Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

I would like to be entered into the drawing so that I can afford to heal. My husband and I have done the EMSO and it has helped, but we realize more assistance is needed. I would love to take Harboring Hope and my husband wants to take the course for men. Our issue is financial. It would make a huge difference to have assistance with the cost of the programs.

D-day (first affair) was just over 2 1/2 years ago. I had my suspicions and finally read some emails from his AP. I confronted him, we talked, I wept and struggled to,understand why. He did answer most of my questions, we started therapy and we're trying to build back our marriage. Four months later I had more suspicions that there was more going on, call it my gut instinct. Well, I found another email from a different AP. He denied, I fell apart and after talking all night long he said he had told me everything, there was nothing else. I still had my gut feeling that it wasn't all and after asking him to swear to God that were not more, he assured me there was not. My gut told me otherwise and i pressed him further. He finally confessed that he was having affairs with all three women all over the same 2 year period. What do I do now? It's been 28 months and I'm still struggling with all of this. For him it's over and he doesn't want to address my struggles and in my mind I'm not sure it's a "safe" relationship and what will happen. If he is getting impatient with my triggers and how this still affects me - we need further help!

I am a little over a month out from D day. My husband confessed to an affair with an intern at work while we were lying in bed with my 5 month old son was sleeping in my arms. We were having open and honest conversation that morning and he couldn't hold it in any longer. He had been sleeping with her while I was pregnant (that in itself was so devastating) and continued to do so well after our son was born. We have only been married a little over 2 years.
My husband has done everything he can do to show me that he wants to be with me and our son, including quitting his job so that he was no longer around the AP. I see how hard he is working with therapy, our couples therapy, church counseling, and at home, but it is doing nothing to take away the pain that I am feeling. I'm dealing with a lot of rage towards the AP- I had met her at multiple work events, she would always approach me and chat, I thought she was very nice and was not threatened by her at all. Turns out she was in love with my husband the whole time wanting to further their relationship. My husband has repeatedly confessed no emotional connection to her whatsoever. He came into the marriage with a sex addiction that he has been dealing with since a young boy, of which I knew nothing about.

I just... it's so much. How do you move on? Will things ever not be painful? Should I work through this with him or is it too much of a risk? How do I deal with hating another person so much I wish them dead?? I don't feel like myself anymore, everything is so surreal. I would love some insight from women who have found healing and can offer me tangible evidence of hope. I want my marriage to see restoration.

I have been married 19 years, but the last 10 years we drifted apart. D-day for me was about 2 years ago when I discovered my wife was having a 3 year affair. Over the past 2 years I have turned my trust over to God by seeking him with ally heart. I have also sought any and all information I could on the subject. My wife at times says we should start our relation over, but most of the time its lets live to gather as friends till the kids are gone. We get along great, but has no love for me either now or before the affair. Every time I have suggested we do something to work on our marriage she has said she needs time to heal. I now have two pastors because I started attending another church due to the shame I felt and the pain from seeing her AF partner. I'm also in a few small men's groups, but I still have no one I can really talk to about the affair that understands what I'm going through and cycle through my time of losing hope.

I just wanted to add that in a marriage there are two and in the case of infidility the two are broken in order to heal that marriage it takes both to become healthy to have any hope. I am the faithful spouse and have read many of the post hear and as ll are worthy of the gift and what makes it even tougher is that me the husband am doing well but I can tell my wife still struggles with what has happened. She is still to this day almost two years later unable to talk about what happened just shuts right down. How can we really build a safe and hopefully marriage unless we both kind of know why and how things happened. My wife knows she has problems we went through EMSO but the other couple with the unfaithful wife dropped out well before the end along with one of other couples started MFL and both the other two couples filed for divorce. We have 5 kids who do not know the youngest special needs two in college she does not work we home school so there is no money for anything else
I know my wife would do the course if it was a gift but she would refuse it we had to spend money on it. Any way I just hope thst maybe in the future you might want to add a gift of "Hope for Healing " because sometimes the inner pain of the unfaithful one can add to the pain of the faithful also.
Thank You for the gifts you have shared with so many.
David

My husband and I are currently taking the EMS online and it is a Godsend. His passive aggression and controlling behavior is destroying me. I hope I am chosen for the free harboring hope for free.

