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I lost my husband to his affaire partner. And now I’m looking to find hope for me! I don’t want to think about him when I wake up and I don’t want to think about him when I go to bed. I want to think about me. And nobody can help me! Not my family, not my friends, not my therapist. You are my last hope!

My 10 year anniversary is August 10th. I have a 4 month old baby, 4 year old and 9 year old. Trying to help heal and recover while my husband is a SA and trying to determine if we can salvage our marriage. I need this course but cannot afford it currently. Hoping I get picked! Thank you for all the free resources and bootcamp!

I've been with my husband for 16 years since I was 18 and he was 20. We've always had a loving relationship - although I suppose I am a bot bossy - but the couple everyone said would be together forever. I felt safe, I felt love, I felt like a real team how couldn't it work out.
We have had rough patches but always knew we would get through. The hardest part was this happened when I thought we were at our happiest. Money and work was finally much easier, we were not far from having our much longed for second child. We now have 2 very beautiful boys of almost 6 ans just turned 1. I found out about the affair about a month after my baby was born. It had started whilst I was still pregnant. I was devastated. A complete mess. I forgave ans tried to get past it when he assured me it was over. I found out in November he was doing it again and kicked him out. A crumpled mess again. He came back at Christmas promising this was it and it was all over. I recently found out again...2 days before a family holiday he still hadn't stopped. Also up to now I thought it was more of an emotional affair with only a few kisses. I recently found out he slept with her in December. I suspect more but he denies it. One of the worst things has been multiple disclosures. I've been assured again and again that I "now know everything" ans turns out I don't. Most information has come from her husband which has devastated and humiliated me. He has only confessed to things when backed into a corner. He believes that he fell in love with her but has even used the phrase to me "it was like when we first got together". He claims he loves me and wants me not her but I don't trust he can get himself together or that I can heal without help.
He is the absolute last person I or anyone would expect to do this - especially on this horrible scale. I'm devastated and need help. Love from the uk, Sam x

My husband of 22 years appears to be a sex addict. We have 9 children, and I am shocked at the risks he took that have now affected our children as well as me. I am trying to better understand what he is going through and why he is like this. Help!

I've known about my wife's affair for 8 months now. It still hasn't ended to my knowledge. I've done everything I can to heal myself and repair my marriage but it takes two and the work on the other end is barely being done. Affair Recovery videos has been the biggest blessing in keeping my sanity and understanding this process. I'm losing hope and patience for my marriage and I owe it to myself, my wife, my marriage and especially my 3 young children to exhaust every option to keep myself healthy and try to save my marriage. I need a path forward be it divorce or reconciliation. Thank you all for the amazing work you do. Truly a lifesaving blessing.

Thought we were nearing the finish line, but now we're back at start! Don't know which way we're running.

I am struggling to say the least. I first found out my husband was a sex addict 4 years ago. He swore he told me everything. We entered couples counseling. Two years later, I found evidence of more he had not told me. This time he unloaded what he said was everything. I spent 2 more years processing and healing only to be broken again 2 months ago. I’m lost. I’m broken. I’m angry. Counseling isn’t helping. Partners of sex addicts group meetings spend so much time on co-dependency which I’ve established is not my issue, and it just hurt more to attend. I’m trying to grieve. I’m trying to heal… but I’m losing. I need help to learn how to get through this without becoming more bitter and angry. Please help me rebuild this destruction that has become my life.

I don’t even know where to start. Lol.
I “laugh” but this is so far from a laughing matter. 12 years of marriage and the crazy part is that it feels like there been no marriage at all. And I get it. That’s my Trauma and grief speaking, but it’s how it feels. After finding out about my husbands multiple affairs (all different types-name it) sometimes it’s an accomplishment to just make it through one more day breathing and grateful that I didn’t have a mental breakdown. I’ve known about some of his double life, before his big confession on May 31st, and I definitely had him caught in other situations throughout the years, but I believed the lies and the manipulation and now I’m just here, pissed, and hurt, and trying to hold on to the small glimmers of hope that I have that it’ll be worth any effort of ours to fight through this thing and uphold our covenant to each other and God. To say I’m fed up is an understatement. And yet I still know that with healing, and therapy, and the true work and effort that needs to be made by BOTH OF US we can come out of this…I hope. I’m glad I found affair recovery- the material has been mind blowing so far. We both plan on registering for our separate courses with the hopes that this will be the catalyst for change in our marriage finally! Because something HAS to give. It can’t stay the same anymore.

