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Stuck in the storm

It's been a little over a year since I found out about my husband's infidelity. Though his affair was not long it left a huge whole in my being. Being a mother of two, finding out the affair in the midst of Post Partum depression with our third. I haven't had a chance to come up for air.
I am alive but I am dying instead. Everyday is a new question a new battle with myself. A new reason why I am not good enough. We are working on reconciliation and he has been far from supportive up until recent. He enrolled in the Hope for healing program as a last resort. He is making so many positive Changes and I still feel like I'm in quick sand. I've done courses. Reading. In group coaching. All of which have helped momentarily but I am right back to where I was.
With struggling with the infidelity I am also at war with anxious attachment and codependency of my spouse. All and all I feel like I'm drowning. I can't catch my breath. I am looking to get my life back. I need my life back. My children need their mother. I want to wake up in the morning and be at peace. Realize I'm in control of my life. That this doesn't have to be the end all for me. I need to feel free of this. I need tools that I can carry with me onto my children.
This course is my last hope. It's my only hope

This journey has been a very long and difficult season in my life. Just over 5 years ago my oldest daughter (at that time age 16) came to me and said “mom, I need to tell you something..” I knew exactly what she was going to say. A few days prior she was at her boyfriends house, clicked the messenger app and it, for some reason or another, logged into her dads account and she discovered what I had suspected for some time, her dad was having an affair. This was a couple months before our 21st wedding anniversary.

We had just moved to a new state the year before, I had no close friends, just acquaintances, no family and no support.

This was the beginning of the most heart wrenching, devastating and unpredictable reality of my marriage and life. And something I’ve had to walk out alone even though I’ve tried to find consistent, compassionate and reliable help.

At this point I have little to no hope in my future, I’m full of insecurities, and I’m desperate to put this season behind me already.

Will I ever find healing?

Walking through the valley with community.

My husband and I have been married almost 17 years. About a year ago things really started getting rough in our marriage. He was upset over my manipulation and control and I became upset over his (I thought inappropriate) friendship with another woman. We had many arguments and he decided we should do some sort of a separation. Since then, he has continued to separate himself more and more from me, and is currently planning to move into a camper trailer. I very much want our marriage to be healed but last I knew, he feels very ok with his friendship with this other woman and feel hopeless about our marriage. I so need wisdom on how to be able to heal, whether to take a stand on if he wants a separation then he needs to really separate instead of sticking around, or to try to totally leave him to make his own decisions in his own time. I have drawn very close to God during this time. If it wasn’t for Him I don’t know how I could still be hanging in there.

My husband of 32 years had an affair for 3 months before I found out via anonymous letter. He does not want to leave the marriage for her but he did fall in love with OW and it’s been rough ending it with her. He also has incurable cancer and will need treatments and care and his life will be shortened. I still love him but I can’t help but feel like I’m denying him of true happiness during the last years of his life. Things have really not been the same during this reconciling period and we have been stuck in the middle for the last 8 months because he does not want to end our marriage, but he also does not want to end his affair. He keeps coming back and giving me hope, but then returns to her after realizing he’s unhappy with me. I still love him and think about the end stages of his life. It’s hard to walk away.

Seeking gratitude in brokenness, and a path forward from pain. It isn't an easy journey, and I'm seeking support and help to ease the grief and burden of the process. Thank you for offering this life-changing course.

I just found out on Saturday that my husband was cheating, today is Thursday so the wounds are still fresh. I found out because he left a screen on his laptop open and I saw that he had a woman’s profile up. When I clicked on his profile, that’s when I saw he’d uploaded photos of his genitals and videos of him having sex with and getting oral sex performed on him by other women. It’s one thing to find out he’s cheating, it’s a whole other thing to see if with your own eyes. In your house. In your bed. Just writing this is dizzying and those images are burned on my eyelids.

Since then, my heart has been racing like I’m having a panic attack. I’ve been nauseous. And I alternate between deep, deep sadness and overwhelming anger.

