Technical Service Representative


2 boys, 8 and 5

Discovery Date: 

April 2010


We had been having problems, at least from my perspective, for at least a year before discovery. I had gone to my wife twice to tell her how terrified I was that our marriage was in serious danger. She assured me we were fine and that she still loved me. At the end of March 2010, I ended up in the hospital with a severe case of pneumonia. She told me before I was admitted that she didn’t love me any longer. I spent four days and nights in isolation praying. When I was released, I went to stay with my mom, so I could heal physically. Then, I planned to go back home and heal our marriage I was out of our house for about a month when I went back one night to get warm coats for the boys. I found a strange man sitting on our couch. It went downhill fast from there. In September 2010, she called me to say she made a horrible mistake and wanted to work on our marriage. The effort at reconciliation lasted two days before the other man was back in the picture. In December 2010, she called me and asked me to finish the separation papers. I said I would but not before Christmas. Before I knew it, I was committing adultery too with a girl I had known for a few years. In January 2011, my wife threw her affair partner out, and we started seeing each other and talking. The girl I was with left when I told her I was talking to my wife again. We went to counseling and a marriage weekend, but my overwhelming fear kept me from really committing to my wife. I could see she was sincere and was trying to repair the damage. However, after four months, my wife had to see her affair partner for a court case, and the temptation to be with him was too much for her.


In the beginning, I could not believe this was happening to me. I wanted to die. I never would have harmed myself, but recovery would have been much more difficult if I didn't have my two boys to motivate me. I lost 25 pounds, both from the pneumonia and the stress. I was on anti-depression medication for a year. I spent untold amounts of money on counseling, advice from lawyers, child support and rent. I felt crazy and abandoned by everyone in my life.

Course of Action: 

After all of this, I went to a divorce recovery group, which is how I found out about Affair Recovery and the Harboring Hope program. This program has allowed me to speak freely with other men who were in pain equal to mine. My group leader was a man I trusted immediately. Sharing my every thought and feeling in a safe environment like Harboring Hope helped draw the poison out of my soul. Men aren’t supposed to like to talk, but if you involve yourself in Harboring Hope and give it your all, it is very freeing. Because I am in this difficult season of trial in my life, I look forward to the weekly calls with my Harboring Hope group.

Lessons Learned: 

It sounds odd, but the fellowship was healing. You must heal, and the AR Online Courses, like Harboring Hope, are a safe place to begin getting rid of the pain. Give it all you have, which might not be much right now. Make use of the Recovery Library articles on and listen to the audio. Sign up for one of the groups or attend an EMS weekend.


You are not crazy, you are not alone.

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