Why I Want to Participate in the Harboring Hope Class

For the past nine years, I have endured the emotional trauma of living with a spouse who has repeatedly betrayed my trust through infidelity. The effects of this ongoing trauma have been profound—eroding my sense of safety, self-worth, and emotional well-being. Despite my efforts to cope and manage the daily emotional strain, I’ve come to realize that I cannot walk this path toward healing alone. That is why I want to take the Harboring Hope class.

This is not just a class to me—it is a lifeline. A chance to be seen, heard, and supported by other women who intimately understand the depth of betrayal trauma. I know that healing from this kind of wound is complex. It isn’t only about the infidelity; it’s about the repeated gaslighting, the emotional abuse, and the deep loneliness that grows when someone you love becomes emotionally unsafe. My home environment is still steeped in denial and control, and I often feel silenced or dismissed. I need a space that allows me to speak freely and safely, without fear or invalidation.

Harboring Hope is led by two licensed sex therapists and takes place in a small, private setting over Zoom. The structure of this 13-week group provides the consistency and guidance I need right now. What appeals to me most is the focused intention on healing—not just surviving. I am not looking to place blame or wallow in sorrow, but to rebuild my inner strength and regain clarity about who I am beyond this pain. I need tools, support, and insight. I need community. And I need hope.

I believe that participating in this class will help me begin the deeper work of healing from betrayal trauma. I know that healing won’t come overnight, and I know I cannot change others—but I can change how I respond to my pain and how I move forward. I want to reclaim the parts of myself that have been diminished by years of confusion, fear, and emotional neglect. I want to become emotionally grounded again. Most of all, I want to find peace.

Thank you for considering my request to join Harboring Hope. I’m ready to begin this healing journey in the company of others who understand. I am ready to reclaim my voice and restore my heart.

Sincerely,
Debbie W

I don’t “want” to divorce but I just don’t see how it’s possible to stay married. I love my wife but she’s betrayed me over and over. I’m tired of the cycles of betrayal and I’m broken and in need of healing. I need to feel valued and worthy. I’m hoping this course can help me heal.

My d day was 4 month ago i know its very early but it seem like why I can’t get over it feels like enterny.I thought my partner loves me that much that he can’t even think of cheating or acting out as he is more calm and composed and emotionally stable then me . But on d day I found the there is something i asked him and requested him to say the truth , he also thought he is tried of hiding his lies do he rant everything, that time i was just in denial and can’t believe that he was telling about him as he was with me the whole year and was acting out also i was furios nect day after seeing his AP i had a fight with her evrn physical fight i have never seen this side of mine and frim that time i am furious with my partner and even have become physically abusive to him . I am getting panic attacks where i want to hurt him myself things around me and everybody in world. I tried my personal therapist and a marrige counslor also but it felt like nobody was understanding me but the videos of affair recovery gave me a hope yes it is possible . I am feeling like i am the cause of his acting out as the AP and mh partner had thrown this reason on my face. My AP also said that me and my husband were not in love although it seem that she was defending herself but it had stabed and broke my heart in peices that i doubt of my reality of relationship and my worth in relation or as a person. Even worse he had use the reason that there were fighting between us as you were sad and depressed because of your mother demise and he gave this reson to the AP ,to me and even to his family then after some time he came clean with me that he only use this bad marriage bad partner reason to get involved sexually only to the AP this shattered me even more. I really ques reality after all this . Even i was in depression dur to loss of my mother i was bot able to move forward in life i was having guilt trauma of not able to saving her i was feeling alone and in only 2 months of her death i shifted to my partner house permanently adding loss of my parental house and my father also i was all alone in new home new city and i only have him whome i can turat and tell every thing k was feeling and i was doing that only but he used that problem of in into justification of his acting out just after 3 months of my shifting that time I really dint want to continue life or live , and he chose to cheat when i litteraly on the verge of actually leaving him due to my depression this seems like i am not having any worth and he dont love me . I want to do harboring hope as I really think there is no motive of my living And i have no worth , my relationship was a lie , and I can’t be live my life anymore as before after this. I seems like there is no way back or forward from here i will be stuck in this never ending cycle of pain and hurt whole life because of which i was to end my life so that i not able tk feel this heart renching hurt. But if there is hope on other side i wish horboring hope program can take me there

Every day, gets a little better.... then a trigger.. they are unavoidable. They sneak up on you. We are 6 months since our 2nd discovery date - if that's what it is called.... I get confused... husband asked for a divorce out of frustration - went back to his APs house the next night, Then realized THATS NOT WHAT HE WANTED... ??? But SO many lies! So much betrayal. So much lack of value for me, our marriage, our past, present, future... the healing is SO hard... had we NOT gone to Texas in May - I truly don't think we would be where we are.... BUT it need MORE education... I am still lost.....

I’ve been betrayed for much of my 31 year marriage. The most recent disclosure came at a time when I was just starting to believe that I had been betrayed for the last time and we could finally heal. This time feels different for some reason. I worried my heart has been broken so much that I can’t feel anything anymore. I want to spend the time on healing I’ve never allowed myself before.

Since D-Day, my husband and I have worked a lot on healing and restoration (including counselling, the EMS online course, etc...). However, I'm finding I need further help to heal/forgive and I think the Hope for Healing course would help with that!

