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EMS Online

Gr8 idea! Thanks for the invite! My husband and I are taking full advantage of this ebook to mend our broken relationship and to learn to trust and love each other again.

trust issues

Trust after Drip Feeding for a year

Trust issues after drip feeding over a year

I the betrayed have been dealing with drip feeding and trickle truths for over a year and a half. It took the unfaithful that long to see the devastation and the pain I was feeling. We are now into two years after ground zero. She is now just starting to show signs of remorse and empathy. The pain was and sometimes is unbearable. When she show signs of trying and I find out about more lies from the past I feel them in the present. I know she's trying, but I've given her I feel thousands of chances to come clean to have a clean conscience. I am just worried about when is the next pain going to come, when is the next surprise going to come. Will I ever know all the truth? Am I able to let it go. Why does everything she says now still sound hollow?

Drip, Drip

I am in the same boat. 2yrs and 3 months. She claims it didnt mean anything yet she still gets upset if ithe affair is referenced in any way. Also she was text with him 200 times a month sending pics and songs and says there is nothing in texts that she hasn't told but has flipped out twice when they were mentioned and the oihurtfuyl things she said were worse than anything she has ever said. I have never loved you, no one likes you.
I actually was starting to believe it wasn't much till that happened. Then again a few weeks later confirmed there is definitely something that is a big deal. why couldn't she be smart and act like there is nothing there. I can never retrieve them and she will never tell and continue to act as if there was nothing in the texts I would have cared about. It's amazing how I was the smartest person she new for the first 10 years. Now obviously I must be the dumbest if she thinks I or anyone else would believe that.

Thank you for this booklet.

Thank you for this booklet. Each time I read it I gain new insights. My partner chose the button for "half-hearted effort" and the relationship failed 2 years 3 months post discovery. He said all the right words but didn't follow through with his promises. Unfortunately it's a pattern he exhibited in prior relationships but I was foolish enough to think it would be different with me. Now I'm left with healing from both his infidelities and abandonment. Pages 12 & 13 about safety, mistrust, and trust really hit home, especially if I'm ever to have a healthy relationship in the future.

Safety

I agree that I always gain new insight after reading this article. Before we attended EMS and had the help and support from AR, I felt very isolated and confused. I didn't realize that what was lacking in our relationship post D-day was safety. My spouse was falling victim to all the "typical" unfaithful responses. He was ambivalent about his feelings, defensive to me, and not all in. He would say he wanted to try and make our marriage work but I never truly bought into it. I always felt this enormous sense of dread hanging over us.

After our weekend at EMS things started to change. The lightbulb came on for my spouse and he immediately started to follow the steps that created a feeling of safety for me during our recovery. We still have good days/bad days, but for the most part I once again feel safe in the relationship. My anxiety on a daily basis is manageable and I no longer feel uncertain about our ability to move forward. Understanding the concept of safety in the recovery process has definitely been a key for us and is allowing me to restore my trust in my spouse and our marriage. Thank you for helping us both understand the steps needed to build a stronger foundation moving forward.

Just one small edit Page 6, last paragraph, need to add and s to the word section - "This document has three section(s)".

the shocking truth about trust

I was involved in an affair that lasted almost two years. Not a day goes by that I don't regret my actions and how it hurt my wife and could have cost me my children. I have been extremely transparent with my wife concerning the details of the other relationship since the discovery. Some days i struggle to understand how it benefits my wife to know so many details. I trust that it is the only way for her to see that despite my faults I am still the honest man she has always known me to be. I will not stop trying.

