Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

Welcome to Affair Recovery's Harboring Hope Monthly Drawing. We want to know you. We want to serve you. This means we want to hear from you!

The first step is telling us what we can do for you. Please tell us why you’d like to take Harboring Hope. If you made a comment prior to a previous registration period, that comment is still good for your entry.

Remember, submit a comment of 500 words or less about why you'd like to take the Harboring Hope course. Remember, it's a random drawing so your entry won't be based on merit or on your situation. Comments will be moderated by AR staff. Drawings will be held monthly. If you'd like more information, you can also read our official rules.


The winner for March 2024 was "Anonymous"
with the entry "Entry into Class".
Congrats!!

The winner for Feb 2024 was "Todd"
with the entry "Learning How To Grow".
Congrats,Todd!!!!

The winner for January 2024 was "DebU"
with the entry "Wash Rinse Repeat".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for December 2023 was "TonyaSue22"
with the entry "Will he ever stop".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for November 2023 was "Sara"
with the entry "Lying through EMS".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for October 2023 was "LunaR"
with the entry "Stuck and Confused".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for September 2023 was "Kindergirl"
with the entry "Not My First Rodeo".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for August 2023 was "Betrayed"
with the entry "I Need a Path Forward".
Congrats!!!!

The winner for July 2023 was "Carolyn"
with the entry "No one really understands".
Congrats, Carolyn!!!!


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Comments

How Did I Get Here?

I am not sure how I have found myself here- the betrayed party of an affair. For the past 10 years, I have been in the best relationship of my life, with someone who treated me like I was the best thing to ever happen to them. Absolutely someone who I NEVER would have imagined in a million years would ever cheat on me. But in September, I discovered that that is exactly what had happened. Though we are both devastated, we have committed to working through this. I do not want to spend the rest of my life carrying around anger and resentment. I want help to do the work necessary to be happy again. Will be doing Harbouring Hope whether I win or not!

My situation seems very similar

Hi, I can relate to your comment and my situation sounds very similar.

We need healing!

We have too many issues to bring up on this setting, Please God! I cry out to you please help me save our marriage for you! us! and for our 4 children.

No future

I see no future for myself. When people ask me about my hopes and dreams all I see is darkness and a black hole that is sucking me in. I have no joy anymore. I am trying to find it. I have no idea who I am either. I had such a strong sense of self before but it is gone now. I feel like a ghost just haunting the world.

double whammie

My husband had a sexual affair with a friend of he met online through a game. I felt she was safe because she was on the opposite coast. He had me become friends with her, and we even got our families together for a weekend. What I thought was a 1st physical meeting, was their 2nd. All in all, they’d gotten together physically 3 times over the course of 18 months. I thought the affair ended last May, but another 5 months later was a 2nd D-day. We’ve been married very happily, I thought, for 33 years. He says the affair is over, and we are working things out but I really need help to get over the PTSD, trust issues, and to completely forgive him. Please help us! We would love to attend an EMS weekend this fall in Austin.

Help Please

We are all here because we have experienced trauma and betrayal. I am sure we all agree this is a club we never wanted to join. But we’re in it now and we can use it to help us heal. I’m hoping for a scholarship to Harboring Hope so I can find support and community with others walking through this kind of difficulty, just like me. I’m hungry for anything and everything that can help take the sting away, help me learn how to navigate my new normal, and help me step toward health and healing.

To be continued....or not...???

