So here I am, a ball of mess. D-Day was Friday October 13th, 2023. I had my suspicions that something was going on as my husband of 2.5 years started acting strange. We were going through a lot the fall of 2022 with impending IRS issues from his business owing taxes in 2015, the passing of his father, and I was in the throws of my father in hospice with dementia and hubby was having problems in the bedroom. I also was in graduate school, dealing with my own trauma of past sexual abuse and an awful internship. Our marriage was struggling and he was traveling a lot for work.
Fast forward to this summer and fall of 2023, as my husband was being difficult and angered quickly when I tried asking questions or talking about issues on anything. He started a new job involving travel through Ohio where he was meeting up with an old girlfriend he met after his first divorce. He took her to Niagara Falls, they were talking engagement, and texting and calling each other. When he was home he was distant, angry, and defensive when I started to see the red flags of cheating. I checked phone records as he was hiding his phone from me. I saw a common number and started calling. I asked him about the number and he said nothing. I asked for a separation if he couldn't be trusted and accused him of having an affair. He broke it off with her, she called and revealed everything, as she didn't know he was married or living in Florida!
The other woman and I talked for a while and kept in touch as she was grieving the loss of being taken by a married man and I was shocked. He confessed everything and has repented, and asked for forgiveness, and now I am left grieving the loss of us and trust. They were on and off again, seeing each other often but she was also catching on to him as he never intended to get engaged as he was already married! How can I trust him ever again? I already lost my first marriage of 24 years to infidelity. He left and married the other woman. I healed and moved on but having this happened has reopened the deep wound and I am depressed and lost. I felt like there was something wrong with me.
We are both Christians and I am struggling some days. We left a second church as it wasn't a good fit for us due to some choices we don't agree biblically with and think we have found another church, praying for group support. So I am grieving my past church loss of friends and groups. We tried counseling and it made things worse for me. Maybe not the right time for us. I realize now I need to work on myself and not control him and what he needs to do. I am still full of anger and hatred and I have forgiven him over and over.
I have never experienced so much pain as infidelity from someone I trusted that could lie and manipulate a whole other life for the past two years as they were on and off since they were first together communication the past 5 years. How can a man do that to his spouse? Over and over? Lie to two women? He is at peace and has seen my anger and pain. He is getting tired of my mood swings. I have sought counseling for myself and read God's word daily. I put my trust in Him always, just tired of being tired. Tired of the pain and deceit my husband has put me through. He is trying but when will I know to trust him again? I know it takes time. I just want to run away some days. I feel trapped.
This group is what I desperately need but cannot afford as I am in grad school and he works to help make ends meet. We are still loving together and have some good moments. I need to be around people who are walking this same path.
Heart ache and lack of trust
So here I am, a ball of mess. D-Day was Friday October 13th, 2023. I had my suspicions that something was going on as my husband of 2.5 years started acting strange. We were going through a lot the fall of 2022 with impending IRS issues from his business owing taxes in 2015, the passing of his father, and I was in the throws of my father in hospice with dementia and hubby was having problems in the bedroom. I also was in graduate school, dealing with my own trauma of past sexual abuse and an awful internship. Our marriage was struggling and he was traveling a lot for work.
Fast forward to this summer and fall of 2023, as my husband was being difficult and angered quickly when I tried asking questions or talking about issues on anything. He started a new job involving travel through Ohio where he was meeting up with an old girlfriend he met after his first divorce. He took her to Niagara Falls, they were talking engagement, and texting and calling each other. When he was home he was distant, angry, and defensive when I started to see the red flags of cheating. I checked phone records as he was hiding his phone from me. I saw a common number and started calling. I asked him about the number and he said nothing. I asked for a separation if he couldn't be trusted and accused him of having an affair. He broke it off with her, she called and revealed everything, as she didn't know he was married or living in Florida!
The other woman and I talked for a while and kept in touch as she was grieving the loss of being taken by a married man and I was shocked. He confessed everything and has repented, and asked for forgiveness, and now I am left grieving the loss of us and trust. They were on and off again, seeing each other often but she was also catching on to him as he never intended to get engaged as he was already married! How can I trust him ever again? I already lost my first marriage of 24 years to infidelity. He left and married the other woman. I healed and moved on but having this happened has reopened the deep wound and I am depressed and lost. I felt like there was something wrong with me.
We are both Christians and I am struggling some days. We left a second church as it wasn't a good fit for us due to some choices we don't agree biblically with and think we have found another church, praying for group support. So I am grieving my past church loss of friends and groups. We tried counseling and it made things worse for me. Maybe not the right time for us. I realize now I need to work on myself and not control him and what he needs to do. I am still full of anger and hatred and I have forgiven him over and over.
I have never experienced so much pain as infidelity from someone I trusted that could lie and manipulate a whole other life for the past two years as they were on and off since they were first together communication the past 5 years. How can a man do that to his spouse? Over and over? Lie to two women? He is at peace and has seen my anger and pain. He is getting tired of my mood swings. I have sought counseling for myself and read God's word daily. I put my trust in Him always, just tired of being tired. Tired of the pain and deceit my husband has put me through. He is trying but when will I know to trust him again? I know it takes time. I just want to run away some days. I feel trapped.
This group is what I desperately need but cannot afford as I am in grad school and he works to help make ends meet. We are still loving together and have some good moments. I need to be around people who are walking this same path.