I enrolled in Harboring Hope to get off this island of isolation after 7 months of living hell since two d-days before and after the holidays. With 5 months of professional intensive PACT infidelity couples and individual counseling completed, my unfaithful husband and I have started a path toward repair, potential reconciliation and had disclosure to our college-aged children. We have done some hard work in therapy, but it still feels like a long road ahead for me to completely restore and heal myself and also trust and forgive him. Some days, I have hope for our rebuilt new marriage, and other days I think I'm crazy for trying at all. My husband's infidelities spanned 2/3 of our 23 year marriage. He says he wants to repair and rebuild our marriage. Five months ago, he ended relationships with all 8 APs in his workplace, closed his office, and stopped all of his addictions including porn, but he still resists on-going professional therapy for himself for a variety of reasons (cost, avoidant attachment style, thinks he can do it on his own now...), but somewhat reluctantly still goes to couples therapy. He's also ruined his career, his livelihood to support our family and our home sanctuary where he brought 1 AP while I was out of town. In the midst of this hell, I/we may also have to move! I see his chronic shame, and it's his life's work and an opportunity to finally deal with it. Will he? My self esteem is still recovering from rock bottom. I continue to feel very depressed and anxious and on an insane rollercoaster of hope, pain, grief, loss, sadness, anger and rage. These days, I notice more feelings of wavering in my resolve and resilency to keep going. I'm so tired! My/our friends care about me/us, but don't really want to interact with us now. They have their own feelings of disgust, disappointment, as well as ideas about what I/we should do. Some want me to leave the marriage and move on. I feel isolated, alone and crave a community that has experienced this, understands and supports this insane journey. For months, I've been looking for a local infidelity support group in my community and found none. I know the isolation that I feel is a part of my pain and struggle so I'm getting off the island of isolation with Harboring Hope! I found AR a few weeks ago and watching the Recovery Library videos has given me some moments of peace, validation, perspective and way finding. My husband will watch some of the videos with me, and he also seems to receive benefit too. Thank you AR for your Recovery Library and Harboring Hope!

I found out from our daughter. She saw my husband of 31 years was texting someone secretly on his phone. I confronted him when he got home, all was deleted & denied. I confiscated his phone the next morning & the neighbor lady texted “good morning sexy”.
We had a long conversation, he said that’s all it was & he told her to not contact him ever again.
This sane daughter had gotten her phone stolen so I went online to find out any activity but saw my husbands phone with thousands of texts in a 3 month period. He admitted it was with a neighbor lady & they were sexting but nothing else. She was also dating his brother during this time.
October 2018, his brother broke up with this lady & he revealed that my husband was having a physical affair with her years ago & she wasn’t the only one..
we are in therapy, he is in therapy for the affair & other addictions. I am devastated but want my marriage to work. He is truly working on us but it’s a long hard process. I/we are in need of any help.

What you can do for me:
I'm looking for some tools to help me heal. It's hard looking at my own situation unbiasedly, as I am in the muck chest deep. I need other perspectives and I need hope.

1 month since Dday, my husbands relapse with the same woman, he only sees her a couple of times a year at a camp they both go to and because he says he felt like I didn’t want him intimately anymore had sex with her again!!!! And now is it sure how he feels about me. I gave him opportunity to leave but he says doesn’t want to, I am in such emotional turmoil some days I can barely breathe.
We hardly did any recovery work when he had the initial affair 5 yrs ago and I suspect that is why we are hear again!!

I have devoured most things on the AR website. My husband and I have been to EMS. He entered H4H. In my mind I have been doing everything I should do to heal. I have a counselor, same as his and our joint sessions as well. We have been married for 28 years. 2 affairs, 1/2 confession May 2018, 1/2 June 2018. At this point there is no commitment made to do whatever it takes and begin reconciliation on his part. I voiced my willingness to do so in February after the 2nd discovery of them together. As I said, I thought I was doing everything possible to heal. Now I am not so sure. I am loosing hope in the fight and may need to start an entire separate healing process. A professional look and new words will possiblly bring me clarity into this healing process. It is time for me to look differently at my healing. I trust HH can take me to where I can get a stronger grip on this process.