My wife and I just attended EMS weekend and it was amazing. Even though I am not sure where our marriage will go from here, I feel we both received the guidance and support necessary to start healing ourselves. We need continued support and connection with other couples and thought we would enter this drawing. I'm looking to connect with other betrayed husbands to share and support one another during this long journey.

My husband and I have been struggling with the recovery process for 2 years. We have been struggling mostly due to not having the right tools or information to approach recovery in a healthy manner. Marriage counseling has been cost prohibitive and the counselor we could afford took the approach of "just stick it out" without actually arming us with the knowledge or tools we needed to make the changes necessary to heal the marriage or avoid future infidelity. Everything we've learned from Affair Recovery has been helpful, but we cannot afford to take the actual courses. I feel that if we could take the courses, we would be much better armed & educated to save our marriage & make it into the mutually loving & respectful relationship that we both want.

I am back, trying again for registration for Harboring Hope!!! I am six months out from my husband's affair, which happened in between two second trimester miscarriages. I need to work through the pain and anger of betrayal, so I can fully commit to move forward in healing with my husband.

We are in the 11th week of the EMS online course. The course has helped us in several ways.

Yet, I am in need for further guidance / assistance, as I am still stuggling to wrap my head around who his affair was with. His AP was his ex wife.

Discovery was January 2, 2014, or should I say that was firstly date of discovery when I was told of the affair by the AP. There as been several more D'days since the first. Although I had been told " you know it all"

In addition to more details about the affair he revealed his has a sexual addiction. I had tried prior to EMS to deal with the pain and hurt on my own and found that to be impossible.

I am thankful we are in the course but didn't see it coming he has an addiction too.

I feel Hope For Healing would continue aide in my/our recovery.

I would love to so the harboring hope program because the community feeling and bond with the group I have been with on line has helped me heal more than any book or councilor. I know the rules say it is a random drawing but I think we can all learn from each other's stories so this is mine.
I have been married for almost 23 years. We dated for 3 years before marriage. I have a family history (as does my husband) that involved affairs and divorce. My history also involves childhood sexual abuse and abandonment along with lots of family disfunction. I discovered my husbands most current affair through text messages. This affair was with an old high school flame that started after he ran into her at a gas station. The affair lasted 6-7 months. Was emotional and sexual. Actually before discovery he asked me for a divorce. The old I love you but I am not in love with you. Devastated does not even begin to explain how I felt. This man has been my whole life. A few weeks after I discovered this affair he confessed that this was not his first affair. This was his third. The first occured during our second year of marriage and the second occured during our 11th year of marriage. So my present was blown to bits and my history has been built on betrayal. All of this reopened wounds from my past and has made recovery very difficult to say the least. My self esteem has taken the largest hit and seems to be the area I am struggling in the most. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. We are currently in Councliing and using the tools from affair recovery. Because of the cost of all this I am not sure I can afford the program. I am submitting my entry and praying that if It is Gods will my name will be drawn. Thank you.

After completing the couples 13 week program, I am hoping to continue my journey with the HH. The support of the small group will greatly help be continue to heal from my husband's affairs. I am better but far from healed and I would be thrilled to have my name pulled in the drawing. Thank you.

I took the EMS course, and I had hoped to find some hope on how to heal within my marriage. The weekend is a great course, and I highly recommend it. I now would like a chance with Harboring Hope for myself.

I would love to participate in Harboring Hope because I am stuck in hatred for my husband's AP, and struggling with the desire to punish my husband for the ugliness that he chose. Praying the machine picks me!!!

After learning of the depth of my husband's sexual addiction for 30 years, I was devastated. The time has come for me to finally have a REAL life whether my husband stays sober or not.
NO ONE IS GOING TO BLOCK ME FROM LIVING IN THE PEACE, CONTENTMENT, and LOVE that I KNOW
CHRIST died and rose again to gain and secure for ME.

A week ago my marriage and world were turned upside down. I found out that my husband of twenty years has had multiple affairs throughout our marriage.

