Enter Drawing for Harboring Hope for Free

Hi my name is Alyssa. I have been married to my husband for 26 years(together 30)and we have been together since high school . I found out in September that he had an affair with a much younger coworker. His AP had befriended myself and my daughter. I am an RN and she was able to manipulate my desire to care for and help others to her advantage. I went through 3 years of complete mental anguish for 3 years prior to D day. There were days that the only reason I got out of bed in the morning was to care for our youngest daughter. The things that the AP said and the anguish she caused me was heart wrenching. My husband and I are working on ourselves and our marriage. We are moving forward and the relationship we are building is incredible, more than I have ever imagined it could be. I feel however frozen in time as I harbor a lot of resentment shame and sadness towards the AP. Everyday i start my morning with a hopeful heart to be able to turn the page and break through that iceberg holding myself back from healing and moving forward completely. I would love the opportunity to have the guidance and expertise to help me along this journey.

I’m hoping to take this course because I want to know that I’m taking care of myself and my needs during this time. It’s easy to make my focus saving the marriage but I also need to help myself heal and I really have no idea how to do that. I’m still so hurt and sad by everything that has happened. Compounded by the fact that I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage myself and I have a lot of emotional/mental health challenges.

I want to hope again

We’ve been married almost 22 years. I figured out my husband’s secret 5 years ago. I thought that I finally had the answers I had been seeking for so many years. Prior to this, I truly had everything I could ever want: a great, supportive husband, family, 2 year old twins, 2 dogs, a home, trust, confidence, energy, happiness-God had blessed me with so much! Then, one morning on my way to work, I followed my intuition, turned around, & drove back home. What I found changed me forever. The positive is that I knew I wasn’t crazy or making up things. His response was typical. He didn’t need help. He’d never do this again. So, we tried to move forward.

I can’t forget. I can’t take forward steps. He has made the same mistake(s) over & over again. The only reason I know is I have to catch him cuz he’ll never tell the truth. Now, I’ve become his mother & a police detective. I had to retire early under disability, completely unable to work. I’ve completely isolated myself. No friends. No support. I’m still not ok. Just stuck. My hope is gone cuz he’s not going to change. He still tells me the same lies, that he doesn’t need help & will never do this again. I was innocent to addiction & pornography. Not anymore. Now, my kids are almost 15 & I have to police their internet activity alone. I have found both my kids exposed to terrible things much too young & innocent.

I cannot possibly afford to take any courses, so I have found what I can & continue to research & try to heal on my own. I have made some progress. I still find myself without hope + stuck. I want to learn how to forgive & heal, for myself, my benefit.

It’s been 4 months since the first DDay (same person)… I keep finding new information. I keep hearing he wants to work things out, and then finding out that they still contact each other. It’s exhausting, and im starting to lose hope that this will end. The more I find out, the less I want to keep working on my marriage.

Hi my name is Alyssa. I have been married to my husband for 26 years(together 30)and we have been together since high school . I found out in September that he had an affair with a much younger coworker. His AP had befriended myself and my daughter. I am an RN and she was able to manipulate my desire to care for and help others to her advantage. I went through 3 years of complete mental anguish for 3 years prior to D day. There were days that the only reason I got out of bed in the morning was to care for our youngest daughter. The things that the AP said and the anguish she caused me was heart wrenching. My husband and I are working on ourselves and our marriage. We are moving forward and the relationship we are building is incredible, more than I have ever imagined it could be. I feel however frozen in time as I harbor a lot of resentment shame and sadness towards the AP. Everyday i start my morning with a hopeful heart to be able to turn the page and break through that iceberg holding myself back from healing and moving forward completely. I would love the opportunity to have the guidance and expertise to help me along this journey.

