Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

Submitted by Hope-Now Fri, 03/14/2025 - 10:00

Welcome to Affair Recovery's Harboring Hope Monthly Drawing. We want to know you. We want to serve you. This means we want to hear from you!

The first step is telling us what we can do for you. Please tell us why you’d like to take Harboring Hope. If you made a comment prior to a previous registration period, that comment is still good for your entry.

Remember, submit a comment of 500 words or less about why you'd like to take the Harboring Hope course. Remember, it's a random drawing so your entry won't be based on merit or on your situation. Comments will be moderated by AR staff. Drawings will be held monthly. If you'd like more information, you can also read our official rules.

The winner for April/May 2025 was "Nathan"
with the entry "Hardest year of my Life."
Congrats, Nathan!

The winner for March 2025 was "Danielle"
with the entry "Barely Hanging on."
Congrats, Danielle!

The winner for February 2025 was "Mickie"
with the entry "Still hurting.".
Congrats, Mickie!

The winner for January 2025 was "Rebecca"
with the entry "I cannot do this alone.".
Congrats, Rebecca!

The winner for December 2024 was "Michelle"
with the entry "Hanging onto Hope".
Congrats, Michelle!

The winner for November 2024 was "Carolina"
with the entry "Not a solider, just another man".
Congrats, Carolina!

The winner for October 2024 was "Becky"
with the entry "Already?!".
Congrats, Becky!

The winner for September 2024 was "SRy2024"
with the entry "It takes two".
Congrats, SRy2024!

The winner for August 2024 was "Virginia"
with the entry "Why I would like to take the Harboring Hope Course".
Congrats, Virginia!!

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Comments

Barely hanging on

Submitted by Danielle Suffer... (not verified) on

After a long life history of trauma, my husband's betrayals and deception feels like the ultimate betrayal and terrorism that has ripped my heart and life apart. The continued manipulation of reality is making me feel crushed, scared, hopeless, and crazy, I need help.

Scared

Submitted by NAGEMw (not verified) on

I have a baby under 1 year old and feel devastated.

Hardest year od my life

Submitted by Nathan O. (not verified) on

Discovery my wife’s infidelity has let to the most difficult year of my life. I would love help with this.

Taking steps toward healing,

Submitted by Nikafrik (not verified) on

Taking steps toward healing, empowered living, and informed choice.

In need of support

Submitted by Ken15 (not verified) on

I discovered my wife’s affair 6 months ago. For a while I lost my will to live. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it for hours. Being there for my 4 kids and my faith in Jesus keeps me motivated.

I consume a lot of media on affair recovery and have a decent amount of support. The one thing I lack is knowing men that are going thru exactly what I am.

The Betrayer

Submitted by Ben D (not verified) on

I’m in a unique position of being the one who betrayed my spouse. I told her a few months ago what I did, and it’s been a very intense path towards recovery. Hoping to do all I can.

A marriage of hope

Submitted by Lewy2023@ on

I have been with my partner for nearly 30 years and throughout the relationship I have maintained hope, Hope that he would stop going to the strippers. Hope that he would stop watching porn. Hope that he would stop objectifying women. Hope that he would stop befriending so many women. Hope that he would choose to spend more time at home. Hope that he would consider my feelings. Hope that he would treat me as his life partner and not an obligation. Hope that he would stop drinking so heavily. Hope that he would see my beauty though my illness. Hope that he would lift me up instead of tear me down. Hope that he would be proud that I was his wife. Hope that he would choose his family over his sports and activities. Hope that he would stop seeking out women and sex online. Hope that he would come clean to me about the affair. Hope that he would stop lying to me.

Now that we are in EMSO I am hoping that I finally know all of the truth. I am hoping that the list of behaviors don't return. I am hoping that he is choosing this marriage as much as I am.

All the years of hoping has destroyed me. I no longer recognize myself. I don’t know what I want out of life or myself. I don’t feel capable or free to be the woman I think I actually am. I feel like all the years of hoping have drained me of any joy I have left for life. The years of stress, worry and heartache have wreaked havoc on my health. I don't want to hope that I will be okay one day; I want to know I will be. I want to be secure, happy and proud of who I am and what I have endured. I want to be strong, resilient and self reliant no matter what his choices are going forward and no matter what happens to our marriage. I want to be healed from the pain and anguish I have felt for so many years. I want the second half of my life to be filled with joy, pride and enthusiasm for life. My focus for so many years has been on him, the marriage and the kids. I would really appreciate the opportunity to take Harboring Hope to start this journey towards healing myself.

