Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

This is my second marriage after a physically abusive first marriage. This revelation of my husband's emotional affair was much more devastating. Yes I am comparing the pain.
He was beginning to get too friendly with a woman at work about 3 years back and I found out. nWe went to marriage counseling and everything seemed to fall back in place.
Two years later, he started ignoring me and I was smilingly giving him 'space'. Yes, through my first marriage, I had learned all about communication and a happy marriage. I did all including asking him if he wanted to go to counseling if anything is bothering him. He blamed it on 'work stress'
I found out when I was 7 months pregnant. I am lost. The person I once was, the confident persona I had built after my first marriage cascaded like a house of cards. I am not exaggerating when I say my name was published in office magazines for my achievement at work. I traveled to work and got hot on more often than you could count but every single time I told them of my dear perfect husband and how I could never ask for more in life.
I find myself crying uncontrollably and wishing my husband would come hug me. When he does, I just push him away. I did everything that all the free videos asked me to do but couldn't get past the wall. I went to three counselors who told me to work on my marriage but I never understood why. If I am left with some imperfections, the affair will happen again?
Through harboring hope, I wish to get my confidence back. I wish to get over my obsession. He is a great father and I wish to know if I can still provide a loving environment for my baby without him feeling that his mother is a doormat,

I am 2 years since my 2nd D-day, and I am still struggling with the horrible and devastating pain and horrific hurt of my husband's sex addiction. He has been a sex addict for 28 years of our 38 year marriage. His behavior includes porn, frequent masturbation and seeing over 80 prostitutes in the 28 years. For the last two years, I have had some EMDR, counseling, and my husband and I have done 2 EMS weekends. He has changed, wants the marriage and says he loves me, but when I really need him to help with my pain, he retreats into his shame and I feel things are back to the way I felt on those horrific, unspeakably painful D-days. I feel that Harboring Hope might be a last desperate chance for me to heal. Thank you so much for this chance to enter the drawing for Harboring Hope.

On 7 November 2016 my husband confessed about his affair of 4 months in 2015. Although I sort of new I never really thought it was so. It was the most terrible thing to hear. And although I really wanted the truth because only the truth will set you free this is so so painful that I am battling to handle it. We have done EMS online and it really have helped us so much I know I still need alot of wisdom encouragement and strength to continue on this journey.... not just for me and my husband but also for our 2 beautiful boys. This is such a hard journey to go onto and we need all the help we can get. I stay in South Africa and there is nothing like this offered here. I know I need to get healed and for that to happen I need all the right support I can get. And I also want to in future be of assistance to others.

I found out about my husbands online affairs one week before our 20th anniversary. We went to counseling a few times and I was trying to put our marriage back together. A year and a half later I discovered emails on our computer that told me it was much more than online affairs. He had been using craigslist to meet women and prostitutes. The pain of betrayal is destroying me. I feel as though no one can understand this pain and anxiety I feel. I'm lost and feel alone. Thank you for your blogs and articles. They have become part of my daily routine and give me some relief from the anxiety. I need to put myself back together before I destroy myself and my children.

I am working very hard at healing and attempting to reconcile our marriage. Dday was 11 months ago. I have attended the EMS weekend with my husband 10 months ago and have been in married for life and couples therapy since. I am still extremely broken hearted, this is the 2nd time I have discovered my husband has been unfaithful and working at healing and reconciling with him. The difference this time is now we have children and there are 3 more affairs to process as well as porn addiction and inappropriate behavior with strippers that span the entire 13 yrs we've been together. It has been much more difficult to process and work thru. Life has blown up in every way this past year and I have battled to find a sense of what I'm up against with in myself. Recovery has been primarily focused on him not myself. I am determined to do all I can to find my way. I am a person born from infidelity so it has hit me very square with my identity and I feel plagued as this is my calling forever. There has to be something I can come out the other side of all of this with that I can hang onto to lift this terrible sense of who I am off, I refuse to stay in this place due to others decisions. It's all very deep soul wounding. I need to fight this for me as well. Thank you.

It's been over two years and the anger I still carry toward my husband's affair partner is holding me back. I feel isolated in that I have only shared what's happened in our marriage with a limited number of people besides our therapist. Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk with who's been through this.

13 months since DDay and I am still painfully broken inside. I really could use the help of this course to continue my healing.

We have been married for 9 years. My husband had an addiction to pornography prior to our marriage but led me to believe that by the time we started dating (in high school) he only very rarely relapsed. This assumption carried into marriage. We put filters on our devices and openly talked about temptations and relapses and preventions. However, 3 months ago I discovered something suspicious, which started the long, drawn out discovery process. He had never been honest with me about the depths of his depravity, despite me feeling like we were doing all the "right" and recommended things. We are now in marriage counseling, my husband has started Hope For Healing, and we have done a formal disclosure with a polygraph. We have good days and bad days and good moments and bad moments. But I feel so, so alone. Friends know and care. But I have been in emotional crisis for months, and anytime I talk to someone, at best they only reach out and check on me for a few weeks before feeling less urgent about being there for me, like I should be doing much better by now. I know otherwise. My husband didn't have a physical or emotional affair with another person, but pornography is an affair in the mind and is still crushingly painful, destroying all trust and everything I thought I knew.

