I would really like help. The last of various affairs was two years ago. He converted to Christianity, which at least prohibits adultery, but, even if it won't happen again, everything is messed up still. I don't know that he really understands the pain and damage he has caused. I wonder if he even has a full conscience. I feel like I see evidence of traits that facilitated the affairs and lying often, and it is hard to distinguish between actual insight and a trigger that is still raw. I have developed health issues that I believe are related to the unresolved bad feelings. I don't have access to so many positive parts of myself, because he is always nearby, reminding me that I am not healed, and not a big enough person to just get past it. Couples therapy is ineffective, with the therapist basically doing reflective listening, and letting us dig up pain and then not know how to work with it.

I found out about my husbands affair a month ago. This is the second time and I feel devastated. I want to feel hopeful and happy again but feel alone right now.

I found out nine months ago that my husband was having an affair with a friend of mine. One month ago we had a “full disclosure” and it was revealed that there have been multiple affairs throughout our 22 year marriage. I am overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation and need help deciding on a path forward. I know I can only control myself and my decisions, so I would love to be part of a program that will help me focus on myself and my own needs. I know I have a lot of healing to do and I really would love some help.

After 30+ years of marriage his addiction continues, as does my anger, resentment, humiliation, hopelessness. Our fights over this have been few because I don't feel like I'm worth pushing him to change, and when I have pushed it's as if I'm talking to an emotionless statue until the moments he's said "maybe we shouldn't be together" or "if you don't like this then you should have married a preacher" or "you know I have an addiction, why can't you understand that" etc., etc., and the lies come about the money he's stolen from us to buy gifts for other women, and cell phones so he can call them and access online porn. My requests for counseling for us are quickly dismissed and for a while he will stop, and then it starts again. My physical and emotional health is suffering, and I am the caregiver for my almost 90 year old mother so I've got to get a handle on this. Hope....I don't know what that feels like, and I would be so grateful to know.

My husband had an affair for 7 years with a co-worker. He eventually admitted to the affair when I confronted him, and has broken off contact. It has been 1.5 years since D day, and I still think about the other woman constantly. I'm haunted by comparisons between us, and even though my husband has taken Hope for Healing and is turning his life around after an almost life-long addiction to porn and masturbation, I obsess about the affair every minute of every day. I'm truly afraid he's going to leave me if I'm not able to get my feelings under control. I have been seeing a therapist and a marriage counsellor, which is helping, but there are days I feel so hopeless. I don't want to hide my problems from him, but it's also awful telling him how I feel and seeing his feelings of guilt; it's so discouraging. I wish I could end this nightmare. I've been married to my husband for almost 33 years now. I think I need the community of Harboring Hope to find others to talk to who understand what I'm experiencing. My husband suggested I join because this past weekend I was triggered and it turned into a 5 hour marathon session, while we were away on vacation together. I can't go on like this.

