Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

Welcome to Affair Recovery's Harboring Hope Monthly Drawing. We want to know you. We want to serve you. This means we want to hear from you!

The first step is telling us what we can do for you. Please tell us why you’d like to take Harboring Hope. If you made a comment prior to a previous registration period, that comment is still good for your entry.

Remember, submit a comment of 500 words or less about why you'd like to take the Harboring Hope course. Remember, it's a random drawing so your entry won't be based on merit or on your situation. Comments will be moderated by AR staff. Drawings will be held monthly. If you'd like more information, you can also read our official rules.


The winner for March 2024 was "Anonymous"
with the entry "Entry into Class".
Congrats!!

The winner for Feb 2024 was "Todd"
with the entry "Learning How To Grow".
Congrats,Todd!!!!

The winner for January 2024 was "DebU"
with the entry "Wash Rinse Repeat".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for December 2023 was "TonyaSue22"
with the entry "Will he ever stop".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for November 2023 was "Sara"
with the entry "Lying through EMS".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for October 2023 was "LunaR"
with the entry "Stuck and Confused".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for September 2023 was "Kindergirl"
with the entry "Not My First Rodeo".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for August 2023 was "Betrayed"
with the entry "I Need a Path Forward".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for July 2023 was "Carolyn"
with the entry "No one really understands".
Congrats, Carolyn!!!!


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Comments

My emotions

I cannot feel the range of my emotions in connection to the situation. I’m expected to be forgiving and mature, and that makes sense, but it does not seem right that my emotions always have to be monitored, while his are understood.

Feel Very Stuck and Trapped

Thank you for all that you do.....its a lifesaver for many people. My husband is a Campus Minister and I found out some disturbing things about him and his relationship with female students. I have wanted to leave this marriage so many times but I do not feel it is right and I have no where to go. I feel like most days I am hanging on by a thread and desperately need the encouragement to get through the choice he made to be unfaithful in certain areas of our marriage.

Help Me Fix Me and Save My Marriage

My story encompasses my entire life. I have been diagnosed with Border Personality Disorder and Narcissism. My world came crumbling down 2 years and 8 months ago when an affair from 2010 came to light, but it came to light when my wife of 34 years started asking questions about my behavior around other women, very inappropriate behavior. This spurred on her interest to start digging. In October of 2019 I was confronted and as soon as I realized she new facts, I confessed. I began seeing a counselor and was advised to come clean and I did. My lies and deception stretch all the way back to my youth and I had gotten away with this lifestyle for far too long. We have completed the Online Bootcamp and I have been through four counselors and I am on number 5. The most recent counseling we did together and it had mixed results. This is on me as I need to be honest and upfront and not avoid answering because of the nature of the questions. My mind also plays the I don't recall game and then suddenly, when it's too late, I remember. My beautiful wife has laid down some Rules to Live By and I have agreed but it weighs on me heavily. I can't seem to get out of my own way and I continue to breach her trust over simple mundane things and this sets myself back to zero trust. Due to my BPD, when I feel I can't take anymore of the questioning, what I call being barraged, I rage and it has created an unsafe condition; I am scared. I know I am on the verge of failing and losing my wife and marriage. I listen to AR Videos, read the blogs as well as I read blogs on BPD and Narcissism so I can identify my traits and work on being aware of my behavior. I find the information helpful, yet I have utterly failed. As I write this, I am humbled to the lowest level seeking help, advice and understanding. I am smart enough to realize that I must fix me in-order to fix my marriage and that is my focus. Desperate for Harboring Hope!

I’m Missing An Ingredient (Or Many)

Everyone’s marriage journey is unique. For me, I am allowing my experiences to always encourage healing, growth and learning. Here are a few things I’ve learnt about healing from my recent broken heart:

I have absolutely no idea—how and where to start! As I’m missing an ingredient (or many) for my healing to begin.

No idea what’s next

D-day was March 26th. The day I’ll never forget I got a message from a stranger telling me my spouse was having an affair with his spouse. Since that initial confrontation, more were confessed and I find that only the first 6 months of our dating weren’t tainted with another person. I’m terrified to stay and terrified to leave.

