Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

Right now all I'm harboring is anger and resentment...... so Harboring Hope (the course, as well as the entire concept) sounds very appealing. My husband was unfaithful 4 years ago. I knew it when it happened but he denied everything, continually, until about 2 months ago. He said he got tired of lying about it and the fact that I was obviously "emotionally tortured" by what I "thought I knew" made him 'fess up. So kind of him to do so right after our youngest daughter had surgery and his mother was in the next room, by the way. His infidelity included at least 2 encounters with a coworker and several visits to a strip club for lap dances. Because it was so many years ago, he's frustrated with my inability to just "move on" and "put it behind us." I'm sure he also feels rather justified since I was unfaithful once (a single one-night stand) almost 20 years ago. We received counseling then, had the support of family and friends, and I thought things were resolved. But now that the tables have turned, he seems uninterested in doing any of the things I did to help save the marriage. We've confided in no one and I feel very alone. To be quite honest, he almost seems bored with my roller coaster emotions and doesn't strike me as sincerely sorry about the entire situation at all. It is my opinion that he's sorry it's still an issue, he's sorry he is forced to address it with me, and he's sorry that he even had to admit it to me. I currently have no reassurance that this won't happen again, or that it isn't happening as I type, and I need to work on how to make myself emotionally happy/stable again - with or without him. Thanks for taking the time to read this entry.

Coming face-to-face with a fear is always a painful experience. Fear and feeling pain are things I have avoided dealing with all my life through control, denial, avoidance, food, perfectionism. In discovering my husband's affairs and sexual addiction, I expected it to be difficult harboring hope. I expected this. I was unprepared, however, for the weight of the water that the tidal wave of truth confronted and washing-machined me with. I was unprepared for clawing for the surface only to be sucked under and whirled about yet again. It is an experience that causes reevaluation of one's life, attempting to assimilate one of your greatest horrors into your story, while continuing to drown in painful emotions. As helpful as the communities of Celebrate Recovery, individual counseling for healing from childhood abuse and marital counseling have been, I know I need a community dedicated to recovering from these affairs. Healing and health for my spouse will take time, more time than I have capability to hold out for. Yet, I know that God is promising healing. I know God is promising a harvest in the future from this process. I know a little better now what the cross cost Jesus, how much His forgiveness and reconciliation cost Him and how little I have esteemed that price tag. In attempting to earn His love, I have slapped Him by revealing how little I realized that cost. I have set a high standard for my performance to earn love, yet that standard is significantly lower than God's and I cannot reach even my own standard of goodness to earn love. I am confronted with the inability to receive love from God in my shame, yet aware that He is now the only true source of trustworthy, unconditional love that I am now desperately gasping for. And that is where a community like Harboring Hope comes in: when others have some tiny hint of a clue how much pain I am experiencing, when they can validate this experience for me, I know it will give me the hope I need to hang in there until this wave spits me out and I can get some air and rest.

My D-day was eight years ago, my husband had 4 year affair with a co worker. I found this site and dragged myself out of a dark hole. Although he was supportive of everything I needed to do, he didn't participate. I know relapse can reoccur if you don't . He was embarrassed and remorseful. For the last several years we've been happy, my family is thriving, We have shared lots of affection and love, there was no hint of anything wrong, and believe me I looked. He went shopping last weekend, no biggie. I planned a surprise rare little alone time. Needless to say when he couldn't be romantic when he got home, and it turned out to be my fault. Armed with all the excuses he had used years ago, in the same voice, and the same look on his face. I've known this man intimately for twenty years, I know when "it" works and doesn't. He says there is no one else, he hasn't done anything, he just wasn't in the mood. So I'm fighting wanting to believe him, and trying to trust my intuition, could he really have hidden this away, he didn't the last time, but I also learned that he's one heck of a liar. He must keep a separate phone, he doesn't even have an email account that I know of, part of our agreement. If he is meeting his AP then it isn't very often, but I do remember a few times that I thought something was up and decided to trust. I didn't believe this could possibly hurt worse than the last time. I'm not functioning, I've got four little ones that need me, and I'm trying, but they know something isn't right already. I need help, I need to learn to shut the door on my marriage, I said never again. It will mean putting kids in daycare, finding a good job, and moving, I'm having a hard time crushing the dreams my kids don't even realize they have. The older ones tell me how lucky they are to have two parents. From experience my husband and I don't do well apart, we will argue and hate each other. I know I'm not making any sense, I need help. The husband has not said one word about this, we only talk about what needs to be done, nothing else, just silence. I really can't do this alone again.