I've been married for 32 years, have 3 beautiful kids, 2 grandchildren and 1 on the way. My husband has had multiple affairs for more than 1/2 our marriage. The 1st disclosure came 12 years into the marriage. I can't speak politely. I'm disrespectful. Clearly, I have major issues with him. I just don't know why, why now, what triggered? Many unanswered questions. I see all the anger, resentment and bitterness that is harboring just beneath the service. I realize I'm emotionally damaged and haven't dealt with any of my feelings. I have been in denial for over 20 years. I've lived a life of loneliness and lies, always seeking true intimacy but never getting it. When I do pull myself together and begin to heal, something else happens and I'm sucker punched. I'm tired. I need help. Today is the day I'm going to have the conversation, "you can say no, but life doesn't stay the same as you know it". I receive a text from him that unemployment is ending and now we don't have enough $ coming in to pay our bills. How do I demand a EMS weekend now? Credit cards are maxed. Lord. Well, that's my story. I have so much regret that I didn't deal with him 20 years ago. Now I'm 52 years old and don't know what to do. I need a support group and a day like Hope Rises. I am so disappointed in myself. I've walked through life eyes wide shut while claiming I could see. I'm a coward, who still loves my husband and believes that God has a plan for us. I need help that's all I know.

We have finished EMSO and are 1 of 3 couples committed to MFL weekly call. It has been 10 months since dday and only 4 weeks since last relapse of any contact with AP. My UH says he wants to remain married to me, but he refuses to be intimate as he needs to figure out some stuff in his head before having sex again. I just listened to Rick's Q&A about figuring out the person I want to be outside of what my UH does or doesn't do. I would like to figure that out.

We have finished EMSO and are 1 of 3 couples committed to MFL weekly call. It has been 10 months since dday and only 4 weeks since last relapse of any contact with AP. My UH says he wants to remain married to me, but he refuses to be intimate as he needs to figure out some stuff in his head before having sex again. I just listened to Rick's Q&A about figuring out the person I want to be outside of what my UH does or doesn't do. I would like to figure that out.

It will be one year in August that i found out about my husbands affair. It has gotten a little easier, but i am still tormented with this betrayal. His affair partner revealed it to me. She was a lady he worked with. She showed up at my office one afternoon to drop the bomb because they had ended it and she was trying to get back at him. The affair went on for 4 years. She stated that it started out romantically but eventually was only sexual. He claims it was never romantic. He claims he has no feelings for you, and that's why it was so easy to end it after he become dissatisfied at her wanting more. They mostly met for about an hour after work and had sex in her pick up truck. She was driving it the day she was at my office. Now every time i see a white pickup truck i think about them having sex in it. I also was able to retrieve 3 years worth of explicit sex text messages. Probably the worst thing that i could have done. Now i replay these over and over in my mind. In the beginning he become very angry with me when i asked questions, he tried to put the blame on me. He seems now to be taking responsibility for his actions, but still doesn't want to talk about it as much as i need. I haven't spoken a word of the affair to anyone. I am completely alone and some days feel like i am going to burst. I think i haven't shared this information is i feel shame. I know i shouldn't, but it's like what is wrong with me. Wasn't i good enough for him. If he loves me like he says then how could he do this to me. I need this help to start to feel true healing. Thank you.

I recently attended the EMS weekend and found it to be extremely helpful. I would like to enter the drawing because I now know that we not only need to work on our marriage, but I need individual help getting through this. The quality of materials I've seen are second to none and the people involved at AR are a godsend. I hope I'm the lucky person drawn as I continue my journey.