Full disclosure

Even though it may initially feel like the whole truth would only hurt the betrayed spouse, causing unnecessary pain, the opposite is true. It is vital for healing to have a full disclosure. The willingness of an unfaithful spouse to be transparent and provide a full disclosure provides a sense of safety to the betrayed spouse. It’s a step that says, “I’m done with keeping and protecting secrets that have so deeply wounded you. I can’t undo the past, but I will have the courage to do whatever it takes to help you to find healing.” The acts themselves are undoubtedly painful, but it’s the deception and betrayal that destroys so much more, the secrets and lies. A full disclosure allows the wounded spouse to know what it is they are forgiving their spouse for. A full disclosure provides the betrayed spouse with the right they haven’t had, the right to concent, to know the whole truth and make their own choices based on the facts, the truth. I can promise you, more often than not, the betrayed spouse’s imagination is often far worse. Experiencing betrayal trauma is shattering, and the suffocating weight of continuous, intrusive and debilitating thoughts can at times be all consuming. Having the truth, having answers, that can provide a sense of peace, a calm in the storm, something to hold onto when the floor beneath them has fallen away. Hearing the truth is painful and immeasurably devastating, but until they know the truth, healing in the relationship isn’t possible. Without the truth, a betrayed spouse can feel stuck in the trauma, the never ending versions of their imagination playing on repeat, feeling the need to investigate their spouse to find some sense of safety, it’s crazy making, and so damaging. The truth is a courageous step to help your spouse to find healing, to be able to forgive, to eventually step out of the debilitating trauma. It also opens the door for trust to be rebuilt, to give hope that someday the two of you can have a true and deep intimacy unlike anything you could have imagined, a marriage built on honesty and vulnerability that is the only way to have a truly deep and meaningful connection.

Signing up for online course

I was interested in signing up for your online course, but they are all full.
My husband and I are in need of thg his to help us with rebuilding and healing our marriage.
Our marriage is heading to 19 years, and an ex girlfriend reconnected with him in June 2017. It has been difficult to convince him that this has been an emotional affair, he just doesn't see what he is doing by continuing this friendship is hurting our healing. I never caught them doing anything, he has done certain behaviors that have crossed the friendship line.
We are in Marriage and Individual couseling.
We are just begun, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to see this through.
I look forward to hearing back from you soon.

Hoping to save my marriage

I had an affair that lingered 4 1/2 years because I got involved after my husband told me he was miserable 8 weeks into our marriage. This was on top of my ex spouse of 22 years(16 being married) passed away unexpectedly 3 weeks after our marriage with bizarre circumstances attached that consumed me, my youngest daughter was wanting to be with her dad and saying she was going to commit suicide just did not know how at 11 years old, we were not handling financial communication well. We did not have a whole lot of money. It was a perfect storm of emotional distress on my part. I cried by myself in an aisle at work and a married man that is a womanizer played on my emotions. Once I was with him the first time, I felt guilty and stuck in an affair I did not want to be in. We were together at first about 10 times and then over the course of 4 years about 2 -3 x a year. We stopped talking for about a year in between even. I never texted or called him. I was always wanting to be with my family. My husband found out last year. We stayed together last year and chose us about 2 months later. It has been 9 months and he said he cannot work through this. He wants us out by June. I have 2 teenagers. Neither are his. I love him and felt like last year I could be the wife I wanted to be before all of the chaos in my life.What do I do?

The pain is too much to handle

We have been married 28 years. I found out about his affair almost 2 Years ago but the pain and anger still feel as though I found out today. We’ve been to marriage counseling it it’s not helping. I think we both want the marriage to work but I don’t want to live with someone I don’t know if I’ll ever trust again. I feel as though my entire life has been one big lie. I know we need trauma help but can’t seem to find anything. We can’t afford the programs you offer so we are at an impass. Please guide us to what to do before we both crumble.

A very moving book!

Saw the ebook and ordered it before we went for dinner. Read it to my wife once we got home this evening, a very meaningful night, lots of discussions. I think my wife could feel how I felt after the original affair she had. I think we felt each others hearts tonight. We dropped the ball after the 1st time. I do not expect to drop the ball this time, if she does then we will not make it. Time will tell if it is worth it for us to work hard on this together.