I believe he knows he’s supposed to take responsibility, but he’s struggled with doing that while also reminding me that our marriage before the cheating wasn’t great and I played a big part in our unhappiness.

My faith is important to me. I know that God has forgiven me of so much—and sent his son to die so I can live in heaven—that I must forgive my husband. I know I will eventually do that, but I’m concerned that I will never want to have sex with him again.

I need help and this site and the videos give me a small glimmer of hope.

My husband and I have been together for about 5 years. Married for two years. Over the past three years I have discovered bits and pieces of his unfaithfulness that he lied his way out of. Shortly before our second anniversary I found women on his phone and got another false confession of half the truth. After that I found it all in his phone. He has lied since he met me. I do not want to divorce as it would betray my values but I can hardly look at him. I do not know who I am married to and I feel like I don’t know myself. This is the most painful and scary thing I have gone through in my life.

It’s been almost 6 months since my husband of 15 years told me he was unfaithful a week before our wedding and all throughout our marriage with 5 different women, one who I thought was a friend. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d write that about us. I made the decision to stay and fight in the midst of excruciating trauma and while I still want to fight, I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of hurt that I can’t seem to escape from which is resulting in it continuing to hurt me over and over again. I’m absolutely exhausted. I feel so alone. While my faith is strong, my hope feels weak so from all I’ve read and the promo videos I’ve watched, I feel like the Harboring Hope course will help me break free from this brutal cycle so I can move towards building something new. Thanks for the chance to win some hope, it’s so greatly appreciated.

Just last week, I found out my husband has been in an online affair for almost a year. After finding this out, he also admitted to me that he had sex with a woman before we were married but while together. We have only been married just over two years (together for 7). I can't believe this is happening already or at all. I'm broken and shocked. I felt so safe with him. My ex was a cheater and I swore I would never stay with a cheater again. But here I am, I love my husband. I do want to fight for our marriage. I'm feeling like a crazy person most days so far, emotions up and down all day long. It seems like I am seeing signs from God about fighting for my marriage so I am hoping to be able to do the work and heal, move forward and have a better marriage than we had. I think this course would help me a lot. I hope to be able to join and heal.

Thank you for all your offer to help those of us in these painful situations. I would very much like to attend Harboring Hope. I have experienced severe betrayal trauma from my husband's (primarily) emotional affair with his coworker, whom he still works with! That is an ongoing open wound for me that they still work together. My trauma/ptsd cycles have been severe. It's been four months since Dday, and two months since he stopped lying about it (trying to protect himself). This created a situation where I can't really trust that I've heard all of it. He's gotten frustrated and his attempts to comfort me have dried up. While I believe, when I'm calm, that nothing new is happening, I still fear that it might happen again as well as suffer cruelly that it happened at all. We've been married 34 years and nothing like this happened before. Him still working with a woman who helped turn a wonderful, devoted husband and father into a man who risked everything and betrayed me and our marriage is a constant source of pain and fear. I need help! Thank you.

We had a beautiful family I thought ....... My children are wonderful but after many struggles, I now know believe my husband cannot be faithful to me. After stuffing my knowledge of this and surviving his addiction to porn and at least one prostitute that I know of and actually believing in his recovery, the evidence now shows signs of not a full recovery. I don't want to go through this again. I feel stupid. Why did I stay this long. I want out but can't see myself hurting my children with this knowledge.