My D-day will be 1yr on November 6. It has been really rough to say the least. I feel like I have lost so much of my life, everday I work so hard at keeping two feet on the ground and my thoughts together. This is not a easy task.
My husband and I are high - school sweet hearts!! We have been on a tremendous journey together and after almost 20yrs of marriage and three great kids, he turned my world inside out. I have the good days and the bad. He has not even come close to how badly he has wounded me, he just doesn't get it. It is so Frustrating! !!
Working hard at keeping it together.

We've been married for 35 years. We dated in high school, we continued in college until I broke up with him to date others, with the idea that I needed to "shop around" to make sure he was the right one. I believed he was a kind, gentle, fair man, soft-spoken....a lot like my Dad. I felt we had the same values and moral upbringing. I knew I loved him and I felt he loved me. We married in 1978 and started a family. In the mid-90's he met a married coworker with whom he had an EA. I discovered it accidentally when I was looking at our cell phone bill. He explained it away...they were "just friends", she had breast cancer and he was just checking up on her. He had also become somewhat verbally abusive to me and a mean temper began to show up. Yet I forgave and stayed in the marriage, hoping I could be a better wife and make him proud of me. This temper continued for the next 18 years, but I endured it...you know "for better, for worse". Fast forward 18 years and I find suggestive text messages on his work phone from the same woman. I found many lies. When I confronted him with my evidence, they were again "just friends" and he "wouldn't give her up". He is unremorseful, shows no desire to help me heal from this by talking about the EA and answering my questions. His verbal abuse has escalated into physical intimidation, including things like actually spitting in my face, raising his fist as if to hit, getting nose to nose and screaming at me. It is 8 months and counting. I am devastated still, although the pain has dissipated somewhat, it is still there. I don't know how to heal by myself. I am seeing a therapist, but the suggestions made just don't seem to work. This just goes too deep. I mean, this is TWICE with the same woman!! That tells me he that he never got over the first EA or it has kept on for the past 18 years without my knowledge. I finally moved out of our home to try to find some peace and just think, but still need guidance to get to the roots of why I am so ambivalent some days, angry some days, inconsolable some days, and downright vengeful some days. This is a terrible way to live. I know that I can never have my marriage back the way it was in the beginning, nor will my husband ever be the same. I have lost so much respect for him and I am not sure if trust can ever truly be rebuilt if I stay. I need help, please. I just can't seem to cast aside 35 years with my high school sweetheart and yet I can't continue to live with these feelings of pain and deceit. I pray everyday for God to lead me and my husband to the place HE need us to be. Maybe, for me, that is Harboring Hope.

After 4 years of marriage we had our first child. While I was recovering from labor I discovered my husband's 16 month long affair. I felt as if the life I carefully planned, loved, cherished and the future I was dreaming of had been snatched right out of my hands. He confessed that he was in love with his AP and that she also became pregnant during my pregancy but hers ended in a miscarriage. I was and still am very devastated. I became hungry for information on their affair. I found text messages, voice mails, pictures, videos, everything you can think of, and I read and saw EVERYTHING. I wanted to know why my husband would abandon me and fall in love with someone else while we were supposed to be starting a family. I had A LOT of questions. Questions that are still unanswered because my husband cannot remember or can’t explain what he was thinking/feeling. If he did have answers I still didn’t believe him, how could I after all his lies. During this time I also discovered that he had cheated twice before, in the very beginning of our relationship and right before he proposed. My pride, anger and hurt screamed at me to get a divorce but I knew I would not be able to live with myself if I didn’t give my marriage all I had, especially for our newborn son. So I gave him another chance. We tried to do it on our own. We tried going to church together, speaking with pastors, spending time with each other but there was and is just too much hurt. We both went into self-preservation mode. I soon began to get the feeling that my husband was not putting his all in fixing our marriage so I began to dig again. I found out that he had another secret cell phone which he was using to contact his AP. I was crushed. I did not understand how he could jeopardize everything yet AGAIN! It seemed like my husband was in another world and I couldn’t snap him out of it. I could not get him to see the pain I was and am in, the pain he was causing our families and the fact that we have a newborn baby together. Then he had an epiphany one day. He can’t even tell me how he came to this realization, but he decided he was tired of carrying on like he was and wanted his family. Now we are here, hurt beyond all measure, lost, angry, tired and we have no idea how to communicate. We end up in screaming matches saying hurtful things to each other. We both want to work on our marriage but all we can see and feel is the pain, his pain and my pain. We just want to move past this and we feel like Affair Recovery is our last hope.

