Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

Hi, my name is Conny,my husband and I been together 29 years - 24 married. He was and is my best friend, the person I can be ME.Our live was awesome and we had a great marriage in all ways ( so I thought ).
I knew and felt from beginning on that our marriage is in jeopardy and I tried to talk to him about it for month - long sad story, as they all in there own way. I found out all of it and I mean all on my own last October and it’s been a roller coaster ever since. My husband has not disclosed any - all I know I found out and the worst is that even after he could not stop contacting her - he even tried to change her name in his contacts. She keeps on sending him photos and he even bought her jewelry for her birthday in April. I been working so hard with therapy and all of you guys to not loose myself. He wants to stay married and he loves me wants to spend the rest of his life with me - I hear this like a tape but he doesn’t do what he needs to do for me. He is going to counseling and here and there says he wants to go together but makes no attempt to start. I know I need to move on and he ignores anything I say - just says “we can do it”. I actually do really good with the affair just not with what has happened after.
I need help to find myself without him because he is not ready to do what needs to be done, and it’s hard because I have to let go of everything that has meaning in my life.
I also want to thank you all for the support and videos - wish you guys could address how important it is for the unfaithful to disclose. My husband is watching your videos but somehow this specific he lets out.
Thank you again

Tomorrow July 31,2020 marks 1 yr since D day. My husband and I have been married almost 4 years. Though we have no biological children together we do have 4 children from previous marriages. Three are mine (22,20,12) from my ex husband and him a 9 yr old daughter. Dragging your children through a divorce once is hard enough but to have to consider a second is the worst. I found out that my husband had been what I consider emotional affairs online but he called it a game "catch and release". When I first discovered I left not knowing what just happened. I had just heard a few conversations on my husbands phone after having a gut feeling that something was not right and knowing he recorded all conversations on his phone at the time for legal purposes I decided to restore his recycle bin on phone and go to calls that exceeded 30 min since he's not a talker. Little did I know that the man who held me above all and from outside looking in you'd think I had it all (I thought I had it all). After taking it all in I did contact 5 numbers and all females said they blocked him within 2 days at most due to inappropriate conversations except one female who did have sexual phone talk with my husband that I had to choose to pick at random and hear for about 30 sec before turning off that had been happening for a week but not actual meet ups with any that I know of. (worst thing I could have ever done). I decided that I needed to talk to my husband because felt he had an addiction and maybe we could get through this together. Here's the kicker. We were seeing a fertility specialist and about to go through the process of having a surrogate carry our child since I was high risk and unable to. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist, and therapist after 7 months of trying on my own til one morning I hit rock bottom with the thought of a child being taking from me without even being asked how I felt about it. Call it it a mothers intuition, I don't know still trying to figure out why I can't get past that part or will be able to ever. My husband has yet to see anyone and says due to his Cervical Radiculopathy (nerve damage) that runs through his whole body when anxious in any way. I don't understand that and feel it's an excuse. Please help? I'm ready to throw in the towel but I don't want to make a decision based on my thoughts coming from my head if in fact this is true and I should go about this another way with him. I do see change in him and have all access to phone and accounts any time I want but this is a horrible way to live for anyone.