I am entering the drawing for a chance to attend Harboring Hope. It has been just over two years since the discovery. We hadn’t been getting along very well and I was no longer putting up with this childish behavior and antics. I have decided that the tantrums, name-calling, breaking/throwing things, baseless, accusations, and blame for things I wouldn’t ever consider doing needed to be nipped in the bud. He felt that I was being mean and uncooperative with my new attitude and boundaries. Therefore, he thought it was a good idea to hire as a helper, a local lady who is a friend of ours ex-wife, and has quite the reputation for consorting with married men. I was unaware of this work arrangement as he was working an hour from home. The morning he left, he kissed me. Goodbye, told me he loved me and said he will be back in a few days with the money to pay the bills as they were getting behind. I wasn’t working because he wanted me to take care of the family at home. A mutual acquaintance that he confided in about this had been trying to give me hints the two weeks before this discovery. Finally, she said we should go down there and that would prove it either way. I agreed, and to my complete shock and devastation she was right. That night is forever etched in my mind like a slow motion playing movie. What I witnessed left me speechless, and I was instantly in survival mode, and believe I have been ever cents. He was gone for about two months. He came back on the premise of wanting to say hi and talk, but we really didn’t talk about everything like I wanted to. I patiently waited and would bring it up as I had found and read the texts, Snapchat, and messages between them. It read like a story. I found various papers with notes and information. Armed with this information, I began to question different events and timelines, to which he would get defensive and ultimately shut me down. There were a couple of occasions where he did talk about a few things, but never to my satisfaction. I have so many questions, and I can’t process what happened without knowing where his mind set was and basically taking that information and putting myself in his shoes and walking through it myself. As of right now I am unable to believe anything he says. I can’t even nail down who ended it which to me is very important. Her ex-husband, our friend, would stop over and visit me with his girlfriend and tell me what he had heard either through her or their kids. I can’t continue to live like this. I am completely devastated and I feel like my soul has been ripped in half. Some days are better than others, but it’s always in the back of my mind. I wonder about the different things I was told by others and many of the things he told me don’t line up with what I read, which leaves me in a place of confusion, because what I read, showed me the relationship from beginning to end and seem more realistic than what he has told me. With all the truth, I will never be able to move forward with him. He doesn’t seem to understand the importance or maybe he does but it’s more important for him to control how it looks. I filed for divorce once, but stopped it. I’m about to file again. This is no life, I think it’s cruel to not disclose everything necessary for me to make the decision on which way to go. I am hoping that your Harboring Hope course will help me deal with this and regardless of what happens with the disclosure, I’ll be able to move in whatever direction I need to confidently.

I would like to go through Harboring Hope. 12 years ago my husband and I attended an EMS seminar and I thought we both learned a lot and grew. Now during the last few months he left me and our family to "work on himself" but instead began dating a friend of mine. I feel betrayed by him and by her. I need to find my way again because I feel blind-sided. It is getting hard to leave my house and to participate in life. I tried my best to grow but right now I question everything. I wish I had done Harboring Hope back in 2012. I wanted to but made the marriage and family more important than myself.

I see how she's struggling everyday and I'm trying to help as much as possible.

I found out 8 months ago that my wife had a full-blown affair for over a year many years ago (which she had confessed as an emotional affair back then, and we had gone through a counseling and healing process at that time). She broke it off after maintaining secret communication and connection during our counseling, and has been faithful for 17 years. She has lied to me numerous times over the years about the affair, but the truth came out through a series of partial disclosures in 2023.

I have been more traumatized and broken than I would have even imagined before the confession. The layers of pain and confusion from the betrayal and subsequent faithfulness, of so many years of covering up and directly lying to me, combined with the fact that she chose to leave him behind and go through the pain of separating from him and recommitting to me without me even knowing, and the impact we can see this has had on our marriage and family - it is overwhelming. I seem to have all the symptoms of what is described as typical in betrayal trauma and recovery, with the added blessing and confusion of it being long in the past. She is truly repentant and is doing honest self-work in counseling and trying to support me and us in my/our healing process (except for the multiple lies to try and cover up the extent of what she did). I have been working on trauma recovery and grieving with my therapist, but I have been saying to myself and to my wife that I feel so alone I feel that I need to know some other men who have been betrayed. My wife and I have agreed that Harboring Hope seems to be the most likely course offering from Affair Recovery. I am broken and need some male support.

My husband has betrayed twice and this time he chose the other woman over me. I just want to feel whole again.

