Two years after our second D-Day (discovery of infidelity), we still found ourselves disconnecting and struggling to find the proper style of support. My partner was an unfaithful who had gone through Hope For Healing at my request. That got us involved in the AR community and was the first real resource hub we found targeted to our problems. Aside from that, we had on-and-off relationships with a couple of different therapists who were in way over their heads as generalists unfamiliar with the heightened situation infidelity brings. We both agreed we needed some form of 'specialist' and that we were still pretending things were better in our relationship. We weren't fully healed; we were simply avoiding it because finding the right resources were hard. I wish I would've known how logical the course information was, which made it really applicable to improving our daily interactions with each other. Despite all the heightened emotions, AR really hones in on just that next step closer to safety between the two of you. If we'd known that, we probably would've jumped into EMSO much sooner without stalling our recovery for almost a year. As a betrayed partner, I learned more about myself, my relationship patterns, and my coping mechanisms. Some were unhelpful to our healing, even though in a 'fair' world, my partner should have been the one to fix everything. The world isn't fair, and at the end of the day, I learned how much I had to give to recovery to move past the pain. I was still here because I did ultimately want to reconcile if the change could occur. However, it didn't occur to me that I was cultivating an environment that wouldn't allow that. This allowed me to watch my partner step up, be vulnerable, do the work, and take the personal responsibility I was looking for. Week after week, I saw the effort and vulnerability being put in from his end as well. We learned that relapse doesn't just mean another sexual occurrence. It can mean the beginning of disconnect between us again; it can be reverting to behaviors that were present leading into infidelity, it could be entertaining high-risk situations. We learned how to protect each other from our flaws and have realistic expectations of continuing a healthier long-term commitment. I'd absolutely recommend AR, and it's courses to anybody going through this very specific, debilitating, and isolating issue. Professionalism, care, and discretion are all present backed by simple logic and psychology that hits the mark. If you're spinning your wheels looking for somewhere to get started, just start here. Much of the material can be religious, as are most AR members. We weren't, but that didn't stop us from growing, healing, and getting value from being part of the community. If you are into faith, then that is just going to be a bonus for you. The pain does subside, but the effort is required. We'd want you to have hope that, as cliche, as it sounds, things do get better. Although it's awkward to put a positive spin on these situations, you can and likely will develop a new bond that is 1000% better than your previous relationship together. You got this. Know that you're normal when you're struggling with your new reality. Your world has shattered, but you could just end up rebuilding it even better, following the past that is safest for everyone involved. Cheers to your own healing adventure.