Hi , I just started emso and week 2 has been beyond devastating. Sent into orbit Is how I feel. Basically an old wound that has reopened and is bleeding out. I may need some serious recovery and am willing to do the work to heal.
My story is I have been married for 33 years. We have 4 children with our eldest being disabled. They are now all grown. Twenty years ago my husband detached from me and the children. I knew something was a miss and desperately was reaching out and either being ignored , or gaslighted . Gaslighting is a new word to me as for years I didn’t realise it was being done to me by my husband. He is quite good at it. Either way soon after he was arrested for possession of crack cocaine. I found out later that my younger sister was a big part of that party. He went to recovery , for clean but it wasn’t king before he lost his job. Due to drinking on the job. I still stood by his side and continued to work my fulltime job and do the mom thing. I was extremely busy but always here for my entire family. Husband withdrew again and I tried and tried to talk to him , suggest counseling for depression. He began not coming home till the early am and quite intoxicated . I still continued to reach out. He isolated me and the children to spend his days and nights at the bar. Ignoring me and the children. It was horrific for all. My children were on their way to college and high school. Very busy time for them. I did my best to include my husband and got ignored or even yelled at for being a nag. For a brief period of time in 2009 he decided he missed his family and came back into our lives. It was short lived. He is a musician and joined a band. Living the dream as a rockstar. He never included me. Still being isolated , the following year our son graduated college and was on his way in his new career and had one in college and the youngest on her way to college. I now was totally alone. See mom and the kids stuck together like glue. They were my buddies. Now my buddies were gone. All I had was my job. A few friends at best. In 2011 on my birthday my husband wanted to take me out to dinner. I was elated and thought maybe a glimpse of hope. The very next am I retrieved a text message from a female asking what they were doing today. No doubt my suspicions that other things were going on were confirmed. As you can imagine I became a crazed lunatic. Very angry. Somehow my husband reassured me she was just a friend , a groupie who was a bit unstable who came to all the shows. I still was no , maybe? He was so good at gaslighting I thought well he’s right I am paranoid. It’s his drinking that is the problem. I will say that day he must of snapped maybe a bit? He included me and We became us again. In 2016 he was diagnosed with very aggressive prostate cancer. So naturally I dove in took the lead in knowledge and appt and what can be done to save his life. They only gave him 18m at best with no treatment at all. He went through hormone deprivation therapy , surgery, chemo and radiation. And he survived. Miracle man his docs call him. All has been calm and right in our world. UNTIL he insisted I be a good girl and have my cancer screenings. I did and in oct of 2019 I was diagnosed with high risk hpv. I knew at that point that texting girl was more than a friend. I had to calm and it took me 2 weeks to address this with him. When I did he was defensive and accused me of stepping out. I have been nothing but faithful and I was in disbelief that even after being caught he would deny. He couldn’t anymore and after a letter asking him to move out if he couldn’t be a man and tell the truth he disclosed 5 affairs since 2010. Months of horror which landed us at marriage counselor. I retained a personal counselor that specializes in trauma. Marriage counselor as well but being so naive I didn’t know that not all marriage counselors are trained in infedelity . I actually encircled more trauma from this. While searching for help and answers for me I came across AR. A bit reluctant my husband was as we had counseling. He I am sure became annoyed with my emotional flooding. So he agreed to do the emso. Week 2 he disclosed 3 more affairs to the already 5 While reading me his story. He actually posted to our group wall how proud he was of how well I responded. Well that was a lie. Not sure he would realise I would see this. Through week 2 videos and knowledge of polygraph . A day later after much trauma and flooding and just being distraught that he even lied through our marriage counseling . Oh but wait . I repeated asked the following evening if he could pass a polygraph . He insisted yes I was at ground zero. I asked again and one lore time and the last time asked he replied with no. This is when he disclosed the 20 year on and off again emotional and physical affair with my drug addict sister. In my house , at her house . The rocket ship of emotions has sent me into orbit. In addition to my diagnosis in oct last year in Jan of this year we have been told my husband cancer is back , I do not know where my story is heading , all I know is I need to land on earth.

My husband had an emotional affair with his administrative assistant at work. It was all very "Mad Men." She is 18 years younger than him and married with 2 young children. We've been married almost 31 years and our children are in their late 20s. It all happened so fast. He hired her less than a year ago.

When I confronted my husband, he immediately confessed and was emphatic that he wanted me and our marriage and he was being foolish with this other relationship. I believed him and he has done mostly everything right since then to help me trust him again. But . . . he still works with her. She is still his admin assistant. She offered to leave and find another job and he talked her out of it, twice. Because apparently no other admin assistant would be as good at the job as her. Really?!

She is now upset because he isn't giving her the attention he was before. She keeps reaching out to him. Luckily he is understanding her ways and realizing they really didn't have anything in common. He now wishes she would go find another job. I don't think she ever intended to.

