Can People Change If you find yourself in the first few months of discovery, chances are you are enduring many mornings that you don't see the point of getting out of bed. Your world and life as you knew it are gone. Life can seem empty and cold. Looking back on our first six months after discovery, there were days it seemed like an eternity of pure hell. Grief doesn't even begin to describe it. Like many of you, we have all endured losses. We've lost parents. We've lost jobs. Some out there have even lost children. While none of us are immune to pain, the pain caused by infidelity is a category of its own. Today I want to share with you one of the best things that happened to me about three months in. A friend told me three simple words that gave me immense hope. This friend knew everything I had done to my husband because she selflessly watched our kids while my husband and I attended EMS Weekend together. She has graciously stepped into our mess without judgement or picking sides and continues to do that today. She has cheered us on, but not gotten into our business. And she has guarded our hearts by not sharing our pain with others. One day I had to go over to her house to pick up our kids after school. As you all know, the daily grind doesn't stop for infidelity. We all learn how to cope by putting on a face for the outside world while our insides are crumbling. I guess this particular day she could see the hopelessness and despair on my face and she asked me how I was doing. I can't remember what I said exactly. But she did know how hard I was working at trying to begin to sort out the mess I had created. I'm quite certain shame was still the master emotion of anything that came out of my mouth. I will never forget how she looked directly in my eyes and said something to me, that looking back, was a game changer for me. She said, "You know Elizabeth, people can change." She then asked if I believed that. To be honest, I don't think I had considered the possibility. She saw something and believed in me when I couldn't. She simply offered me some hope. She offered me some much-needed Jesus encouragement that I could be more than my choices. Our betrayed spouses deserve the dignity of getting the choice to stay in the relationship or not. My job was and is to change. Change my destructive patterns and behaviors so that I can grant my husband the ability to decide what he needs and wants. My friend's words gave me hope. She believed in me when I was lost. She saw something I couldn't see but needed to hear. If you are the unfaithful, it is very easy (especially early on) to stay silent and stuck in the hopelessness that you may never have a different life after what you have done. While it is true we can not undo our pasts, the hope of the cross reminds me it doesn't take a lot of light to pierce through darkness. Affair Recovery is full of resources and people that can help remind you of that. If you haven't taken Hope for Healing or Harboring Hope, please consider signing up. You will find others to encourage you in this journey while your mate heals.