I found out a little over 5 years ago that my husband had been receiving and sending explicit texts and pictures to a woman whose partner caught them and revealed his knowledge to both my husband and me. At first my husband seemed distraught over his behaviour and admitted to doing similar things with many other women over the full course of our relationship. We sought marriage Counselling but never seemed to get anywhere. What made it worse is that he has progressively been denying what he initially admitted to and now claims he was too upset at the time to know what he was saying and has substituted a new version of events. We’ve both said we don’t want to leave the marriage, but I just don’t know how to trust him when I can’t even trust what he is saying about what happened. It’s been so long since the initial discovery that he refuses to talk to me about it, suggesting I should be “over it” by now. I don’t know how to get “over it” and move on. I would be so grateful to be able to take the Haboring Hope course to gain some… well, some hope!

It happened 40 years ago, but it feels like yesterday. The pain is still there. The hurt is still there. I can't get past it. I see him every day and that makes it worse.

My husband had an affair and lied for so long, we have decided to stay together but I am struggling with codependency and feel like he doesn't want to be here. I need hope big time.

My husband and I are currently trying to work on our marriage after I had an "on and off" affair with my husband's best friend. Just writing that makes me so ashamed. Not only did I have the affair but I have previously told my husband that I was working on our marriage (for selfish reasons) when I didn't intend to work on the marriage at all.
I had some health issues a couple years ago and I was praying to God, if he would let me live I was going to start working on our marriage and do all that I could to help my husband get through our wreck of a marriage that I have caused. Not only did I cheat on him, more than once, I have lied and tricked him. I am afraid that I have quite a bit of work ahead of me if I can ever win his trust back. If you, at Affair Recovery, could help us I would be most grateful!

I’m really at a loss here. To be totally honest, I want my marriage to work, but realistically, I don’t know how that’s going to work, or if my wife will let it work. I recently found out about another man, I’m pretty devastated as anyone would be. The kicker? We celebrated our first anniversary in January. So, very possibly, without some kind of change, I am losing a wife, a best friend, and my family since my prior late wife and I were unable to have kids. I’m not saying I’m blameless - not in the least. I was in a dark valley (mentally) for part of this and was not the most loving guy for a piece of that year, but I’ve worked hard, gotten meds, and I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time. She was patient when I was having a rough time. I’ll never be able to thank her enough for that. I’d do anything to be what she needs so we could fix this, but the other guy that she has found has her attention. So I need to figure myself out so whatever happens, I’m healthy and whole. If not ultimately for her, for myself. I think this program could do that for me. I’d really like to give it a try.

Today is Valentine's Day. Any other year we would have exchanged cards & celebrated with a nice dinner. Dday was June 4th 2022. Which means this year I'm triggered with what was he texting her last year. He had an emotional affair for 7 months when I found out. We went to marriage counseling for a few months & we did the Hope Now bootcamp. Have watched all of Sam's videos. I am currently seeing a therapist on an individual basis. I have been prescribed meds for anxiety because I can't sleep as that's when my thoughts take over the most. Simple little things will set off triggers & tears. I wonder if I'll ever be happy again. Will I ever trust him? It's like a rollercoaster that won't stop. We've been together 12 yrs, married 6 yrs. The pathetic karma part...is he cheated on his wife to be with me. I want us to work, I'm just not sure I'm strong enough to survive this.

My life as I knew it was shattered 3 years ago this July, the man I thought I knew I didn't know at all. I immediately started a small group for betrayal and so did he, I have been in counseling and so has he. The trauma this has caused me has been horrific, severe panic attacks, a hospital stay from a heart attack, loss of wanting to do anything, loss of friends because they just couldn't handle it, his family has thrown me away as well by never checking on me or even contacting
Me, all of this from something I didn't do or cause, and certainly never wanted! Before I knew what he had done I thought my marriage and life was pretty great, and I thought he would never do something like this, sadly now my eyes are opened, not only to him but also to how I was being treated for years by his family. He is very remorseful and thinks because he's said he's sorry and he'll never do it again and has been sober for 2 years now that we should just move on and live like everything is fine! He doesn't want to do the hard work it's going to take to heal the marriage or help to heal me, he's just focused on himself, and when I try to talk about what's happened, he shuts down or tells me I'm shaming him. He will give me crumbs of hope and I'll think he finally gets it, and then he's back to the same old thing time and time again! I'm now so hurt and so angry that he did what he did to me and doesn't even care to fix it, basically he cut my legs off, now I'm in a wheelchair left to figure out how to live with no legs, and he's not going to help me, he just stands there watching, some days the hurt is so bad I just don't want to open my eyes. I know I need to help myself now, I have moved out recently because the memories were too much in the old house, but I am so lonely and afraid of what's to come, I know God is with me and I'm trying to lean on him.