Their daily contact at work is really slowing down my recovery. It's pretty horrible for me. I am drinking too much wine and then I get really mad and say horrible things to my husband. I need to shut that down. I need to find a way forward that is healthy for me. It's been almost 4 months since discovery and I'm finally sleeping well again. I'm no longer obsessing about her, them, when they hugged (apparently there were long hugs where they just held each other), and I can now eat food without having major digestive issues. I lost 25 lbs, which I needed to, but I am resentful that my husband seems so darn happy I lost the weight. Like that was the problem. And just recently, I'm noticing my hair is shedding way more than usual. Like I'm losing my hair. I thought I was doing much better lately, but this new symptom tells me I'm not and I need help that focuses just on me.

Six months out from DDay, I am an alumnus of EMS Online, my husband is currently enrolled and Hope for Healing and we are both taking advantage of Married for Life. We are working very hard at recovery and so far (with Affair Recoveries Help) I feel we are gaining ground. But it is a battle and I will take all the help I can get! Married for 38 years, I never knew my husband had begun cheating on me before we even married. A lifetime of infidelity....... overwhelming at times. Pam2020

It's been 7 years since my husband confessed his multiple affairs, at which time we were married 36 years. We are still together. We have done marriage counseling the first 5 years. We learned alot, but still have an emotional disconnection. It definitely has been swept under the rug by both of us. He gets what he has done to me and our marriage, but is a man that cannot handle coming out of his comfort zone. I cannot say that I am near being healed. Most days I am still in painful disbelief that this has happened to me. I can feel the hurt in my heart. This has "Rocked me to my Soul". I want to heal my soul, but I'm still so 'confused'. And I absolutely self sabotage, which is my biggest issue. I so desperately want to be connected to women that have gone through this...to help me move forward and find Hope for my future.

I would love to take part in your Harboring Hope program! I am less than 3 months out from discovering my husband's nearly 6 month affair with one of his coworkers. Some days I feel like we are working through it, and other days I feel like packing up and leaving. Your videos and articles have been giving me much needed guidance during what is the worst thing I have gone through in my life.

We really need the support of Harboring Hope and keep praying we'll be chosen. Thank you

My husband is a recovering sex addict and is doing well. He is doing all recommended steps and treatment to heal his addiction and our relationship. I am also involved with groups and therapy but I feel stuck in pain and anger. I don't feel love for or from him even though I know we love each other. The thought of connecting with him on an emotional level is terrifying. Would harboring hope help me

We are going in 4 years past the first d day. We are doing work from free resources but do not have the funds for counselor or courses. I am still having intrusive thoughts almost 24 7. Please please I need help. My husband is a sex addict and is trying to get help but everything costs so much money. Thank God for a positive approach from affair recovery. It's very difficult to find anyone that doesn't say..just leave. Been together 22 yrs. And want there to be many more. Just want to be happy and safe. Thank you Kelly

Reposting because I don’t think my first post was sent the right way ?
I want to take the Harboring Hope class so that I may heal. My husband and I were best friends all throughout junior high and high school. Even then when he would hug me I felt safe and home and during that time in my life that feeling meant everything to me as I was going through a very rough time. We lost touch and reconnected in 2013 after my mother passed away in 2012. I’ve always liked to think my mother had a small hand in that. We married soon after that..afterall he was my best friend and now so much more I was over the moon and so grateful for him and my marriage. I was home again and safe and sound. In 2016 he had an affair and at the same time of this affair my father was dying of cancer. I know I pulled away during this time as I was taking care of my father. For the next 3 years I knew something was not right. I found a very xx rated video he had made while out on the road (he was a long haul trucker). I was crushed and confronted him and was lied to and for the next year he became very hateful towards me. I felt like he hated to come home to me. December 2018 right before Christmas I found a number on our call records that had multiple texts back and forth as well as pictures I couldn’t see the texts but looked up the number and realized this was a woman’s number. That night was not pretty he continued to deny and I left for a very long drive that night. April 14 2019 I remember that day it is forever burned into my soul. I texted the woman and she finally told me the truth I ended up finding out the truth from him over the phone. “I screwed around on you”. That day was the beginning of a nightmare I cannot wake up from it haunts me even when I sleep. It was multiple times when I needed him most and he continued to text her when I was begging just to have my husband back and not this hateful person I didn’t recognize. He did not use protection so I also had the added embarrassment of going to my doctor and explaining the reasons I needed to be tested for STDs. I am an empty shell of who I was. I cannot look at myself in the mirror anymore and like myself. I hurt constantly. I feel violated that something I held so sacred was given away without my permission and I was tossed aside. The safety I had felt in his arms for so many years through all the horrible times in
my life is now gone. It’s no longer home anymore. I want to heal. I love my husband and he has told me he loves me and we are trying to work through this as we both want this marriage but it’s a constant battle with the emotional flooding and the constant triggers and unwanted thoughts. I want myself back. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror again and not hate what is staring back at me. I want to smile and laugh again. I want hope.