I am reaching out to ask for assistance with becoming a part of the program. I became a wife on October 22, 2022. I became aware of some potential problems with addiction and boundary issues on February 9, 2023. My spouse took a very long trip to another country and cheated on me the entire trip with his ex coworker, who he had been having an affair with for the duration of our entire court ship, and prior to. I would learn it on Mother’s Day after arriving home from dinner with our eldest son that my husband also had a porn, severe sexualization issue that came up before and was now using the cheating to abuse other substances. I have been criticized I have been belittled by my husband and the initial on qualify Pastor who has also since apologized for making my experience worse at not, knowing what to do to help me. I have been given no support my spouse even try to hide the infidelity and the cheating at and continue the connection post discovery. I am often blamed. I am ridicule for being angry or hurt. My children have had to watch me suffer for months. I am not financially able to leave. My home, but have asked my husband repeatedly to give us space which he refuses. I am badger daily for keeping two my boundaries. And insisting that my husband get some treatment in order to continue to deal, I am experiencing insomnia, bouts of aggression and have to see. A physician because I may have developed ulcers due to all the stress due to all the arguments due to all the constant defending myself and protecting my little Wednt and my older son from that behavior, and hiding my pain, so that they don’t suffer with me. My spouse continues to lie. Even though information is often present it to him to show him that what he’s doing is wrong. IIM wanting to get over this weather I stay married or not and I have never experienced such pain at the hand of another person, especially a person who insist upon acceptance of the loving feelings he is stating he has for everyone in this house. I have read so many stories up entitlement abuse of sexual abuse of the pain that both Myia and women experience at the hands of the people who is supposed to love you the most my boundaries are not respected my husband repeatedly tries to pushed himself on me and use gaslighting to make our children and others believe that I am not well for speaking to the abuse, the cheating, the lying and tearing down of our family. Every day I am told I need to get over it and I am over reacting , I am not sure what to do and if I was not married with kids, I know that I would not be here either. I feel alone every day and I cry, and I pray out to God just to keep my sanity. I have tried to work out things but know that I cannot do it by myself. I would just like to rest and sleep like normal again. I didn’t know so many people were going through this. I feel as if I am in a nightmare that is never ending. I want to stop being sad and depressed at anxious and I heard that this site can’t help. I don’t understand. I don’t want my kids to think it’s OK for someone to treat their spouse like this. So I stand up for myself, but I am tired now I am embarrassed and ashamed not for me so much but for him, and I feel that it’s never going to change. I don’t understand how someone can do something so horrible to a wife that they just married and expect them to just forgive them or feel that their even entitled to make such request. Since I will not just move on, I will not pretend I will not be intimately involved with my husband. I have experience financial abuse, and have very little left over to do proper therapy or have my little ones get the treatment they need. If you would gift me the class, I’m sure that I could figure a way to help myself and my family heal right where we are. I thank you for even providing a forum for this type of thing. God bless you thank you.

9 years ago, my wife of 13 years had an affair with a "friend". She seemed so devastated that I was only concerned with helping her recover while caring for our 2 young daughters. I was crushed, but wanted to move on. We went to counseling for the better part of 2 years and I thought I was done with it. Early this year it all came back in a torrent of pain and I came to the conclusion that I never properly dealt with the trauma. Here I am all these years later unable to move on. I have never felt the wholeness since that time and I would like it back. Something happened to me that I can't explain....like something is missing. To make matter worse, I'm in a mostly sexless marriage with a person that seems to like me most days, but mostly feel like roommates.

Just found out my wife of 16 years have has a 4 month torrid affair. I am broken. Seeing some of ricks videos on YouTube has given me some guidance and hope and understanding. Hope to take the next course so I can get some understanding on why did they do this to us and the kids.

Trust, communication, empathy, understanding, openness. Watching my daughter suffer through our struggles is heartbreaking. I need the tools to help my daughter and me.

Hi, I’ve been married for 23 years and my husband struggles to walk with integrity, commitment, and faithfulness. It feels like we are on rinse and repeat every several years, he offends, he’s remorseful, we recommit. Rinse. Repeat. He’s in therapy now and I am trying to figure things out for me. I feel completely broken. I need to learn to heal and forgive… Not just for him, but for my sanity and well being. And I don’t know how. I hope you can help me.

I just had my 25 year anniversary with my husband end of March and then found out in early June that my husband had a three year affair with a girl that worked for him and had ended it back in March 2022. I asked him to move out this past mid- June and had my three children by my side along with friends through the Summer months. One of my requests was that he get a new job and cut off contact with this former person. It has been rough. She took it to HR and during the remainder of the Summer she was trying to say my husband had forced her to have a sexual relationship which is untrue. He has been as far as I know since the affair came to light being truthful with the details. So we just got that wrapped up and he was fired because he was the CEO, but they found no information that would confirm that it was so forced, but that it was mutual. Lucky, he found another job to provide for us, but with all this going on, it has put us in a really tough position for either of us to find any kind of healing. I joined the Hope Rising a couple weekends ago and found it to be so incredibly helpful. Half the time I sat there crying. I too, felt like when I found out that my husband had walked over to me and ripped my heart out of my chest and I am still bleeding out. He has also been saying new things that start my whole process of pain over again. It feels like my heart being torn out all over again. I am looking to find a way to redeem our marriage and I am looking to become a stronger person. I already purchased this on my credit card, but things are super tight and I could use the help as I am sure many could, but I am hoping to get my healing headed in the right direction. Thank you.

