Great video and you are spot on! Defensive triggers survival mode. No betrayed wants to feel that initial pain ever again so it’s fight or flight. Letting go of defensiveness is a gift the unfaithful gives both people in the equation. I’d also add that when unfaithfuls are safe and they feel like they have revelations, that them bringing it up is huge for betrayed. We love to see personal growth especially if it it doesn’t involve us. When my husband sat me down (months later) and said he could really see what a complete sham and fantasy the affair was and that he could now see that there was no real connection, it was huge for me. On that he was digging deep into himself and that it didn’t come from me trying to make him see the light. Not all of those moments are huge revelations, but all voluntary ones are huge for progress.
Game changer
Great video and you are spot on! Defensive triggers survival mode. No betrayed wants to feel that initial pain ever again so it’s fight or flight. Letting go of defensiveness is a gift the unfaithful gives both people in the equation. I’d also add that when unfaithfuls are safe and they feel like they have revelations, that them bringing it up is huge for betrayed. We love to see personal growth especially if it it doesn’t involve us. When my husband sat me down (months later) and said he could really see what a complete sham and fantasy the affair was and that he could now see that there was no real connection, it was huge for me. On that he was digging deep into himself and that it didn’t come from me trying to make him see the light. Not all of those moments are huge revelations, but all voluntary ones are huge for progress.