Curt my husband and I were best friends since 7th grade. He was always my protector and even having hugs from him at that early of an age I felt safe and home. We lost touch and in 2013 started reconnecting and married soon there after. I am lost since I found out. It feels like someone has dug out a hole inside me and it can’t be filled up ever again. We are trying to work through it but I am stuck in the pain of what I have lost and I can not communicate it effectively enough for him to understand or I emotionally flood when I try. I know I will never be the same as I was and I know we will never be the same but I need help. My therapist tries to help me but I don’t think she has much information on how to help the betrayed spouse. I am literally torn in two and completely empty still. I am trying so hard to find my happiness but I can’t. Please help me.

I have been with my partner for almost 6 years now. Within the last 6 months, my life was completely flipped upside down due finding multiple emotional affairs. I am struggling to recognize my own feelings and how to work through them. My partner desperately wants us to work things out, and I am willing to try, but that may not mean we'll come out together at the other end. Together or not, I will still be myself. I'd like to take this heartbreak and use it to teach myself new skills, and be a better person for myself, as well as my partner. I may not be 100% hopeful about our relationship, but I am still hopeful to learn and grow through this. If it wasn't for COVID, we would be purchasing online tickets for the EMS weekend, but unfortunately we just do not have the resources anymore.

My husband of 15 years had a 6 month affair with a coworker which ended only a month ago. Emotions are running so high in our home, and your articles and videos have been so beneficial to both of us. We both want to do everything we can to save our marriage, though I am having the worst time of my life coming to terms with the situation. I would love to join your program and develop the skills I need in order to heal from my trauma and move on in happiness with my husband. Thank you for your consideration.

I married the most wonderful man I had ever known—he’s 64 and I’m 59. We dated over two years and married in 2014, a second marriage for both of us. I discovered that from the day we married (and probably before), my husband has actively pursued other women with the pretense of helping them. To my knowledge, none of them had sex with him, as it became obvious to them over time what his real motive was. In my quest to piece everything together, I have discovered emails, texts, and Facebook messages to every potential AP. I have also discovered that he is a chameleon. He knew that my first husband was volatile and verbally abusive, so he was a safe, cuddly teddy bear to me. It seems to be a game of chase to him, taking months to build trust before wooing for sex. Things got really bad when he started pursing a 24-year-old online. She lived two hours away and their communication was always via text or FB message (her choice). Over a year and a half period, he spent over $50,000 on her, paying all her bills (she was on the verge of bankruptcy) and sending her expensive gifts—all without my knowledge. We jointly own a contracting business and live frugally, so you can imagine my shock when I noticed money being shelled out for luxury items that I never saw and all-expense paid trips that we didn’t take. I started monitoring his texts and saw they were sexting. When I told him she had to go, the thought of being without his drug of choice was too much. He told me if I didn’t like it, I could leave. So I did. Free at last, he asked her out continually over the next five-months, and she always had an excuse. They never went on a date and never had sex. After five months of marital separation he begged me to come back. I did, but I have reason to believe she is still in his life. I think he met his match in her. She is the most cunning, manipulative person I have ever witnessed. This whole ordeal has strengthened my spiritual journey and I am closer to God, so something good came out of it. But I’ve accepted that my marriage may be a lost cause if things are status quo. I’ve let go of anger, while doing my best to manage the pain, and I’m finally resigned to move on, if it comes to that. I just want off this roller coaster and will do whatever it takes to get there.