I'm really struggling. My

I'm really struggling. My husband and I took the bookcamp and EMSO but I'm still having a very hard time managing my emotions and dealing with triggers. We have made so much progress through AR, I would love to continue with Harbouring Hope.

Need to finish healing

It’s been too long and I feel it’s time for me to get out of my own head and do some work. I’m trying to be optimistic and live in the present. I still have anxiety and resentment that’s holding me back due to spouses affairs but things are mostly going well now I’m just stuck

Is there hope?

I was married once before, 20 years ago when my now ex-husband had a pornography addiction which lead to infedility and later abuse. I left that marriage. I have been now been married to my new spouse for 18 years, we celebrated our 18 year anniversary just weeks after finding out about his affair. His affair was long term and the conditions of it are heart-breaking. Sometimes I can't hep but wonder what is wrong with me since I am so "lucky" to get to go through this twice with two different men. I don't know what the future holds, but I know I want to heal. I just want to feel hope now that my "safe" little family life is shattered. I think I have watched almost every video on Youtube, been going to counseling and I have to say that your videos and blog posts as well as the 7 day bootcamp has been a huge blessing to me in feeling heard and validated. I appreciate all that you do.

Heartbreak

I want to have the right tools to help cope, process, and heal the heartbreak I am going through.

Harboring Hope Is What I Need

First D-day was Aug 2010, Second d-day two weeks later (he lied about who the affair partner was and I did a whole lot of digging and put the truth together), Third D-day was Apr 2021. I still feel foolish for staying back then, but know exactly why I did. I always knew in my gut there was someone else and coaxed it out of my husband last year. I’ve worked hard on myself and was able to give him a safe space to tell me the final (?) truth and handle it with grace.

A year later I’m still struggling with all the years my husband told me I was his soulmate, the love of his life, how he’d do anything to make our marriage work, would give total transparency, that I knew everything, etc, all while he was holding on to at least one more indiscretion. He says it wasn’t even close to the same as the other affair because it was making out a few times, not sex. I understand what he means in his own mind. I think it’s all cheating, but yes, sex is a whole other level. It’s all not good though.

How could we be rebuilding a solid, respectful marriage when there was more out there he knew he was keeping from me? He says he didn’t tell me out of fear. I admit I didn’t handle things well the first D-days and had little emotional control at the time. That doesn’t change the fact a good marriage isn’t built on lies and I think he should’ve cared about that. He knowingly kept deceiving me while telling me rebuilding our marriage was his goal. So I think those years were wasted and fake. He disagrees.

I’m proud of the work I’ve done and the changes I’ve made within myself. I’m not proud that I can’t let the affairs go and I still have this feeling I may not know everything.

I don’t know if I’ve been in denial, am naive or if things have truly changed (for the positive) between us. My husband is a changed man in many, many ways and a much better husband. Our closeness is what allowed me to give him the safe space to tell me the “final” truth. He says he felt tremendous relief at getting that final confession out and yet still feels tremendous shame about the full-blown affair. I’m past the point of wanting him to hurt like I have and hope he works through the shame. I want peace for him. Most of the time we have a great partnership, friendship and good marriage. Until I’m triggered that is.

The most recent D-day (2021) was regarding something that happened before the full-blown affair of 2010. He says I know everything now. But I have a nagging feeling that comes up when I’m triggered that he hasn’t been completely honest. I thought knowing what he told me last year would be the final piece and I’d move on, but of course never forget. Now I have this strong feeling he hasn’t told the truth about how often he had sex with the full-blown affair partner. I know what he told me back in 2010. When I asked him a few days ago he said he has no memory, he’s completely blocked everything out and is filled with so much shame he doesn’t want to go back there. I find it hard to believe he can’t remember how many times he had sex with her. I asked was it one time or 10 times? He said far less than 10 and he’d say 1-4 because he remembers two but wants to leave room for more because he doesn’t know and doesn’t want to lie to me in case it’s more than two. What? I’ve asked since then if he’s remembered anything and basically he’s not willing to go back there. It’s too shameful and painful.