Sincerely,
Remaining hopeful

Acceptance and Grieving

Submitted by Spidey (not verified) on

In Sept 2021 I discovered my husband’s affair with his co-worker when he came home late from work and seemed to be acting strangely. I opened his cell phone record and he was busted. We were married in 2005 and had our son in 2009. We were happy. We were great together. The couple and the family that everyone wanted to be. No one wants to be us anymore. I discovered his cheating. I told him to stop seeing her (mistake number one of many on my part). He stopped seeing her for four months then he started having sex with her. I cried, I begged, I stayed & he denied everything. I would have left but our then 13 yr old son needed his dad in his life. I wanted to save our family. The woman divorced her husband and moved out of town. My husband did not stop the affair, the other woman moved. It kills me that he didn’t pick me. He didn’t pick our family. He was addicted to how he felt with the other woman. He was addicted to sneaking around. The secret was an high. It wasn’t her. Both my husband and the other woman are broken people obviously or they would not have been so cruel and selfish and dishonest. After the other woman left town then I thought my husband and I were in a good place. He fooled around with the other woman for over a year until she left. She left & a year later I caught him going to happy ending massages. Seriously?! I told him he can keep having massages or he can be in a marriage with me but he can’t have both. He can have another woman or lots of other women or he can have me but he can’t have both. He says he chose me. We’re trying to make it work. We are one year out from last discovery. I want to rebuild trust. I want to feel happy in our marriage without the affair hanging on (it’s always there even though it’s over). I feel resentful. I feel angry. I feel sad. My husband apologizes but I don’t think he will ever really know the pain he caused. Empathy and compassion are not his strengths. I know I am a smart, capable woman. I make more money than my husband. I have friends and family that are good for me. Staying with my husband is my choice. How do I get over the affair hanging on? It’s so heavy. When I look at my husband, I don’t see him the same way. I’m almost 55 yrs old. I thought we’d be looking towards a happy retirement together, I can only go day by day. He’s a good man. He was a good husband (I think?) He’s been a good father for our son. I’ve taken your class before and I think I need it again. Please help!

He never chose me

Submitted by Honihoni on

I relate so much with your struggle, and we have several similarities in our stories. D-day for me was Sept. 1, 2021. My wayward and I have been together since 2007 (friends for a few years before that), had our kid in 2008. I also felt my son was at an age where he really needed his dad, and that weighed into my decision to stay, as well. Worst of all, my wayward also never chose me. His AP cut him off one day, pissed about him bouncing back and forth between us. I think this has to be the deepest wound he made. I’m not sure I’ll ever fully heal from this, because I still don’t feel valued or important. I don’t think I’ll ever believe him when he says he loves me. That makes me both heart wrenchingly sad and also absolutely livid. For you as well. How dare they?!

Obsessive Thoughts

Submitted by Spinning (not verified) on

I am struggling with obsessive thoughts. I can't get images of my husband and his affair partner out of my head, I can't stop asking questions about it and my mind is constantly spinning. I feel like I'm broken and never going to recover from this and at the same time I can't imagine my life without him. I appreciate all of the free resources on this website, they are very helpful during this uncertain time.

So hurt

Submitted by Ashley (not verified) on

I have been married to my husband for nine years, and we have been together for 15. We have three little kids and he has just confessed to me that he has been using porn since he was 13 years old and has used our entire marriage, I had absolutely zero idea and am so hurt I feel like I don’t even know the man I have loved for 15 years. He confessed to me, has told me he has tried to stop for the past 5 years and had a few relapses and realized he couldn’t be free until he told me and now he needs to do the real work. I want to believe him so badly but I am so hurt and just don’t know where to go from here.

Heartbroken and lost

Submitted by Ken15 (not verified) on

Discovered my wife’s infidelity 8 months ago. Trying to figure out what to do as I’ve been married 13 years and have 4 young kids. It has been very traumatizing as she hasn’t shown any willingness to build back. I don’t know anyone personally that has gone through this, so the advice from friends that know about it have been limited in scope despite how much they care for me.

Lost & Hopeless

Submitted by MandM929 on

Found out about husband's indiscretion with his co-worker on Valentine's Day. It started just before Christmas and he supposedly endeduu it on or about Feb 11. Her husband told him he could tell me or that he would. I don't believe anything spouse says because initially he claimed it to be a flirtation, then as I asked more questions it changed to touching in passing then kissing/inappropriate touching in non-discreet places at work. Meet ups in parking lots, thousands of text messages and hundreds of minutes of phone calls including from our house when I wasn't home. They were written up at word and their behavior increased ten-fold after that. I knew in my gut something was up and almost checked the phone logs but wanted to trust him. This is our second marriage to one another. I'm in the place of do I stay or do I go. I feel like he's trying to- counseling, books, church but I just feel it's all for show because he's up for a promotion. I feel the other shoe will drop once it's official.