My world was turned upside down recently, and I had to push and investigate and be someone I never thought I would be just to verify the rumors that had gotten back to me. I had confronted my partner and the affair partner and they both lied to me. My partner wants to work it out and is talking a big game, he is doing work, and I want to believe him. But I am stuck. I was already a bit insecure due to my past, I take a little more love and reassurance anyway, so now what? How can we work past this? I’m having intrusive, obsessive thoughts, bad dreams, triggers everywhere, feeling overwhelmed, high anxiety, major depression, and my self-worth is shot. Harboring Hope sounds like a great program for me. I don’t just want to try it, I need to do it!

Seeking Lifetime change and
Help in a challenging time !

The first D day was April 3, 2021, when I found some borderline inappropriate texts on my husband’s phone. I confronted him two days later and asked if he was cheating. He broke down and confessed to talking to this woman who lived in another state. It was clearly an emotional connection on his part, but I never could pick up a vibe on her end. He cut off contact and deleted her number. Stupid me; a deleted number can still contact you and we should have blocked it. We began working on our marriage, just on our own. It was at this time that I found videos from Affair Recovery, which seemed to help. We were in a much better place, and I felt we were almost completely healed. I had also been watching videos from XO Marriage/Jimmy Evans and realized there was an upcoming conference near us in October 2022. We went to the conference and were revived. We even renewed our wedding vows at the end of he conference. That evening before going home the next day, I broke down, processing the information we had learned. (It had resurfaced some of those feelings from D day). I point blank asked, has this gone on longer than I know about? Has there ever been anyone else besides her? And several other questions. He emphatically answered NO to all. Fast forward to November 8, 2022 about two weeks after the conference. I was pulling some pictures off of his phone and ran across a recent, July 30, 2022 picture of the AP. He had saved it from a text she had sent him. I began digging around and discovered I could pull phone records for the past 5 years from the carrier website. There it was in black and white; five years worth of connection through phone calls and texts. These had continued up almost to the date I discovered them. I confronted him again. He said she had continued to contact him sporadically and on occasion, he had answered. I demanded he send a text to cut it off once and for all or I was going to contact her husband. (I had gotten both of their contact information from white pages online). He sent a very benign dismissal text. During review of the phone records I found another number which he called and texted quite often but in another state. This, coupled with the additional lie(s), made me suspicious. I kept telling him, I know you haven’t told me everything. You’re keeping secrets. We went through the Christmas and New Years holidays, and somehow the topic came up late one night. I said, answer me truthfully, have you ever talked with anyone other than person A. He quietly answered yes. She was in another state and town. I calmly asked several questions. He denied everything except talking to her when he was away from home and lonely. He left the next day to go out of town. On January 4, 2023, I discovered MANY texts and phone calls between himself and this other person going right up to New Years Day. I pulled them as far back as the carrier would go, 5 years. I called him and jumped him over the phone. It wasn’t pretty, and I felt remorse for my language later. During this, I told him he needed to come clean with EVERYTHING, or he would find himself out of the house when he returned home. He then confessed to an emotional affair going back at least 8 years, with oral sex contact once toward the beginning of the affair. So January 4, 2023 was the latest D day. I am devastated. I am broken. I need help.

Praying for ability to find healing for the sake of my children and family. Thank you!

