Yes, Chase explains the situation so well. I'm so sorry 1dp to hear about your wife leaving after HER betrayal of you. It is great to hear stories about remorseful spouses who regret what they have done and do all they can to bring healing to the betrayed. Elizabeth on this site is very insightful, and Chase and his perspective is encouraging. But as a betrayed spouse myself, whose wife has chosen to leave after HER affair, even as I had been willing to work with her in recovery, has been heart-breaking and emotionally exhausting.
We started in marriage counseling until I discovered her emotional affair at the 6th month mark. We then did individual counseling for two years, with joint sessions occasionally during that time. I also sought counsel from a clinical psychologist to work on myself. All of this to arrive at the conclusion that I contributed to our marriage disfunction, but that all I had contol of in the process is myself. I could not make my wife become sorry for what she did. In fact, she blamed me instead of owning up to HER selfish choices. Now there was, eventually, an apology, asking for forgiveness. But there was never a desire in her to repair, to take full responsibility for the affair so that we could move on to work through recovery. We divorced at the beginning of this year, and are stumbling through caring for our 3 children, splitting time with them as everything else was split. We were married for nearly 20 years. So sad.
Sorry for the long backstory but I wanted you to know I understand your pain. It is supremely unfair, so painful if you have young kids too. But if you are not in individual counseling and/or taking advantage of AR's resources, please do. I'm seeing that healing alone takes much courage. I'm working to unwire any feelings of being a victim, of being bitter, of shame, of unforgiveness. The Bible, in Ephesians 4:31-32, talks about getting rid of those. Let go of what you don't have control of, and pick up what you are in control of - you. Do have grace on yourself, but in time, look to use this painful time as a catalyst for you. I don't believe God wants us to waste our painful circumstances, as unfair as they seem.
Perhaps our situations are under-represented on a site geared to marriage recovery. Totally understandable. AR does have programs for healing alone that look helpful. I just saw your comment and wanted to give you some perspective that I hope is helpful. I feel for you, but I believe the future holds hope. I have found asking God for help, crying out to Him, helps me move forward, day by day. Please take care of yourself.
So true..
Yes, Chase explains the situation so well. I'm so sorry 1dp to hear about your wife leaving after HER betrayal of you. It is great to hear stories about remorseful spouses who regret what they have done and do all they can to bring healing to the betrayed. Elizabeth on this site is very insightful, and Chase and his perspective is encouraging. But as a betrayed spouse myself, whose wife has chosen to leave after HER affair, even as I had been willing to work with her in recovery, has been heart-breaking and emotionally exhausting.
We started in marriage counseling until I discovered her emotional affair at the 6th month mark. We then did individual counseling for two years, with joint sessions occasionally during that time. I also sought counsel from a clinical psychologist to work on myself. All of this to arrive at the conclusion that I contributed to our marriage disfunction, but that all I had contol of in the process is myself. I could not make my wife become sorry for what she did. In fact, she blamed me instead of owning up to HER selfish choices. Now there was, eventually, an apology, asking for forgiveness. But there was never a desire in her to repair, to take full responsibility for the affair so that we could move on to work through recovery. We divorced at the beginning of this year, and are stumbling through caring for our 3 children, splitting time with them as everything else was split. We were married for nearly 20 years. So sad.
Sorry for the long backstory but I wanted you to know I understand your pain. It is supremely unfair, so painful if you have young kids too. But if you are not in individual counseling and/or taking advantage of AR's resources, please do. I'm seeing that healing alone takes much courage. I'm working to unwire any feelings of being a victim, of being bitter, of shame, of unforgiveness. The Bible, in Ephesians 4:31-32, talks about getting rid of those. Let go of what you don't have control of, and pick up what you are in control of - you. Do have grace on yourself, but in time, look to use this painful time as a catalyst for you. I don't believe God wants us to waste our painful circumstances, as unfair as they seem.
Perhaps our situations are under-represented on a site geared to marriage recovery. Totally understandable. AR does have programs for healing alone that look helpful. I just saw your comment and wanted to give you some perspective that I hope is helpful. I feel for you, but I believe the future holds hope. I have found asking God for help, crying out to Him, helps me move forward, day by day. Please take care of yourself.