I want off this rollercoaster ride

Submitted by MrsS on

My SO and I have been together nearly 18 years, known each other for more than 20. We have a son, who is almost 17. D-day was Sept. 1, 2021. I happened to see a text pop up on his phone, and even without opening it up, the preview was enough to know it was bad: “Love you bae! 💋” When I confronted him, instead of acting ashamed or contrite or sorry at all, he lashed out at me. Then he packed up some of his things and left, to go shack up with the AP. He spent the next 3-4 months bouncing back and forth between her and I. I finally had enough and made plans to move several thousand miles away, taking our son with me. SO panicked, begged me not to go, and in the end I stayed. That was 4 years ago.

Part of my reason for staying was to allow SO to repair his relationship with our son (who he all but abandoned during the affair). I knew if I moved, it would have been literal years before they saw each other again, and I couldn’t bear the thought of my kid losing out on a father.

To his credit, SO has definitely improved the relationship between them, and my son says he’s glad I stayed. So, for that I’m grateful. However, SO’s attitude towards our relationship is hot and cold. Although I’ve tried a number of times, a number of different ways, I’ve never been able to get a timeline, or answers to all my questions. SO keeps promising to find a therapist, but never does. We go a week or two being ok, then things start to devolve and eventually we’re having a huge fight. Usually these end with SO apologizing, professing his love, saying he needs me, and promising to make changes. Sometimes, those changes happen, but not always and they never last long.

Our kid is going to graduate in a year or so, at which point I will no longer need to stay to keep the family together, as he’ll be going off to college. I’m feeling worn out from all the ups and downs and back and forth, hot and cold. The last few years have left me decimated, mentally, emotionally and even physically. I need help to put myself back together, if not this relationship.

enter drawing for Harboring Hope

Submitted by Jan P (not verified) on

I would like to be considered for the free drawing. We completed EMS weekend In Feb. 2025. Participated in Post EMS program that finished last week. I had 2 sessions with Rick trying to convert trauma memories which has helped. D day was Dec 17,2024. Disclosure included him saying I was a burden and he was no longer willing to take care of me and he was having an affair and did not see me in his future. This was just after our 49th anniversary. I have debilitating muscle deteriation which requires some assistance and the use of a wheel chair. The whole situation was devastating and left me with no self esteem. I am thinking that harboring hope could help me move through the process. Please consider me. Thank you.

We don't want to lose each other

Submitted by Courtney F (not verified) on

Hi, I'm Courtney. I'm a betrayed and my wayward partner is finally starting to understand the importance in the work y'all do here. The betrayal is significant and has far too many layers for us to navigate thru on our own. We desperately need your help, and finally both of us are on board, or so it seems. We have no money at the moment to participate freely in any of the programs and if there is something like this for hope for healing, my partner would very much like to submit a comment as well. Thank you

Harboring Hope

Submitted by Jame (not verified) on

My husband has found a great network of support systems for his recovery. Yet some days I feel stuck and alone. Being a part of a group of women that can share openly and grow together is so beneficial to healing.

Just lost

Submitted by HeartbrokenM (not verified) on

I was caught off guard completely by my husband's affair. He had been having an affair for over 4 years. I am so heartbroken. I don't know how to work through things with my husband any more. Before learning about his affair we never fought and we seemed so connected. I felt we were so happy. I was so wrong. Now I don't even know what is real. Everything he says feels like manipulation. He makes most conversations about his pain and shame and tells me how I am miserable and that it is so hard on him. My husband told me that even when I am happy he can see that I am still in pain which makes him frustrated and hopeless. I don't know if he is just looking for an excuse to end our marriage. It feels like he doesn't care about me at all. I just can't take it sometimes. We have kids and he is good to them and it honestly breaks my heart to think of separating our family more then enduring the constant stonewalling and blame shifting. I want so badly to make our marriage work. I don't know what to believe anymore. I am distrustful. I don't know what to do. I don't want to bury my head in the sand and I don't know if he is starting his affair again. He insists he will never speak to her, that he never loved her at all but I really don't know how to believe anything anymore. I am so hurt.

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