I have been with my husband for 24 year, married for 21. In June 2022 he told me he was having an affair after being caught by a family member. This is the second time in 9 years that this has happened. The first incident he was remorseful and wanted to fix what he had done. This time he does not. I am going through the divorce process and most days I don't even know how I'm going to make it through. He was my everything. I believed him when he said he wouldn't do this again. He couldn't keep his promise to me. Why could he not love me the way I loved him? Why am I so easily disposable? Why wasn't I enough? I was a good wife and a committed wife. Why couldn't he give me the same in return? Some days I don't know how to make it through the pain and sadness. I have two teen boys ages 15 and 17. His relationship with them has crumbled. I'm trying my best to the one stable person in their lives but often fail because of my sadness and devastation. Why did God allow me to go through such pain? I didn't deserve this. I pray and talk to God everyday but many days I just feel forgotten. I'm grieving the loss of my marriage. I don't know that I'll ever feel better. Our family of 4 wasn't enough for him to not do this and I don't understand why. I am in desperate need of help so I can be whole again. Be happy. Find joy in life. Be the best mom that I can. It's all too much sometimes.

I feel like I am living a Lifetime movie, even tho I am pretty sure I signed up to be on a Hallmark movie!
Like so many of these stories mine has so many of the same hurt, betrayal, lies, etc.
I found out 4 1/2 years ago that my husband has had a porn addiction all of our marriage. 32 years and 5 children later! How did I not know….. well I
Did know that things felt off. I did know he would sexualize other in front of me. I did know in my gut!
Then finally some proof just to find out yes he has had an addiction. No real closure, only trauma on top of trauma for me. Then after I found out, Then we got “Hacked” so that was now his way out. Anything I saw from dating password etc was now the Hacker not him.
He has 3 phone number’s, so many secrets!!!
He only gets angry if I try to talk about it and makes everything about him. So I am not asking to help him- he’s the only one that can do that! I am asking to help ME!! Thank you!

It has been 9 months since discovery. I want to learn how to forgive for me, she has no remorse for the pain she caused. The pain is so terrible that my chest hurts and I can’t see the good in the world anymore. After a recent contact from the OW on my Instagram account where she called me selfish for wanting to fix my marriage and not letting them be happy. We have 3 kids and 16 years of marriage and the person just did not care. We had been doing pretty well until this recent one. Sleepless nights, crying so hard I feel like I am having a heart attack, and he just wants one day where there are no tears or pain. It is a punch to the guy. I feel like no one understands this pain in my family, friends, etc. I can’t stay stuck here but I don’t know how to move forward.

My husband and I have been married 22 years. Our 20th Anniversary was a pivotal moment. My husband told me he felt like we were living as roommates and he couldn't take it anymore. I asked him if he wanted a divorce, he said no.I told my husband that we needed help, and I wanted to go to marriage counseling. He refused and said that he was too busy, started a new job recently and it was just another thing to add to the list of things he had to do. We had slowly become emotionally disconnected over the past 3 years until this point of complete disconnection. 3 months after that day, he started texting his AP which quickly turned into an EA with no in person contact. She refused to see him in person because she didn't want to lose her job as he was a client. The affair went on for 15 months before I discovered the cell records. When I confronted him, he said she was just a friend, and he needed someone and he started having feelings for her in the past few months. I said it's been going for 15 months and he laughed at me. He knew he was caught. It's been 17 months since Dday. He left a year ago to pursue a relationship with AP. He told our college aged kids that we were getting divorced because he had an affair, he is in love with her, he cares for me but isn't in love with me, doesn't want to be with me and doesn't want to try to work things out, and he's moving out in 3 days. They were home on break for Thanksgiving and going back to school the next day. Our kids were completely horrified and shocked. I cannot get that image our of my mind no matter how much I try. It has devastated me and broken my heart to see my kids in pain because of their Dad. The most painful part of this has been the suffering I've seen my kids go through. I'm struggling with anger and resentment for him telling him those sordid details that they didn't deserve nor need to hear.I have many regrets. We are trying to reconcile in marriage therapy and it's going no where. I'm stuck in anger and he is stuck in shame. I'm losing hope that we can heal from this. I struggle with feeling like I'm plan B and I don't really feel wanted. I'm the one who set-up marriage counseling, reading books, blogs, podcasts. I feel like I'm chasing him and he's going the break minimum. It's making me feel like a failure and feel defeated because he doesn't "get it". He never asked me to forgive him. He never asked me to reconcile. He never asked me to go to counseling. I've done all of those things and I'm beginning to see that this is a one sided relationship. I don't believe my therapist can help me. I don't believe our marriage counselor can help me. I don't believe that my spouse can help me. I need to help me and I don't know how to do it. I'm in desperate need of help. After marriage therapy last night I've decided to join Harboring Hope because I need people. I know I cannot do this alone. I need support from people like me who have walked in my boots, battered and torn, slogging through the deep trenches of pain and falling into the pits of despair. Sometimes Hope is all I have. Thank you for listening and haring your stories.