I found out about my husband's affair from his affair partner on May 13th of this year. She and I had become friends at my husband's urging as they were old friends from high school. He said we would get along great. She actually contacted me to tell me what had been happening because suddenly she felt used and thought I should know what he had been doing. Needless to say, I was devastated. She answered all my questions and said she was sorry for she had done and told me I should confront my husband. I was literally shaking at the realization of what she was telling me. That night my husband and I were going to a marriage conference at our church and my whole world felt like it just crumbled around me. I'm not sure how I got through that night nor the next day of the conference. I'm still terribly ambivalent about the marriage. He immediately stopped seeing or messaging her and has not since. However, I don't know how to move forward. My husband and I did the Boot Camp together and that seemed helpful, but I just don't know if I can do this. I feel like I have to somehow deal with and get over the actual things he said and did; then I have to deal with and get over the lying, deceiving, and manipulation; and then I have to somehow get my head around the fact that during his unfaithfulness, our marriage was doing well--we were communicating better than ever; we were doing things together; I felt closer to him than even when we were first married; and our sex life was great. I feel like I obviously can't trust him, but I also feel like I can't even trust my own feelings. The pain of his betrayal has been crushing. He wants to save our marriage. Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming that I think, "I just can't do this!" I'm really praying that Harboring Hope can help me. I'm praying it will truly give me some hope, even a thread of hope that I can get through this. When I think of saving our marriage, I think I can't see how after what has happened. I need help with dealing with his affair and the damage it has caused to our marriage. So much that was sacred to US, no longer is. So much was destroyed; I'm just not sure I can do this. I really want to take the Harboring Hope course because maybe that can show me how.

I have been with my husband for 39 years, married for 36 of those years. I have had doubts and insecurities our entire time together. I was always very open to him of my fears and total disapproval of infidelity. He has always assured me that he would never do that to me, I am his world, I mean everything to him, he could never live without me. I have always believed him and trusted him. When I contracted HPV he asked me what had "I" been doing. He even, to this day, talks about his disgust of men who betray their wives. About a year ago I inadvertently found evidence of my husbands infidelity. I had never even looked for it before, I was so naive and so trusting. When I showed him he immediately became angry and wanted to know why I was looking through his things. He continued to deny he had ever did anything. I played a hunch and pressed. He finally admitted to a couple instances. Things never seemed to add up from my memories and what he confessed. I continue to get tidbits of information but only if I press. It also comes at the price of the silent treatment for a long duration of time. As long as I don't ever ask any questions and pretend things are fine, he is happy. What I don't know won't hurt me. We live in a small town and I have to see his "opportunities" whenever I/we go anywhere. I am being consumed with depression and nightmares. We have been to individual counselors and couples counselors. The couples counselor constantly gave reasons/excuses for his actions. I felt constantly beat up because she said that I knew throughout our marriage by my insecurities and as a result I enabled his actions. I just want the truth.

My husband and I have been working on our marriage for approximately the past year and a half. I have had an on and off affair that initially occurred in 2008.
It was with my husband's friend. My husband has tried being friends with this man afterwards (his friend was urging my husband to rekindle the friendship, i have been supportive of it. Not because i want to continue the affair, but because i want to right the wrongs) but my husband can't get past the affair despite his efforts.
This creates an all new hurt for my husband. He doesn't know whether to believe that I am just being a supportive wife or I am having feelings for my ex affair partner. As much as I tell my husband that I am committed to working on the relationship, it does no good. He hasn't begun to trust me (which I can't blame him).
I need some help to get my husband and my marriage back!

