Traumatic Grief affects relationships in a whole lot of areas so I would say yes--for context--I am the betrayed, but I believe that my trauma severely affected my ability to participate emotionally in my marriage in a healthy way (on top of the normal "growing pains" of a close relationship). I believe it caused a void in our relationship that my former husband wasn't expecting and he dealt with by reaching out to other women. Today I don't fault him b/c I believe he honestly tried to understand what was happening to us (and himself) as well as doing what he needed do to take responsibility for the life he wanted to live, but the path for him to get there was filled with affair partners while I did my best to recover and subsequently make amends for what I felt was my failure and mistakes. It was his choice to not deal and he eventually chose to leave the marriage which broke broke my heart even further. I was willing to give him grace for his first affair as it may have been an innocent mistake, but it became a chronic habit. Most likely easier to do that than dealing with me and our marriage and recover together.
My "limerence" was a trauma bond that formed from the first day of our marriage (he became my rock), but I also think I had placed him on a pedestal earlier than that which didn't help. I also became so meshed in the process of recovery and healing into what I felt was a viable partner emotionally again that I couldn't hear what he was saying or see his pain. Over time, that whole process became toxic. In dealing with my limerence, I have been facing my past in recovery and familiarizing myself with my voids so I can actively take responsibility for them and decide whether I need to choose a different path--sometimes it's a yes, sometimes I realize I am actually ok as is. These have been some of the tools I am using to move forward simply b/c I know I want to show up differently in all my relationships. Recovery from the desperation of wanting to connect with someone who didn't want to connect with me has been a discipline and not something that felt natural. It definitely wasn't comfortable initially, but I can honestly say that over time, I am very pleased with my ability to make healthy choices that support me now and that are more nurturing to close relationship with others. I am learning to trust myself again and that is what I take forward as I slowly let men in again. I also remain cognizant, but not obsessively so, of my past and of what no longer works for me so I can be an active participant in my own life as it relates to others.
Traumatic Grief and Limerance
Traumatic Grief affects relationships in a whole lot of areas so I would say yes--for context--I am the betrayed, but I believe that my trauma severely affected my ability to participate emotionally in my marriage in a healthy way (on top of the normal "growing pains" of a close relationship). I believe it caused a void in our relationship that my former husband wasn't expecting and he dealt with by reaching out to other women. Today I don't fault him b/c I believe he honestly tried to understand what was happening to us (and himself) as well as doing what he needed do to take responsibility for the life he wanted to live, but the path for him to get there was filled with affair partners while I did my best to recover and subsequently make amends for what I felt was my failure and mistakes. It was his choice to not deal and he eventually chose to leave the marriage which broke broke my heart even further. I was willing to give him grace for his first affair as it may have been an innocent mistake, but it became a chronic habit. Most likely easier to do that than dealing with me and our marriage and recover together.
My "limerence" was a trauma bond that formed from the first day of our marriage (he became my rock), but I also think I had placed him on a pedestal earlier than that which didn't help. I also became so meshed in the process of recovery and healing into what I felt was a viable partner emotionally again that I couldn't hear what he was saying or see his pain. Over time, that whole process became toxic. In dealing with my limerence, I have been facing my past in recovery and familiarizing myself with my voids so I can actively take responsibility for them and decide whether I need to choose a different path--sometimes it's a yes, sometimes I realize I am actually ok as is. These have been some of the tools I am using to move forward simply b/c I know I want to show up differently in all my relationships. Recovery from the desperation of wanting to connect with someone who didn't want to connect with me has been a discipline and not something that felt natural. It definitely wasn't comfortable initially, but I can honestly say that over time, I am very pleased with my ability to make healthy choices that support me now and that are more nurturing to close relationship with others. I am learning to trust myself again and that is what I take forward as I slowly let men in again. I also remain cognizant, but not obsessively so, of my past and of what no longer works for me so I can be an active participant in my own life as it relates to others.
And that's my process thus far. Wishing you well.