Being selected for Harboring Hope would be a true lifeline. I want to keep moving forward and continue doing the hard work of recovery, whether my marriage ultimately survives or not. I believe this course can provide the tools, clarity, and community I need to heal and grow stronger.

Thank you for this opportunity—and for all you do to help people like me find hope in the midst of heartbreak.

My story began 4 years after marriage 42 years ago. It began after returning from Bible college to start a new career. My spouse tells me someone at work kissed her - she returned the favor......I am devasted and can't understand who I really married. Life goes on and 3 years later our pastors and my wife arrive one evening to disclose to me she has been having sex with men at her workplace. I am totally taken back and feel numb, rejected, emasculated, not enough for her and a total failure. In my total unbelief I have an impossible understanding of it and I believe now went into a state of denial and my mind rejected it for my own self preservation. Life goes on again and for the next 30 years I work at trying to give her the best life I know how with the addition of 2 children and a miscarriage. Then after raising a family and doing everything I know how for them all whe informs me she has been in touch with her affair partners.........AGAIN............Now my mind and heart realize and partially understand the impact of it all and I break. I am now nothing, with my entire life a failure and now nothing to live for. I'm lost in knowing what to do. I don't want this marriage any more but I am not willing to cause any harm to my children. I don't know if I believe in Hope anymore. Doesn't seem that prayer or counseling has worked and I have talked to at least 2 therapists and others for help in betrayal trauma but the memories keep haunting me day and night. Could this program possible help. I don't know. Life is so sad and I feel so badly for others with similar experiences.

In 2022 I suspected my husband was having an 'emotional affair' with an employee at his non-profit. He'd been there for at least 10 years, and had fairly regularly talked about this younger single mom who worked there. He seemed to have more than a 'normal interest' in her. After several years of hearing about her, I finally told him I was sick of hearing him talk about her, so he stopped. However, his infatuation with her did not stop. In 2022 I started to feel really uncomfortable, like in my heart I knew something was happening between them. I found a pornographic fantasy note he'd written - which I thought was about her. I confronted him, but he said it was just a normal fantasy. This discomfort of mine went on through the year, while we 'lived' normally, taking trips with our kids, etc. He continued to deny any involvement with her. At the beginning of the new year, I insisted that he leave that job, and even helped him find a new one. I felt things could finally start improving! But things still were 'off.' So I looked into our phone records, and found that he was still calling her regularly. He'd NOT ended it.

We struggled greatly through the next 3 years. I knew in my heart things were not as he said - a simple friendship. Last month, I finally gave him an ultimatum - tell the truth or end the marriage. He told the truth. He'd had a sexual affair with this woman for most of 2022. I am devastated. I cannot even breathe most days. At this point we have been married nearly 41 years. I stayed home, homeschooled our kids, cared for my grandchildren, and took care of my Mom with Alzheimer's in our home until her death in 2019. I have nothing that is not shared with him. 4 children. 8 grandchildren. My entire life was 'us.'

He wants to stay married. I don't know if it is because we are 65 and 66, and he is afraid to be alone. I am, too. But I am so destroyed, and cannot seem to pick myself up. My mind is constantly full of images of them together (she is 40), what a failure I am as a wife and lover, what an empty and short future I have to look forward to. I cry out to God, but I am so alone. I feel like HE has been silent.

We are in the very beginning stages of counseling, but this road is so daunting, and healing so far away. I need friends but have none close enough to talk to about this. I am so afraid of tomorrow. And I want to stop the pain.

I would like to take part in harboring hope because its been over a year since discovery and we are really struggling to make progress. I want my marriage to work and I think he does too but I doesn't feel like we are making any progress. I need to better myself and work through it. I've gained weight and felt down throughout the last year and its time to put me and my healing first.

Is this my real life, are you serious?

I have lived in a world filled of betrayal, gaslighting and disillusion for over 25 years. I thought we had the best family/marriage in the world. However, I did not realize I was living with a non confrontational avoidance husband. I thought he said "yes" to everything because he "loved" me and thought that all my ideas were wonderful! I had no clue that he was not strong enough to say "no". Therefore, he worked ALOT! I thought he just enjoyed working and his job title demanding it. Little did I know he was running. When spending too much time away began to break down his need for connection. Also, the only way he seemed to know how to connect was physically. This led to a downward spiral of infidelity and porn. He hid it for many years. Some of his betrayal was disclosed about 15 years ago. However, not until we attended the EMS weekend did we begin to get the help we needed. We had already been to 4 counselors and clergy for help. EMS weekend was the birth of our new marriage. We continued meeting with our group though for the 6 weeks. Four of us couples in our group did begin the Married for Life pathway, However, by week 9 all of the other couples have decided not to continue. Two of the couples has separated and the other couple has so much other counseling and trauma therapy they can not fit the married for life curriculum in their schedule. I have gone on the board and ask to join other groups. We are on Eastern time. The groups that have considered letting us join has scheduling conflicts with the necessary bedtime for my husband to get the needed rest for work (he gets up at 3:30 am every morning). Most people outside of our family members do not even know the truth of our marriage. Also, the people I do know that has had betrayal in their life did not continue the marriage. Therefore, I do not have anyone that can walk this journey of healing as I stay in the marriage. My hopes are that this group will help me not feel so isolated in this journey.