13 years ago I had an affair with a co-worker. I ended the affair and dedicated my life to proving my dedication and love to my husband. Over the past 13 years he has never accepted love from me and continues to do things that make me pay for the affair. In May of this year I found out that he has been drinking for the past 2-3 years and hiding it. He is an alcoholic. He has been going to a counselor and has only had a few slip ups. On Thanksgiving I found out that he has been having an affair. I was devastated. I've give him my everything for 13 years that I don't even know who I am anymore. It's been a little over a month and I'm still completely lost. I want to find myself again and not relay on him for my happiness. He says he has ended the affair and is not drinking but his work means nothing to me right now. I want to find the confidence that was talked about in one of the videos. I don't want to rely on him or control him to make myself happy.

The pain of the infidelity and the crumbling of our life is unbearable. I pray to have the opportunity to walk alongside other women of faith and strength to begin healing my heart. Thank you.

DDay was 8 weeks ago, and I still feel like I’m existing in a fog. My husband is not interested in anything Affair Recovery has to offer; on the contrary, he is in love with his affair partner, blames me for the affair, and threatens divorce almost daily. I am following a different program to try to save my marriage, and while it is helpful to that end, my trauma is not being addressed, causing me to swing wildly between hope for our marriage and devastation. It is a very lonely process, and I feel like I’m being lost amidst it all.

I was bound in shame and guilt for my entire life. That shame drove me into sex and porn addiction which I finally overcame. My marriage is shattered and I want to
Finally tackle shame to get completely free

At the end of November, my husband confessed to having an affair with an old girlfriend that went on for nearly 2 years. She had flown to my hometown so they could rendezvous. They even went on some of his work trips together (work trips I wanted to go on!). While they did meet up for sex, mostly the relationship involved lots of illicit text messages, calls, emails and Facetiming. However, as the details of this affair came out and I asked more questions, he admitted to other affairs with women back in his hometown and here locally where I live. The timeline of his affairs can be traced back all the way to 2016 when he had unprotected sex with a prostitute. A prostitute arranged and paid for by a wayward sibling of mine. My hurt is so deep.

Some days I am fully trusting that God is working in my situation and I am able to open my mouth sing His praises through my storm, other days my chest and body hurts so badly, I want to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed. I have experienced so much betrayal and I know so many details, I am triggered by everything! The world feels like one huge trigger - music, words, songs, names. Every night I think about him sleeping with other women. I'm living in a nightmare. I have also started to become accusing, merciless and unforgiving toward innocent people in my life who make easily forgivable mistakes. I feel that I can trust no one, and I am starting to destroy relationships with people I do love and trust because I am distrusting, accusing and so so very quick to anger. I need so much help to heal and become whatever God wants me to become after all of this. I know He has a plan, and it isn't to become angry and bitter. I want flourish and to teach my children by example that God makes beauty from ashes. I cannot do this unless I get help for my pain. Thank you for this opportunity to win a scholarship.