Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

Married 20 years. I need Harboring Hope because I don't know exactly where to turn. My husband tried to begin an affair right in front of me with a woman 20 plus years younger after he knew her for all of 20 minutes (his estimation). He had a plan to exit our marriage when our son graduates college in 3 years, again, instead of discussing his unhappiness. We are better, but not great. The last d-day was about 3 months ago. Trickle Truth all the way. It has damaged me further, but pulling out of it. Your Boot Camp helped, but I'm stuck. I also wonder what else there may be...

I want to take harboring hope to deal with all my pain and traumas, I have learned to suppress throughout my life. I was physically abused in early childhood. I learned to repress my feelings from an early age and have problems expressing my needs, my wants and my pain. Then fast forward to late teens the trauma of discovering my fathers infidelities, and the superhero I thought he was, no longer. He was a serial adulterer, and had a son from one of his last AP’s. Can’t even tell you what all his choices did to me and my family. He passed away from injuries due to an air accident, which in itself was very traumatic to witness, and I was left with so many unresolved issues.. Not only did I have to deal with our family grieving my father’s loss and the trauma of it all, I also had to deal with two of his APs and his very young son.

As if it wasn’t enough, all the pain and trauma I went through with my fathers death and infidelities, my UH had to repeat the story... my UH had no compassion, nothing mattered. My UH had 2 affairs. My 1st Dday was Nov2016, 2nd Dday was Mar 2017. His betrayals and recklessness have me dumbfounded. I was friends with AP#1. He saw nothing wrong with carrying his extracurricular activities with APs in our home. APs were married coworkers. Both affairs were emotional, and physical, both carried out for over a year each. Can’t tell you what this has done to my trust in myself, in my UH and women friends. Needless to say this has crushed me in ways nothing ever had before.

My UH was a workaholic, his priority was his work, he’d tell me over and over I was his priority, his actions showed I wasn’t. But I still trusted him blindly, I trusted him with my heart with my whole being, with my soul. He clearly didn’t deserve it. I wish I hadn’t, I wish I learned from my father, or from my first significant long relationship, where my boyfriend cheated on me too, and now my husband. I don’t believe all men are created equal...that is why my full trust in my husband. I thought he had my heart. How do I repeat the story?, three significant people in my life have been unfaithful? I need to learn the patterns and what I do,

I want to take HH to deal with the pain and trauma of my life and multiple experienced infidelities. I don’t want to be a victim of my past, I want to look back and feel like I survived. I want to learn to forgive, there is a lot I need to forgive starting with me. I want to express feelings and channel all the anger I have. I don’t want this experience to consume me. I want to heal for me so that I process the pain rather than transfer the pain. I want to

6 years later, new revelations each year, I don't know what else I can do to change this feeling.

I'm quickly approaching DDay #1's anniversary. Almost 12 months of living in this new found hell and I'm realizing that there are moments when it seems like we're light years away from that day ... and yet in the next split second I'm sucked back into the abyss of pain and betrayal.

I would love to win this Harboring Hope so that I can connect with others who know my language. Those who have survived ... or who are simply treading water.

I would love an opportunity to participate in Harboring Hope. We have spent so much on therapy already, and realistically can not afford it. It would truly be a blessing if I were to be chosen. Thank you.

My mind is a battlefield. My husband first cheated on me 18 years ago. We had been married 7 years with 2 kids and were in the middle of building our home. Admittedly their was tension due to the stress This. My husband claimed at the time I didn’t make him feel adequate for the task at hand. Apparently the young intern at work did, so they carried on a year long affair. When I finally caught him, he came clean. to an extent. Wanting to protect my own, I insisted on privacy and silence. Those around me who knew hadn’t the ability to correctly council us, so fast forward to present day. Getting ready to celebrate my “star” as Rick described it. If I could reach our 25th all would be well. Not so. 4 months before our 25th he’s done it again. In his attempt to save the marriage he finally gave total transparency which he’s never been willing to do. Now my mind has so many images. All the things I’d imagined for the last 18 years now confirmed. And new things added as well.I am having the most awful time defending myself against the enemy. I need to talk to someone but need anonymity because I have 4 children now. I can’t let them see who their father is, it would humiliate and destroy them. Praying my number is drawn just to have some back up troops on the battlefield.