I found out about my husband's most recent affair in July 2018 after finding some Facebook messages between him and the AP. He told me he would stop messaging her, and I believed him. Fast forward to September 2018 and I found out he had sent flowers to her at work. When confronted, he denied it, but two weeks later I told him I had confirmed with the flower shop that his order was delivered to the AP at work. He told me he was leaving. We did separate for a few weeks but saw each other occasionally and he decided he wanted to stay in the marriage. This is his 3rd affair in 6 years. None of the affairs have been overtly sexual, though there has been physical contact. Two weeks ago I found out he had not told me everything that happened with this affair. He confirmed that when I found the Facebook messages, the affair had already become physical and had been going on for "awhile." Finding out this new information feels like D-day all over again and I can't stop thinking there must be more he is not telling me. He just says he "didn't want to hurt me" by telling me. He says he is ready to commit to counseling and recovery and we have talked about the fact that we need to work through recovery completely this time so we don't end up here again in a couple of years, like we have in the past. I think Harboring Hope could really help me in my personal recovery.

My husband and I are working through the beyond EMS material, and it's been very helpful. I would still like to take Harboring Hope as I work individually through my own emotions and junk. Please pick me!

I know this course will help me in my recovery from my husband’s affair. I have to learn how to be ok and I can’t do that on my own.

I am hoping to be selected in the drawing for Harboring Hope as I have recently found clarity in completing our 9th week of EMSO. I look forward to obtaining "New Hope" through the Harboring Hope program.
In 2015 my world was rocked to its core by my husband's admission to a pornography and sexual addiction. We had been married 32 years at that time. Even though our lives had already weathered the ups and downs of career, relocations and raising our sons. From all outward appearances; we looked like, and I felt as if we were; a super couple with a super family, living in a super neighbor, surrounded by super people, attending a super church. BUT: It was all one big facade because one party was holding onto a huge secret.
The discovery and the fallout left me completely empty and hopeless. It has taken years to find the right professional help and programs that can successfully deal with addictive behaviors and denial. We have been to countless intensives, many week-long retreats, and spent our retirement money on counseling. Our enrollment into EMSO, was an effort on my mate's part to try to make repair from he latest relapse and poor behavioral choices. I have a fresh hope that something is getting through to him this time. He is making efforts that he has not before, and I have a better understanding of the role I am playing. I am more hopeful than I have been in the past 4 years of recovery work. EMSO has made the recovery path very clear. Not easy, but clear; and with clarity I am finding New Hope.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. 2 years and 3 months ago I learned the sad news of his affair through pictures and messages on his phone. It has been a very hard road of trying to heal and staying together as that's what he chose, yet he has not done any recovering work, we went to a couple of counseling sessions but he didn't want to go back, he saw some videos from Samuel but never with an effort or willingness to do so, he read a couple of articles but with the same unwilling attitude so I guess he did it just to get me off his back about it. All this lack of work from his part including not giving me full disclosure about his affair has completely damaged my heart my mind and my soul. I feel so hopeless to forgive him while living with him and so hopeless to move on while in this relationship. That maybe harboring hope might be a help to my broken soul, I'm just so hopeless but who knows this might help. Every article I read every video I watch about this subject hurts hurts hurts, ironically specially when they talk about healing.

1 year past 1st Dday
4 weeks since last time the AP tried to contact my UH. (He hasn't blocked her number and her phone call came over the car blue tooth while I was in the car)
I love him, but I can't live like this.
I feel like I have been buried alive.

Most of the posts I see are from woman so I thought us betrayed men deserved a post.
After almost five decades of marriage, I discovered my wife has had four affairs with four different men, two of which were friends of mine. The first two affairs were 24 years ago and the last two began two years ago. I truly understand she owns her choices but my behavior and her codependency caused all four of the affairs.
I found Affair Recovery online and what a blessing it has been! I've watched every blog video and free resource I could find and my wife is now watching them as well.
D-Day was six months ago and my hurt and anger was off the charts for about seven weeks. The reoccurring thoughts still occure but are less devestating than in the beginning. I still search her email and phone messages but have found nothing. Finding nothing is encouraging to her commitment to healing. We also started the free Bootcamp about six weeks ago and are on day four, it works for us even though we're taking it slow but purposefully.
Hope is our prayer and keeping our eye on the goal is our focus to healing. It's working but it's not easy! With love!

