something was very wrong.

That Monday night I came home and confronted my wife with what I had found. She told me a story about it, but something about it didn’t sit right. My instincts kept telling me there was more.

The next morning I told her I was going to retrieve the messages between them. In that moment the truth started to come out.

But it didn’t all come at once.

Over the months that followed, the truth came out piece by piece—what people often call trickle truth. Every new detail felt like reopening the wound again. Just when I thought I understood what had happened, another piece would surface that changed the picture.

Even now, two years later, there are days where I still struggle with wondering if I truly know the whole story.

Finding out felt like the ground disappeared underneath my feet. It wasn’t just heartbreak. It was humiliation, confusion, anger, grief, and a deep questioning of my own worth.

But life didn’t stop.

I still had to wake up the next morning and be a father. I still had to go to work. I still had to show up for my kids and try to make their world feel safe and normal.

So I did what a lot of men do. I carried it quietly.

On the outside I kept moving. I laughed with my kids. I helped with homework. I went to work every day and tried to be the man everyone expected me to be.

Inside, though, things were different.

Betrayal changes the way your mind works. There are moments when you feel okay and then something small pulls you right back into it—the memories, the questions, the doubt. Some days I feel hopeful. But there are still days that are incredibly hard. Days where the weight of it all comes crashing back down and I have to fight just to keep moving forward.

And on those days, I still have to be a father.

My kids don’t see the battle happening inside me. They just see their dad. And in many ways that’s what keeps me going—because even on my hardest days, they still look at me like I’m their safe place.

One of the reasons this experience has cut so deeply is because betrayal touches wounds that go back much further in my life. Growing up, I experienced abandonment more than once—my mother leaving, my grandmother leaving, and later my stepmother leaving as well. Those experiences left marks that I spent years trying to overcome.

When I built my own family, I believed I had finally created something stable and safe. Something permanent.

When the affair happened, it didn’t just break my trust in my marriage. It stirred up those old feelings of being left behind and not being enough.

Recently the weight of all this has reached a point where my wife and I even talked about the possibility of separation. Not because we don’t care about each other, but because the pain and the triggers are still there for me, and the constant revisiting of it has been exhausting for both of us. I still struggle with questions and moments that bring everything back, and she has expressed how hard it is to keep answering them.

It’s a painful place to be—wanting so badly to heal and move forward, but feeling stuck in the middle of it.

That’s why healing matters so much to me right now.

I don’t want those wounds—old or new—to define the man I become going forward. I don’t want to slowly harden into someone who simply carries this pain quietly for the rest of my life.

I want to rebuild trust. I want to be able to love again without fear controlling my heart. And most of all, I want to be the kind of father whose strength comes from healing rather than burying the pain.

Two years later, I’m still standing. Not because it’s easy, but because my family is worth fighting for—and I still believe that healing is possible.

Thirteen years ago, God graciously revealed my husbands infidelity. It shook me to the core and my entire world crumbled into a heap of chaos and despair. I felt so alone. After confronting him, I thought he was sincere about stopping the affair, but it continued for another 2 or 3 years. We had little help, and I was busy working full time and raising our 2 children and just resigned myself to a life of misery, while presenting a false self to my children and the world just to get by and in hopes of giving my children a pretend normal life. I was able to receive Counselling through my church but not for this issue, and my church didn’t seem to know what to do with us or how to help us. It has been an agonizing 13 years. But, God, being rich in mercy, lovingly broke through and my husband has finally just had his heart changed to where he is beginning to understand what he did and take action to restore his relationship with God and our marriage. He has signed up for the Men’s Hope For Healing course. And I would love to be able to take the Harboring Hope course!

We have been married for 38 years, lived a very blessed life in a small town. We served everyone around us, but somehow forgot to serve ourselves. Infidelity has destroyed us both. We are in the fire, we both want to come out stronger. We just don't know how to get there. We are committed to the process, but getting help has proven to be a challenge. We both want to be the success story. We both are ready for change. We don't want to lose sight of who and what we are or had, but both know change is necessary for a better future. This could be life changing for us.