I discovered my husband's adultery 12 years ago and I forgave him. We worked together to rebuild our once beautiful and unique treasured marriage. I spent so much energy rebuilding that I feel like I wasn't there for the kids. We have 4 children and 3 of them are now adults. I feel so useless now that they have their own lives and I am left with a broken marriage and a traumatised me. My life feels so hopeless, so broken. I feel like a failure. I'm realising that I've experienced a deep deep trauma that has been slowly stealing away my physical and my mental health. My brain has changed. I am full of resentment, blame and regret. I don't know how to heal. I have lost all hope. I am crying almost everyday. I don't know what to do or if Harboring Hope would help rescue me and our marriage. It feels like we are married singles. I don't feel like we connect anymore. He keeps his distance because he is full of guilt and instead of helping me with my issues, he curls up into a ball and stays away. He busies himself with work and the church while I feel like a withering flower that is slowly dying. My health is so bad. What else will go wrong? I need to find the right type of help because I want us to recover the marriage we once shared. I thought I was a hero for forgiving him and saving our marriage but now it feels like we are far from being saved. We are sinking. Is Harboring Hope what I desperately need??

I am hurting so badly still. I thought I had healed but I am full of sadness, disappointment, resentment and regret. I discovered my husband's betrayal nearly 12 years ago. Divorce had never been an option for me so I forgave my husband and I focused all of my energy on rebuilding our marriage. We attended Retrouvaille here in the UK because we didn't find anything else specific to betrayal. We had some counselling but not enough as we could not afford to pay anymore sessions. We have 4 children. My youngest was a year old when I uncovered the affair. All I have ever wanted was for us to be whole again but I still find the pain and the regret overwhelming. I still cry almost everyday at the thought of it. I am trying hard to get past it as I forgave my husband for it but it feels like we have lost the beautiful and special marriage we had prior to the betrayal. We had met in such a special way. We were soul mates. A match made in heaven. Virgins to our wedding day. Committed to loving each other until death do us part. Since the betrayal I feel that I have lost myself, I focused so much on rebuilding that I neglected to focus on raising my kids the way I had always envisioned raising a family. I feel like so much has been stolen from me including my sanity, my mental and my physical health. I am slowly dying and decaying, I don't know how to carry on or if God truly cares about my happiness. I feel such profound sadness and I don't ever feel happy or joyful anymore. When I look at my husband I mostly see what he did to us, to me. The jewel of the marriage we once had has been stolen and destroyed. My life is a huge mess because of what he did. I know that it was satan not him but still I can't help but to feel utter disappointment that he freely chose to betray and destroy what we had. He is prospering and doing well while I just keep getting worse and losing my health. My kids are growing up and living their lives whilst I feel more and more useless and alone. I lost hearing in one ear 10 years ago; I had to have a hysterectomy 5 years ago; my memory is failing; I can't concentrate or learn new information; I suffer with insomnia... And I can't help to think that it is all a result of the devastating pain and the betrayal trauma that was never addressed properly or fully. Can Harboring Hope help me heal from that trauma??? I pray that God will help me heal because I have nothing much left to live for. All I am clinging on to is my Faith and trying to be grateful each day but it is sooooo hard :( THANK YOU.

I've been wounded by the person I trusted the most in my life. My best friend, my lover, my co-parenting partner, my soul mate. I've turned into a wounded wounder and I don't want that. I wanted to be a wounded healer, one that helps others as well as myself.