In need of help to end this nightmare!

After 17 years of marriage and 5 plus years of betrayal, I am slowly gaining myself back. Who am I? Where did I go? What happened and why didn’t I listen to my intuition?
All of these are questions I will hopefully have answers for... eventually. I will work through my grief and find myself again.

When I discovered my husband's affair 7 months ago, for some reason I was filled with strength and hope. I thought: "I will forgive. I will love. Our marriage will be stronger than ever!" Then as the details emerged my optimism unraveled and I was left helpless and hopeless. Moments of peace are fleeting, because my entire life has been destroyed, shattered by the man I committed my life to.

I feel like we're not even married. We promised to live our lives together but he quickly and easily found another woman to put in my place. I feel so worthless, ugly, and unloveable. I have no feelings in my heart, which I feel has hardened to keep me alive. Is there hope? If so, for what? Joy? Peace? A love without betrayal? I wonder why I wasn't enough. Why was I so easy to cheat on? I thought we had a great life. I thought we were happy. Now I see no love in my future and I'm so mad and depressed I can't even think straight. Would love to try everything before giving up.

I found out the weekend after Mother's Day 2019 that my husband had an affair with a woman 15 years younger. He did not tell me I found text messages. We have been married almost 25 years. Looking back now in hind site the past 2 years are clearer. I was trying so hard to fix our marriage while he was pushing me away because he was living a double life. It would take thousands of words to explain all the pain he has put me thru.He said he chose me and the family (we have 3 kids). I was under so much stress and anxiety and sorrow and I had to hide all of this from the kids...I was trying to protect them I guess. I was so hurt and angry. We decided to tell the kids because I asked him to leave for a week. Telling the kids was heartbreaking. They cried. Our son is 20 and our twin girls are 17. My son took me for a drive after and spoke such grown up words to me. The 2 of us I cried together for over an hour. After that week apart my husband came back saying he was putting me and the family first.Then I found out he had started seeing her again. He was fishing at the beach and he had been so angry and mean to me on the phone. God spoke to me and told me to drive to the beach. As I drove there I just prayed "God just give me an answer I will accept whatever it is." I saw them with another friend get off our boat. I confronted both of them. It was hard. My husband did not defend me, he was like a deer in the headlights. I drove home crying and he followed. My son confronted his dad and expressed his disappointment in him. That was a Monday. On Tuesday we met to discuss things about divorce...God kept harping on me to ask this question "is this what you really want" I fought with God not wanting to ask this...after all this was not my fault. Finally I asked and he said "NO" we took a walk and we talked about God. He told the AP he did not want to see her again. Several weeks later he asked God to be his savior. We did a 31 day marriage devotional and prayed most nights together before bed. Now it seem like we are losing steam and I have a hard time with my thoughts. I feel low, depressed, cast aside,humiliated,embarrassed, and so sad. I am having a hard time at work. I just want to HEAL and I am struggling horribly. I have not forgiven my husband but I do want to. I believe God can restore our marriage but I need help. I am scared I will never get over/thru this and that I will never feel the same for my husband and I do not want to live the rest of my life like this. I want restoration more than anything. I want to be happy again. This IS NOT who I am meant to be for the rest of my life. I cannot accept that. Money is very hard right now and I hope you will consider me for this gift of healing. It is in God's hands and I do trust Him more than anyone. Thank you for reading this, SG