My D day was July 2019, the affair was back in 2004-2005. The hard part is that he can't remember most of it. He knew it was some calls, but when I confronted him with the phone bill(s) it was up to 7x a day during the peak of the emotional affair. It's the unknown that's eating away at me more than anything. I ask why and he (as expected) doesn't have an answer. If it was just wanting a friend as he said, why hide it! All this makes zero sense. Then we added on the 2.5 years of secret porn. He has changed everything about how he talks to me, interacts with women, he he conducts everything. I appreciate that too, but I can't just jump to the end. I need to have the picture filled in. I deserve that.

We love your videos and are having an especially hard time right now due to the 2nd annual d-day anniversary on top of Coronavirus stress and loss in wages. We could so dearly use the Harboring Hope weekend. We are working hard and have made great strides but need the support. Thank you so much.

Please help! Husband cheated after 17 years of marriage with someone half my age. I can't seem to function anymore. We have 2 children. We live on one income (his) and it barely pays the bills. He has changed into a different person. He doesn't know if he wants me anymore. I need help.

Betrayed male here. D-Day was March 7, 2020 - one week before "Covid lockdown". 4 young children at home and an ambivalent spouse who is in denial that "this will all blow over soon and we'll get couples counselling".

I've watched countless videos, ordered and read several books, and did the AR 7 day free bootcamp (solo) and feel that I need more.
Thanks for your consideration.

My husband and I will be married for 33 years in June. I found out 19 months ago that my husband has a sexual addiction and that he'd been lying to me forever. So many things I blamed myself for in our marriage suddenly became clear. It is very traumatic to discover one day that your whole life has been built on a lie and the person you love the most has had no problem lying to you. He has been very angry with me since I found out. Anger was never part of his behavior in the past and I no longer know who I am married to. That behavior has caused trauma on top of trauma for me. I've been through 4 counselors, none of them understanding betrayal trauma. When I discovered Samuel's videos online, he was the first person to actually say everything I was feeling and thinking. Those videos have been a lifeline for me during this very dark and unknown time. My husband is finally getting help. The process is slow and everything is focused on him. I'm still alone in the dark. I'm angry that I have to go through this because of him. I need something in my life besides anger. I need hope that I will survive this. Thank you

I'm so torn. Hubs thinks everything is fine now that he confessed to his affairs and quit drinking. It's been 9 months and I'm still hurting. He won't discuss anything and gets defensive when I try. Our marriage has not moved forward at all. All he thinks about is himself. No affection/intimacy/love.

I did already sign up just this morning for Harboring Hope so I may not qualify for this drawing. But I thought I would try. Thank you.

About two months ago was D-Day, February 24th, my husband's birthday. We got married at 18 years old and have stayed together these 34 years; we have three children and seven grandchildren. He had moved out on January 3rd, saying he was "done" and that he was tired of pretending to be someone he wasn't. He lied about where he was going, saying he was going to stay with a coworker friend "Brandon". Finally on February 24th he confessed he had been having an affair with a female coworker for about a year and had been living with her and her two teenage daughters since moving out. Their relationship began about a year ago emotionally and then progressed to sexual acts, then sleeping together after he moved in with her. He expressed his desire to reconcile, willingly submitted himself to the church elders' care and discipleship, and completely broke off the relationship with his AP. We stayed separated for two weeks after D-Day while he stayed with long-time friends from church. He had to leave his job, of course, so he spent time job searching and doing work around our house while I was at work. After two weeks (March 7th), I let him come back home, and we've been taking things a day at a time. He has weekly meetings with his small group men, as well as a weekly meeting with a church elder and small group leader. I also have small group support, but now almost two months into the recover/reconcilation process I am feeling the need for more structured and customized support and guidance. I feel like I'm just fumbling around, winging it, not knowing how to process my unpredictable emotions and triggers. Yes, I have others praying and coming alongside, but I believe I need a support group. I found AR when we were separated, so I've read/watched many of the articles and videos. That has been a Godsend. I'm ready to go deeper, though. I thrive better with a timeline, a plan, knowing somewhat what to expect, goals, structure, accountability. I love the idea of being mentored by someone who's been there and done that. I have let bitterness grow over the many years of enduring his lies, and now this threatens to be the biggest opportunity of all for bitterness to grow. I do not want to go back to the place where I can only look on my husband with deep disrespect and contempt. God has put a love in my heart for him that amazes me and him and our friends and family. But I will lose the fight against bitterness without God's grace at work through the help of others. I have deep faith in God, and He has drawn so near to me during these months. It is truly remarkable. I know He will continue to give me grace and mercy and strength for each new day. Thank you for hosting this contest and for the important work you're doing to save marriages.