It has been one year since the discovery of my husbands 4 year affair. We have chosen to try to make it work. We have 3 amazing kids and we thought this would be our best choice. It has been good and bad the last 12 months. Right now I am so worried that we are just trying to get back to "normal". Really? Normal? Who wants that? After the pain and hell I have gone through we have gone through, I think we deserve an amazing marriage not a normal marriage. Lately, I almost feel we are going backwards. We talk ALOT, but I feel we need other people to talk to besides each other. We need HELP! I am tired of crying, feeling sad, feeling angry, trying to fix him and... overall... I'm tired. He says he hates hurting me, but continues to do so. Sometimes in small ways, but after everything the small things seem big. I REALLY do want this to work. Our new church has helped us a great deal. Our pastor's sermons always seem to be relating right o us! We need help getting over this hurdle and moving forward. The past still has strangle hold on us. Please help us!

It has been almost 5 months since I packed up myself and our 3 children to come back to the States. My husband told me about his affair (3/19/2013) after denying it twice when I confronted him. He wanted me to leave because he didnt know if he wanted "this marriage" anymore. I have been through a lot of hurt as he put much blame on me as well as anger towards me. It was all a shock and I began to question if i knew him anymore. From the beginning I wanted to work through things and understand the whys of this happening to us. But he has been closed in saying anything to me. He says he has a hard heart towards me. He comes in 2 weeks (from overseas) and has informed me that he is just here to see the children. He is not saying a word as to if he is leaving back overseas. He has mentioned divorce but seems to not bring it up much in our conversations, only says things that make me think he will pursue a divorce. As I raise our 3 children alone, waiting on a husband who is "undecided",I need healing so I can be a whole person again. I want to believe and experience hope after this horrible unintended road I am traveling.

My husband of 36 years had an emotional affair with a woman he works with. After discovery, he said he loved me, would be devastated if I left him, and promised no further contact. However, what followed was months of lies and continued texts, phone calls, and secret meetings. I am living in a constant state of stress and would like the opportunity to take the Harboring Hope class to heal and get off this emotional roller coaster!

I have been trying mostly on my own to heal from the roller coaster ride my husband's betrayal has sent me on since August of 2011. I did not choose this; but here I am. After leaving and living with his AP for 8 months ... God brought him home. We tried celebrate recovery, counseling and chose a church closer to home to join a community for support. yet, we are floundering ... I believe I am where God wants me to be, but I desperately need to heal in order to ever be the wife God wants me to be ... Despite his relapses and flailing uncertainties. On top of all that, we have lost our home, my husband has not been able to work for more than a month due to a strange almost blinding eye infection, and we r in the process of bankruptcy ... I only signed up for Harboring Hope because I saw a chance to join through the give away. I'm sure there are others in bigger need, but throwing it out there anyway. Thank you for all of the great articles already ... My husband has actually decided to engage in the site as well ... Ptl!

Seven months ago my husband told me he wanted a divorce and, a few weeks later, I was able to conclude that he was having an affair because of some activities my teenage son had witnessed. I asked him if he was having an affair after assuring him that I already knew. This is around his tenth affair, I lost count at seven, and he doesn't come clean about anything unless I already have evidence of the facts.
The last couple of affairs have been since we became Christians, and I was counseled to forgive and move on, and I pretty much managed to do that. But this time has been different. Im not sure why, but it couldn't be hidden from our children and it has almost devastated me.
I have been helped by a counselor, but I have terrible pain and anger which lie just below the surface and threaten to break out at any moment. For self preservation I am numb much of the time, because I feel that allowing myself to feel any emotion will release the dreaded ones. I am not sure why that has to be avoided. I have an inner turmoil, similar to the anxiety of an approaching exam or job interview, and some days it is exhausting to make it through the day. I never know what I am going to find out he has done, and with whom, in the day or two since the last time we saw him.
I feel that God's plan is for us to be married again, although I have no feelings towards him. We are not divorced, but there would need to be a new covenant, and between two new people. But my life is in limbo because I don't believe God will put us back together unless my husband is a new man, and only time will tell whether he is prepared to put in the time and effort that that would take. However, I am determined not to stay in this exhausting state, and was excited to discover AR and the resources it offers which might help me to release my pain and recover from it.