I have been married for 15 years, in those 15 years we have had our ups and downs, we moved from NC, to AZ and then to FL where we are today. We have two children, a 13 year old girl and a 12 year old boy. We met as middle schoolers, went to high school and college together but only started dating in college. We were married in 2004 after 5 years of dating, and by 2006 had our first and 15 months later our 2nd was born. Life was busy and hectic and I chose to stay home after our son was born. My husband wanted to pursue a career in arts administration with managing an orchestra and he succeeded!! We moved in 2014 across the country to chase the dream job, only to jump again in 2016 to chase the same (but bigger) job in Florida. However our first move proved our marriage was not as strong as we thought. It was not an easy move for me, he lived alone for a few months 2,000 miles away while the kids and I finished our school year, then we moved out to be with him. I was not a pleasant wife at the time, holding a grudge over him with the move but I eventually learned to love our new home. However the grass seemed greener on the other side of the country so away we did it again, and though we did it together this time it was still stressful. Stressful with starting over and settling in but with bigger responsibilities and a realization (later on) that we were not supporting each other in our accomplishments.

In 2019 my husband lost his job that brought us to Florida, and that is where our struggle became even more prevalent. I wasn’t “there” for him, holding anger against the individuals who wronged him, allowing others to comfort him when it should have been me. He sought out friends, coworkers that understood the business, the people involved and could relate. I kept asking for time for just us now that the stress of the job was gone but he was already pushing away. He found the interest of another woman who he had hired and relocated to work in Florida. She had a husband and a 2 year old boy, but very soon after starting the job she started to have feelings for my husband. Seeing the stress of the job, hearing the water cooler talk at work and having a “professional” yet “personal” relationship at work their friendship was growing in more ways than it should have. After he lost the job, they connected outside of work where she expressed her attraction to him. He initially refused her advances but realized I was not providing him the same attention that she was giving him, and he let his guard down and let it grow for him. It was a strong emotional affair for a long time which slowly led to other things before he ultimately betrayed our vows with her.

He tried to break things off with me claiming he was not in love anymore and hadn’t been for a long time, and that our move to AZ in 2014 was the start of it all. That’s when I started questioning behaviors and actions and stories only to discover the texts, emails and receipts from his betrayal. My D-day was ugly and though I kept getting hit with more and more truths to his affair each week it was only a 4 month affair. Their actions led to a pregnancy, but she was unable to carry and had a miscarriage. Learning of this destroyed me, however after many many sleepless nights, tons of prayers, help from friends, church, books, videos, Samuel videos and others I was able to forgive him and though it has not been easy we have been working, talking, working on ourselves, listening to each other and seeking counseling solo and together.

This affair will not define us, but will be part of our story. I want to pursue Harboring Hope and other affair recovery resources because I know our recovery has only started, we have a long road ahead of us. I know I am not perfect and I know he isn’t either, but we are good together. We can grow from this and be a better couple than ever before. It sucks that our marriage got to this point and that he sought out the attention of another….my heart hurts writing that. I know I am not to blame for his choices but how we got there and for him to betray our vows still blows me away. I want to be able to pursue learning and educating myself so we can grow and to help others in similar situations.

God has recently been telling me to rediscover who he created me to be when he made me. I am not defined by being a betrayed wife. Why have I spent a year of my life living as a betrayed wife, not enough, the deficit, deceived, rejected? Why have I let the mirror of my UH's biggest mistake define me, my happiness, rob me of my joy? Only one verse of the bible tells of Moses's murder. This is not even my fault and I am living in shame over someone else's sin. I need H4H.

I am an UW and I would love for my husband to take the Harboring Hope course. My husband is a brave warrior that decided to work through this painful journey for love.

It all came down at once and this included finances. EMS weekend costs but my husband agreed to go to EMS weekend with me even after learning he had lost his job. He got a new job but it cost him to have to move out of state and leave the house we had bought the year before. It was going to be on one income only, his income, and still he is there to support me and the three kids.

