Reconnecting I was recently sharing with a woman some of the pain that I had gone through after discovering my husband’s betrayal. She asked me if we were together now. When I told her we were, her next question was, “How did you know you were safe to let him back in?” I knew exactly what she meant. She wasn’t asking me when I let him back into our home after our separation. She was asking me when I was able to trust him with my heart. Somewhere deep inside all of us we understand the truth about our hearts. They are our most treasured possessions, and because of that we instinctively guard them. As I thought about how to reply to her question, I realized that the answer was going to be a difficult one. That season in my life was so messy and complicated. Trying to pin-point exactly how and when I felt safe enough to trust him with my most treasured possession (my heart) proved to be an interesting exercise. The first thing that stands out to me during my time of healing was his attitude toward me. His heart was completely soft. If I needed to be alone so I could think and process, he would give me space. If I had questions that were bothering me he would answer them. If I was hurting and just needed to cry, he would let me cry for as long as it took to get it all out. I think what helped the most was that he never passed the blame to me. When I would ask him why he had done such hurtful things he would generally give me the most honest answer he knew by simply saying “I don’t know. I wish I knew. But it was not because of you. You did not cause this. I did.” Sounds simple, I know, but something about hearing him take full responsibility over and over again for his actions and the pain that he had caused helped to make me feel safer when I was with him. And over time, I eventually felt safe enough to let him back in. Today I shared what I saw in him that helped me feel safe. In part two I will focus on the changes that took place in my heart that allowed me to share it with him again.