My husband has been in an affair for about 3 years now. Prior to that they were friend and when our marriage began having issues, their relationship advanced beyond friendship to an emotional affair. It subsequently turned physical. I found out in June of 2024, and we have been separated since August of 2024. He has stated he thinks he wants to advance his relationship with her. I’m still hoping for restoration, but mostly for healing. For both of us. I know how broken we both are.

We are doing well and I personally go through periods of rarely having triggers, than bam. Something, someone, or some place takes me back to all the feelings, all the pain that I thought I had gotten past.
When will it end?
Hoping Harboring Hope will help.

My name is Debi Y, I was married for 21 years and in February of last year my husband came home from a trip and told me he was leaving. He was cold and distant even though our marriage had been trending towards disaster for a while, we had been in this place before and recovered. We had just sold our house, and he began dividing up monies and separating our cell phone bill and was on his way to go skiing with friends he said. In my shock, I believed him and asked that he give us 30 days to pray on this decision and try to get help. He agreed but I could see that something had changed. I soon found out he had a girlfriend and then the pain began. I saw social media posts and was barraged with hateful text messages. I really couldn't feel much at that time, only like cold water was hitting my face. Soon that relationship blew up and he moved on with two other girlfriends. Along the way there was talk of reconciliation but each time it seemed that God was shutting the door. One year has passed and we just signed the final decree, and we received the final documentation on Friday that the marriage was dissolved. I really need some healing; I replay the last year in my head and am constantly wondering "WHY"? What could I have done differently? This one event has had disastrous effects not only on me but on family and friends. I want to move on with my life, and I know that God will use this testimony of mine, one that I didn't want, to help others in my situation.

It's been 2 years since I discovered my husband was having an affair with a co-worker. We went through the Affair Recovery course together and are currently still married, however, I am still struggling daily, it feels to me, as if this is something that has just happened, not something that happened 2 years ago. It still feels fresh and raw and I know I have made a lot of progress from when I first found out but I still find myself questioning things and ruminating on things and I don't know whether I can fully trust him, even though he is showing me I can. I have a lot of walls up and I want to heal so that we can have a healthy, happy marriage. I have a lot of healing still to do and I need help navigating how to move forward.

I want to start off by saying thank you for this program. I believe I will understand and get the relief from this program.

I struggle with the whole situation of infidelity. I believe I am not in the right and healthy mindset. I struggle almost everyday to get anything done. I am a woman of faith, I love my faith, but even though I follow the word and law of God, I struggle to push through.

I never imagine this to happen to me. I want to be that Person who want to be close to God. But infidelity has really knock me off my feet.

Even though I have the courage to keep my marriage, I struggle to keep my emotional stability. I pray for guidance and answers that would lead me to the right direction. I want to be there for my family.

My husband fell in love with a young lady half my age.
Brought her to live with him, and now, after nearly 3 years of living with him, she is on her way out, again.
He recognises he was caught up in limerance and wants us to reconcile.
He says I am his choice, but I am not sure he is my choice anymore.
I don't know if I have the desire or capacity to do the work.

My husband and I have been married for 19 years. It is a second marriage for both of us. This past April, I found out he was having an affair with one of his coworkers who is more than half his age. This person was at my house for a big party, and started her pursuit of him shortly after. Needless to say I was devastated. The night of d-day I was traumatized by him putting a gun to his head (the magazine was empty which I did not know at the time) and then proceeded to leave me to go to console her. A few days after, I allowed him to come back home ( I had told him to stay away for a few days). He called off his relationship with her, and despite they were still working together, she left us alone for a few weeks. He ended up losing his job a month after D day, which was a blessing in disguise for us both. Once he came out of his fog, he has been fully committed to our marriage and me, and has had no contact with her whatsoever. We did individual and couples therapy. I have been doing all the free resources on Affair Recovery, and he also listens to the videos and reads the articles I send him for the most part. We are now over 9 months out. And while I have good periods, I have bad ones too. I have such a hard time with who the affair partner was. I have periods of hope, and then periods of ‘ I can’t do this’ and overwhelming anger toward both of them. The trauma of the betrayal can sneak up on me at any given moment and bring me to my knees. I guess I am looking to take the next step in healing, and be able to truly accept the past and forgive and build a new and better future with my husband