Six months ago I discovered my husband’s infidelity. I just had our third child and then 2 weeks afterwards my husband slept with a prostitute. My husband was only able to take a short amount of time off (1 week) to help with the new baby. But as soon as he returned to work, he looked and found a prostitute since I was not able to give him sex for the next few weeks while I am recovering from childbirth. How I found out was by a bill that came to our house addressed to him from the hospital. It was odd to me since he did not mention anything about going to the hospital. When I asked, he lied and said that it was for a random drug screen at work. It was hard for me to believe so I asked for the results if that was the case. Well, he couldn’t lie his way out of that so he admitted he did go to the hospital to get himself checked out because he was afraid he got an STD from the prostitute. He came clean and confessed that this was not his first time, he had had multiple prostitutes over the course of over 2 years. He became fixated with porn that lead him to the temptation of prostitutes. I was furious. My post-raging hormones were off the charts. When asked why, his excuses were that he felt deprived, wanted something different, and more excitement in our sex life. He doesn’t want a relationship, just sex. It made me more angry at how he tried to compare cheating with prostitutes was less detrimental than having an emotional affair with another woman. Truth was he needed to maintain his web of lies. I think my husband may be a sex addict. He has always had a higher sex drive than me and intimacy to him is sex. So at this point, I am ambivalent about our marriage. I don't want to continue being with a person who is weak and sexually driven. I am hurt and still angry thinking about what he did and the possibility that he could have transmitted an STD to me. His actions were careless and selfish. He doesn’t deny that there’s something wrong with him, but he won’t admit what that can possibly be. He says he wants to change but his actions thus far are contradicting because he only thinks about himself. Is it possible for my husband to change that ingrained trait? I hope HH can provide clarity and hope for me. I’m having a difficult time seeing my husband as a good person now. Learning about all his deceit is disturbing. He has built a pattern of behavior and system to continue this dark lifestyle for years to come had I not found out.

Shattered

I married my high school sweetheart one year after graduation, I followed him around for the military and we had 6 children. We buried one and I figured if we could make it through loosing a child we could make it through anything and be stronger for it...
After 16 years of marriage I discovered he had had multiple physical affairs as well as a struggle with pornography and substance abuse.
Some days I am full of Hope for our future and some days my heart just hurts deeper than I ever thought it could.

Still struggling

I came away from EMS weekend feeling so positive and encouraged. I then had surgery, having issues with my adult daughter and have no one to really talk to about any of this. The other betrayed woman in my group has many support groups she’s involved with and I’m from a small town and don’t have that access. I also, don’t want to add to her stress my trying to befriend her. I feel that drowning feeling again. My IC office is changing offices so there’s been that delay and now there’s an issue with getting her credentials so she can charge and now they are going to a larger office buildings again. I’ve called another person but she’s getting filled up bc of a couple of providers losing their jobs. I pray to find more of the individual approach and the growing that I felt in EMS weekend. I feel upside down....

Hanging on to Faith

I wish I didn't have to be here, but I am. I love the videos, they would have helped over 10 years ago. it seems like when I'm struggling with some topic, there is a AR video that addresses my concern. I've forwarded the links to my husband with hopes that he will watch them, but have learned the hard way that I have to focus on my own healing and that I can't rely on anyone else on earth to heal me. I have faith that I've been led here for a reason. It's great that you have a draw to assist those like myself who might not otherwise be able to take the Harbouring Hope online sessions. A sincere thank you.

Need some hope

It’s been over a year and a half since DDay and I’m still so broken. I need help.

I dont know if my marriage is worth saving

My husband and i have been married 11 years it will be 12 in may if we survive He works away from home 2 hours away for 20 days at a time and comes home for 10 days i found out about his affair about a month ago by a message on Facebook messenger when he was home from his last hitch it was a fake profile telling me my husband was seeing other women through taking to this fake person i found the real person he was seeing i talked with her for 3 days hours at a time and got every single detail of the 4 month at the time relationship I dont hate her I actually like her and she didnt jnow what was going on he lied and told her that he and i were separated and had been for 2 years which was a complete lie and through us talking i reveled that to her she is still seeing him and he says he cant choose between her and me he says that he wants to choose me and leave her but cant out of fear that our marriage will go back to the same toxic marriage we had i told him i feel like he is holding on. To both of us in case one or the other doesn’t work out he says thats not true he just wants to know ill change and be happy again and that we wont constantly fight anymore and that he has changing to do to which i agree he does but he still continues this relationship and its not hidden now at all he lets me know everything which granted helps in a strange way because he wont lie to me now but it hurts knowing he is still with her and cant just leave to work on our marriage he says he doesn’t want to break anyones heart he wants to stay friends with whoever he doesnt choose all if this is just part of whats going on just a summery but the real question is how can i stay when he cant choose?