He found a text that revealed the horrific news. I was not brave enough to give him full disclosure, which he received by having six D-days in a span of five months. He got the truth because he asked, I was never brave enough to come forward.

He still puts me first and lets me take Hope for Healing before he does Harboring Hope. We are still maneuvering through the finances.

He has been there for me throughout this mess that I have put him through and I would love for him to take Harboring Hope!

We are in our 8th month from D-Day! My UW is not taking the initiative to work on her issues for a healing that will give us the best chance going forward together! I believe she is taking small steps by going to a counselor for her codependency but her therapist isn't an affair recovery specialist so some of our conversations are difficult because she has been told things that run contrary to AR teachings. This is causing problems that I believe can only be fixed by taking the Hope for Healing course. At this point, I'm trying to makes videos and readings a priority for her. It's not that she won't listen or watch but she needs to understand that it's her responsibility to drive her healing which inturn will help us both heal successfully. Having her go through the course, I believe will give both of us the chance we deserve to stay together after 49 years of marriage.

My husband has had 1 emotional affair 3 years ago, and 2 physical affairs last year. He lost his job due to these situations and we separated after he had to come clean about everything. We were separated for almost 3 months when I agreed to give reconciliation a chance. We went to counseling together and I have been a few times by myself but we just can't afford to keep going. I am just not sure I will ever be happy again, trusting again etc. I feel that we need this more than anything. That I need this more than anything.

I am a betrayed spouse. My wife admitted her 6 month emotional and physical affair in mid-October of this year. It has been a devastating discovery. From the outside, our family seemed perfect. In fact, if you would have asked me in June of this year, I would have told you I was the luckiest man in the world. Unfortunately, my belief was crushed and the reality is we were not what I thought we were. We have since been in both couples and individual therapy. Unfortunately, we have gone through multiple therapists. A key thing that several therapists have told me is that my wife does not have the tools yet to empathize and is so engulfed in her own pain and suffering (both because of the affair and from unaddressed childhood issues) that she cannot see me (one therapist even said when seeing both of us together that she cannot even look at me or see me when I am in pain because she is suffering her own pain). I have always been a very positive person -- always seeing the good in people and things. I am fighting to keep that part of me intact, but as time passes by and my wife doesn't "get it", I fear I am losing hope in our relationship. We have two children, with one being special needs. The thought of breaking up my family devastates me because I know the adverse effect it will have on both the kids, but especially my special needs child. I can't do this alone, and I need help. Please help me.

After reading Erick's article on Sexual Humiliation, reading Elizabeth’s article on Full Disclosure and Listening to Rob’s powerful testimony on YouTube, I can so relate. I am a husband to a wife that had serial relationships after the initial discovery over 5 years ago. I am an emotional mess the last 30 days all because of a flood of newly discovered information about the affairs, the APs, locations, perceived fidelity, who, etc.
My wife barely gave any info about any of it when she came home and for whatever reason at the time, I didn't press about it. She certainly felt entitled to privacy about it and it seemed to trump my entitlement to information.
Rewinding back 5 years, I discovered what appeared to be a sexual affair with an unknown person on an unusual social media account complete with graphic descriptions and "Selfies", and other “porn” pictures. Something she NEVER would have done with me. When I confronted her about it, she exploded because I “looked at her phone” and moved out the next day to her mother's house. Over the course of the next 8-12 months she had a mixed bag of "relationships" that lasted on average 6-7 weeks each. Each of them becoming sexual either right away or eventually. I knew little of what was going on other than what I could glean from phone records and bank transactions.
We got back together About 7 months and 6-8 guys later and never discussed any of it really. We just agreed to start over and move forward.
5 months after reconciliation she had a 2 week relapse back at her mom's and spent the night with someone. We reconciled again, she changed her phone number and made some efforts that weren't made before, and as best as I can tell, has been faithful for the last 4 years. It's been tough but we've managed.
In the last 30 days I have discovered some information (Mainly because I never was given any and from time to time I search, I don't know why), a lot of information. I discovered that between the 2 reconciliations the last guy she was with she had been seeing about once every other month for many months, even before we reconciled the first time. I discovered that most of these guys were much older, I discovered hotel rooms, and bars in horrible parts of town, and dishonesty even between the multiple partners.
Our marriage has been going well since the 2nd reconciliation and we haven’t really spoken of it much in the 4-5 years. It has never left my mind. I certainly can't talk to her about the new flood of information or emotions now.
I feel trapped, living in my own private hell.