Hey team,

Where do I begin.
To start I am situated on the other side of the world in New Zealand. When I found my wifes affair my world was shattered, I was and still am shattered.
I confronted her and have had a further 5 days of finding more information, taking what was left of me and grinding the broken pieces down to a fine sand.
I have tried to pick up the sand and make someone from it but in our country we do not have such an amazing resource or support network as you have built.
We are raising 2 children and attempting to rebuild ourselves without the help we desperately need.
We are going to be better but without the right tools and support who knows how dark this road will get or how it will get us to where we want to be.

I hope that even if we are not selected that some has the heart to reach out and give us people to talk to as I personally have no support and am fighting my way through this trauma alone and I don't know how to keep putting my weighted feet one in front of the other.

At least I have had the chance to reach out here and I hope my cry for help finds it's way to someone.

I would love to be able to do this course. Over the past two years, I’ve seen four different counselors (by myself and with my spouse), read books & watched videos on infidelity & betrayal, and prayed harder and cried more tears than I ever have in my life. The people I’ve shared with, while loving & supportive, have never experienced what I’ve been through. I know that connecting with other betrayed women would do so much more to help me heal and transform this tragedy into triumph. I need this. My marriage needs this. My five kids need this. Thank you for considering my submission!

Devastated and drowning. Looking for something real that might help.

For the past four years, my husband and I have been navigating the painful and complicated terrain of infidelity, including multiple relapses. I am the betrayed spouse, and although we have come a long way, the wounds from that period still live inside me in ways I am ready to finally address with intention and support. I want to take the Harboring Hope course because I know healing is possible, but I also know I have not yet reached it.

After the first affair, I experienced severe emotional flooding. I did not have the tools to regulate myself or to make sense of what was happening to my marriage or my identity. That intensity pushed me into survival mode, and in that state, my fear and reactivity created dynamics that contributed to my husband seeking comfort elsewhere. While I do not blame myself for his choices, I can see now how overwhelmed, terrified, and unprepared I was. I was operating purely from pain.

As far as I know, the infidelity is over. My husband is happy, we function well as a couple, and on the surface our life looks stable and even peaceful. But inside, I still struggle. Trust does not come easily. I have adapted my personality in subtle but significant ways, softening parts of myself, shrinking others, and working constantly to keep him happy so I can feel safe. It is an exhausting pattern, and although it helped me survive, it is not helping me thrive. I do not want fear to be the foundation of my marriage any longer.

What I want now is freedom. I want to heal the parts of me that still brace for impact. I want to reclaim the pieces of myself I muted in an attempt to hold my relationship together. I want to understand my emotional responses rather than be controlled by them. And I want to create a marriage that is not built on vigilance but on closeness, connection, and truth.

Harboring Hope feels like the right next step because I am ready to move from surviving betrayal to truly recovering from it. I am ready to learn how to process the trauma rather than continually relive it. I am ready to build trust from a place of strength rather than fear. And I am ready to stop carrying the past as a burden that shapes every decision, every reaction, and every emotional beat of my life.

My husband and I have come far, but my internal world still holds the imprint of what happened. I want to take this course so that I no longer feel defined by betrayal, and so that the story of our marriage and my own life can shift into something healthier, more grounded, and genuinely hopeful.

Ultimately, I want to be whole again. I want to heal fully. And I want this experience to stop following me so I can move forward with clarity, peace, and confidence. Harboring Hope feels like a path toward exactly that.