I want off the crazy cycle and healing for my life purpose

This is the 3rd time in my 10 years of marriage in the courts for divorce. My wife kept running away with my son and here we are again after she is charged with assault for the 2nd time. She left after I would not allow her here anymore as nothing was changing. She left with a large amount of money and I had no money left to pay bills and rent. Even while I let her stay in the home breaching her probation she had scheming plans to leave with my son again. She now is in another affair, doing tarot cards as a business, trying to teach women to leave narcissistic toxic relationships and gone new age. This is after being born again 10 years ago. Its been a fight the whole marriage for Gods will. Separated now with no communication with son or myself in any restorative way to move forward, I am focused on my healing and would love to take Harboring hope.

Holding on

I’m hanging on getting through one day at a time. My husband had an affair and left me for the OW October 2018. I’m standing for my marriage and praying he will come back to me eventually.

Too angry to heal

Discovered his infidelity last May. Still so angry I can barely get through the day. In need of help. Thanksl

Praying for a light to guide us out of this darkness

It been one month since my husband self disclosed his affair. The betrayal has shattered my world, all the while I still function as a mother and work full time as a Licensed therapist. We attend couples counseling and he has done some individual counseling but still lacks so much self awareness. I just want someone to throw is a life raft because it feels like with each day I sink a little more. I know the reconciliation process is long. I am trying to be patient but I am scared. We read the books, watch the videos and I pray constantly. I just feel like we need more guidance while we endure this hell. We are trying to get out of debt, in the process of buying a house, all while investing on every possible resource to save our marriage. I am willing to do anything to move us a step closer to healing. We both find you site, resources, and therapists extremely beneficial. I feel that we need more expertise in the field of fidelity and hoping this course will open the door for him to see that we need to invest in the EMS weekend. I want so desperately to save our 12 year marriage but know we can do it alone. I desperately hope to win, but pray whoever wins the drawing takes full advantage of the benefits and it guides them closer to healing.

Gone from bad to worse.....

After a 3 month separation when my partner's affair came to light, he just moved home at the beginning of December. Just found out on my own that the affair continued the whole 3 months we were apart trying to heal (supposedly). Some help and guidance on my path to healing would be so great!

Harboring Hope

Hello. I'm a week out from finding out about his affair. And still do not know the details. I am so hurt, distraught, angry, filled with so many emotions, questions, self doubt. It's hard to think about anything else. I've been listening to Affair Recovery videos all day thru the nite. It's the only thing I can do. It blocks out the racing thoughts, crying, emotional outbursts. It's kind of like numbing my brain, a search for answers, I think though I'm blocking having to deal with stuff. I hope that this isn't taken wrong. The videos are helping me and I'm finding comfort. I feel it's a safe place. The speakers, Rick & Samual tell it like it is, but in a kind and loving way. A way I can relate to that don't make me feel worse. That they are my friends and are giving me hope. But I know I need to deal with the hard stuff. Deal with it, not inwardly but outwardly in a positive way. I feel like I need a friend who understands what I'm going thru. Not a friend that will bash, say hurtful things about my spouse, but help me understand the pain he's caused in a kind way. To help me really understand that it wasn't my fault. And help so I can make effective decisions, heal, and all that goes into this recovery process.
I've been married 26 years, I have 3 children. 2 living at home. My son has Autism. I'm temporally caring for my ill father in my home too. I'm retired disabled.
Right now I feel like I can't breathe, having to care for everyone else. I don't resent them for it, I do it because I love them dearly. But I feel like I need to take time to care for me.I feel like I'm on Auto Pilot.
I would be so grateful to be awarded the Harboring Hope scholarship. I really want to heal and learn how to deal with this and have support along this journey.
If I had the financial resources I would sign up for everything. Thank you Healing Hope and Affair Recovery for what you do.

HH

Just wanted to be placed in the drawing for HH. It’s been almost 3 years since DDay. My UH and I attended EMS weekend 2 years ago. I am still struggling with self-love and true healing. Sending much appreciation to Rick, Samuel, and the AR staff for all the compassion and knowledge. J

The roller coaster I can't get off of...