My initial reaction was to run far away from the pain and the marriage. However, we have a bond that goes beyond marriage…three amazing young boys. My faith and my children helped me to think rationally after the initial shock. I feel I need a place to be able to be open and work through the thoughts and emotions that are continually invading my mind alongside others who are going through similar struggles. In my search for a support group I came across your website. Thanks and God Bless you for creating a safe group for people to heal from infidelity!

I've been married for 24 years and have spent most of my adult life completely devoted to my God, my husband, and my children. I am a 49 year-old homeschooling mother of six. I never thought that my husband would take our God-ordained marriage and cash it in for twos full-fledged affair and a couple of cheap one-night stands. One month ago, he admitted to having an affair while I was pregnant and very, very ill (life-threatening). Right after Christmas he admitted to the one-night stands, and after New Year's I found out he is currently having an affair and has been since Thanksgiving. After each admission, he told me there was nothing else to reveal. The betrayal is so painful and so real that some days I literally fall to my knees.

We are paying the price for his sinfulness and selfishness. He refuses to end his current affair and actually believes that he is not having an affair because "considers himself single". He shows almost no remorse or regret for the previous indiscretions. He will not consider reconciliation and I feel forced to get a divorce even though it is against my personal convictions.

I am praying that this Harboring Hope group would provide me with the support and strength I need to navigate waters that I never thought I'd be sailing on. I feel like my kids and I are strapped to my husband's parachute and we are in a free fall. I want to be the "one in a thousand" marriages that finds hope, healing and restoration, the one that God uses for His glory and helps others. But my husband has also walked away from his faith and as I said before will not consider reconciliation.

A year through EMS and I am still struggling. I'm finally starting to see that it is I who is keeping our marriage from flourishing. Unless I change there is no hope. My husband has been loving and patient but this is enough. He tolerated my affairs, he has tolerated my nasty attitude, my negativity, and my controlling personality. But how do I change those ways? When all your life you've thought one way and come to find that that way is wrong how does one change? I love my husband with all my heart and truly want to change but don't know where to start.
My parents really did a number on me and I believed everything they said. Now, I still believe their ways are right even though it's been proven to be wrong. How do I lose the thoughts that have been drilled into my head by my parents and follow my husband? How do I honor him and regain his love? All this negativity is crippling. It takes hold of me on a daily basis and controls me.
We just had a set of twins 7 weeks ago and between marriage recovery, trying to be a good wife and mom, going back to work, and trying to change I'm overwhelmed. I need help.
I'm hoping that HH will be that light at the end of the tunnel that will help me change. I have the drive to I just don't know where to start.

Six weeks after discovery, our 18-year marriage stumbles forward in crisis. My wife remains mutually in love with her AP. While communications with the AP are in a holding pattern, these precarious days of our marriage have no clear end date; it seems everybody’s on probation. Dialogue with my wife has been excellent, but an unresolved elephant-in-the-room tears us apart with each day.

My wife’s 12-month affair is with a younger divorced single man with two young children. The final 4 months were physical. As the leaders of their respective small businesses, the two companies jointly work for residential clients. Because the affair was masked via these business relations, I dismissed dozens and dozens of signs. As I look back, my wife’s tone during the physical stage of the affair became surprisingly decisive and aggressive, leading me to finally see the light.

Two weeks after D-Day, with her husband in meltdown, she told her partner that all communications must stop do she can work with her husband. Over a few weeks, we confronted each other about the marriage and affair and got it out on the table. My wife is now confused, indecisive, and apparently “sorting through her thoughts”. She has one foot in and one foot out. I believe she struggles with commitments made with the affair partner’s guidance on the path forward. He controls her, dormant conditions or not.

Meanwhile, I struggle with denial and wishful thinking. I “test the waters” that she wants to be with me vs. him. She’s cordial and respectful—like a close friend—but emotionally she’s largely gone and cold. Each day erodes my denial and wishful thinking, as my heart hardens. I realize I must be patient.

Recently, at week 6, I discovered the dormant communications were false; they had continued albeit minimal and idle for the prior 10 days. I’m thrown back to square 1. Through this, I had a similar reaction: My hardening heart seems much better prepared to weather the emotional storm this time.