I have to forgive for my own sanity! It is only hurting ME. I have tried but I just can’t. I don’t know how. I know God says he cannot forgive me until I can forgive. I need someone to tell me how! I met this man when I was a senior in high school. I fell hard for him, fast. His parents and mine had lived in the same neighborhood years before I met him. I grew up in a Christian home and my father had always taught me that if I got married, you didn’t divorce. So, I did not want to disappoint my father. This guy was a lot of fun. Everyone knew him. When we went on vacation, no matter where it was, we always ran across someone that knew him. He was very confident. I think that was one of his downfalls. I don’t know, maybe I really did know what he was doing all along and just didn’t want to admit it. I was just brought up that When you got married, you stopped all the bad things you were doing. I had no reason to think he was lying to me. Boy, how wrong I was! As bad as it got, I never once betrayed him. To this day I see women that looks familiar to me, that turns out to be someone he slept with.

of the country. I needed space to think because the 24 hours that I was home I was not the best mom, I felt like I was flailing my child, so I needed support. During that time I just wanted to stay in the dark and googled so many things about affairs, and demanded answers from my husband. A few months later i returned to my house because I thought I was in a better place and as soon as I landed I was so scared and anxious. I felt like this woman could show up at any time, every woman similar to her and her car was a threat. I would randomly cry and get mad. I started acting like someone I didn’t know. I’m generally a leveled heard person, but at some point I would flood and say and do things that didn’t make sense. I have read so much about affairs and trauma, it has consumed my life. At first I wanted to figure out how my husband and I could come back from this or see if it was even possible, but he’s so stuck in his guilt and remorse that sometimes he can’t find empathy for me. now I just want to come back from this myself, be better for myself, by healing I know everything will not be perceived as a threat and I know that when I heal I will be able to open my heart again to someone new or my husband if he chooses to heal.

This devastating experience cannot be the end of 'me'. I am refusing to become a shell of a person because of my husband's affair. Repeated disclosures, deceit, and continuation with the affair partner has destroyed my perception of self. I can't trust anyone, and I even experience triggers when my kids try to lie or cover up something. This is no way to live.
Enough is enough, and I cannot let this be where my story stops.
I had prayed for months that we might do EMS online together, that we could put ourselves out there to heal as a couple. But in realizing he still isn't done with the AP I have to separate and find healing for myself.
My therapist is wonderful, but hasn't experienced infidelity personally. My hope is to find a sisterhood that can finally validate my pain and help heal along with me.
I'm so thankful for Affair Recovery and the countless articles/videos they have posted. It's one of the only places left where I can feel safe....

I want to participate in Harboring Hope to help heal myself. My husband has had an affair but other than apologizing once, is not really committed to doing anything to build me or our relationship back up. I am putting in so much effort for us but at the encouragement of my therapist, I am looking for ways to pour effort and healing into myself alone. I still have hope that we can build back our relationship and be stronger and in love again but I also recognize that I need healing, with or without him. I would love to be a part of Harboring Hope so I can find internal healing and self love while rounded by women who understand my despair and confusion.

I'm still having difficulty trusting again even though the affair happened 5 years ago. I go for periods of time where I think everything is fine and then something seemingly innocuous happens and I get triggered and the betrayal feels fresh again. I feel like I cannot move forward and that's why I want to take this course. I really want to be able to trust my partner again.

I am 10 months out from DDay and still struggling with some anger, disappointment, and discouragement of where I am at in the timeline of recovery. I believe that I would benefit from talking with others who have gone through a similar experience. My spouse and I have taken the EMS Online course but our group did not match us well and there were no spouses of my same gender that were betrayed. This made having someone to talk impossible for me. My family does not know and I don't feel like damaging anyone else is important to my recovery. I would appreciate the opportunity to work through this with other women who have gone through it to let me know that what I am feeling is normal and that these feelings will lessen eventually. Guidance from the faciltator would also be helpful. I have seen a therapist and worked through some of my anxieties and triggers. I don't want to lengthen this journey of grief any longer than necessary. We are a story of reconciliation and forgiveness but my hurt is still evident.