I know I'm early in all of this. Only 72 days in...2 d-days...more pain than I have ever known.

Doing everything I can think of to survive and move forward.
Reading, watching Vlogs, working on changes within me, yoga, boot camp, eating healthy, no alcohol, not sending messages when flooded, going to therapist alone and as couple, journaling, crying, screaming, clarifying, on and on.

I'm so afraid I will do something wrong and repair will not be possible for our marriage or for me. I'm afraid I will be broken forever.
Really struggling to get to acceptance. Feels physically impossible to accept what has happened.

Drowning in sorrow

We're not connecting and working on what's happened. It's sucking the life out of me. I can't seem to rise above this, and hope...can't find it, yet.

-Betrayed, Missy H

Help needed

Forgiveness takes one but reconciliation takes two. My UH was horribly wounded as a child. Being the strong Christian man he is, he tried for years to forget/forgive/move on by stuffing all memories, triggers, hurts, etc. Well, how's that working for us....not so well. I am not sure if he will ever deal with his issues and move on..the courage needed to face his past might be too much to ask. NEVERTHELESS.......I need to heal my heart and allow God to heal the deep hurts caused by my broken husband whether we remain married or not.

My partner and I are

My partner and I are struggling to reconcile and are both committed strongly to healing together.

We need to heal. She means

We need to heal. She means everything to me and I am so remorseful.

Taking my life back!

My husband of 18 years has had 2 affairs with the same woman. I’d like to try and save the marriage and I’m ready to take my life back either way. I’ve been complacent and just letting life happen to me but now I’m ready to make my life happen. Looking for some support from other women who are going through similar circumstances.

Hope?

Hello- I would love the opportunity to take your Harboring for Hope course. I have been married to me husband for 17 years. In that time he has had 3 emotional and 2 physical affairs. With the last physical happening in December 2019 and D-day was 10 weeks ago. I am so sad and hurt with what he has done to me, us and our family we have 2 boys. I am always thinking of what he did it never leaves me I have a bark black cloud following and I would like help moving through this process. We are currently doing EMSO and finding it very helpful any help I can give myself would be wonderful. I am sad and don’t understand why he keeps hurting me. I so want to be happy all the time and not have the triggers, intrusive thoughts. He affair and the physical act he did is always on my mind I can’t stop thinking of what he did. I just don’t understand why. Please help me.
Thank you,
Tina

Need help

We need some hope and some help. Your free resources are wonderful but we need an extra boost. Thank you for all you do

Hope as an anchor for the soul

Seven months have passed since D-day and the details are as fresh in my mind as if it just happened. The days and weeks after D-day, on the other hand, are a blur. I have third-person glimpses of myself lying on the floor, weeping in despair. I have a birds-eye view memory of myself sitting on the curb outside the coffee shop in town, tears streaming down my face, not knowing where to go, feeling completely alone and abandoned. I don't know how long I sat there. Several hours at least. At some point a Barista came outside, handed me a cup of coffee "on the house." I don't know what else she said, but she left me with the words "God is Good." I didn't know what that meant that day, but I'm starting to know now. God HAS been good. In the confusion of those early days, I came to know that that is who He IS.

Odds..

I know the odds are probably against me in this drawing but I'll give it a shot. I would be grateful to win this drawing not only for me but my betrayed spouse. He has refused to get help and I'm hoping that if it's God's plan for us to win, he will. He didn't ask to be betrayed. He didn't ask for any of this. But I know that if he does get help from the Affair Recovery Team, he will be in the best hands. You provide help and inspiration to me every day and I've never even met you.

I want my husband to be happy again. I want him to be healthy. Whether he chooses to stay with me or not. I pray for him every day and I pray this Harboring Hope entry is the next path God leads us to. I'm fighting for my marriage and I hope this would be the extra boost we need to get us out of the "stuck" phase we're currently in.

If not, I know whoever gets it will also be deserving. If one couple is saved off of this site, I know God gains another victory.

I am living under self protection!