My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married for 12 in July. He started a new job in what I thought was an all male profession (mechanic in a steel mill) but theres one female and she picked him. Shes the polar opposite of me, rough and brash, drinks and parties.. I don't know how it started but the phone calls began in Dec 2017, which I discovered in late March by trusting my gut that something wasn't right with him. I had no idea the content of those calls so it was easy for him to tell me they meant nothing. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, the text conversation he forgot to delete before finally letting me look into his phone. The words "my love", the very words he says to me in text messages, will not stop playing over and over in my mind. To a stranger who tells him she can't stop thinking about him and how much she loves him. He says he ended it, I know the calls and texts stopped because they had to, I monitor everything. But they still work together on the same shift.. I can't move forward, I get only responses but no answers. There's been no confession of how or when or what else they've talked about, just the usual "there was never a physical aspect at all, she means nothing, what else do you want me to say?" he has drifted for a couple of years into who he was before he was saved which was the man I met and fell in love with who was married at the time. Yep, I was the other woman, same situation.. Coworkers. Unappreciated husband. He left her and moved in with me. We have 3 children, he has 3 from his first 2 marriages. Both ended the same way it seems. And here we are. Am I any different? I now know the horror I was the accomplice to which hurts almost as much as knowing I'm in the same boat. The only difference is we both received Christ early in our marriage so there's hope that what could be another tragedy might have some chance of survival if we both are all in. Not that I feel I deserve it but I'm thankful we serve a God of mercy and grace and we are now praying together, something we've never been able to do. I took him for granted for 12 years, we coasted into complacency, I had no idea we'd end up here. So, we are in desperate need of true therapy and counseling not only for this but for the years that led up to it. I'm struggling with this more than I could have ever imagined.. Thank you for this blog and the resources, they are helping me understand this whole thing better and giving me hope that there is life after this nightmare!

I am so devastated and isolated that I can't go on this way. We are 4 and 1/2 months post Dday and it feels like we are not making headway, like I am not able to make headway. I really need the support that Harboring Hope provides. The drip feed of details is destroying the hope that I have been trying to hold on to since the initial Dday. I have tried to work with him. I have tried just focusing on myself. I have tried reading everything I get my hands on. I have tried. Please help. I can't do this alone.

My husband and I have been married for 8 yrs. he has had multiple affairs and holds a lot of resentment. The worst part is that there is a new D day almost every week, it’s miserable and he is continuing to be with his affair partner. He is constantly lying and hiding. I’m no so much pain that it doesn’t even hurt anymore. We. Have 3 kids and as much as I would like to save our marriage I have just run out of hope and have conceded to the thought that divorce is inevitable. If there is hope to be found somewhere I think it might be here.

Our d-day was January this year. I found out my husband of 10 years had started an inappropriate relationship with a girl from his gym while I was 8 months pregnant with our third child (he was one month old when I found out). I was actually changing my babies diaper when he got a message through one of the many secret apps they had been using and I had his phone to pay a school lunch payment for our oldest. Though the affair never turned physical I am completely broken. My husband is former military and I was faithful through the deployments and all the constant training. After the military we have moved around numerous times to further his career while I traded in my career dreams to be a stay home Mom and support his career growth. I guess I thought my willingness to remain faithful through all the times apart earned a faithful husband but I was wrong. The messaging stopped immediately (because I confronted the partner immediately) and we started going to counseling 3 days post d-day but our counselor has seemed to be solely focused on the marriage going forward and not on healing the trauma. He even gets my name wrong in counseling sessions. As I’ve explained to my husband it’s like someone handing you a bullet proof vest but you’ve already been shot in the gut and are slowly bleeding out and someone tells you just to not think about that wound because you should worry about not getting another one. I obsess over it. I was at my most vulnerable when the affair was happening (pregnant and postpartum) and I cry every time I see a newborn picture of our son knowing what his father was doing during the time surrounding his birth. I need help digging out of this hole I’m in. I have read so many books and I pray but I feel so alone in all this. Even our counselor said he wasn’t sure how to help me. I beginning to lose hope of ever feeling better.

It’s been a year of recovery from my husbands affair only to come to a place of abandonment and yet another affair. At this point we are separated and I am broken and confused. I have 4 children and need to heal so that I can be fully here for them. I will be a single/married mom of four living in a separate state from my husband trying to give my kids a happy life. hH would be a huge help for me.

I’m putting my name in for the drawing. 2 years post DDay. 1 year post DDay 2 in which I learned of a one night stand and 2 short term affairs. I have done Harboring Hope We have been to 4 counselors, I have almost completed Grief Recovery/somatic therapy. My H is non compliant in treating his bipoloar/ADHD finally diagnosed Jan 2017. I have been traumatized and isolated because of his almost total insensitivity to our situation. I have had to make the horrific decision to file divorce April 12th because he is not getting better and thinks as long as he’s not cheating that’s all that matters, even though the lying and deceit on other things. So I need to redo Harboring Hope with addressing forgiveness without reconciliation and getting myself healthy for me and my children. Soon my ability to access extra AR material will expire.

My husband had a 6 month affair, and we are walking in circles trying to recover. Mainly because we simply can’t afford the help that we really need here. We’ve been married 9 years and have 4 young kids. We both want to make it work, but don’t know how. It would be amazing to get this opportunity!