Because it was 12 years ago I’m struggling with is this fair to him and is there any point? Am I continuing to find things to question because it keeps it alive for me? My true thought is that I’m subconsciously testing him to make sure he’s finally telling me the entire truth. And that doesn’t seem healthy. I’ve let things go for so long and it turns out our marriage rebuilding was a sham for years and years. My husband doesn’t see it that way, but I do. I love him, I see so many positive changes in him and I believe he’s committed to me and me only. The thing I’m not sure of is if he’s being completely honest about the past. When do I let it go?

I want to continue to heal

My husband of 22 years and I were drifting apart to the point we weren't even talking to each other in January of 2021. I have to admit I was holding out hoping he would break the silence but he didn't so in February I did. We began talking about our marriage & what needed to change. I was hopeful until I realized he was acting totally different regarding his phone. He went from caring less if he had it or not to keeping it with him 24/7. So when he was in the hot tub one morning & had left his phone inside I went through his texts and discovered he had been having an affair with a co-worker since the beginning of 2021.

Since then we have been committed to restoring our marriage. It has been incredibly hard & beautiful at the same time. The reason I am considering the Harboring Hope program is that I am still triggered (not as frequently) by things causing me to relive the discovery and pain all over again, many times it feels like it's coming from nowhere. My husband & I are currently having issues with intimacy because it seems we are reacting to each other in a horrible painful cycle & we're not sure how to break it. He has decided to begin counseling this week which I'm grateful for. I want more than anything to heal from this trauma and fully restore our marriage to what God has planned for us.

I'd like the course

I'd like to take the Harboring Hope course please. I need to move forward and my spouse has made it clear he is not interested in helping me get through the pain and trauma he has caused with his addiction and infidelity. I need help for myself as it is 9 months since D Day #1 and I'm no better off. I'm in individual counseling and couples counseling, but neither are enough for me. I feel a roller coaster of emotions daily and I feel stuck. I need help from those who have been there and who care if I get help. I need tools and guidance as well as counsel and support. I do not have a lot of money right now, summer child care is very expensive, but I can't just do nothing as its not doing me any good. I need help I feel like i'm dangling or drowning. Please pick me for the free course, as I know that is the only way I'll get the help I need.

Betrayed

We've been married for almost 20 years but "together" since 1994, our 8th grade year. He's been my one and only everything from my first kiss onward. I thought I was also his one and only. I was wrong. There have been other women several times since 1999. I keep trying to hold the relationship together and had thought I was forgiving him, but it's just been festering and fostering so much damage to my soul. I don't know if I can, or if I want to, try anymore.

Isolated

Hello,
I am permanently disabled - I'm 41 years old and have been disabled since I was 33 - and have no children at home. I live in a rural area and spend the vast majority of my waking hours alone. I'm isolated, in need of support from other betrayed women, and to be entirely frank - I'm lonely.
We have less than zero disposable income so paying for Harboring Hope is out of my reach, but I know I would GREATLY benefit from it.
THANK YOU for all of the free content and resources you have already provided - I appreciate you so much!

I can’t seem to move on.

My d day was June of 2021. I’m actually not sure. The anxiety I experience daily seems to cloud my memory.
My husband has been having an affair with a previous coworker on and off again for over 5 years. We’ve been married 11 years and together for 21 years. I noticed my husband started not wanting to do things with me, started frequent arguments and really hiding his phone back in 2020. I had previously seen texts from his AP but he always convinced me nothing was going on. I was so naive. Fast forward to 2021. My husband finally confessed some of the truth last year and said he wanted to work things out with us. We went to a Christian counselor 2 times and never went back. My husband and I would have arguments every time I brought the affair up and said he didn’t want to talk about it every day. I needed a lot from him and felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time. We’d get into it and he’d leave and wouldn’t come back for a month. Then come back say he wanted to work on us and then we’d do it all over again. This went on 5 different times. This last time he came back he said he was so glad we had decided to work on us. We got into it 2 nights before I was to leave town for a few days. I knew then he was going to do something with “her” again. I came back and found out he’d been with her while I was gone and he left again. Now he has changed his phone number and cut off all contact with me. He is currently living with the AP and I am not allowed over there. I emailed my husband and asked if he would go to EMS with me, no response. I’m stuck in a depressive state and I can’t seem to accept he doesn’t truly care. My husband is almost 50 and the AP is 32. How do I force myself to accept this and move on?