The cause of the affair is complicated (aren’t they all?). A triggering event was my inattentiveness during a difficult time, particularly the last 18 months when I diverted my energy to one sustained work crisis after another, which eventually spiraled downward to the loss of my job. Regardless of challenges at the office, she tuned me out 12 months ago and pursued the healing of the affair.

The good news is she accepts my wishes for recovery, including disclosure and marriage counseling. Our recent communications have been the closest ever. She “agrees” to an upcoming EMS, but she is reluctant. Thus, communications protocols and some emotional stability have been restored.

We have two kids in mid/late teens.

As the injured spouse, I hope to receive guidance, and some healing, with AR’s Harboring Help for Men. I hope the program caters to my situation and provides access to a “community” of others going through similar situations.

I am in need of experienced infidelity counseling as I am approx 3 months post D-day and my spouse is still in the ambivalent phase. All people desire and need hope. Hope for healing, hope for strength, hope for happiness again. I seek all those things plus more. I don't want to waste another day, hour or minute flailing aimlessly in this storm. I need help with finding and maintaing my hope.

It’s been a year and a half since the initial discovery of my husband’s infidelity. Several lies and relapses later, I find that I am living in a cocoon.

I am a shell of my former self. That sparkle I once had has diminished. That smile I once wore has faded. I want so badly to shed my skin but fear in doing so I will find only more pain. Yet even inside the cocoon, I feel very little…very little joy, very little happiness, very little anything. I feel stuck between hopelessness and hopefulness.

In the past year and a half I have felt grief and anger and despair. I have begged and pleaded. I have shouldered (some of) the blame. I have lived in shame. I have mistrusted. But I have learned to offer grace. I have swallowed my pride. I have learned to sit in stillness. I have become trustworthy. I have accepted that the affair details are part of this chapter in our story.

I am scared, but I am ready to turn the page and begin a new chapter. But, I need more hope. I need stories of success. I need to hear of relationships that have survived or at the very least people who have crawled out of their cocoons and become whole once again.

D-day was just over a year ago. After attending EMS Weekend things improved. Then it just seemed like it crashed again. He moved out a month ago as he found out that our daughter discovered the affair. I have spent the last 20 plus years taking care of him as he as discovered at EMS is an ACOA kid (Adult Child of an Alcohiolic) thanks to Rick. This I am sure is a large part of his inability to have healthy intimate relationships. It is time I take care of myself. I need to heal as I too have discovered through therapy that I am an ACOA kid. I did not suffer any abuse or witness it as my husband did. He is finally going weekly to therapy and is actually getting the help I have so longed for him to get. God is able to heal but my husband still has free will. Of course I want healing for us and our family, but it is out of my control. I need to find healing for me for a change and put myself first. I am working on it but have a long way to go. I need to just focus on the Shepherd and not the Butcher and live out my favorite verse tells us, Jeremiah 29:11~ For I know the plans I have for you, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". God is in control. I want to heal for myself, my kids and to be the strong Christian woman God desires me to be so that I can make Him proud. If it is in His plan to restore our marriage, that is wonderful. I pray we can use our mess to become a message to help others like Rick and his wife are doing. If not, I pray I can help others who may someday go down this path. I also want to become more educated regarding ACOA for our healing but to share the information with others as 1 in 4 people are ACOA kids. For all betrayed, focus on God, then yourself. May God draw you closer to Him so you can hear His voice while you are in the valley. P.S. beautiful things grow in the valley, not on the mountain tops. May God bless us all and He be glorified in all our lives.

In April of this year my world came crashing down when I discovered my husband was "just a friend" with a previous co-worker. Although I'm fairly certain it was very early in the relationship his consistant denial, lies and choosing to continue his relationship with her over me caused me A LOT of distress. I have chosen to work through this as has my husband but I am having a very difficult time emotionally recovering. I know it is still early but I don't like the roller coaster I am on and feel that something structured to work on would help give me some direction and not be so all over the place. I would love to be able to have us do all three of your online courses but we are not in a place financially for that to be a possibility.

