I think this describes me

I am a betrayed spouse. My despair post D-day often resulted in an anger I felt I couldn't control. How could you? What were you thinking? How did you explain this to yourself? Why do you keep telling me that there's nothing more, when there's lots more? When will we reach the real truth? When?

I was full of righteous anger. I would interrupt rather than listen to the attempts to answer. I'd raise my voice, lose patience, and not let go. It didn't help me, my spouse, or us as a couple. I felt so justified, but I wouldn't take very long to regret it. It wouldn't take long to wish I could have just listened a bit more..more like a lot more. I really wanted answers, but I wasn't waiting for her to answer.

My immense regret is I didn't control my reaction to the anger. At times it overtook me.

Now my wife has left. Our recovery was very rough and quite raw before that. She may have left anyways. But if I'd managed my reaction to the anger she might have stayed. I'll never know.

Awareness is powerful. I can respond differently. Thank-you for this