My UW and I completed EMSO last year in 2019. My UW did not take the course seriously and had another affair two months later. I have allowed her back into our home but feel that she be unfaithful at any moment. She is currently taking the HFH class and seems to be in a better place. I am still scared as this is the same pattern she seemed to be in towards the end of EMSO. I feel that I need to be ready for if she is unfaithful again I can be strong and protect myself and children. My UW does not seem to be very remorseful for her second affair, or the first for that matter. The ultimate problem in my opinion is that my UW does not “get it” and does not realize the lasting damage she has cause me and our children.

I am scared to sign up for HH on my own as I am sure it will stir up trauma that I have been working hard to repress. If I am fortunate to be given the course then I will put my all in it like I did the EMSO.

A Cautious BH

Stuck in place and don't know what to do next

I found out about my husband's affair 4 weeks ago. Then I found out this wasn't the only one. As far as I know none of them were sexual, he told all the women he was either recently divorced or in the middle of a separation. I talked to 2 of them and they confirmed they thought he was just a nice guy that wanted to talk about his horrible soon-to-be-ex-wife and nothing ever happened physical between them.
But the part that is the most hurtful is all the vacations he took with the most recent other woman. I texted her but she didn't respond back so I don't have any answers from her and she was the most involved one. He lives out of town Monday- Friday and works out of the country often. He goes on surf trips and other things with guys friends and he told me that was what he was doing but it turns out it was with the other woman.
He has been in and out of therapy for a while and used this most recent therapy as a way to manipulate me. He would tell me about the things his therapist suggested for "personal healing" as excuses to exclude me from holidays or to just take the kids places on weekends and I believed him. It turns out it was all a lie. I thought he was renting a room in a house from a couple for his out of town job, turns out he was living with her. He took our kids and her on a vacation over Thanksgiving and I didn't even find out they were going on a trip until they were leaving, when he was supposed to have just taken them to be with him to the city he works at for some alone time.
Thankfully the kids don't know what he's done. Apparently they told them she was there because her "fiance" was in that town visiting his daughters and she just needed some people to hang out with because the daughters didn't like her. So she went to the amusement parks and other things with them.

I have no clue how to begin processing all this information. We have been together for 17 years, but we've known each other for 29 years. We grew up together as best friends before dating and he is the only thing I've known. I'm not afraid to be on my own but I don't know how to get over all of this anger and sadness. I feel like my whole life has been a lie and I don't trust anybody right now. I've never felt this way and I don't know what to do with it.

Wanting hope

I would love to be able to join Harboring Hope to continue down the road to healing. D day was in October. My husband and I separated but have recently went through the 7 day boot camp and would like to continue the recovery together and as individuals. He has moved back in recently and we are committed to salvaging the marriage, I just need hope for the future and confirmation that I am not foolish for wanting this. This was the 2nd affair I know of and it all seems hopeless.

Still struggling with deep pain and intrusive thoughts after EMS

My husband and I did EMS online about a year ago. The AP stalked us and we moved away from our childhood home and my children’s home in October , seven hours away. I left behind my family, friends, support and my dream home to not have to run into her anymore.
I cry every day still, I am deeply triggered by stupid stuff like colors , smells, cars and anyone who looks anything like her.
I don’t feel like I will ever trust him again even though he does everything and then some for recovery.
I want to breathe , I want to heal, I want this nightmare inside my soul to end so I can enjoy living again. I don’t sing anymore I don’t read, I don’t like to be outdoors..
for whatever reason I am not healing and need this course to help me heal. EMS , therapy, church, support group at church for betrayed spouses, a husband who tries and does most everything above and beyond aren’t helping..