My husband & I have been married for 45 years. I was 17 and he was 32 when we got married. I found 14 months ago that my husband has been unfaithful from the very start of our marriage. He admitted he’s been with many other women He says none of them meant anything to him. He can’t remember their names or their faces. He also admitted that he had been watching porn throughout our marriage, and he had flirted with and lusted for other women the first 30+ years of our marriage. Hundreds of women!
Over the past year, he has slowly confessed to multiple infidelities. It has been a long and devastating ordeal for me to continually learn new information. Each discovery and every confession has felt like a piece of jagged glass stabbing my heart. I have loved this man since I was 17 years old, but he betrayed our marriage vows and my trust. He has broken my heart into a million pieces. Our whole life together was a lie. I don’t even know this awful person that did these things to me.
He says he has not had sex with any other woman - he only held them in his arms, danced with them, kissed them, and made out with them. But I know he hasn’t told me the whole truth.
He claims he has not ‘acted out’ for 10-15 years and he is completely faithful now both in mind and in deed. He said he prayed to God for 18 years to take away that “weakness” in his life and he is no longer tempted by other women. He is remorseful and I believe he is being faithful now, mostly because he is 78 years old! But I feel I can never fully trust him again until I feel certain he has fully disclosed the whole truth.
I am afraid I will never stop being tormented by intrusive thoughts and negative comparisons, and I will forever bare the shame of not being ENOUGH to keep my husband faithful. I need to stop believing I was a complete failure as a wife because he cheated and he wouldn’t have ‘acted out’ if I had kept him sexually satisfied. I need Harboring Hope to help me believe that what he has done reflects his brokenness, not my unworthiness.

After 22 years together, I am beyond crippled at his infidelity. I have a spinal injury and we have an autistic son, so financially we can't afford to pay for any programs. But I need to restore hope in my heart, in order to restore my marriage. He doesn't know if he can love me again, and I am more in love with him than when we met, despite the betrayal. But I find myself struggling with feeling worthy or crazy.. because who can forgive and love a man whom has committed such a hurtful act. Please help us!

I recently found out about my husbands affair of 1 1/2 years with a college student. We are in our thirties, with two young children. I am six weeks into D Day and I continue to find new and current evidence of their contact, verbally and physically. My husband lies to her, he lies to me. I found this website and I have faithfully been tuning in, it has helped me more than anything or anyone. I do not want to play detective any longer to discover truth behind to lies and deception. I feel I have no choice but to serve separation papers regrettably. In the end, I want to have given this marriage and family unit my best effort- I never want to regret walking away too soon or being too angry to attempt reconciliation. At the other end, I do feel like a fool and that enough is enough. I really want to sign up for harbouring for hope, I wish we were able to attend the ems course in austin- I do not know if we will get the same impact from the online version, though I understand it’s better than nothing and I am happy the service is being offered for people.

My husband and I have been married for 17 years and have 2 daughters, 13 and 14. I found out about his affair on 1/27/20 and since that day he left the home, came back, left again. We are going to counseling and started the boot camp but after I found out he was still with his AP.in the midst of COVID19 I sent him out. He is making attempts to break things off and come home. In the midst of all this, my faith has been strengthened and restored and I am leaning into God to carry me each day. I need to connect with others, to hear stories of hope because I do believe that God can restore my marriage and I do believe he will not waste my sorrows but will use me as a testimony. I just re-read the book "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. It was my favorite book many years ago, even before the affair happened. Reading it again gives me hope of the powerful ways that God can redeem and restore. I can choose to love my husband, even through the pain as I see him the way that God sees him- not a horrible person but a hurting person. I hope I will be chosen for the class- I need it!!!