Hi to the amazing staff at affair recovery. I discovered my husband's infidelity 15 years in our marriage. It was his first full blown affair, although he had tried (subconsciously) over the years to make something happen w the various female runners he hangs with.
Anyway, I discovered what I thought was a 2 week long emotional affair, friend of a friend who has a history of poaching spouses, and it turns out it went on from Oct 2023 to the middle of Feb 2024, when I discovered it. And they texted all day every day, had sex 3 times, "fell in love," and so on. Supposedly we had a good marriage and we have a 9 yo son. I am devastated, ruined, a shell of a person. I finally found out the full extent of it a month ago, after about 5 D-Days brought about because of my intensive, newly found computer skills. He was never coming clean until I figured it all out. Sk here we are, watching your life saving videos daily for hours and in counseling. It is gut wrenching, hard work. I can't believe my husband of so many years told someone he loved them daily for 5 months, let alone fucked them and put me down to justify their behavior. Such a trainwreck of a million mistakes, for nothing but a fantasy fake relationship. Anyway, I love your site, it has literally saved my life and maybe my marriage, and we will take all the help we can get.

I have lived for so long with being betrayed multiple times that I don’t even know where to start. I was his affair in his first marriage, but little did I know I wasn’t the only one at that time. In all honesty I am glad his first wife got out in time to recover her life, because their marriage lasted only 2 years and I hope she is happy now! I have no idea why I am still in this marriage to be honest. I want myself back! I need to find a way to gain my confidence back and to understand why all of this is happening.

Never in a million years. It’s a term that swirls daily in my mind. I hear it frequently from my husband. The past 22 years of my life and best friend now just a memory. All because he and a good friend of mine decided them having fun, had more value than my happiness. I am trying to work on it. I’d say we are, but I believe it was a “love addiction” affair, so he can’t seem to pull his mind away from it. It’s not been sexual since D day, but neither can seem to stop the contact. I cannot wrap my head around how two people can’t understand the emotional impact on another human being because of their actions. He chose to come home and yet his head lives in another world. It’s gut wrenching to say the least. Our poor children although I’ve protected them as much as possible from this small town nonsense have lost their happy mother who lived her life adoring their every move. Now just a shell of a human just trying to get up everyday. I dream of a day feeling respected and worth something again. Countless hours now researching the how’s, whys, what to do’s, but with no specialized services in our area to help work on my healing. It’s such a sad, lonely position to be in. My heart and world shattered. To all others out there in my position, I am so sorry for you all. This pain is excruciating. My heart goes out to you all.

I would like to take Harboring Hope because I think I am lacking just that ...hope.

It feels like an impossible situation - even though in my head I know nothing is impossible with God.

In our situation I prayed for my husband for two years to encounter the love of Father God to step more fully into being a son which would help him lead our family (my greatest heart desire). All the whole the Lord was working on me - He was asking me to submit and surrender my last name which I never did at our wedding 11 years prior because I was rejected by my husband's father and it just wasn't a huge deal to my husband. The Lord revealed the pain and fear that caused me to make that decision and He healed that and I changed my last name to my husband's. My husband laughed at first saying he never saw that coming but later said he did feel a shift unexpectedly. And actually I did too - it's like we finally became one.

Within a month my husband went on a backpacking trip with a ministry that brought people into Creation to encounter God. I knew this was going to be an answered prayer moment andy husband was going to be marked by God.

He was, and he did encounter the Father like never before, but he also met a woman on this trip who reminded him of me 10 years prior (a familiar spirit) and a snare was laid in front of my husband that he fell into. This woman never felt safe with a man before because of her trauma, and my husband loved the feeling of a savior role.

He came home immediately talking about her, including the fact that she had cheated on her husband before "because of her trauma" . All the red flags went up obviously and I said that he needed to stop talking to her in private - but he could talk to her on a group text with the other people on the trip. Well that set him off and he chose rebellion and he went into hidden texts, calls, etc.

I caught him and he was beyond upset and just called me a crazy triggered wife. He said he didn't want someone telling him what he could and couldn't do. Eventually a counseling friend got him to understand my heart, and the protection of our marriage. He begrudgingly agreed to end contact.

I immediately forgave him, trusted him, and we moved forward.

I thought we were doing well, we had picked up some new habits together of reading the Word together and discussing it as well as dreaming about the future. We celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary where I catered everything to him to show him I honored and valued him and wanted to help him pursue his dreams.