I am going on three weeks from discovery. Years of emotional neglect and abuse, as well as numerous emotional affairs, and possible unconfirmed physical affairs have taken their toll on my self-esteem. This past month, I got a confession from him about a "one-time" unprotected encounter with a hooker two weeks prior, which for all intents and purposes was his "revenge" on me for asking him to end his latest emotional affair. As the weeks have gone on, he has revealed a deep-seated resentment against me for being jealous of his female frienships, and a strong desire to marginalize me in favor of fostering those other relationships instead... is it any wonder I am jealous??

There have been health consequences for us both as a result... we still don't have an answer to what it is, and though he claims to want to work on our marriage, he is very resistant to talking about the problems and the affairs, and especially the APs, whom he continues defending, saying they should not be blamed or brought up at all... ai know he has been deceived by both himself, and the poisonous words of his latest AP, as he is now using language he has never used before against me...

I am struggling with reminders and triggers every day, and I want to regain a sense of who I am in order to begin healing. I realize that I shouldn't allow these women to take parts of my life away, but I find it nerve wracking to even look at my husband's car, knowing what he used it for... I need to regain my strength and find courage to accept I am a woman of worth inspite of what his behavior would have me believe.

My boyfriend-now x boyfriend of 6 and a half years blatantly had an affair. He said he wants to work things out but is insistent that I must work on unresolved issues from my childhood he believes that is the root cause of his affairs, He can't even call it an affair because he has justified to himself we were broken up yet he lived in the same house and I paid all his bills.

I really don't know why he came back to me, I think I am a means to and end for him. I have studies, read, researched, meditated and just about everything else you can think of to handle the affair and my childhood sexual abuse that has surfaced yet I am not getting one thing; not one emotion from him. Not sadness, not fear, not happiness, not joy, not guilt, not anything.

We have an 18 month old son and I know I need to work through this at the very least for my son. I am so sad and heartbroken most of the time I find it difficult to even be a mother which of course he uses against me.

I need this course not so much for him or recovery of the relationship but for me, so I can move in the best direction possible.

D-day was May 3, 2013 when I accidentally discovered my husband of 12 1/2 years had been unfaithful for 8 months. It was with a stranger that he originally picked up in a bar, he claims there was no emotional connection, but some of the subsequent discoveries show he was more involved than he is willing to admit. He has violated me and our marriage in every way possible, and I am having a hard time understanding why and how he did this, as well as dealing with the anger and pain in an effective way. My world is definitely rocked as up until that point I trusted him completely and despite the issues I knew we had, mostly that he was distancing himself from me emotionally almost completely, I never believed he could do this. I am lost and confused, although we have attended marriage counseling and a 2 day marriage intensive. He ended it immediately and says he loves me and wants to save our marriage but I do not know if I can forgive the magnitude of his betrayal.

I found out six months ago that my husband of 12 years was having an affair that had been going on for the past two years. I had known something was going on but he would never admit it until I finally found proof and confronted him. He has said he loves me and wants me and our marriage so for the last six months I have been trying to get over this but I just can't. Especially because he just seems the same as before - unemotional and detached. We constantly fight and go for days without talking. Now I am at my breaking point and i just told him to move out. I can't do it anymore. And he just says ok. All I wanted was emotion, consistency and for him to fight for me and our marriage but he just gives up like always. I feel like I have wasted the last six months of my life and I am starting from the beginning again. I am so angry and hurt. I just feel so alone because I can't talk to anyone about this.

I found out about my husband's affair(s) 10 months ago, I had no clue up until then, he was watching porn, signed up to dating sites, having an emotional affair with his married ex girlfriend from 17 years ago and seeing a woman (this is only the stuff I know of). He has reacted to my discovery, pain, and questions with silence. He wouldn't admit to anything, even though I had proof, talk about it and would get angry when I brought it up. Now, 10 months later, nothing has changed, I've had nobody to talk to about this and he's not talking. He refuses counselling, reading articles I find for him, emails that let him know about other ppl who have been through this. Although I have forgiven him and right now working on my trust issues the pain is still as though it only happened yesterday. I desperately need some type of help and can't afford anything out there. I want to feel like a person again and there are certain things I just don't know how to deal with.