I am a man of hope though it’s like grasping at a cloud

I met my wife in church about 7 years ago she was carrying in her arms a beautiful 2yr old boy that I made my son. We blended my daughter from my previous marriage and made a beautiful family. Things where difficult she seemed to have emotional codependent issues with a best friend and felt like we could not always be alone or dependent on one another to get our relationship moved to a stronger level. These issues I should have addressed better but thought they would break over the years. Then came my child custody issues which our a struggle due to lies, manipulation and parental alienation that are still going on. At times it captured more of are attention than anything. It was hard on us both but she was doing more parenting than I was for a time, I worked a lot and overnight and I did not spend enough time leading my family. I don’t do much besides family time or house work but still I just should have been more attentive to her needs.
Last February she turned 30 and I don’t know the whole story yet but she met a narcissist and for a while didn’t visit much till last spring she has participated in sports and stopped see the kids and now gets our son a few days a week. Any how she became pregnant twice once was miscarriage and will be having the baby in 3mo, she had her own place but she still keeps having the affair partner down explains its because she’s pregnant but I’m still here waiting on her to recover from codependency and harm caused by the narcissist. I been almost crazy still hurt and had the hardest time functioning working 52hrs and taking care of our kids. My daughter acted out made up lies and went to live with her mom and I’m trying to hold on trying to improve my understanding trying to improve my self confidence. I have never been in a storm this big or tried to hold on so long. I love my wife n family and want all of us to be blessed with purpose and a renewal of our relationship.

The key to myself is me!

Change comes in tough. Life as I knew it changed in just a second. How is that even possible? How one gets ever educated to deal with radical change? I thought I was a strong woman: mentally and emotionally strong. Infidelity, adultery, cheated on.... and so many other general terms for what actually is the most devastating behavior to a relationship. I don’t know who I am anymore, what to believe in and how to behave with myself. I have millions of thoughts about why, where, how this happened and can’t grasp the truth about it. I am losing myself to something I didn’t do nor did I ask for it. I need to find myself, I need to rebuild myself, and only I have the key. But every time I try to unlock a door, I miss the right gesture. I am working on forgiveness and acceptance. I need guidance and help. This website offered me a lot of answers to many of my questions, I just wish I could get on the program for more professional help. Thank you!

Desperately wanting to heal

My husband and I are almost 9 months past the initial discovery date & just this past week had discovery #5. I'm just now finding out that he carried on sexual relationships with multiple women while we were dating and that behavior was carried into our marriage. I'm absolutely devastated and I'm really struggling to get past the fact that he has been unfaithful to me the majority of the time we have known each other. I'm wondering what ground we have to stand on? Any recovery work we have done to this point feels so tainted to me. I don't know if this is the last of the information. I don't know if he is going to be truthful moving forward. The future of our marriage seems more unclear now than it ever has. What I do know is I've made some huge strides in my personal healing and recovery process. What I do know is that I want to continue to grow and heal and find my own footing again. I want to control the things that I have control over - myself. I would love to take the Harboring Hope course and learn how to love myself for probably the first time in my adult life. AR has been such a blessing in my life and I want to learn anything and everything this program has to offer.

Redeeming Love

My husband and I have been married for 17 years and have 2 daughters, 13 and 14. I found out about his affair on 1/27/20 and since that day he left the home, came back, left again. We are going to counseling and started the boot camp but after I found out he was still with his AP.in the midst of COVID19 I sent him out. He is making attempts to break things off and come home. In the midst of all this, my faith has been strengthened and restored and I am leaning into God to carry me each day. I need to connect with others, to hear stories of hope because I do believe that God can restore my marriage and I do believe he will not waste my sorrows but will use me as a testimony. I just re-read the book "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. It was my favorite book many years ago, even before the affair happened. Reading it again gives me hope of the powerful ways that God can redeem and restore. I can choose to love my husband, even through the pain as I see him the way that God sees him- not a horrible person but a hurting person. I hope I will be chosen for the class- I need it!!!

When is enough, enough?

I recently found out about my husbands affair of 1 1/2 years with a college student. We are in our thirties, with two young children. I am six weeks into D Day and I continue to find new and current evidence of their contact, verbally and physically. My husband lies to her, he lies to me. I found this website and I have faithfully been tuning in, it has helped me more than anything or anyone. I do not want to play detective any longer to discover truth behind to lies and deception. I feel I have no choice but to serve separation papers regrettably. In the end, I want to have given this marriage and family unit my best effort- I never want to regret walking away too soon or being too angry to attempt reconciliation. At the other end, I do feel like a fool and that enough is enough. I really want to sign up for harbouring for hope, I wish we were able to attend the ems course in austin- I do not know if we will get the same impact from the online version, though I understand it’s better than nothing and I am happy the service is being offered for people.