Daily and moment by moment, I am still fighting the battle to stay in this. Any support and encouragement would be so welcome. Thank you!

I need all of the help that I can get, honestly. It’s so hard.

At the end of this month it will be 4 years from the worse day of my life. The day after Easter when my husband left me for his affair partner. I did not know this however for another 2 months. He came back 2 weeks later to win me back. A month after I found out about the affair I was diagnosed with stage 3 Her2 cancer. I took him back. My life has been a nightmare since that Easter Monday.

I have been to a weekend program. It helped a bit, but four years later I am no cliser to being healed. I met a wonderful woman at this program. She is currently taking your program and says it is helping her so much. She suggested I take the program. I need help.

My unfaithful husband and I are currently going through EMSO and it seemed at first that he needed more help. However with each passing week I feel more and more hopeless and lost in my own path to healing.

He has his process he is working through and plans on going through Hope for Healing after EMSO, and we have the process for “us” without EMSO, but now I feel more than ever that I am more lost than I ever imagined and need the help only Harboring Hope can give. Please help me!

My husband and I have just finished EMSO and are pursuing reconciliation, but I am so discouraged by all of the triggers and intrusive thoughts. I realized that my husband is not the one that I am to turn to for healing my pain, but I am struggling to find helpful tools for combating the triggers. I would love to work with other women in this journey. Thank you!

I discovered my husbands affair of a little over a year, a year and a half ago. We have had no recovery work and am desperately in need of it if we are going to save our 33 year marriage. I know we love each other, I just don’t know how to make this work. He has so much shame he becomes angry just seeing me sad. Most days the saddness just wont go away. I really could use the support of others who understand this pain.

Finding so much benefit from EMSO with my husband but need further healing for myself. Hoping for more healing through HH.

Needing some insight to help face and deal with the pain, how to move past it and not get stuck on it, to stop destructive communication patterns, and just heal. I need help accepting the past for what it was and believing that the present is real.

My husband has been having an emotional affair with a widow with two children. I found out about it in February 2015. We had been in bible college together and he has since dropped out. I have since finished. He keeps telling me that he loves this woman and he is not willing to let her go. He said to me he does not have a switch to switch on and off his feelings for this woman and also that it is a decision he made after a lot of thought. He tells me to accept that she is there and that she is going nowhere. He also says show me in the bible where it says a man should have one wife.

I asked him to go for counseling and he refused saying that he is not willing to listen to people's opinions over what he already knows. I also asked him to let me go so he can persure his new love, he also refuses saying he does not want to let go of the marriage. I tried family intervention and he pinned everything on me. He started telling everyone what a bad wife i was and that he has found someone to build his life with. I asked what we have been dong for the past 17 years and he said nothing. We have two children 15 years and 9 years.

I have this deep pain that i do not even know how to deal with. I feel i am stuck in a situation i cannot change. At times he acts like this sweet person and at times he is so nasty. He is verbally and emotionally abusive. I am in a roller coaster of pain. I tried seeking help but all the time either the person becomes busy or they just keep quite or they start avoiding me.

He says verge statements. Now he says forgive me but his actions and words are saying different things. He hardly spends time at home in the name of work. When he is around town he comes home late and leaves early.

Please help me i am hurting and don't know how to handle it. The pain is just too much for me.

I just need some hope to hold on to. I need to learn to take care of me, and be ok no matter what.

Seven months ago, my husband disclosed an affair committed almost 9 years ago, and a couple of other inappropriate interactions since then. We haven't started any couples counseling yet and need some insight and direction to get to the bottom of it all and move forward.

I have always had what you could say is a pretty blessed life. Never had anyone close to me pass away. Grandparents are either still alive or passed before I could remember. I never suffered abuse of any kind growing up and my parents weren’t the type to argue in front of us kids and we were the center of their priorities.
So when I grew up and married I had this expectation that it would be the same for me. We would marry, work, have kids, take family vacations, hold each other when bad comes, and generally spend the rest of our lives as a “team”.
But even with the red flags, the arguing, even a separation years prior, I never imagined my life story would include the gut ripping pain that infidelity has caused.
He raped me repeatedly with his betrayals and trickle truths, and now I am left with this shell of a being, praying for a safe way out.

As I approach the last 2 weeks of the EMSO course, both my husband and I are hoping to continue doing internal work through Affair Recovery. We are wanting our marriage to be better than ever by pursuing health and healing. While I am doing much better than when we began this journey, we are still separated and we are feeling tentative about what it is supposed to look like when we get back together. Any support in this journey would help enormously. Thank you!

We would really love to win this. I thought we were living a somewhat “happy” marriage until about 7 months ago when I know it was the Holy Spirit worked within both myself and my husband. I kept getting a feeling that things were not “ok” in our marriage. I poked and poked and poked until my husband came clean!
We want to be a testament to others that all marriages can work.

Help!