I was married for 18 yrs and am now divorced due to my ex-spouses infidelity. It's only been 2 mos since the divorce and I'd like to move beyond the hurt and betrayal but am struggling with how to do so. I've read self-help books relating to the subject of infidelity, seeked counseling but still can go forward. When I think I'm moving past the hurt something with occur to trigger so many different emotions. Some days are better than others but I'd like for more of my days to be better.

As a mother of five young children comes much responsibility. In order to take care of my children, I must first take care of myself. I've always known this, I've just always had a hard time doing it. After such devestating disclousure of my husbands long term affairs and inappropriate relationships I am left in a place I never could have imagined I'd be in. After all I always dreamed for that happily ever after. Divorce was never in my vocabulary. My heart may be shattered and my life is in limbo. I need the opportunity to go through the Harboring Hope program to begin my journey of healing. That way I can be the best mother to my kids that I can be. I don't have access to any of our income, so I can't afford to pay for this course on my own. I know God has great things in store for my life and I pray that this will be the first step to get me there.

Dear Lord, please make me whole again. Teach me, form me, mold me, and let me be an example to others. Amen.

I still can't comprehend that my husband has chosen his affair partner and walked away from our 31 year marriage. I have no idea what my life is supposed to be or look like from here. I have been told the divorce looks good on me by wellmeaning friends. I have had more attention from the opposite gender than I want or know what to do with. How does one recover and start over after being in a relationship longer than you haven't? I don't want to be alone, but really don't want to with anyone other than my soon to be ex spouse. My beliefs don't even allow for another realtionship after a divorce. Hopeless seems an understatement.

It has only been two weeks since I learned my of husbands affair that he has been having for the past 3 years with a woman who claimed to be my friend.  I found this site and I have been reading the articles and it has helped me daily.  Only today was different.  I was talking with a friend who brought something up, just sharing stories of fun places and fun times, when all the sudden I had a wave of anger envelope me.  I know I need guidance to make it through this, whether my marriage stays in tact or not, for my own sanity.  The amount of pain and betrayal is so overwhelming at times that I feel as though it is me against the world.  I am finding it hard to trust all the men I know whether family or friends.  This is not healthy for me and I know even if I  not chosen for this gift that is being offered I will still pursue a support system.  There are so many others who have and are experiencing these emotions and insanity that I thank God for finding this site.

Thank you go providing this to all of us

My husband and I have been married for 18 years.  We married young and I was pregnant at the time. I found out 3 years later (only because she finally filed for child support) 6 months into our marriage he had a one night stand and the woman got pregnant. Long story short, I loved my husband with all my heart and with 2 children of our own, worked things out (no counciling) and I have helped him raise a child who is not mine.  This actually took YEARS to get to the point of feelng comfortable that he wasn't lying about where he was going or doing and find it ok for him to go out alone and not question everything he did. 13 days ago I found out he has been talking and texting and secretly meeting another woman for I believe about 5 months.  He swears they did not have a sexual relationship it was only flirting and swears they decided they couldn't go through with having an affair, both were feeling guilty about what they were doing. (she is married with 2 children also)  He says he didn't want to hurt me and still loves me and wants to work through it.  I don't know if he is really telling the truth about anything he has told me!  This pain is even worse than the first time I found out about his infidility whether it was a sexual relationship or not! It's the lies, broken trust, and the broken promise to NEVER hurt me again!!!! How could he really love me and put me through something like this AGAIN???  How can I ever recover and move forward with my life???  I am so lost in a sea of emotions I feel I won't find my way out.

How do we teach ourselves to give our heart to the very person who has stomped on it 5 times b4 - that is the reality i face. he is my one and i want to spend my life with him, and when he is mine he is all that i need, but his destructive behaviour through deception and lies kills a little bit of me slowly like melting ice. i want to forgive, and be kind, and  someone that he actually wants to be with, but most importantly i want to stop being this obsessed and negative person  that i have become because of the pain i have suffered for the last two years.

It has been nearly two years since d-day, and yet, here I am. I need to reach out and get some understanding and guidance from people who have been there. I still have some ground to cover in order to heal. There's just so much pain to go through and while we had some counseling, I feel like I got left behind. 