I hardly have hope left. If not for God's words, our marriage would not be "surviving". I feel like I'm doing it alone. I continue to find evidence of contact with his AP. I want to throw in the towel after every deception, lie and betrayal. But in the end, god speaks, I listen, and I stay. I need hope it can get better. That he's capable of change. That I'm capable of forgiveness.

I had a stroke 12 yrs ago and my husband says he has been depressed the whole 12 yrs. I am very independent I have limited use of my left hand and arm. He does very little for me I walk with a cane. In November he told me that he was physically and emotionally exhausted taking care of me these past 12 yrs. I learned he had a 2 yrs affair. He has never asked forgiveness or acted remorseful. I am left 300 dollars short a month because he would not pay spouse support. He is now living with her and he has fallen so fare from where he once was.

I am currently 9 weeks post D-Day. While my DH shows signs of ambivalence, and perhaps wanting recovery, I know more than anything, I need to recover for myself and my three kids. After riding a roller coaster of emotions for the last 9 weeks, including 5 weeks of weekly "decisions" on his part - I pick you, I pick her, every other week - I was finally "scared straight" when I listened to a presentation by a local counselor this week. Hearing how my emotional well-being as a mom is critical to the emotional well-being of my kids opened my eyes to the fact that I must find healing for myself in order to be an emotionally stable tree for my three pre-teen kids because the apples don't fall far from me. I can't bear the idea that my lack of recovery could lead to anxiety, depression and even suicidal thoughts because my kids are worried about protecting me from their fears and emotions. Even before the affair, I fear I wasn't the emotionally stable mom my kids needed. Although I have worked hard on my own - journaling, praying, building my support network, even medication - I know I need professional help. I understand these entries aren't based on merit, on what I write, so this is a testament to myself that I am doing everything in my power to find healing for myself so I can be the emotional pillar of strength for my precious kids. I love them TOO MUCH to fail them!

After a lifetime of abuse, struggle, and disappointment in myself I have done so much to improve my own life. Marrying my husband was the most wonderful and blessed event in my life. With him I have been able to find a new meaning to life and understand that love really does exist. Yet, I was unfaithful and I am searching for a way to understand why I have done this. I want so much to heal myself and understand how I can overcome my past. I want to be safe for him. I am inundated with college loans and will likely be taking the Harboring Hope course even if I do not win the drawing. Thank you for this opportunity.

My DDay was Oct 2016. My husband of nearly 27 years admitted to me that he was having an "inappropriate relationship" with someone he met through a chat room. Since then he has disclosed that he has been with 2 different prostitutes (one he was with twice) and had a one night stand with a woman he also met online but she lives locally.

He is, I believe, truly repentant. He has answered my questions with little defensiveness. He has turned his cell phone over to me, deleted all social media accounts. Broken off all contact with the online woman. He is willing to do what it takes.

I am at the point that I feel like I need to heal my wounds. I desire forgiveness to reign and honesty to be the rule. I believe God will heal my marriage but it is a hornet I must travel to get to the other side. I struggle with anger, fear and many triggers. I am alone in the new town. I have no family, friends or a church because I just moved here. I want and desire tools to use to help me calm my fears, my anger out bursts and the triggers.

Winning this drawing would be amazing.

I discovered my husband has been addicted to pornography since very young and we've been married for 35 yrs. I can't seem to get over the fact that I was deceived all those years by his secret life. I found I did not marry the man I thought I did. It's been devastating my whole world blew up! We've been scratching threw stumbling onto some resources by God's grace and guidance. We found affair recovery and would like to take their courses.

I feel the pain daily, even during our best of days. I discovered my husband's 8-year affair and during the discovery he continued to lie - I feel like he watched me bleed slowly. He has shown remorse since D day and we have a positive marriage counselor, however, I feel like the pain will never leave me. The blogs we have watched or read have been helpful and I long for the day I live that no thought of this horrific journey is present. Thank you for the information thus far. I am a long way away from living an authentic marriage but your site does give us both hope.

My Dday was June 6, 2016. He moved out that night. We have since then decided to work on us. It is so hard that I cannot even think about work or things I'm supposed to do. He is trying to be empathetic and says he is willing to do everything that he can to help me. I was so disappointed last night when we were supposed to start a couple's therapy group. I desperately need the support of others who have gone through this. But we had the first fight we've had in a long time and it sent me back to self preservation. He admitted it was probably shame that kept him from being extra supportive of wanting to get us there. But now that is too late. I am only 5 months into the healing process. I so desperately need the support of other women/men who have been here. I've lost my friends that I thought I could talk to and I am so isolated but also trying to be so obedient to God.