Still Have Love and Still Have Pain

I love my spouse. Period. And I always will. I also have this pain inside of me that seems to never go away. Some days are better than others. This needs to change. I want to be better. I want to get to a place where I can live with the hurt and not let it rule my day. I want to be able to find ways to work through any unset of pain. To still function in spite of the pain and be loving to those around me. And I think Harboring Hope can help me with this desire.

Help!

My husband and I have been working on our marriage for approximately the past year and a half. I have had an on and off affair that initially occurred in 2008.
It was with my husband's friend. My husband has tried being friends with this man afterwards (his friend was urging my husband to rekindle the friendship, i have been supportive of it. Not because i want to continue the affair, but because i want to right the wrongs) but my husband can't get past the affair despite his efforts.
This creates an all new hurt for my husband. He doesn't know whether to believe that I am just being a supportive wife or I am having feelings for my ex affair partner. As much as I tell my husband that I am committed to working on the relationship, it does no good. He hasn't begun to trust me (which I can't blame him).
I need some help to get my husband and my marriage back!

Wanting to get a grip on this emotional rollercoaster...

I have been with my husband for 39 years, married for 36 of those years. I have had doubts and insecurities our entire time together. I was always very open to him of my fears and total disapproval of infidelity. He has always assured me that he would never do that to me, I am his world, I mean everything to him, he could never live without me. I have always believed him and trusted him. When I contracted HPV he asked me what had "I" been doing. He even, to this day, talks about his disgust of men who betray their wives. About a year ago I inadvertently found evidence of my husbands infidelity. I had never even looked for it before, I was so naive and so trusting. When I showed him he immediately became angry and wanted to know why I was looking through his things. He continued to deny he had ever did anything. I played a hunch and pressed. He finally admitted to a couple instances. Things never seemed to add up from my memories and what he confessed. I continue to get tidbits of information but only if I press. It also comes at the price of the silent treatment for a long duration of time. As long as I don't ever ask any questions and pretend things are fine, he is happy. What I don't know won't hurt me. We live in a small town and I have to see his "opportunities" whenever I/we go anywhere. I am being consumed with depression and nightmares. We have been to individual counselors and couples counselors. The couples counselor constantly gave reasons/excuses for his actions. I felt constantly beat up because she said that I knew throughout our marriage by my insecurities and as a result I enabled his actions. I just want the truth.

Not Sure I Can Do This

I found out about my husband's affair from his affair partner on May 13th of this year. She and I had become friends at my husband's urging as they were old friends from high school. He said we would get along great. She actually contacted me to tell me what had been happening because suddenly she felt used and thought I should know what he had been doing. Needless to say, I was devastated. She answered all my questions and said she was sorry for she had done and told me I should confront my husband. I was literally shaking at the realization of what she was telling me. That night my husband and I were going to a marriage conference at our church and my whole world felt like it just crumbled around me. I'm not sure how I got through that night nor the next day of the conference. I'm still terribly ambivalent about the marriage. He immediately stopped seeing or messaging her and has not since. However, I don't know how to move forward. My husband and I did the Boot Camp together and that seemed helpful, but I just don't know if I can do this. I feel like I have to somehow deal with and get over the actual things he said and did; then I have to deal with and get over the lying, deceiving, and manipulation; and then I have to somehow get my head around the fact that during his unfaithfulness, our marriage was doing well--we were communicating better than ever; we were doing things together; I felt closer to him than even when we were first married; and our sex life was great. I feel like I obviously can't trust him, but I also feel like I can't even trust my own feelings. The pain of his betrayal has been crushing. He wants to save our marriage. Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming that I think, "I just can't do this!" I'm really praying that Harboring Hope can help me. I'm praying it will truly give me some hope, even a thread of hope that I can get through this. When I think of saving our marriage, I think I can't see how after what has happened. I need help with dealing with his affair and the damage it has caused to our marriage. So much that was sacred to US, no longer is. So much was destroyed; I'm just not sure I can do this. I really want to take the Harboring Hope course because maybe that can show me how.