I would like to take the Harbouring Hope course to feel less isolated in my journey to continue to forgive my husband for the emotional and physical affair he had. My hope is that by healing myself, he to will desire to heal himself, and together we can restore our marriage, and help others restore theirs.

My husband had an affair last fall. I found out about it in Jan and we've spent the last 9 months trying to put our marraige back together. It isn't working. We're both hurting. He told me he "wants to love me" but doesn't. I'm not sure what to do at this l point.

I found out about my husband’s affair from his Affair Partner’s husband. He sent me a message through Facebook messenger and informed me about my husband’s affair with his wife. I literally felt like an atomic bomb had exploded and destroyed everything I had ever known and loved. All of my security in anything and anyone was lost that day, along with my self worth. Six month later, as I was piecing my life back together and taking responsibility for the things I did in order to make the marriage vulnerable and contribute to the marital voids in our relationship, more information surged. My husband has been emotionally (and possibly physically) involved with several women for the entirety of our dating and marriage relationship. I found hundreds of messages between him and many women. Flirty messages, talks about meeting for lunch or missing each other’s voices. I am angry, but also relived to know that none of his indecencies could have been prevented by me, or anyone. He had literally been planning to be a cheater for most of his adult life, and it had nothing to do with me and what I brought or didn’t bring to marriage. He accepts wrongdoing and is willing to do EMS online, yet I am more convinced now than ever, that I need to heal all of my broken pieces, independent of him. I am not to blame for this betrayal or any other took place before. I need help and I need community. I cannot walk with valley alone. My husband is very reluctant to use any money on our restoration, which is why winning this lottery would be such an incredible blessing. I wouldn’t have to endure another heart reaching conversation about money with the person who put me in this place in the first place, AND I could receive the help I so desperately need.

Thank you for the consideration and blessings to you.

I’m 6 months past dday 1, 5 months past dday 2 and I’ve focused on my husband’s recovery too much. I looked to validate and empathize with him, neglecting my own needs. I want to win this to refocus on myself and my healing.

Where do I even begin this? 8 months ago I discovered my husbands affair. This is my second marriage and we have been together for 7 years. My first husband also cheated on me, and after a couple years of lies and deceit, he left me for the other woman.
So I'm on this roller coaster for a second, traumatizing time however my current husband has decided he wants to stay. I can't figure out why because I don't believe anything he says.
I NEVER in a million years, believed he was capable of this!!!! After the trauma of my first marriage, why on earth would I ever give my heart to someone who could do this? I am in utter disbelief...everything I thought I knew about his character/integrity has been destroyed. I don't know whether I can get past this. Sometimes I'm hopeful and I think maybe, but more often now my mind keeps leaning towards no. How could I ever possibly trust him enough to give him my heart again? I am absolutely shattered and don't know how to move on. My heart is bitter and angry and so, so utterly sad.