It has been a year and 1/2 since finding out of the night mare, that my husband of 30 years, had been and still was involved with affairs for the past 6/7 years. We had a few short seperations and of course he bounced back and forth from me to his then current partner. It has taken a lot of hours of reading, praying, researching, counseling to get me where I am today. My anxieties are easier to handle, my weight is coming back. I held on and fought for my marriage and we are still together, he is currently working with a phychiatrist and there are times that he says he is not sure whether he wants to be married or single. He works out of town during the week and you can not even begin to imagine how one slight memory from the past can turn me over. I am constantly trying to not over think things because my mind can go crazy. I would love for the both of us to work on a program together to help heal from his affairs and most importantly to put an end to his sexual addictive personality (which he does not think he has). He will not go to counseling with me and when I suggest a program such as this one he shuts me off and won't talk about it. I tend to get the silent treatment whenever I bring up anything to help us heal...I have learned to bite my tongue and do not ask and rehash all of the questions that I have wondering around in my head, because this just has not helped. I really want to work on this program and hope that I am choosen as my husband shuts down any $ I want to spend on helping us.

I feel that I could benefit from this course because my husband of 33yrs has betrayed me for over 10 yrs. He has been involved with at least 2 women. I confronted him a couple of times only to be met with denial. I wanted to believe him so badly. He has since left me and has filed for a divorce. I'm having to watch my spending so to win this would be a real gift.

I found out about his affair in April of 2010. We went to a Christian counselor and nothing changed. We had individual counseling and nothing changed. First, he stopped the affair and he was remorseful. Then for every relapse, communication and silence there was no remorse, no empathy, just more silence. He makes me feel like I deserve everything he has done to me at this point and I am sinking further and further. I know God has something bigger for me and have prayed to leave but keep receiving no. I need this class to take care of myself and my boys and to exist at this point. I'm not sure how someone can say they want to be married and have no remorse.

The question "when will i be OK?" - is never far away from me. Even my dreams have turned to battles. "Full disclosure" of a 7 year affair with my friend was placed at my feet 13 months ago. Though I no longer have to tell myself to breathe, the doubts, fears and struggles are with me every day - and night. My husband came with repentenance and we are working on restoring our marriage - but 2 thoughts haunt me continually. The first surrounds the fact that the affair ended because the OW's husband discovered it - and she decided to work on saving her own marriage. So, in effect, my spouse's choices were limited, and I often feel that I was the 'fall back" and not the chosen. The second thought is integrated with the first - if I was not 'enough' for him before - how can the mess of the person I am now truly be 'enough'? Despite his attempts to convey otherwise - I just don't 'get it'. Harboring Hope - perhaps it will offer some help, some understanding - and that is the reason for entering the drawing. For all I have read/seen on infidelity - so far the odds of surving such a long term affair - where my spouse was able to carry on a 'double' life for so long - doesn't appear statistically good. My one true hope right now is that God is able to do above and beyond all I could ask or think... for indeed - it will take His guidance and healing to survive this - and to ever feel normal again. 

I would like to take the HH class because even though we are EMS graduates, there has continued to be more disclosure and a relapse after EMS. The triggers are horrible this month, and I am wearing down.

I can't make him want to stay. I can't make him fight for our marriage. I can't make him love me. I give him up to God. Some days are easier than others. I've fought for this marriage through the deepest, black pit and back. But now I must fight for me. For my 11-week old son. For my future family - whether that is with him or someone else. In the depths of my heart, I pray it will be with him, but that is out of my control.

I want to take the Harboring Hope course because I want to heal. I pray that through my healing, I can reconnect with my husband and have a more amazing marriage than we had ever hoped or dreamed of. But at minimum, I want to heal for me. I desire to continue to be transformed from the inside out. To not let this situation define who I am, but may I use it to learn how to be the best possible version of myself. For me, for God, for my son, for my friends and family...for my husband. To learn what it means to love unconditionally and to live out that love daily. I desire with all my heart, mind, body and soul to travel this road of healing with my husband. But with or without him, I must find healing to break me free from the chains of the affair that hold me captive; that make me feel like I am drowning, dying a slow, torturous death. I want to see myself again through the eyes of God. And to love myself simply because God loves me. To find my worth of who I am in Christ, not how my husband sees me. Nor by what his actions say about how he values me. And learn whatever I can to help protect me from this ever happening to me again. I own my part in the decline of my marriage. Now it is time to learn from my mistakes, from my pain; to let go and move forward in strength and beauty. God is bigger than all of this.