Something has to give

I don’t even know where to start. Lol.
I “laugh” but this is so far from a laughing matter. 12 years of marriage and the crazy part is that it feels like there been no marriage at all. And I get it. That’s my Trauma and grief speaking, but it’s how it feels. After finding out about my husbands multiple affairs (all different types-name it) sometimes it’s an accomplishment to just make it through one more day breathing and grateful that I didn’t have a mental breakdown. I’ve known about some of his double life, before his big confession on May 31st, and I definitely had him caught in other situations throughout the years, but I believed the lies and the manipulation and now I’m just here, pissed, and hurt, and trying to hold on to the small glimmers of hope that I have that it’ll be worth any effort of ours to fight through this thing and uphold our covenant to each other and God. To say I’m fed up is an understatement. And yet I still know that with healing, and therapy, and the true work and effort that needs to be made by BOTH OF US we can come out of this…I hope. I’m glad I found affair recovery- the material has been mind blowing so far. We both plan on registering for our separate courses with the hopes that this will be the catalyst for change in our marriage finally! Because something HAS to give. It can’t stay the same anymore.

Please teach me to grieve and relieve this infinite pain.

I am struggling to say the least. I first found out my husband was a sex addict 4 years ago. He swore he told me everything. We entered couples counseling. Two years later, I found evidence of more he had not told me. This time he unloaded what he said was everything. I spent 2 more years processing and healing only to be broken again 2 months ago. I’m lost. I’m broken. I’m angry. Counseling isn’t helping. Partners of sex addicts group meetings spend so much time on co-dependency which I’ve established is not my issue, and it just hurt more to attend. I’m trying to grieve. I’m trying to heal… but I’m losing. I need help to learn how to get through this without becoming more bitter and angry. Please help me rebuild this destruction that has become my life.

Hanging on by a thread

Thought we were nearing the finish line, but now we're back at start! Don't know which way we're running.

Losing Hope in my marriage and need a path forward

I've known about my wife's affair for 8 months now. It still hasn't ended to my knowledge. I've done everything I can to heal myself and repair my marriage but it takes two and the work on the other end is barely being done. Affair Recovery videos has been the biggest blessing in keeping my sanity and understanding this process. I'm losing hope and patience for my marriage and I owe it to myself, my wife, my marriage and especially my 3 young children to exhaust every option to keep myself healthy and try to save my marriage. I need a path forward be it divorce or reconciliation. Thank you all for the amazing work you do. Truly a lifesaving blessing.

Now what?

My husband of 22 years appears to be a sex addict. We have 9 children, and I am shocked at the risks he took that have now affected our children as well as me. I am trying to better understand what he is going through and why he is like this. Help!

Desperate for help

I've been with my husband for 16 years since I was 18 and he was 20. We've always had a loving relationship - although I suppose I am a bot bossy - but the couple everyone said would be together forever. I felt safe, I felt love, I felt like a real team how couldn't it work out.
We have had rough patches but always knew we would get through. The hardest part was this happened when I thought we were at our happiest. Money and work was finally much easier, we were not far from having our much longed for second child. We now have 2 very beautiful boys of almost 6 ans just turned 1. I found out about the affair about a month after my baby was born. It had started whilst I was still pregnant. I was devastated. A complete mess. I forgave ans tried to get past it when he assured me it was over. I found out in November he was doing it again and kicked him out. A crumpled mess again. He came back at Christmas promising this was it and it was all over. I recently found out again...2 days before a family holiday he still hadn't stopped. Also up to now I thought it was more of an emotional affair with only a few kisses. I recently found out he slept with her in December. I suspect more but he denies it. One of the worst things has been multiple disclosures. I've been assured again and again that I "now know everything" ans turns out I don't. Most information has come from her husband which has devastated and humiliated me. He has only confessed to things when backed into a corner. He believes that he fell in love with her but has even used the phrase to me "it was like when we first got together". He claims he loves me and wants me not her but I don't trust he can get himself together or that I can heal without help.
He is the absolute last person I or anyone would expect to do this - especially on this horrible scale. I'm devastated and need help. Love from the uk, Sam x

10 year anniversary gift

My 10 year anniversary is August 10th. I have a 4 month old baby, 4 year old and 9 year old. Trying to help heal and recover while my husband is a SA and trying to determine if we can salvage our marriage. I need this course but cannot afford it currently. Hoping I get picked! Thank you for all the free resources and bootcamp!