Hello,
I am permanently disabled - I'm 41 years old and have been disabled since I was 33 - and have no children at home. I live in a rural area and spend the vast majority of my waking hours alone. I'm isolated, in need of support from other betrayed women, and to be entirely frank - I'm lonely.
We have less than zero disposable income so paying for Harboring Hope is out of my reach, but I know I would GREATLY benefit from it.
THANK YOU for all of the free content and resources you have already provided - I appreciate you so much!

We've been married for almost 20 years but "together" since 1994, our 8th grade year. He's been my one and only everything from my first kiss onward. I thought I was also his one and only. I was wrong. There have been other women several times since 1999. I keep trying to hold the relationship together and had thought I was forgiving him, but it's just been festering and fostering so much damage to my soul. I don't know if I can, or if I want to, try anymore.

My husband of 22 years and I were drifting apart to the point we weren't even talking to each other in January of 2021. I have to admit I was holding out hoping he would break the silence but he didn't so in February I did. We began talking about our marriage & what needed to change. I was hopeful until I realized he was acting totally different regarding his phone. He went from caring less if he had it or not to keeping it with him 24/7. So when he was in the hot tub one morning & had left his phone inside I went through his texts and discovered he had been having an affair with a co-worker since the beginning of 2021.

Since then we have been committed to restoring our marriage. It has been incredibly hard & beautiful at the same time. The reason I am considering the Harboring Hope program is that I am still triggered (not as frequently) by things causing me to relive the discovery and pain all over again, many times it feels like it's coming from nowhere. My husband & I are currently having issues with intimacy because it seems we are reacting to each other in a horrible painful cycle & we're not sure how to break it. He has decided to begin counseling this week which I'm grateful for. I want more than anything to heal from this trauma and fully restore our marriage to what God has planned for us.

First D-day was Aug 2010, Second d-day two weeks later (he lied about who the affair partner was and I did a whole lot of digging and put the truth together), Third D-day was Apr 2021. I still feel foolish for staying back then, but know exactly why I did. I always knew in my gut there was someone else and coaxed it out of my husband last year. I’ve worked hard on myself and was able to give him a safe space to tell me the final (?) truth and handle it with grace.

A year later I’m still struggling with all the years my husband told me I was his soulmate, the love of his life, how he’d do anything to make our marriage work, would give total transparency, that I knew everything, etc, all while he was holding on to at least one more indiscretion. He says it wasn’t even close to the same as the other affair because it was making out a few times, not sex. I understand what he means in his own mind. I think it’s all cheating, but yes, sex is a whole other level. It’s all not good though.

How could we be rebuilding a solid, respectful marriage when there was more out there he knew he was keeping from me? He says he didn’t tell me out of fear. I admit I didn’t handle things well the first D-days and had little emotional control at the time. That doesn’t change the fact a good marriage isn’t built on lies and I think he should’ve cared about that. He knowingly kept deceiving me while telling me rebuilding our marriage was his goal. So I think those years were wasted and fake. He disagrees.

I’m proud of the work I’ve done and the changes I’ve made within myself. I’m not proud that I can’t let the affairs go and I still have this feeling I may not know everything.

I don’t know if I’ve been in denial, am naive or if things have truly changed (for the positive) between us. My husband is a changed man in many, many ways and a much better husband. Our closeness is what allowed me to give him the safe space to tell me the “final” truth. He says he felt tremendous relief at getting that final confession out and yet still feels tremendous shame about the full-blown affair. I’m past the point of wanting him to hurt like I have and hope he works through the shame. I want peace for him. Most of the time we have a great partnership, friendship and good marriage. Until I’m triggered that is.