My situation is in limbo because my husband doesn't know if he wants to work on our marriage. He is not remorseful but says he has ended. We are 3 weeks out from D day. Regardless of what happens to us, I need to work on healing me.

We are currently taking the EMS course online. I would like to work on myself and harboring hope would help me.

Ive just discovered my husband's second affair. The first was in 2009 and resulted in the birth of a baby. This time, while also with another co-worker, it was an emotional affair, and I don't yet even have all of the details 8 weeks post disclosure so it could have been more involved even. She works with him and he refuses to change that. We are now separated and working with a couple who are coaching us in recovery. Nonetheless, I would love and appreciate additional support and guidance on how to recover, as this time I am healing alone.

It's still difficult to process how the person I loved so much can be so callous now. I've been trying to understand and forgive the betrayal for nearly 3 1/2 years. The physical & emotional rejection was so incredibly destructive to my confidence I spiralled into a pathetically needy person. At first, it was emotional, then everything was hidden prior to our divorce. I have no absolute proof of infidelity prior to our divorce. But it didn't stop the visions. Now, it's obvious, he's not divorced but living with her and our children in her house. The visions of seeing them together (intimately or otherwise) is emotionally damaging.

3 years separated, 2 divorced & I'm still hurting. I hide it 'okay' from most people but have disconnected with so many others.

I'm a both. But I was betrayed first. I've been the caretaker of 4 kids ranging from 15-5yrs, three boys and finally my little girl. My second son is diagnosed with autism. As if I didn't already have enough on my plate, my husband of 14yrs is a sex addict. I've always known there was something going on but he would have a great excuse for every little thing. I'm so sick and tired of all of this. I've been getting sick physically from the trauma, the cell memory in my body is insane! I've been thru 4 c-sections and He's put me thru even more pain and suffering. I guess it's due to the fact that I'm one tough chic. In the midst of our entire relationship, I've lost myself. I have no idea who I am. Isolated to the point where I've got no true friends outside of my support group. I am so grateful to have found them but it took this journey to finally have friends. Now I am in search of me. And I have no idea where to start. I feel like there's no time for me. I end up out of energy and sick every day. And I'd rather not deal with the addict part of this journey. I'm ready to be done with him. I really just need to heal and then find myself in the way to recovery. Please help! I appreciate all that you do Rick. God bless you all.

My husband had 2 affairs over a 5 month period. One of which spanned the 5 month period, the other was a 2 week affair in the middle of that time period. I was 100% blindsided by this. It's been the most traumatic experience of my life. My husband is also in a great deal of pain and is committed to helping us both heal. He too will benefit greatly from something that gives us hope for the future. The changes I've seen in him are remarkable yet the pain he has caused us is at times too much to bear. I think Harboring Hope could be the encouragement we need right now to move forward and give us to tools for use in the future. Thanks for the opportunity this drawing provides.

I can be helped by helping me to understand why a porn addiction can morph into meeting a webcam prostitute, how come he could not control himself and put me and our children first. I am lost and he is playing the i do not remember anything i did game but he can remember what he did not do, i feel that he is not being honest.

I also need help healing because i am still broken and tired of people saying at least he did not go all the way and have sex as if its any less devastating. I just am a lost broken woman and need help.

I recently found out that my husband of over 21 years has been cheating on me since we have been dating. There have been countless women, many of whom he cannot even remember their names, dates, etc. Our counselor often reminds me that we haven't lived a "normal" life, whatever that is, because my husband was a collegiate and professional basketball player. I understand that the temptation was much higher, but I naively thought he was different from so many of his teammates. He was not. He was just better at being deceitful. I don't know if I can ever heal because I don't think I will have a true discovery process. He says he loves me and these women never meant anything to him but I cannot move forward. I am stuck in the healing process and am afraid if I cannot move forward we won't make it. We completed the Boot Camp and are signed up for the EMS weekend but I feel that its all going to be for nothing if I cannot come to grips with the fact that I will likely never know everything.

My husband and I are working on healing our marriage, but I feel like I need some help working on myself. I'm struggling with anger and being open and vulnerable again. I would love to win this!

I feel stuck after 3 years since discovery and wanting so badly to work things out with my husband, but he is ambivalent.

This drawing is a God send since I spent our savings on the EMSO course.
We are 5 months out from dday and even though we're just completing the EMSO course, it still feels as though my recovery is based on his actions and recovery process. I know it shouldn't be this way and I want to get the help I need to recover from this on my own, independent of what his actions are going forward.
I need to harbor hope instead of resentment.