I took the course and learned so much from it - it saved me - thank you all so much! I now have my BFF who was there for me every day in the situation where I was 15 months ago. In terrible grief, pain, loss and sadness - to a depth that feels like no return to a happy life is possible. I found from your program that's so untrue, and so to help my BFF with the expert advice that this course and people offer I want her to have hope and comfort too! Her assets are frozen and this would help make it bearable. I am there for her but that's not comparable to what you offer! Thanks again and we did the whole program after HH including Texas weekend, marriage for life -the couples group after, and hubby did the men's group too ! He is still in touch with them! We made it and are stronger and better for it! Please help me give my BFF the same opportunity! Her situation is different from mine but the pain is similar and she's at that low point of severe grief - I hope to help her with this!

My husband and I are currently in EMSO and his efforts are minimal so my hope that he will " get it" are fading. I am still having continuous thoughts about the affair, how my husband treated my during the affair and about the AP. He still tells me that she is the standard he judges all other women against. I feel like the most worthless person on earth. That he only stayed with me because of our daughter and the possible financial loss if we divorced. I wish he was more supportive of helping make our marriage better but he is leaving it all up to me to " get over it". Harboring Hope would give me additional support.

I waited to get married a little later in my life because I did not want to get divorced and the men I had dated in my past I just could not see "til death do us part".
Then I met my husband. I have been married less than 2 years. My husband and I dated 5 full years before we were married. With my husband I could FINALLY see forever. Now I’m put in a situation where I never had wanted to be. I never thought I would be here. Shortly after we married I suspected my husband of infidelity. However, I blew it off because there was no way he would cheat on me as we had only been married 6 weeks!! Boy, was I wrong. In July of 2013, I found out that he was seeing someone.
My husband refuses, absolutely refuses to go to counseling. I am on my own. He won’t as much as read a book or participates in a daily exercise my counselors have given me. I am at a loss. My husband tells me he loves me, tells, me he doesn’t want a divorce but continues to do these things to me. He never did this before he was married to me.
I have become a suspicious angry nag. I don’t want to be that way. I hate the person I have become. I want to learn how to handle my situation the correct way. I don’t know what to do to save my marriage or turn it around and I don’t know how to leave. I am beaten down emotionally and need help back up, to learn to set boundaries that I can stick with and not sound like I’m his mother.
I would like to move on beyond the hurt and betrayal but I need the skills to do that. I took my vows seriously and I want to make every effort I can before I quit.
I NEED the Harboring Hope program. I don’t know what else to do or where to turn.

About a year before my husband had an affair that really tore us apart I asked Jesus to show me places where I was harboring resentment for things my husband had done and said to me . The Holy Spirit did and I began asking for forgiveness in those places. He said he forgave but I know he doesn't know what forgiveness truly is. I asked Jesus to give me his heart for my man, and he did. I understand the guy's issues from childhood, what he needed and why he needed so much and I love him ferociously, but he "just moved on" and divorced me, is now engaged and filing to annul our marriage through the Catholic Church . There is no hope for reconciliation because of his attitude, but I'm still stuck loving him and praying God recreates in him the man of godliness he was intended to be. I need to break the soul tie to move on myself, hard knowing God could have spoken to him but evidently doesn't want to, can't or won't .

i'm only 1 month+ since discovery of my wife's affair. she has disclosed little to me. i wonder who this woman is right now, constantly texting friends, coworkers, going out gambling, drinking, all while i stay home with our 2 children. she hasn't given me much hope for moving forward with "us" even though i've made it clear i am hoping to. i've immersed myself in a few friends, books, counseling, and this site seeking help. i need more help than that for the roller coaster of emotions i'm riding. we've been married over 9 years and now it all feels like a sham. i feel we have a strong enough past to get passed the present for a hopeful, strong future but i don't see her helping us get there. i miss my wife and best friend, hope this helps me find her and bring her back to where she is loved. back to completing our marriage, as now it is incomplete. i feel so hollow and empty without her.

My husband had an affair 2.5 years ago. I have walked to hell and back attempting to heal and reconcile our marriage. At this point, I lost and defeated. There isn't anything else I know to do and the pain is my constant companion. My favorite verse is Hebrews 6:19. I can't imagine a life without hope. Never had I considered the possibility of coming up against something in my life that would be seem insurmountable. Everything I believe in and know to be true tells me that it's not possible for satan to win because he's already lost. But my heart is so heavy, this pain will not stop and I don't know where else to turn. I don't know what else to do. I must be crazy.