This past July I found out about my husband's addiction to pornography and I was broken. Feeling sick and unsafe trying to find way to cope with it and handle it so my 2 girls (10 & 7 YO) never notice how mommy was struggling emotionally. The sadness invades my heart and body. I was feeling internal pain that I couldn't explain. We have been marriage for 17 years and 11 days ago my husband confessed to me all his secrets from the past ( his double life) 4 physical affairs and how he went to those chat room online for sex. Contacting many woman and trying to meet in person with them.
The last affair was 11 years ago before our firstborn when I went to visit my family in another country for 4 weeks and he decided to bring his affairs partner to our apartment and have sex in our own bed. He gave so much details like this that I was in shock. He kept this secret for himself for so long and decided not to contact anybody for sex ever again. He said he stops few month after we found out I was pregnant. So he just keep the pornography and masturbation. Never meet with anybody after my girls were born but he tried to go to those chat again for couple of times and try to plan meet with some woman but it didn't work.
I coudln't believe what I was hearing. I was asking myself who is this men? I don't know him. How I could miss this? How he could do that to me?? Everybody know him a calm and easy going person. Homebody , a nice guys. I couldn't react I was paralyzed I am still in shock. I felt sick to my stomach and the body pain that posses me on that day is still here until today. I am so desvated from my husband betrayal. I need help to go thru this pain that feel like my heart was cut so deep that I don't know if one day the bleeding will stop. I am worried about my state of mind and my health. I am worried about my two girls and it breaks my heart not to be able to be emotional stable for them. They know something wrong is going on with daddy and mommy. My husband decided to go for healing and do whatever it takes to restore our marriage if I decide to stay. I wanna try to save it but I don't know how or where to go from here with this pain and all my broken pieces. I am grieving my loss. I am desparet for help and our financial situation makes it worst for me to see hope. I know there are a lot of good results online and in person. I am in Ontario, Canada and I wish I could me in USA where most all those good resources are accessible. I am so frustrated and alone. Feeling so lonely. My whole family live in another country. So I wanna try this program and I hope that I could. I have been praying to God for a clear sign and answer from God so I hope this will be the answer to my prayer and the begining of my own healing. Thank you for give hope with your program to so many betrayed partner.
Mariale

My wife and I have been married for 12 years. I grew up in a home where anger was the only permissible emotion. She grew up in a home of neglect where both parents were using drugs. I have been unloving and unkind for a very long time. I had an affair 6 years ago. She recently had an affair, and has also started online dating. We talked about reconciliation, and I started making positive changes for myself and our marriage. She says she wants to reconcile, but after returning from a work trip, I discovered she is continuing the affair through online dating, and what else, I don’t know. She is very resentful for the years of my shortcomings and failures. It feels like a small breath will extinguish the ember that is our marriage.

My recovery needs something more. I need focus and direction. I'd really like to participate. Thank you in advance.

I discovered my partner's affair nearly a week ago. Since then, a whirlwind of emotion has gripped me. She had sought out an overseas ex-boyfriend on social media in September. As their emotional affair grew, so to did the distance and isolation from me. I had known of her depression, and assumed she was having a low point, but despite my asking her to communicate with me, she was a wall. Barely making eye contact. Living on her phone. She had a trip to his country coming up.

Just before her trip, I had noticed a collection of sex products spilling out of a little black bag in her suitcase. When confronted, she claimed it was all a mistake. She meant to order other products, etc. But by this point she already tried to tell me she no longer loved me and was trying to coax us into taking a break, without outside attention. I felt deceived. I was suspicious. I was on alert. She removed all the products except for one flavored wipe. The day after our son's 12th birthday, I had gone to check my email and noticed her account logged in on my computer and my curiosity got the better of me. I discovered the email to her ex, the lies within, and a collection of secrets that broke me. So I confronted her the morning of her trip. Our son heard us fighting. As the situation unraveled and the family began to fall apart, our son and I begged her not to go. She took him aside, and shortly after came to me and said she's considering suicide with a plan if she didn't go on this trip. I absolutely broke. I let her go without a fight. And it's been killing me every day since. She's scheduled to return home today, and the conversation that follows is filling me with so much dread and anxiety.

I'm terrified of the future. I'm terrified of losing my son. I'm terrified of the truth I've yet to learn.

It’s been over a year since I discovered my husband's porn and sex addiction. Over the course of most of our 4 year marriage, (Entirely through my pregnancy) he carried on an emotional affair with a mutual “friend,” exchanged sexual messages and photos with multiple women, viewed many various types of pornography , nothing illegal but increasingly disturbing as he got deeper, and treated me with hatred and disdain. On d day, I felt relief in finally getting to the bottom of his mistreated and he was relieved to be caught. However, recovery for us both has been a long road. He’s been to an intensive retreat and I’m
In therapy but I know temptation is everywhere and he has to do his own work. I personally am at a much better place than one year ago, but I am still very much affected by anxiety, worry, preoccupation wondering if he’s slipped, and intrusive thoughts still seem to pop in during intimacy occasionally , during a good day, or when I experience triggers. It’s much less but I just want to be well again. I just want to be myself again.