Harboring Hope for Free

I lost my husband to his affaire partner. And now I’m looking to find hope for me! I don’t want to think about him when I wake up and I don’t want to think about him when I go to bed. I want to think about me. And nobody can help me! Not my family, not my friends, not my therapist. You are my last hope!

Disbelief

3 weeks post 2nd D day. 4 years ago found out Husband was having emotional affair with co-worker. He begged me to stay and was remorseful. After 2 weeks out of house, we got back together and worked on marriage. We didn’t Get the proper help, oh how I wish I had found this site 4 years ago!! After what I believe was a stronger marriage , I felt him emotionally detached from me and our 3 children. I asked him if he was cheating on me and he looked me straight in eyes and said “no”. The Holy Spirit was prompting me. Few weeks later I was woken from sound sleep by a voice, I believe to be God say “check his phone” I told myself don’t be silly and went to fall back asleep and then heard “now!” I then checked phone and found several intimate messages from same co-worker. She was pressuring him, they were saying they loved each other, planning future together and he said he was leaving me, he wants a divorce after Almost 24 years of marriage. I am NOT making the same mistake again and not getting proper help! I am working on own healing and want to love myself first. I hope this can be my first BiG step!

Feeling Hopeless but Hopeful

I want to better and strengthen myself for this affair recovery process. My 2 young children deserve a healthier mama. One that isn’t constantly crying everything I think their not looking. I want my husband so much regardless of what he’s done, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough. He’s said I’m not a strong person so maybe it is all hopeless. But if like to try.

My Husband set off a Grenade in my Chest

I would like to say I just celebrated my 32nd wedding anniversary but my husband had just changed his phone the night before and our texts were linked somehow. Just as I sat down to open my card I received a text… or he did.
It said, “Baby, call me today, you know I hate to go a day without hearing your voice, also don’t forget our anniversary is coming up next week. Hope we can still go away.”
I almost threw up just texting that, it was a month ago.
I don’t have the strength to go into all the details but he broke up with her, changed his phone number and we are trying.
He also had been on secret singles dating site for some time. He actually got off when his affair with her became intimate.
He has been in an emotional relationship for 3 years and it went physical about 7 months ago. I have nothing but sob buckets of tears. Our daughter is finished with him. I don’t know if she will ever look him in the eye again, the affair was with a 26 year old child, our daughter is 22 and our son is 32. I can’t explain anymore, it hurts so incredibly bad. This is a grief I have never know, and I’ve lost my mother.

My husband abandoned our

My husband abandoned our plans have his ex send their 2 kids and went to stay with them and her in Canada. He broke his word to stay at a hotel or try to bring the kids back in 1-3 days, and by the 3rd week was saying they'd been married all along to cover for the betrayal.

This was all around my 8th month of pregnancy.

Now, ive stated we're on the path to coparenting in response to his excuses. He's coming around with Acceptance yet I need to feel safe with the decision and not coerced, as the ex is highly manipulative and has made every attempt to conspire and sabotage the relationship at this point. He wants cowives and I wouldn't be opposed to it were she not toxic, using children as a bargaining chip etc, and if he were more mature and respectful.

However, I can only control myself and would like all the information and support I can get to maintain our otherwise happy new 2 parent home for the newborn.

Thank you.

Hopeful

My husband of 18 years was in an affair and recently moved out. He says he is no longer seeing her, but I know that not to be true. There is so much conflicting information out there of what to do and what not to do that it is confusing. I am trying to take it day by day and thankful our communication is still open and he is willing to do things with the boys and I. I truly believe my husband is a good man, and I see glimpses of the “true him”. I love my husband and want to work to restore our marriage and family, but know I need to also put boundaries down to protect myself and my kids.