It would mean the world to us

It would mean the world to us to attend Harboring for Hope. My WS and I have been reconciling for over a year and have found Affair Recovery's free resources invaluable. However, we really think having the support of the program would make the real difference for us in this time of great struggle. Thank you so much.

The hopeless need HOPE

After 22 years together, I am beyond crippled at his infidelity. I have a spinal injury and we have an autistic son, so financially we can't afford to pay for any programs. But I need to restore hope in my heart, in order to restore my marriage. He doesn't know if he can love me again, and I am more in love with him than when we met, despite the betrayal. But I find myself struggling with feeling worthy or crazy.. because who can forgive and love a man whom has committed such a hurtful act. Please help us!

I would like to enter drawing for Harboring Hope

Well I’m hoping I could find help dealing with our new reality, it has been over six years and I still struggle every day. The Infidelity has changed me, I see and experience our relationship and life in general in a different light now. I want and need to feel less affected by this trauma and truth. We don’t want to end our marriage but we are having difficulty moving forward in a happy relationship . My husband was the unfaithful , he is very remorseful and also very impacted by the after effects within both of us, we have been to counseling, we try to move ahead but are still struggling. I don’t want to live this way forever. We are both in our sixties and want to find a way to live the rest of our life together with less tension , hurt, and resentment. I would be so grateful for your help, thank you for considering us.Brenda

Til Death Do Us Part

My husband & I have been married for 45 years. I was 17 and he was 32 when we got married. I found 14 months ago that my husband has been unfaithful from the very start of our marriage. He admitted he’s been with many other women He says none of them meant anything to him. He can’t remember their names or their faces. He also admitted that he had been watching porn throughout our marriage, and he had flirted with and lusted for other women the first 30+ years of our marriage. Hundreds of women!
Over the past year, he has slowly confessed to multiple infidelities. It has been a long and devastating ordeal for me to continually learn new information. Each discovery and every confession has felt like a piece of jagged glass stabbing my heart. I have loved this man since I was 17 years old, but he betrayed our marriage vows and my trust. He has broken my heart into a million pieces. Our whole life together was a lie. I don’t even know this awful person that did these things to me.
He says he has not had sex with any other woman - he only held them in his arms, danced with them, kissed them, and made out with them. But I know he hasn’t told me the whole truth.
He claims he has not ‘acted out’ for 10-15 years and he is completely faithful now both in mind and in deed. He said he prayed to God for 18 years to take away that “weakness” in his life and he is no longer tempted by other women. He is remorseful and I believe he is being faithful now, mostly because he is 78 years old! But I feel I can never fully trust him again until I feel certain he has fully disclosed the whole truth.
I am afraid I will never stop being tormented by intrusive thoughts and negative comparisons, and I will forever bare the shame of not being ENOUGH to keep my husband faithful. I need to stop believing I was a complete failure as a wife because he cheated and he wouldn’t have ‘acted out’ if I had kept him sexually satisfied. I need Harboring Hope to help me believe that what he has done reflects his brokenness, not my unworthiness.

I need help

After EMSO, after 4 professional marriage/personal therapists, after 18 months of trying to repair, I found a hidden, password protected file on my husband's phone with the AP's pictures. I am again in the grip of trauma, I cannot stop my insides from shaking. I have kicked him out, have a no-contact order in place, and am heading for divorce. I have to make the trauma stop in my heart so that I can heal.

I need help learning to harbor hope, not bitterness.