Its been one year and one week since I found out about my husbands affair. It's still so sad because I don't know how to love him anymore. He has done all the right things apologized, can't explain it with any New insights, therapy together and individually, and allows me to cry and be cuddled but it still doesn't seem like enough for me to love him again. Why? What's wrong with me. Why do I still need more. I've simply lost the things I loved about him - I thought he was a man of honesty, trust, one who I could count on to always be there. I've been there for him! It's 20 yrs next week. the anniversary is confusing. I don't know if staying will work for me but can I stay for my kid till he goes to college in 3 years ? I'm not sure of anything - I hope u can help me to love him again. Sincerely, still wanting more...

It's been just shy of four months since D-Day. I am devastated by this betrayal.We are trying to work out our marriage and see if we can survive this and be stronger. We both agree we will not go back to the way our marriage was before because we were not happy, even though we both stayed in that unhealthy situation. I believe we do really love each other.

Now, I need to figure out if I can move past the betrayal. I find myself getting annoyed if he doesn't appear to pursue healing or attempt the small gestures that will help me (that I have asked for). While he hasn't done anything wrong (besides the affair stuff) and is willing to do anything I ask to aid in healing, he doesn't initiate a lot of it. I feel like I am doing most of the work and research to find help like this site provides.

Sometimes I feel he is afraid of doing/saying the wrong thing that may upset me, but I would rather him at least show that he is trying. I also feel bad if I am having an off moment, if I say anything about it, he feels that he can't do anything right and feels he shouldn't do anything at all. On top of all this, I worry that he is going to lack the patience I need to heal and he will decide to leave after all. If that is the case, I would rather just end it now.

I learned of my husband's emotional affair Mother's Day weekend 2012 and finally that it was also a physical affair last September. He says he loves her, hasn't loved me in a long time, and wants to move out. However, we have two small children whom he doesn't want to leave, so he's in limbo and stays. I want desperately for our marriage to work and will not be the person who ends it. Living this way is pure torture. The stress is unbearable and my physical health is declining I'm sure because of it.

I always thought I was a "glass half full" kinda gal but the last few months it has been hard to see. My self esteem is shot, I worry and obsess constantly, and live in fear and sadness. I know I have many many things to be grateful for, but gratitude seems to elude me.  Small comments send me into a tirade. Counseling was helpful, but my benefits have run out. Counseling did not seem to give me the tools I need to move ahead. I think my CS is truely sorry, but I don't think he really understands how hard this for me. He brings me flowers or makes the coffee and says he is "trying" and things would be great if I "just got over it and things went back to the way they were before". He cannot seem to accept or understand that will never happen. I want my glass to be half full again!

My marriage broke apart five months prior to our twentieth anniversary due to his infidelity . We have been divorced for two years and he lives with the ow . He still denies it even though I have emails to prove it. We basically have no contact and he never discussed any of it with me . He has moved out of state and has very little to do with his teenage daughters. I still cry and try to make sense of it . I would love some help through your program.

On November 6,2012
I found out my husband had been having a affair for 3yrs. I was devastated!!
We have been together for 24yrs, married for 19yrs. We have 3 wonderful children all in college. They know about their dad, and are very hurt.
I love my husband and really want to repair our marriage and work through this together. I'am willing to put in the hard work and dedication that it will take. He is not on the same course as I am and hurts tremendously. I am in alot of pain, there are no words to describe it.
I'am seeking therapy on my own, my husband will not attend. When I found out, he has been very defensive, and angry. I feel so hopeless much of the time. I have really been trying to educate myself on adultery, marriage and realationships. I desperately want my marriage to work, I don't know how to get my husband to communicate effectively with me.
During the affair my husband became a gambling addict. It was his way of avoiding me, the kids, and his affair. It was also his excuse as to his whereabouts. He will sit for up to 36hrs at a time playing poker, to avoid coming home etc... Due to the gambling he has recently put us in a bad financial situation, that we have never been in before. All of this is a lot to handle.
I feel very alone, and very ashamed. I have avoided friends, relatives and I have a difficult time with the kids around. It feels so difficult to face anyone. Also, I don't want my life to be gossip, so I am very particular who I confide in. All help and advice is welcome. I really enjoy the Affair Recovery site.
Sincerely,
Standing on the edge

It's been two years, and I am regretting now not getting help immediately after discovering my husband's affair. I thought I could work it out myself, but obviously that is not working. On top of it, I see his AP about town several times a week - it never ceases to floor me and send me (emotionally) crashing.