Idfedelity

Please help, I the husband has had multiple affairs,the last 2urs mywife and I have dived into understanding or trying...We tried some counseling it was tough due to COVID-19 wea re still working on it,30yrs and counting,I really am starting to know my wife but I know she need help to and won't go for it, probably more then me.We have Three daughters 28/19/14,no one on knows and it's been horriblely difficult.... please help.
We follow you all ,we have learned a lot and has kept us going,but we need professional help. We love you all for doing what you do,it has changed me forever....911...Noe Hernandez

Sick and tired of being SICK

Sick and tired of being SICK and TIRED!!!!
No support and lost on what to do anymore.
Need Hope! 🙏🏼

Feeling broken and defeated

My husband and I have been married more than 20 years. Three years ago, I was told he was having an affair by someone I had never met.

I didn’t believe it. There was no way.

Evidence proved that it was true. I confronted him about it, and he admitted to the affair. A year went by with him coming and going and me dying inside. Then, he packed up and left our family.

Our children and I were devastated. Some time went by, and he returned home. Multiple times he has cut off communication with the AP. She always finds a way to reach him.

His behavior is noticeably different when he is not communicating with the AP vs when he is.

I am so broken inside. My self image doesn’t exist most of the time. I need help. I’ve tried to heal alone. It isn’t working.

I want to heal and move on

My husband for 19 years just moved out from our marital home last night. He had an affair and he can’t get her out of his mind. He stayed in ambivalence for a while where he doesn’t know what he wants for several months, a week ago, he told me he wants to work it out with me and be transparent, but it never happened and after a week, he decided to move out to clear his mind. He’s been repeating this pattern for months and months, I came to the conclusion that I need to save myself from this limbo. I don’t want to waste my time anymore and I want to heal from the damage to my soul and move forward with my life.

Harbouring Hope

I found out about 10 months ago that my husband was having an affair with a young woman who was a stripper. He saw her regularily in a private room and felt it was not an affair because he did not have intercourse. After she no longer visited our city, he continued to communicate with her by texting. This went on for 5 or 6 years. He says he does not remember how long. I found out when I saw a receipt in his pocket while doing the laundry in which he had purchased me an anniversary card, along with a birthday card and gift card for her. He lied to cover it up but eventually gave me the details and denied that it was an affair because he said it was just a friendship. About 9 months later I saw a text with a hook up at a motel in our city, on his phone. He then finally came clean and said he also went to a prostitute for oral sex as well. He did not disclose this to me even though we were taking the EMS online. It has been devastating for me. I would like to take the Harbouring Hope course so that I can heal myself and find some peace. My world has been turned upside down and I have so many questions. I did not suspect a thing and thought we had a secure marriage as he always treated me well and we seemed compatible in many ways. I do not know what happened....He has admitted to using pornography regularily in the past and I realize he was leading a double life and this has made me lose faith in myself and in our marriage. The EMS course helped us immensely and yet I am far from healed and know I need to seek more help. I would appreciate being able to take the Harbouring Hope course. I never saw this coming for my retirement years and it has been so very, very painful to experience.

I just don't know how to get past this

I just don't know how to get past the fact that my partner was watching porn for the past few years. What's worse is he somehow lied to himself and told himself he wasn't sinning and also that it wouldn't bother me. I forgave his affair because I understand the vulnerability but this doesn’t make sense to me. I married an innocent naive Godly man or so I thought. Who did I marry!?

Anchoring our ship in the Harbor of Hope

In the midst of turmoil and previous relationships ending, we found each other. I knew he was my soulmate but I never could have guessed the pain and suffering we would have to endure. Through these bad times and good times, we developed a loving bond. Some might call it a trauma bond. Others may call me naive to think that love will conquer all; to just leave and start over. Still others may encourage me to never give up my hope to heal the past and step into a better life. I know we were both wounded when we found each other, and his wounds caused sex addiction and multiple infidelities, including with his ex for years. Hurt people hurt people, as they say. But, I still feel my divine mission is to find healing for us and I feel your programs are a perfect fit and exactly the guidance we need to heal ourselves. I am anchoring our ship in your healing harbor so that we can be healthy and happy. I pray God will continue to bless us with inspiration to persevere and that my partner will find strength to join me in that harbor. But I know that I can heal myself and be okay if I need to continue this journey without him. Thank you for your guidance and hope for us all going through this storm.