For healing.
For wholeness.

I'll try to keep this short. D-Day was in October. Against my wishes, I moved out so she could have space. I didn't know the new boyfriend was moving in. Christmas is coming up soon. It's hard knowing my two daughters won't spend Christmas day with me there, but instead with Mom, her new boyfriend, and his two kids. This affair has been terrible. Lost 40 pounds in a month, and I didn't really have 40 to lose. So I'm just looking for resources because this is so incredibly hard. Never been replaced like this before in my life and I'm struggling.

One of the hardest things I had was letting go of, and forgiving all of my husbands multiple affair partners. How on earth could I forgive my enemies. There were so many and full discovery, almost 2 months after D-Day, left me shattered in shards of disbelief and shock. The anxiety and panic attacks that began were debilitating and there were many days I couldn’t even get out of bed. What I thought was a 16 year beautiful marriage, turned out to be merely a fake Facebook facade of lies, now clouded by the evil ugliness of discovering my husband was a sex addict and had multiple affairs with multiple women from the beginning of our dating days. What a fool I felt like. How could I not know? He played the role of a wonderful husband so well that he could have won an Oscar. Over time, I chose to forgive my husband as he was getting help for his addiction, going to counseling and therapy, along with both of us signing up for EMS online course through this site. One of the weekly lessons was on forgiveness. That lesson made me realize I was still hanging on to each of his AP’s, wanting revenge and restitution for what they’d done with my husband. Still riddled with extreme anxiety, I cried out to God in prayer. “How God? How can I ever forgive them?”
Then an idea came to mind. I had my husband pick up 16 red helium filled balloons each with white strings. Then I wrote the names of the ap on each balloon. The red represented the blood of Jesus over each AP. The white reminded me that Jesus Jesus died for their sins too that they can also be washed white as snow. The helium represented their souls.

One by one I took the balloon outside with my husband and prayed a forgiveness prayer Id written out, forgiving them by name. I then popped the balloon releasing their souls to heaven. It was a difficult ceremony lasting 2 hours through many tears. I learned through EMS Online that forgiveness is a choice, not an emotion. When the final prayer was said and the last balloon popped, I felt an unexplainable release in my body.

In the 3 weeks since the forgiveness ceremony my anxiety has ceased. I’ve not had one panic attack and I’ve not taken medicine for my anxiety since that day.

My husbands infidelity also cause huge financial loss, which is why I’m asking to be chosen for the drawing of Harboring Hope so I can continue my journey of healing.

To all those who’ve experienced the trauma of infidelity my heart and prayers go out to you.

I hope sharing my story helps you.

God bless

One of the hardest things I had was letting go of, and forgiving all of my husbands multiple affair partners. How on earth could I forgive my enemies. There were so many and full discovery, almost 2 months after D-Day, left me shattered in shards of disbelief and shock. The anxiety and panic attacks that began were debilitating and there were many days I couldn’t even get out of bed. What I thought was a 16 year beautiful marriage, turned out to be merely a fake Facebook facade of lies, now clouded by the evil ugliness of discovering my husband was a sex addict and had multiple affairs with multiple women from the beginning of our dating days. What a fool I felt like. How could I not know? He played the role of a wonderful husband so well that he could have won an Oscar. Over time, I chose to forgive my husband as he was getting help for his addiction, going to counseling and therapy, along with both of us signing up for EMS online course through this site. One of the weekly lessons was on forgiveness. That lesson made me realize I was still hanging on to each of his AP’s, wanting revenge and restitution for what they’d done with my husband. Still riddled with extreme anxiety, I cried out to God in prayer. “How God? How can I ever forgive them?”
Then an idea came to mind. I had my husband pick up 16 red helium filled balloons each with white strings. Then I wrote the names of the ap on each balloon. The red represented the blood of Jesus over each AP. The white reminded me that Jesus Jesus died for their sins too that they can also be washed white as snow. The helium represented their souls.