My husband and I are almost 9 months past the initial discovery date & just this past week had discovery #5. I'm just now finding out that he carried on sexual relationships with multiple women while we were dating and that behavior was carried into our marriage. I'm absolutely devastated and I'm really struggling to get past the fact that he has been unfaithful to me the majority of the time we have known each other. I'm wondering what ground we have to stand on? Any recovery work we have done to this point feels so tainted to me. I don't know if this is the last of the information. I don't know if he is going to be truthful moving forward. The future of our marriage seems more unclear now than it ever has. What I do know is I've made some huge strides in my personal healing and recovery process. What I do know is that I want to continue to grow and heal and find my own footing again. I want to control the things that I have control over - myself. I would love to take the Harboring Hope course and learn how to love myself for probably the first time in my adult life. AR has been such a blessing in my life and I want to learn anything and everything this program has to offer.

My husband and I did EMS online about a year ago. The AP stalked us and we moved away from our childhood home and my children’s home in October , seven hours away. I left behind my family, friends, support and my dream home to not have to run into her anymore.
I cry every day still, I am deeply triggered by stupid stuff like colors , smells, cars and anyone who looks anything like her.
I don’t feel like I will ever trust him again even though he does everything and then some for recovery.
I want to breathe , I want to heal, I want this nightmare inside my soul to end so I can enjoy living again. I don’t sing anymore I don’t read, I don’t like to be outdoors..
for whatever reason I am not healing and need this course to help me heal. EMS , therapy, church, support group at church for betrayed spouses, a husband who tries and does most everything above and beyond aren’t helping..

I would love to be able to join Harboring Hope to continue down the road to healing. D day was in October. My husband and I separated but have recently went through the 7 day boot camp and would like to continue the recovery together and as individuals. He has moved back in recently and we are committed to salvaging the marriage, I just need hope for the future and confirmation that I am not foolish for wanting this. This was the 2nd affair I know of and it all seems hopeless.

I found out about my husband's affair 4 weeks ago. Then I found out this wasn't the only one. As far as I know none of them were sexual, he told all the women he was either recently divorced or in the middle of a separation. I talked to 2 of them and they confirmed they thought he was just a nice guy that wanted to talk about his horrible soon-to-be-ex-wife and nothing ever happened physical between them.
But the part that is the most hurtful is all the vacations he took with the most recent other woman. I texted her but she didn't respond back so I don't have any answers from her and she was the most involved one. He lives out of town Monday- Friday and works out of the country often. He goes on surf trips and other things with guys friends and he told me that was what he was doing but it turns out it was with the other woman.
He has been in and out of therapy for a while and used this most recent therapy as a way to manipulate me. He would tell me about the things his therapist suggested for "personal healing" as excuses to exclude me from holidays or to just take the kids places on weekends and I believed him. It turns out it was all a lie. I thought he was renting a room in a house from a couple for his out of town job, turns out he was living with her. He took our kids and her on a vacation over Thanksgiving and I didn't even find out they were going on a trip until they were leaving, when he was supposed to have just taken them to be with him to the city he works at for some alone time.
Thankfully the kids don't know what he's done. Apparently they told them she was there because her "fiance" was in that town visiting his daughters and she just needed some people to hang out with because the daughters didn't like her. So she went to the amusement parks and other things with them.

I have no clue how to begin processing all this information. We have been together for 17 years, but we've known each other for 29 years. We grew up together as best friends before dating and he is the only thing I've known. I'm not afraid to be on my own but I don't know how to get over all of this anger and sadness. I feel like my whole life has been a lie and I don't trust anybody right now. I've never felt this way and I don't know what to do with it.

My UW and I completed EMSO last year in 2019. My UW did not take the course seriously and had another affair two months later. I have allowed her back into our home but feel that she be unfaithful at any moment. She is currently taking the HFH class and seems to be in a better place. I am still scared as this is the same pattern she seemed to be in towards the end of EMSO. I feel that I need to be ready for if she is unfaithful again I can be strong and protect myself and children. My UW does not seem to be very remorseful for her second affair, or the first for that matter. The ultimate problem in my opinion is that my UW does not “get it” and does not realize the lasting damage she has cause me and our children.

I am scared to sign up for HH on my own as I am sure it will stir up trauma that I have been working hard to repress. If I am fortunate to be given the course then I will put my all in it like I did the EMSO.

A Cautious BH