The most recent D-day (2021) was regarding something that happened before the full-blown affair of 2010. He says I know everything now. But I have a nagging feeling that comes up when I’m triggered that he hasn’t been completely honest. I thought knowing what he told me last year would be the final piece and I’d move on, but of course never forget. Now I have this strong feeling he hasn’t told the truth about how often he had sex with the full-blown affair partner. I know what he told me back in 2010. When I asked him a few days ago he said he has no memory, he’s completely blocked everything out and is filled with so much shame he doesn’t want to go back there. I find it hard to believe he can’t remember how many times he had sex with her. I asked was it one time or 10 times? He said far less than 10 and he’d say 1-4 because he remembers two but wants to leave room for more because he doesn’t know and doesn’t want to lie to me in case it’s more than two. What? I’ve asked since then if he’s remembered anything and basically he’s not willing to go back there. It’s too shameful and painful.

Because it was 12 years ago I’m struggling with is this fair to him and is there any point? Am I continuing to find things to question because it keeps it alive for me? My true thought is that I’m subconsciously testing him to make sure he’s finally telling me the entire truth. And that doesn’t seem healthy. I’ve let things go for so long and it turns out our marriage rebuilding was a sham for years and years. My husband doesn’t see it that way, but I do. I love him, I see so many positive changes in him and I believe he’s committed to me and me only. The thing I’m not sure of is if he’s being completely honest about the past. When do I let it go?

It’s been too long and I feel it’s time for me to get out of my own head and do some work. I’m trying to be optimistic and live in the present. I still have anxiety and resentment that’s holding me back due to spouses affairs but things are mostly going well now I’m just stuck

D-day was March 26th. The day I’ll never forget I got a message from a stranger telling me my spouse was having an affair with his spouse. Since that initial confrontation, more were confessed and I find that only the first 6 months of our dating weren’t tainted with another person. I’m terrified to stay and terrified to leave.

Thank you for all that you do.....its a lifesaver for many people. My husband is a Campus Minister and I found out some disturbing things about him and his relationship with female students. I have wanted to leave this marriage so many times but I do not feel it is right and I have no where to go. I feel like most days I am hanging on by a thread and desperately need the encouragement to get through the choice he made to be unfaithful in certain areas of our marriage.

My D day was February 17, 2020. It was a trickle D-Day situation with many more to come over the last two years. My husband and I have been in marriage counseling since the last week of February 2020. It was either get help or boy it’s going to be over with. I have watched my husband become sober and his recovery month by month. I still have tremendous problems with triggers and intrusive thoughts. We will celebrate our 40 year at wedding anniversary this year. We have never been separated in all the years that we’ve been married. But he has had a sex addiction the entire time undiagnosed. I look for every way possible to improve our marriage, our individuality, our couples ship. A fair recovery was the first place I turned to when my world became destroyed. We watch your videos weekly at our recovery share in that we have together. It is opened the conversation up Between us in so many different ways. We love Samuel and Rick and Wayne! I feel like there are friends and family. I would love the opportunity to win this free course for us.

My husband and I were middle school sweethearts. Needless to say no one really believes such relationships can last. But 14 years later I am grasping for hope. We became pregnant at a young age and split after our son turned a year old. We were young and both from broken homes. After 4 years we finally decided to give it another try and married shortly after. But now, nearly 7 years later, I find out he has been unfaithful for the 2nd time in our marriage. From a very young age I battled with depression and low self esteem. This time it happened all mean while I was pregnant with out 3rd child. Needless to say THAT was the last drop. I moved out along with our 2 children and 10 days away from having our third. Additionally, I had found out he had a pregnancy scare with the women he was involved with. I was sure I wanted nothing with him ever again. But When I realized she was in fact not pregnant I begin to think maybe just maybe there is a chance. But it’s been 2 months. Our son was born and we have been living at my mothers home. And everyday I wake up thinking today might be the day he does something extraordinary to win us back. He says he wants to reconcile. But all I see is him being comfortable with his lifestyle now. I left to not be half a person. To try and be present for my children. But each day I find myself having a little less hope. And a little more broken. I know it’s all part of the pain. All I know is that I can only work on me. So if that means working everyday to loving myself I need to do that. If that means working everyday to be ready for the truth and the whole truth then I need to prepare my heart. If that means I have to work on knowing I can truly forgive him then I must do that! But if that also means accepting he only speaks words and not actions then I still want to be able to look back one day and see I healed for my babies I must do that as well!