About two months ago was D-Day, February 24th, my husband's birthday. We got married at 18 years old and have stayed together these 34 years; we have three children and seven grandchildren. He had moved out on January 3rd, saying he was "done" and that he was tired of pretending to be someone he wasn't. He lied about where he was going, saying he was going to stay with a coworker friend "Brandon". Finally on February 24th he confessed he had been having an affair with a female coworker for about a year and had been living with her and her two teenage daughters since moving out. Their relationship began about a year ago emotionally and then progressed to sexual acts, then sleeping together after he moved in with her. He expressed his desire to reconcile, willingly submitted himself to the church elders' care and discipleship, and completely broke off the relationship with his AP. We stayed separated for two weeks after D-Day while he stayed with long-time friends from church. He had to leave his job, of course, so he spent time job searching and doing work around our house while I was at work. After two weeks (March 7th), I let him come back home, and we've been taking things a day at a time. He has weekly meetings with his small group men, as well as a weekly meeting with a church elder and small group leader. I also have small group support, but now almost two months into the recover/reconcilation process I am feeling the need for more structured and customized support and guidance. I feel like I'm just fumbling around, winging it, not knowing how to process my unpredictable emotions and triggers. Yes, I have others praying and coming alongside, but I believe I need a support group. I found AR when we were separated, so I've read/watched many of the articles and videos. That has been a Godsend. I'm ready to go deeper, though. I thrive better with a timeline, a plan, knowing somewhat what to expect, goals, structure, accountability. I love the idea of being mentored by someone who's been there and done that. I have let bitterness grow over the many years of enduring his lies, and now this threatens to be the biggest opportunity of all for bitterness to grow. I do not want to go back to the place where I can only look on my husband with deep disrespect and contempt. God has put a love in my heart for him that amazes me and him and our friends and family. But I will lose the fight against bitterness without God's grace at work through the help of others. I have deep faith in God, and He has drawn so near to me during these months. It is truly remarkable. I know He will continue to give me grace and mercy and strength for each new day. Thank you for hosting this contest and for the important work you're doing to save marriages.

Need help to decide to stay or go

I'm so torn. Hubs thinks everything is fine now that he confessed to his affairs and quit drinking. It's been 9 months and I'm still hurting. He won't discuss anything and gets defensive when I try. Our marriage has not moved forward at all. All he thinks about is himself. No affection/intimacy/love.

I did already sign up just this morning for Harboring Hope so I may not qualify for this drawing. But I thought I would try. Thank you.

Need hope not anger

My husband and I will be married for 33 years in June. I found out 19 months ago that my husband has a sexual addiction and that he'd been lying to me forever. So many things I blamed myself for in our marriage suddenly became clear. It is very traumatic to discover one day that your whole life has been built on a lie and the person you love the most has had no problem lying to you. He has been very angry with me since I found out. Anger was never part of his behavior in the past and I no longer know who I am married to. That behavior has caused trauma on top of trauma for me. I've been through 4 counselors, none of them understanding betrayal trauma. When I discovered Samuel's videos online, he was the first person to actually say everything I was feeling and thinking. Those videos have been a lifeline for me during this very dark and unknown time. My husband is finally getting help. The process is slow and everything is focused on him. I'm still alone in the dark. I'm angry that I have to go through this because of him. I need something in my life besides anger. I need hope that I will survive this. Thank you

Yeti checking in

Betrayed male here. D-Day was March 7, 2020 - one week before "Covid lockdown". 4 young children at home and an ambivalent spouse who is in denial that "this will all blow over soon and we'll get couples counselling".

I've watched countless videos, ordered and read several books, and did the AR 7 day free bootcamp (solo) and feel that I need more.
Thanks for your consideration.

Help

Please help! Husband cheated after 17 years of marriage with someone half my age. I can't seem to function anymore. We have 2 children. We live on one income (his) and it barely pays the bills. He has changed into a different person. He doesn't know if he wants me anymore. I need help.

we could really use this help

We love your videos and are having an especially hard time right now due to the 2nd annual d-day anniversary on top of Coronavirus stress and loss in wages. We could so dearly use the Harboring Hope weekend. We are working hard and have made great strides but need the support. Thank you so much.

Emotional Affair

My D day was July 2019, the affair was back in 2004-2005. The hard part is that he can't remember most of it. He knew it was some calls, but when I confronted him with the phone bill(s) it was up to 7x a day during the peak of the emotional affair. It's the unknown that's eating away at me more than anything. I ask why and he (as expected) doesn't have an answer. If it was just wanting a friend as he said, why hide it! All this makes zero sense. Then we added on the 2.5 years of secret porn. He has changed everything about how he talks to me, interacts with women, he he conducts everything. I appreciate that too, but I can't just jump to the end. I need to have the picture filled in. I deserve that.

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