Within two weeks he started treating me horribly seemingly out of the blue. He started saying crazy things to me he never had before that degraded me. He started looking at me like I was nothing to him. I would cry and he would just stand there looking at me angry. When I knew he had went back to talking to her and I brought it up he gaslighted me and called me crazy. He turned into a man I never knew prior.

After a month of this a male leader in the church called him out . He immediately denied it then went into defending it. Then it turned into him telling me he was never going to tell me, and that I ruined everything. When he was guided to end it again, he said he needed another month . When I requested to have his phone and other accesses he blew up and told me this was all my fault.

He ended it within a few days but he would only do it privately. He said it was none of my business. And he proceeded to treat me as if it was all my fault for the next two months.

It's been 5 months since then. We have tried a counselor and while it has helped in some ways it has not helped in my healing as I'm told things like, "he can't make you feel anything - you have a choice to feel angry - but that's about you not him ". I haven't been able to process many emotions and it's led to ambivalence.

I could use some hope ....

I have come to a place in my life in which I recognize I need something like Harboring Hope. Life no longer holds any meaning or hope for me. After a few short years after marriage I found myself betrayed by my wife whom I thought I knew. She had found AP's at her work place and pursued her new life while I labored to love and provide her with everything I thought she was desiring in life.

It is so difficult to write about this - I still feel numb and the pain in my mind and heart overcome my ability to even think rationally and convey my thoughts and feelings.

Something caused her to stray and she relished the attention of her co-workers and others and found them more desirable than I. After a years time she confessed to our pastors and then, with them, came to tell me. At the time, I somehow forgave her because I realized how much God had forgiven me and I was to do the same for others. It was difficult for a time but I became busy with life and tried not to let it bother me for the next 30 years.

After three children and 30 years of family memories something happened in my life and all the events leading up the affairs came rushing back into my life. In addition, I found out she had remained "friends" with these AP's via social media and texting. I completely broke down this time and lost everything I had known as life. I sought numerous professional therapy/counselors and Pastoral counsel with no help whatsoever - they didn't have a clue as to how to help. I did recognize I (we) had never grieved or worked through the events 30 years before.

When I found AR and Harboring for Hope, I realized this might be what I need to help me. The pain of infidelity is like nothing I have ever known and I don't know where else to turn. It's been almost two years now, trying to work through this, but nothing has gotten better. The intrusive thoughts plague me daily. My personal faith has been severely damaged and I struggle with it now instead of turning to my faith in God. I have come to the place that either divorce or dying is my ticket out. I don't think divorce would even help since the memories and thoughts are still there.

I grieve and weep with those who have to walk through this. I don't know how some have been able to come out onto the other side of this.

In my heart and my mind I have doubts to ever be free from this, but maybe Harboring Hope is the key........

My husband had an affair 30 years ago. Yes, 30 years ago. It lasted, supposedly, for 3 weeks. He ended it and came back home. He told me very little about the affair. But, because I wanted him to come back to me so badly, I didn’t say too much or ask much about it. When I did ask questions, I was given very little information, only a first name and where she worked.
We fought about it for a few years and then I litterally blocked it from my mind and went about our lives as normal. We raised two daughters together and stayed mostly happily married.
Recently, a picture of her surfaced on my Facebook newsfeed. When I saw the name attached to the picture, and a mutual friend had reposted this pic, I immediately thought, could this be her? I showed the picture to my husband, and he said “possibly”. I knew it was her and it is. For the last six month, since I have seen her picture and went down rabbit hole and found out all I could, I have been extremely angry. It feels like it just happened and it has been 30 years. I am commented by images and thoughts and my anxiety is so high most of the time. I am miserable and I am making my husband miserable.
We don’t know what to do. I am stuck in this crazy weird feeling of jealousy, anger, and comparison mode. I need help before I drive my husband completely away or I drive myself crazy with these thoughts and feelings.