I found out about my spouse's infidelity, and we have been on an emotional roller coastal ride ever since. I forgave him and we worked hard for the first 2 weeks but then he admitted he was still in love with the mistress. He left to be with her at the same time asking me if he decided to come back to the marriage, would I accept him. I was able to contact the woman's husband and then things got real. The husband contacted my spouse and said to stop all communication, so my husband decided to come back. He walked out on our family for good but now he walks to try to make things work. My kids are hurting, and I feel like I am his second choice. I gave him so many opportunities and he dashed them all to run to his fantasy world. All trust is broken, and I am at a loss. The women kept emailing him wanting to talk. He shared one email with me and I gave a definite "no" response. the second email he hid from me because he said he was afraid it would upset me. I need some guidance and I thought this 13 week course would help me get back on track. I need to harbor hope rather than pain and betrayal. I am throwing my hat in the ring for this drawing.

I am seeking my chrysalis - my chance to not just rediscover who I was but to transform into who I can be healed and whole. To not just find my identity again, but to build on that identity by healing from hurtful words that cut me to the quick, made me think I was crazy (gaslighting), beat down my self-esteen and sense of self. Who was I? Who am I? Who can I be healed and whole? Please, help me to answer these questions. Thank you for the opportunity.

Found out a month ago and husband can't tell me why. He knows that I need to move past his affair with his sugar baby. He's not happy and I feel like I lost him. He doesn't resemble the man I married. He loves her, but she is married. They have been together for three years. He cheated in plain sight. The cell phone bills. I never checked them. I paid them. I never had a reason to review them. When confronted, he said he believed that the relationship would fizzle out and no one would ever know. I asked him which relationship he was referring to. I know now, that it's me and I should act my age and move forward. He wants to leave. He won't go on his own, which I don't understand? He wants me to throw him out. How many hints about moving out, do I take action? I'm so confused and sad. He's no longer emotionally attached to me or our marriage, but I keep telling him that it's worth it. I can tell. He's given me every reason why he wants to leave me, and our marriage. I feel like he is going through the motions of counseling. He is just no longer interested in me and is ready to go. I'm making it worse because I asked questions, he cares not to answer. I am to give him space so he can decide if he can love me again. I'm not sure what to do except decide to stay married each day and pray for him and for me. He does not know why he decided to move through his affair, but he is hoping that counseling will help him get a better understanding of his decisions. I'm in the holding pattern, and after three years with someone else, and feel like I am being re-interviewed for my place in his marriage. I can't compete with her because she is 10 years younger and far prettier then I will ever be. He still wants her. I am alone.

My wife and I separated for a period of time, but the commitment was always that we would continue to work on our marriage. During that period of time because we had had contention in our relationship about my daughters from a previous marriage it continued to be an issue. When I became a full-time father for a period of time my wife pretty much checked out. I found out via phone records that she was having an affair with her former best friend's husband.

I have tried so hard during this process to be forgiving and to show grace. And everyone including her has said that I've been extremely gracious, but recently I find this anger creeping up. And hopelessness as it relates to my daughters. She's re-engaged with them in a virtual level via text and and the occasional zoom call but we're 6 months into the process and it's been almost 2 years since they've seen her face to face and I'm losing hope. The girls were a point of contention during the relationship because she had never been a mom and in hard situations would always choose her needs and desires over theirs. So I'm just wondering at this point whether there's real hope for full restoration. My kids have been through ridiculous trauma as it relates to their bio mom and I just can't keep subjecting them to these broken relationships.