I found out that 15 years ago, when our baby was just 6 months old, my husband had an affair with a coworker. They ended up together on a business trip, and continued their affair for 1 and 1/2 years. He ended it, moved jobs and never told me until just recently. I had always thought he was a man with such integrity and never in my wildest dreams would I have thought this was possible. He has changed since he told me - for the better. I want to forgive him, but really feel like my feelings towards him are just done. Not sure I want to continue living with him.

My husband and I could definitely benefit from the Harboring Hope Seminar, so here's my entry in the free drawing.

I am three months out from D-Day, I discovered my husbands affair quite by accident (sort of). I had my suspicions and had confronted him multiple times to be told he was not having an affair, as well as checking his phones (one work, one personal). I felt so guilty not believing him and breaking into his phones (he had them pass coded, but I figured out what it was), my heart would race every time I checked so I would not get very far in my search for fear of him catching me.

My husband left to go on a mini-vacation with a buddy of his and left his work phone at home. I thought, why not check it now since he couldn't catch me. I waited until I knew he was on the plane. I looked through text messages and didn't find anything so I thought my gut was wrong, but then I thought to check his pictures. There they were, naked pictures of his affair partner. I then went through his emails and found all the proof I needed that it was a sexual affair.

Six months prior to this, this woman was introduced to me and my daughter, spent the night in my home with her son. She continued to be an obstacle in our family, even though I told both my husband and her I was very uncomfortable with the whole situation of them talking and seeing each other for work (she rarely contacted me directly). To top this off, this woman was young enough to be my husbands' daughter. I made that point well known also. They continued to get my daughter to request her presence which made me the bad guy if I said no "because there was nothing going on".

When my husband returned from his trip, I confronted him, he continued to deny the affair and was hurriedly deleting the incriminating evidence from his phone that I was forcing him to show me. I finally told him I had sent all the information and pictures to myself and then he finally broke down and admitted everything. He told me how sorry he was, it only happened a handful of times, it was over months ago... but there was still phone calls and emails and such. He begged me to stay and try to work things out.

I was devastated, even though we had not had the perfect marriage, I was never unfaithful and couldn't understand why he didn't get out of the marriage before this happened. I always said I would never stay if he had an affair. Well, until your in that situation, you don't know what you will do. He has said all the right things, answered my questions about the affair, done what he's promised but I am still struggling. I don't understand how he can not love me one day and suddenly now he does.

We are seeing a counselor, but as you can tell, I am still dealing with hurt and anger and disappointment. I feel obsessed to know all the details of his affair and find everything I can online about affairs so that I can heal. I don't know that he is doing the same thing. He wants to help me heal, but I know he needs to heal also and figure out why he did this honestly. No matter how bad the marriage is, having an affair is not the answer.

There is much more to the story, but I have gone on long enough. I still struggle every day and I'm glad to know that there is support out here for us!

Valerie

D-day was 2 months ago.  Since then i have been trying to piece my life back together.  My husband and I have 20 years of marriage and i found out that he has been unfaithful the whole time.  I think the addictions are physical, emotional and he may have a sexual addiction too.  Not sure if there is anything out there that can help my deep hurting. He has admitted to all this and is "sorry"!  He has lived a double life for our whole marriage.  I need hope and healing desperatly!  I am so lost...I don't know what to try and sort out first.  I am hopeful by reading posts here that possibly someone has experienced some of the same kinds of betrayl and can help me start recovering.  Right now i am still in shock and stuck in Limbo...not sure what was real and what wasn't.

I'd like to take Harboring Hope because I'm tired of not trusting, tired of second-guessing, and tired of expecting to be hurt. My marriage has been so wounded by my husband's sexual addiction and I am ready to stop worry about him and to take some time for myself to heal. I want to have hope again that things can heal and improve.

We've decided to reconcile and work towards recovery, on his part, my part, and for our relationship. reconciled and have decided to try to recover. This course will be one aspect of me doing my part.