1 year since D Day #3. I am in so much pain and can't seem to move forward. I think it's time to move on from someone who clearly does not respect me or our marriage. I need help and would love to be part of this program.

He has thrown 24 years in my face. God, I have never been truly faithful. But I’ve always known you. Please help me heal. Our vows mean something, but if he needs to be without me so be it. Regardless, I have to heal. I’m doing what I can, but I need some guidance. More than anything he needs you. Keep him safe.

No matter how I turn this in my heart and in my head. No matter the outcome of my marriage. The only real impact the only real option for me is to go deeper in my understand of myself and free myself from the hurt, with the guidance of God, my only compass.
I constantly slip into self loathing, past the free flowing of all my emotions and feelings. And while I must go through it all to get to the other side, I must remember daily that he can control my life not my husband’s.
I hope harboring hope would be a platform to practice this daily in a safe structure with others who can empathize with this trying season. The most trying, the hardest.
I want resolution and closure for me. And while it is ok to pray that my marriage would be restore, I also hope that I can accept the fact that I have no control at all.

So here I am, a ball of mess. D-Day was Friday October 13th, 2023. I had my suspicions that something was going on as my husband of 2.5 years started acting strange. We were going through a lot the fall of 2022 with impending IRS issues from his business owing taxes in 2015, the passing of his father, and I was in the throws of my father in hospice with dementia and hubby was having problems in the bedroom. I also was in graduate school, dealing with my own trauma of past sexual abuse and an awful internship. Our marriage was struggling and he was traveling a lot for work.

Fast forward to this summer and fall of 2023, as my husband was being difficult and angered quickly when I tried asking questions or talking about issues on anything. He started a new job involving travel through Ohio where he was meeting up with an old girlfriend he met after his first divorce. He took her to Niagara Falls, they were talking engagement, and texting and calling each other. When he was home he was distant, angry, and defensive when I started to see the red flags of cheating. I checked phone records as he was hiding his phone from me. I saw a common number and started calling. I asked him about the number and he said nothing. I asked for a separation if he couldn't be trusted and accused him of having an affair. He broke it off with her, she called and revealed everything, as she didn't know he was married or living in Florida!

The other woman and I talked for a while and kept in touch as she was grieving the loss of being taken by a married man and I was shocked. He confessed everything and has repented, and asked for forgiveness, and now I am left grieving the loss of us and trust. They were on and off again, seeing each other often but she was also catching on to him as he never intended to get engaged as he was already married! How can I trust him ever again? I already lost my first marriage of 24 years to infidelity. He left and married the other woman. I healed and moved on but having this happened has reopened the deep wound and I am depressed and lost. I felt like there was something wrong with me.

We are both Christians and I am struggling some days. We left a second church as it wasn't a good fit for us due to some choices we don't agree biblically with and think we have found another church, praying for group support. So I am grieving my past church loss of friends and groups. We tried counseling and it made things worse for me. Maybe not the right time for us. I realize now I need to work on myself and not control him and what he needs to do. I am still full of anger and hatred and I have forgiven him over and over.

I have never experienced so much pain as infidelity from someone I trusted that could lie and manipulate a whole other life for the past two years as they were on and off since they were first together communication the past 5 years. How can a man do that to his spouse? Over and over? Lie to two women? He is at peace and has seen my anger and pain. He is getting tired of my mood swings. I have sought counseling for myself and read God's word daily. I put my trust in Him always, just tired of being tired. Tired of the pain and deceit my husband has put me through. He is trying but when will I know to trust him again? I know it takes time. I just want to run away some days. I feel trapped.

This group is what I desperately need but cannot afford as I am in grad school and he works to help make ends meet. We are still loving together and have some good moments. I need to be around people who are walking this same path.

Looking for support after ongoing issues