My greatest desire to see it all work out. I don't have a whole lot of Hope at this point. And little arguments seem to be getting blown up. I just don't want to live with this anger and resentment. I've been working with a fantastic counselor and multiple prayer teams. And yet this anger creeps up out of nowhere. I started a new job 5 days after I found out about the affair and that has been a challenge and impacted me as well because my performance has not been good at all as we've been going through this. I'm just tired and I want to have some moments of joy I don't feel anything brings me joy anymore. The name of the course is significant to me because I don't feel like I have much hope. I've tried not to involve people that can't carry the weight of this with me so that I don't have people speaking death into our marriage. But I don't have a real big support group to try and go through this with.

We have been married for 47 years last August. When we had been married 15 years or so my husband had and affair with a co-worker. Then a couple of months later had a one night stand with a girl he just met that day at the jewelry counter, (he said he was looking for jewelry for me. )
For the next 35 or so years he hid the affair and one night stand from me. He confessed to me May of 2020. He had put it behind him, tried to forget it and felt God has forgiven him, he has moved forward and It tears him up anytime I bring it up/. I have been in shock and then depression and still after 2 years I still feel like I am in a pool of confusion and despair. He is loving and kind and has been faithful, the last 35 years. I still have a hard time thinking I have been deceived the last 35 years. This husband I trusted all these years betrayed me. I want to get out of this cycle and move forward. I don't know what to do.

I would loved to meet other women in this journey of recovery. It's been a long road for me and I am so tired....

My D day was Jan 7th and my story is very different than most that’s why I’m contemplating taking this course. It’s very hard for me to find support for my situation, I find in almost every affair situation either the offending spouse leaves for the affair partner and continues the affair or they stay and fight to reconcile. In my case, my husband left us and also left her. I’m dealing with extreme abandonment and confusion. It’s been 3 1/2 months now with no end in sight. I need all the help I can get.

I’ve been married 11 years and we have 1 child of our own and 4 stepchildren from other relationships. I want to gain hope in this marriage that seems hopeless. The infidelity happened 1 year after our marriage and I even mistakenly agreed to have other people in our relationship in an attempt to try and heal it but it only caused more damage. I found out 5 months ago that my husband was trying to have sex with random women on a dating app for over year. He said he only met one woman and from the conversations I saw it didn’t seem like he had much luck trying to get sex from these women. He did all this while we were attending marriage re-engage at church. I feel sickened by this and I can’t trust him and on top of everything else I’m so numb to this relationship. Like I really could care less about him. I hate that I feel this way. I feel like I have no love for him anymore. This is the 4 time that I’ve known of that he’s strayed and wanted to be with another woman behind my back.

My husband and I completed EMS). I would like to take Harboring hope because I need to work on my own healing. I feel stuck in pain and feel that this course could help move me in the right direction.

My name is Apryll and I’m interested in the Harboring Hope course. My husband and I have been married just shy of 14 years. The marriage had been rocky lately and we separated, with him moving to another state due to work. After a few months, I swallowed my pride and confided in him that I wanted to save the marriage and fix the ways in which I contributed to the downfall of the marriage. Shortly after we began to reconcile, he disclosed that during the separation he had slept with multiple women. To say I feel devastated doesn’t even begin to explain the depth of my feelings. I have tried to explain my thoughts and feelings to my husband but he just doesn’t seem to get it. He literally told me that I’m not blameless in this situation. I really feel like he is minimizing the hurt I feel. I don’t know where else to turn.

This started me on my mission to understand myself, my relationship with God, and whether this marriage is something that can be saved. In watching YouTube videos I ran across the Affair Recovery channel and the videos really resonated with me. That led me to the website where I saw the courses. I would like to start my journey of healing. I want something that is faith-based and challenging. This course appears to fit the bill. I look forward to learning and growing.

Married 24 years last year. Thought he learned from his indiscretion during year seven. This time it’s different. It’s Midlife with all of its monstrous tides. This time he tearing apart the kids too. He won’t commit to anything. He’s afraid he’s going to die soon. He can’t see how much he’s hurting us.

I’ve been a homemaker for 20 years. Please help. I don’t think my strength is going to last.