One by one I took the balloon outside with my husband and prayed a forgiveness prayer Id written out, forgiving them by name. I then popped the balloon releasing their souls to heaven. It was a difficult ceremony lasting 2 hours through many tears. I learned through EMS Online that forgiveness is a choice, not an emotion. When the final prayer was said and the last balloon popped, I felt an unexplainable release in my body.

In the 3 weeks since the forgiveness ceremony my anxiety has ceased. I’ve not had one panic attack and I’ve not taken medicine for my anxiety since that day.

My husbands infidelity also cause huge financial loss, which is why I’m asking to be chosen for the drawing of Harboring Hope so I can continue my journey of healing.

To all those who’ve experienced the trauma of infidelity my heart and prayers go out to you.

I hope sharing my story helps you.

God bless

I am divorced from a 17 yr. marriage due to infidelity in 1999. Abuse, addictions, and refusal of my husband to seek help forced my hand to file and divorce. Fast forward and my "spouse"(as he deemed us to be) decided that our relationship w/ issues rendered him deserving of an affair. It was w/ a woman from a job site that escalated to sex and on Nov 20, 2019, not returning home to our bed for 17 years to fulfill his quest. At 4:15pm prior to shutting down his cell, he had a job clean up and for me to eat w/out him at 4:15pm Nov 20. Strangly, he was VERY happy and I thought that WE were going to have a great intimate evening. I called him right back because my eyes were inexplicably blurring out and wanted a time estimate to finish. He ignored my calls from then on. He did not answer calls/texts even from his adult children. He is snoring at 10pm every night and we all thought he was in a ditch somewhere. At midnight I contacted police and the officer that took my report knew he was here every night and he authorized a well check. At 1:30am my "spouse" said he was in a motel (w/ lies of course). He said he would return home since he was wakened, but did not return to our bed of 17 yrs. I called him back right after that devastating 1:30am call repeatedly and my calls still were still ignored, as if I was deemed dead. He ignored me for 2 weeks and eventually heard me out when he came to pick up his trailer on my property. On Dec 7, he decided to tell his AP about our 17 yr relationship and he belongs w/ me. (supposedly she told him that maybe he does not belong w/ me). Fight or Flight...100%. I NEVER suspected that he would ever cheat on me. Our relationship was partly formed on mutual fidelity having been hurt by both of our marital spouses. He is a bit anti-social and will not take me places, but yet got a room and took her to dinner (hours of driving but does not want to drive me places). The motel that he took her to was "our place" before I we lived together. Making maters worse, the motel was only blocks away from my son's in laws where we attended my Grandaughter's Baptism party a week prior of which he pointed out our old spot to be alone. We were both divorced when we met. That one promise of fidelity that meant the world to me to uproot where I lived was a stab in the heart. I cannot get into the comments that he has made. He brought me to your site but yet has laid responsibility on me to get "us" help". Just as everything else that I am suppose to figure out and solve for him. I know he is dying to lay out his reasons, but frankly I would likely trump any of his but would never consider causing such agony upon another. I am bombarded w/ agonizing thoughts and need for more detail. He is aware that I am writing here. I am not getting acknowledgement that he realizes that he needs help, and I know enough of his history (addictions & need for attention) and points of view that is has escalated to the worse possible thing that he could have done to me, short of killing me. He claims that this would not have happened if we were married. My position, it is all about character. I NEED HELP.