Trying to tackle death of mom and betrayal

I need help and support. While it’s
Been a year since affair (I found out about it the day after my mom died and was told it was emotional), then 8 months later I found out it was a full affair. That was almost 4 months ago. I haven’t been able to grieve my mom because of the first discovery and now approaching her one year death anniversary I’m having trouble with anger and emotions even though I’ve been digging in deep to do what I can for recovery work (as recovery work isn’t foreign to me). I’d love to win the next harboring hope course!!

I need hope…

My husband had an affair. I found out. I’m devastated. We are working on our marriage and I am working on forgiveness. Sometimes it feels hopeless. Sometimes it feels like there is still enough there to hang onto and start fresh. I’m really struggling. I’d love the opportunity to participate in Harboring Hope…

Looking for hope and healing

I never really know what to say or how to start when it comes to talking about this. Like, really, what do you say…? I’d love to do the harboring hope class. Some days are easy. Some days are not. My husband is doing the 17 week course for him and has been encouraging me to do this course so I can start feeling better. I want to start feeling better. So here’s to hoping I get chosen this month.

Harboring Hope

I am hoping to find support and connection as I try to find a path through this painful and confusing time.

I can’t find my way.

Initial discovery was 3 years ago. Trickle truth bombs provided more d-days and over time, I have turned into a monster. I feel like I’m drowning every day. I hope and pray for anything that will resemble something good and it’s a fight to see it or feel it. Money is tight, so I read and listen to what I can on your web site. I’m careful to not read into anything that would be damaging to my healing. There are days I see glimpses of light at the end of this tunnel I never wanted to be in. I can’t seem to get on the other side. I fear I’m forever changed.

Harboring Hope

My husband and I have been married for 21 years, high school sweethearts. About 4 years ago I was dealing with some of the worst years of my life, chronic illness in my child, stage 4 cancer with my mother and my husband had an affair. It was like being kicked while I was down and he has been kicking repeatedly ever since. While we love each other very much, we are struggling to get through Al of this mess. I need help.

Seeking my healing

Seeking my healing

Hope for a great marriage

It has been 3 years. I am still struggling to feel a connection to my husband. I am still triggered. Sometimes I recover in a flash from a trigger but other times I get completely flooded and stuck. I'm tired of this cycle and I'm tired of feeling so disconnected.

Hope is Rising

Wow I just finished the hope rising conference. I would love to take the harboring hope class (my husband really wants me to take it too as he is enjoying hope for healing). Financially all of this really starts adding up and we just can't afford it all right now, so winning this would really help. Then that way we can put money aside and do EMS. Thanks for all the programs you guys do. Hope rising was a lot yet so helpful at the same time. I'd love to do more of my recovery work.

Looking for peace

I had suspected for years that my husband bad been unfaithful. He lied and lied. Things went from bad to worse. His drinking increased and i was at the end of all hope it would ever work out. Then came dday. June 6 2022. My whole world felt shattered. His memory of events was so distorted from the 10 years of alcohol that full disclosure from him wasnt even a possibility. I had so much to already try and forgive that multiple affairs had now entered the top of my list. I have 4 kids and am really struggling with how to make peace with it all. I can work towards forgiveness but the constant reminder i feel everyday is soooo hard to try and move forward when i feel like it would be like flicking the wrong light switch and id be at another dday.

I've Never Been So Exhausted

My husband disclosed his infidelity while I was pregnant with our first child last year (after having previously suffered a miscarriage earlier in the year). My whole world went up in smoke. Not because the concept infidelity seemed so farfetched...after all, he'd done this before we were married. It was the fact that yet another happy moment was tainted and stolen from me. I was depressed for the majority of my beautiful pregnancy. Deja vu. I'd discovered his first infractions three weeks before our wedding, then again a month before our first anniversary. We did everything to fix it--therapy, books, church counseling, etc. and yet it was happening all over again. I was shattered and ashamed that I'd stay to let this happen again. And now when I was "trapped" with our baby girl on the way. It's been 10 months and I have worked hard to be able to be happy in my new role as a mommy. It's time to do some healing work, so I can be healthy for my girl and me. Here goes nothing....

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